The Creators: Epilogue

"It's OK," I whispered into her hair. "Petra, it'll all be OK. I'll take that vacation. I can change. I promise you I can."

ASTRID

Angela and Willowbud made me watch their display for a very long time. I got the impression that they were trying to show me something, but I could not fathom it. Perhaps that was the point; I did not know. I only knew that the further they went, the less I understood. When they were finally finished, I didn't recognize Willowbud any longer, and it wasn't due to the mutilation. Even after all that had been done to her, she was still laughing, and Angela was laughing with her. It was like a joke had been told, and I just didn't get it. I didn't get any of it.

"It was unfair of me to bring you here when I'm like this," she sighed. We were on some moon orbiting the great ligneous bridge. The celestial body was small enough that I could see the curve of its horizon, but still so large that it could fit an ocean upon its surface. I pushed my feet into the beach's sand and savored the coarse feeling.

"What do you mean?"

"After a thousand years of Freedom, you get cynical," she explained. "You stop seeing the point of things. You have to go to Chaos to get your humanity back and to do that, you have to... get into a certain mindset." She slurped on her mojito. "In the afterlife, we're obsessed with finding ourselves. We always have to keep looking, or we go crazy like Brandon."

"Brandon's crazier than you?" I snorted. "Never saw that coming."

"Julia's even crazier. They never took the dive." She twerked her brows at me. "You gotta jump in with both feet; that's why Petra and I decided to throw you into the deep end. You understand."

"I can't begin to understand."

"But you will," she chuckled. "Oh, you will. I can see what you're thinking, you know; about me and Angela, and you're right. I love her more than I ever loved you, but it won't always be that way. We'll get sick of each other, go off on our own, find new adventures in other people. Maybe someday we'll rekindle, or maybe we'll be done with each other forever. The point is..." she sat upright in the sand, "...everything's eventual here. Eventually, you'll catch up to me."

I gave her an incredulous look. "I doubt that."

"That's because you're still young."

"I'm two years older than you."

"Yeah, and you spent most of that time living." She tapped her head. "That hourglass in your brain has stopped falling now. You'll realize that all your living seconds were counted as they went, but now..." she stretched dramatically, "...shit, I don't even know when the last time I saw a clock was."

I blinked, not at all comprehending her. "So... we'll be going back to Chaos then?"

"Oh, I'm already there. Never left." She winked at me. "But you're not coming with."

"What?!" I sat upright abruptly. "You're leaving me?!"

She smiled kindly. "Actually, you're leaving me. I knew you'd come looking for me, so I gave you the reuniting moment, but Astrid, we can't be together right now." She kissed me on the cheek. "But we'll find each other. Everything's eventual here."

I was standing at the gates of Heaven. It could only be Heaven. Such a vision should've brought me crumbling to my knees in awe, but after my baptismal in Chaos, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of apprehension.

"As you should," said a familiar voice beside me. I turned to see Brandon leaning against a marble pylon. He was just as I remembered him from so many thousand years ago--save for the patterns that moved across his body--but unlike the others I'd been reunited with, he was the only one whose age was reflected in his eyes.

"Does anyone just say 'hi' here?" I asked him. "Hi Astrid, it's been a long time, nice to see you again, wanna grab a coffee or something?"

He cracked a small smile. "Hi Astrid, it's been a long time, nice to see you again, wanna grab a coffee or something?"

I frowned at him. "I don't know... Willowbud says you're crazy, and after the shit I've seen, that means something."

He chuckled lightly. "I saw you met my sister."

"And Lucilla, and Justina." I looked up at the great axle of the astral plane. "Brandon, what's wrong with this place?"

"Nothing."

"That's your problem with it, isn't it?" I mused. "How do you fix perfection?"

He flicked the ash from his joint and put his hand on my shoulder. It was a patronizing gesture that I didn't care too much for. "You're too young to be asking that question," he said.

"I'm very fucking old!" I snapped.

He sighed. "You should listen to Willowbud. You don't want to be me."

"A realist?"

"A fucking asshole."

I eyed him carefully. "Brandon, why can't you take the plunge?"

He smiled wearily. "Because I float."

A young redheaded woman appeared beside us. The last time I'd seen her was beneath Breyta four-thousand years ago, and my knife was in her throat. It was the last time I'd truly felt terror, and so it seemed like yesterday to me, but Julia Gendian wasn't even present for her own death. She just beamed welcomingly like we were old friends. It was strange that I felt like we were.

"Astrid Skyborne," she sang musically, "it's so good to see you again." She turned to the man leaning against the pylon, and her smile diminished somewhat. "And... Brandon, in the mind and soul. Aren't you supposed to be ruling a realm right now?"

"Freedom runs itself," he waved irreverently, "and I'm on vacation."

"Vacation?!" she exclaimed like the word was blasphemous. "For how long?"

He shrugged. "How long will you have me for?"

"I mean..." she knitted her fingers. They were so knotted that they seemed arthritic.

Brandon steadied her hands with his own. "I know other angels can be high-maintenance. We always get uppity if we're not serviced personally. I won't be long."

"No, no," she shook herself out of whatever state she was in, and donned a winning smile, "it would be my pleasure. Really. Stay here as long as you need. The whole thousand years if you need to!" Her smile belied subdued desperation. "I could... I could use a little help."

He smiled back. "So could I."

She looked at him with a strange mixture of affection, worry, and fear. I had only ever seen that exact combination of expressions in the faces of the elderly. A wife looking at her long-married husband, now wracked with dementia and finally broken by the world he'd once sought to conquer. A sister blotting the brow of her brother, the scars of broken dreams shared in their gazes. It wasn't sad; not really. It only seemed sad to those who were too young to understand it.

"Come on," I said to the pair of them. "Let's go get some coffee."

PETRANUMEN

I turned away from the vision in Heaven and paced frantically around the room. Brandon and Julia were very much alike, yes, but they were opposites in their sameness. Brandon was content with being broken, and Julia needed someone to fix. Astrid was a good mediator for the two of them, and so the trio would be preoccupied with each other for a while. Willowbud and Angela were absorbed in each other's darkness, and would not need attention for at least another thousand years. I shifted my focus to Diamond and Lucilla and observed how Justina drew their mutual interests. My paramour was both a pawn and a grandmaster on this great gameboard of delay, and she at least understood for now the need for her sacrifice. Keep them occupied. Keep them engaged. Don't let them look to the light. I was playing this game with millions of different opponents, shifting them into place without their knowing it, creating a gridlock of pieces just to buy more time, but there was no way to ensure victory. Slowly but surely, the fatal idea was beginning to infect more and more of my parents. I could feel it percolating amongst the elders. I could feel their eyes watching the ethereal glow on the horizon. What terrified me most was that they felt a kindling sense of hope when they looked upon it. How could I dispel it? What fault was in this grand design that made it imperfect?!

"Memory, of course" I muttered. Perhaps Vitanimus and I had only lasted this long because we jettisoned our memories. I as Corruption; he as a new man, but there was nowhere to go now. The planes were united, and our astral cognition could not leave us unless we left it. Brandon was right; there was something I didn't understand about those born to earth. Every single man, woman, and child who walked in this plane, did so with the ingrained knowledge that the steps they took were leading them to oblivion. All because they could remember the steps behind them. The more steps they took, the brighter the light became, and they just kept walking, taking their journey's paths as I encouraged them. Maybe I should've told them to stand still. Forgo life for survival and... but no... that went against everything I believed in. There had to be a solution. There had to be!

"Just give me more time," I begged them with a whisper. "Please!"

But there would never be enough. Time was not my ally. Time was the patient monk on the hilltop with the sage smile, but I saw him for what he truly was. I saw the grinning skull beneath that mask.

Postlude: Eternity

ANGELA

It took ten thousand years. For ten-thousand years, the illusion was held together by tape and straw, and finally, one woman broke it. She was named 'Alexa,' and apparently, Brandon had met her briefly in life during our first day in Drastin. She didn't make a big fuss about it. She simply appeared on top of the bridge, stared at the spiritual light, and then began walking toward it. Justina and Petra hounded her the whole way, begging and pleading for her to stop. She politely thanked them for providing her with the wealth of experience and kept walking. Perhaps it would've been wiser for Justina and Petra to hide the ordeal, but they abandoned all pretense and threw every obstacle they could in her way. It didn't matter. Alexa walked through mountains and fields of fire with a smile on her face. The crowd of onlookers watched silently as she took her last steps. She didn't even pause before the light; she opened her arms out wide and fell into it. Her astral body dropped onto the bridge and then disappeared.

The floodgates opened after that. Dozens, hundreds, then thousands began to walk to the light. A steady and ceaseless stream of souls made their passage from the astral plane, and all Petra and Justina could do was watch. I observed their expressions from afar. Petra's face was stricken with horror, but Justina's was hardened with acceptance and understanding. After all the changes she'd gone through, this moment seemed to revert her to the person I once knew so long ago. It did it to all of us. I recalled blinking as though something had gotten into my eyes, and when they next opened, I saw the world differently. I saw it from a very mortal perspective. The ages I had existed between my death and this moment seemed like a long and feverish dream. I felt the time that had passed, I felt the experiences I had obtained, but they were all lensed with a surrealism that left me shaken. I walked away from Jaka--my partner at the time--and I journeyed across the expanse to the one person I knew would help me make sense of it all.

WILLOWBUD

"Shit," I mumbled, and pushed out my cigarette, "well, I guess it was bound to happen."

Astrid grunted and pulled me into her embrace. "It'll be bad for a while. The elders will go at once, and then it'll just be a steady trickle."

"Can't ever plug that hole."

"Nope."

We lounged from our pyramid-top vista in Hell and watched the endless tide of minds make the final pilgrimage. Tera had flown off to find her husband, leaving us alone for the first time in ages. We were silent for a while. It used to be that I couldn't remember the last time I'd experienced an uncomfortable silence, but now, I remembered it like it was yesterday. Uncomfortable silences were commonplace to mortals. It was natural to feel uncomfortable with a void.

"Do you feel it too?" Astrid asked softly.

"Yeah, I feel it," I replied with an equally hushed voice.

"I could... um..." she affected a cough, "...you know, I could... I feel like... at least right now, I feel like I could keep going for a while."

"Me too."

"There were times when I was unbearably stretched, but I knew I could gut it out. You can't make that choice unless it's something you want."

"It's not a solution to a problem. It's a destination to a journey."

"That's right."

Another uncomfortable silence. This one was agonizingly long, and I found myself counting the seconds just to fill the void. When was the last time I'd bothered even perceiving time? But there it was again, those falling grains of sand, trickling slowly into a small pile at the bottom of the empty chalice. Someone had turned the hourglass over again.

"I'll just fucking say it then," Astrid finally whispered. "When you decide to take the walk, I'm going with you."

"No matter what? No matter when?"

"That's my choice. That's my journey's end."

I looked back at her. It had been ages since I'd seen tears in her eyes. It had been ages since I'd seen them blurred behind my own. "The same to you."

She sniffled and brushed my wet cheek. "But not now."

"Not now."

LUCILLA

It felt like I'd been shaken awake. I jumped out of the orgy pile in Freedom and raced across the world. Over the rainbow highways, across the floating mountains, through the meadows, and to the lone hilltop where I prayed she would be. And there she was, sitting alone by a small campfire, watching the lights move across the bridge.

"Julia!" I snapped.

She blinked up at me. "Lucilla? Is that you?"

"Oh my god, Julia!" I dove into her arms and flung my own around her. "You're still here!"

"Where would I--"

"I'm sorry I've been distant!" I blurted. "I'm sorry I go off for years without talking to you, but that changes now! I'm never letting you go!"

She managed to pry herself out of my grip and hold me out at arm's length. "Wait... did you think I was going to...."

I swallowed. "I mean... you know how you are sometimes."

She stared at me with a hard expression, her apple cheeks drawn gaunt, her emerald eyes narrowing. Then her face broke into a wide smile, and she laughed uproariously. Manically, almost. "You thought..." she heaved through a shaking breath, "...after all that I've been through... you thought I was just going to end it all?" She rolled onto her back and howled. "I destroyed the world to get here! Why the hell would I leave now?!"

"I don't..." I squinted at her, flabbergasted, "...didn't you say you would do everything you could to keep this from happening?"

She wiped her eyes and sat upright. "And I did, and it has come to pass nonetheless." She grinned toothily at me. "It's finally over."

"What?"

"The lie, Lucilla! The lie is finally over! We all don't have to pretend anymore!" She leapt to her feet and gestured wildly to the shining spiritual plane. "There it is! There is Death! There is God! We don't need to bow to him, or prostrate, beg, plead, pray or even request! We don't need to pretend he's not there, and we don't need to tell ourselves he's evil." She spun on her heel and beamed at me. "We just need to go to him when the time is right. It's our choice, Lucilla, OUR CHOICE!" She took my hands in hers. "And do you know what that means?"

"Um... what?" I asked cautiously.

She leaned to a conspiratorial distance and whispered. "It means... there is no God."

"Julia?!"

Now she grinned broadly. "There is no God. There is no God. There is no God! THERE IS NO GOD!" She spun with me, dancing crazily as she exalted the same line over and over. And with every utterance, it seemed like years of weight shed from her. The youthful lines on her face smoothed, the tension in her hands eased, and the light in her emerald eyes shined in a way it never had before. Her euphoria was so infectious. I laughed with her beneath the stars, leaping and dancing in circles around the fire, chanting those sacred words. Somewhere in the great mosaic of memory, a child finally stood up and left the mountaintop. I didn't know how long it would take Julia to grow old, but I knew she had finally taken her first steps. I would walk with her. I would walk hand in hand until those hands were knotted with age and wisdom, and then we would walk together into the light. But not yet. Not for a long time.

BRANDON

I stood upon the bridge and stared at the great thrumming light. It didn't call to me, nor did it threaten me. It simply was.

"Do you remember the first time we saw it?" Diamond asked me.

"Back when we had to agree that something existed."

She smiled at me. "You just wanted to hog all the balls to yourself."

I smiled back at her. "And you just wanted to share."

"I had to make you think I had better balls than you, or you'd never agree they even existed," she chuckled. "And so, balls were born into existence because you were jealous."

"Even as amorphous ideas, you knew how to push people's little buttons."

"I never thought of it that way," she cocked her head. "I just... put myself in your shoes. That's all I ever did. There was no great secret to it but empathy."

"Understanding other people is a great secret. Most of us can't even understand ourselves."

She pointed to the souls walking across the bridge. "They all understand themselves. Their journey is over."

"Do you think they've truly found themselves?"

"Found?" She gave me a questioning look. "No, Brandon. We never find ourselves. We are the search. We are the seeking, the hunt; we are the journey. How is it that you never realized that?"

I blinked at her. "I uh... I guess I never thought of it that way."

She giggled and shook her head. "You are the greatest fool I've ever known."

"Well, that's not a surprise," I smiled back, though I felt like a fool for doing so. I had the creeping feeling that I was in a situation I didn't understand. The light seemed to bathe Diamond in a way that didn't touch me. It seemed to glow from the bows of her cheeks, the hollows of her eyes, and the shine of her lips. She always seemed so youthful and girlish to me, but in this light, I saw wrinkles of anciency across that bright face.

"That doesn't seem so long ago now, does it?" I said cautiously. "The two of us on the other side of the sun. It used to feel like ages ago, but now... now it feels like it just happened."

"Does it feel like that to you?" she asked, not looking at me. "I guess you didn't really live all those years then. But I did." A calm smile crossed her lips, creasing her apple cheeks, causing her sparkling freckles to shimmer. "I did."

Then without another word, she began to skip toward the light.

DIAMOND

I was satisfied. That was the only emotion I could describe as my feet padded lightly across the barky surface, and I bounded toward the white energy. I was not lighthearted, nor was I laden with melancholy. I did not feel the need to say goodbye to those I loved, and I had loved so many. I had loved them all. There were certainly relationships I was severing before the end of their course, and there were certainly plans I was leaving behind, but none of that mattered. I was just... done with it. I had stopped the search. And so I hopped from foot to foot, enjoying the simple act of moving with this body, feeling the gravity take and relieve me, savoring the rough ligneous texture upon my heels and soles. Justina and Petra were screaming at me, but that was OK. They didn't understand, and I couldn't make them understand. Undoubtedly they would bring Aunt Lucilla and Mom up here to try and stop me, and--ah yes, there they were. Aunt Lucilla was running beside me, confusion across her face like she wasn't sure if I was joking. I just smiled and waved, but I didn't break stride. Her confusion turned to horror, and she began screaming at me, then bargaining, then pleading, then begging. I did not feel the need to comfort her. That realization alone would've erased any doubt I had left in me, but I had no doubt. There was nothing left to do. It seemed that Mom at least realized that, for though there were tears in her eyes, there was a smile on her face. She extended her hand, and I took it, and we skipped together down the length of the bridge until the light was so great that I could not see her anymore. That was when she ceased her shepherding, and let go of my hand. And at that moment, I was alone. I was I. I was me. I simply was as I skipped, hopped, and bounded into the great light. I never broke stride. I just--