The Crestfallen

"Oh, I would have preferred that." I said with a sly smile. The way Abigail usually looked at me, her words spoken to me, the tender way she squeezed my hand every chance she got - she was certainly affectionate at times. But I understood some of that, if not all of it, was part of the job.

Abigail was quiet for a long time. "No," she said finally, as she sat down in front of my bedside again. She just shook her head slowly, and gave me another look that conveyed worry. "It's forbidden for us Nurses to date a current patient. It could cost me my job. If they find out..."

I thought about what Nurse Hannah had just told me a while ago - how she was not allowed to have favorites. Maybe it was more serious than that. Perhaps there were rules, and even if it didn't specifically state it somewhere, you simply knew when it was forbidden to get too close to any of the patients. The last thing I wanted to do was get Abigail into trouble. Still, the way she spoke, it sounded like she would happily have gone out with me if the circumstances were different. It made my heart beat faster.

"There's nothing to find out, Abigail." I reassured her. "You haven't acted inappropriate with me in any way." I said, still with a soft smile, trying to calm her down. She seemed relieved to hear that, but it only lasted for a second, then she shook her head again.

"I.. I have, Christian." she said, and her breathing began to quicken a little bit, like she had just sprinted up the stairs of a very steep flight of steps. I could see the faint blush appear on her cheeks, and as her words registered to my ears, it made a rather pleasant warmth spread through my own chest and groin. I took a deep breath and swallowed, to try to slow down my heartbeat.

"I can't stop thinking about you.." she said suddenly, in a soft and meek voice. She looked away from me, down towards the foot of the bed. Her eyes were full of emotions that I could not quite pinpoint. She seemed conflicted. Perhaps worried. As if she knew that by saying that out loud, there were certain lines she had just crossed - and that it could have terrible consequences. I couldn't bring myself to look away from her hazel eyes, sparkling like they were filled with hints of gold under the fluorescent lights. For a moment, I didn't know what to say, but the silence seemed to hurt her, so I quickly composed myself.

"I'm very flattered, Abigail. What is the policy on dating former patients? " There was an obvious smile forming on my face, even though I tried my hardest to conceal it. She looked at me then, her cheeks blushing red. Perhaps it wasn't the right time to say something like that, especially considering how concerned she appeared to be. Still, the idea that she fancied me in turn was somewhat exhilarating to hear.

Abigail licked her lips again and bit the right corner of her bottom lip, looking down once again. Her tone was one of sincerity when she said, very timidly "Don't joke about this, Christian.. Please don't play with my emotions.."

I immediately felt ashamed, as I realized I must have sounded pretty condescending or irresponsible just a second ago. My only intention had been to continue our flirtatious banter, and make it clear that I liked the chemistry between us just as much as she did. But maybe it was the wrong time and place for that. Or maybe I had not been clear enough?

"I.. I didn't mean to do that, Abigail. I assure you I'm serious." I said, sounding almost offended, although it wasn't my intention at all. I could see in her face that my words didn't register to her the way I hoped they would. Instead, she just continued biting her lip, as if she were trying to hold back an impulse or a thought from escaping through them. I had not managed to convince her. I had to do better.

"Listen, Abigail.. I have felt the chemistry between us as well. I knew it from just about the first time we met. You took such good care of me, and you made me feel much better about being in the hospital. I don't particularly like this place, as I'm sure you know, but with you around, staying here doesn't feel so bad. Whenever you come into my room to check on me - it's the best part of my day" It was the truth. From that first time, when I had first laid eyes on her, I was fascinated. And it grew from there. I wanted her, although I knew better than to give into it.

Abigail seemed relieved, and she smiled again. She grabbed my hand, like she so often did, but this time I noticed hers were trembling. There was a look in her eyes - one of confusion, of lust, of sadness, of desire, of hope, of.. Love? How could I put a label on that one? Regardless, it tugged at my heartstrings and my loins. She squeezed my hand even harder now, as if trying to conceal her fear, or keep herself together. I squeezed hers back - and it made her giggle softly. She looked so lovely when she giggled like that, her teeth on full display.

"Go on a date with me. Tomorrow. After I have signed all the release forms and I'm no longer officially a patient." I said it with surprising conviction. It wasn't even really a question, I realized. The idea had formed itself in my mind, and once I had formed it, it would not leave me alone. I wanted to know the true Abigail. The woman behind the mask. I wanted to know what it was like to hold her. To kiss her. To take her. To make love to her.

She hesitated. "I would love that.." she said, but I saw the rejection coming just from the expression in her eyes. "But we both know that there's an unfortunate but undeniable chance that you'll be back here again. So are you really a 'former patient' then?" she asked me, somewhat hopefully, with the faintest hint of a smirk on her lips, as if she didn't want to hope. But I couldn't answer that question. I had no idea what the definition of a former patient was.

"I'm not sure, Abigail. But either way, I'm very good at keeping secrets." I gave her an almost sneaky little grin and winked, as if I had just come up with the most cunning plan in all of history. And when Abigail saw my face slowly break into a broader grin, she broke out in a little chuckle. I felt a tiny spark in my chest, but my smile didn't last for long, because I could see she wasn't quite convinced.

"I don't want to sneak around and hide things from my workplace. I practically live here. These people are like extended family.." Abigail sounded adamant, as if there was nothing that would change her mind on this subject. A nurse and her patient? It wouldn't work. How could it? And yet - as we locked eyes once more, my stomach began to do flips, and my heart rate seemed to double in speed, like it was trying to escape from my ribs. And I know she could see it in my expression, and that she felt it to. There was something there. Something special, just begging to be explored.

"But then again.." she added, slowly, as if thinking out loud. Her voice seemed different. More playful, and almost seductive, as she was trying to figure something out, even though she seemed to be half-conscious about it. "A former patient is perfectly acceptable, I think. And I don't mean to get ahead of myself, but.. If we start dating, and then you become a patient again afterwards, I don't think I could be reprimanded for that.." She stopped to take a breath.

It felt like her words had given me an electric shock, making every hair on my body stand on its ends. The way she said 'If we start dating' was telling - and so was the way her voice cracked at the end of her sentence. I realized how excited I was to get to know this woman better. I couldn't let her slip between my fingertips. I would do anything to keep her by my side, and figure this out.

"So that's what we are going to do" I said, confidently. I pulled my hand from her grasp, put both my palms against her cheeks and softly guided her face towards mine. We locked eyes again. She seemed surprised, but there was a sparkle in her beautiful hazel eyes that let me know she wasn't exactly unhappy about it either. I gave her one more moment to argue or disagree with me. To pull away. But she remained silent and still. So I slowly leaned forward, my heart thudding rapidly, and our lips gently met in the middle. It was the softest of kisses, a peck really, but when our lips parted again, there was a spark that had been created between us. Our bond had been strengthened. And the curiosity regarding what the future might have in store for us both, it grew.

As Abigail stood up, I made sure to leave enough room for her to lean down and give me one final peck on the cheek, and another sweet little giggle, which made me happy. She touched my face one last time, smiled broadly, and said "I get off work at 3 PM tomorrow. I need an hour to get changed and make myself look pretty. Pick me up at 4?" She had the most innocent little shy smile upon her face, and as she saw that I was unable to say no, she giggled again.

"That sounds fantastic!" I managed to blurt out a little too loudly, too surprised by her reply to think straight, or to question the insanity of our situation. I watched as Abigail gave me a wink and a smile. Then she picked up my cell phone and typed in her personal phone number. Afterwards, she spun around and marched out of the door. Her delicious looking butt seemed to be swaying a bit extra this time, as if she was putting more effort into it than usual - Perhaps to put on a show for me, so I knew what I could expect from tomorrow.

As Abigail closed the door, leaving me all alone in my hospital room again, I still felt a bit shocked by what had just transpired. But I also realized something else. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this excited about something.

--- 4 ---

"Nurse Hannah Cooper, here to change your IV!" I heard Nurse Hannah say as she entered my room. My evening had been slow and boring, I had not received any visitors, nor had anything particularly exciting happened since Abigail and I shared that very special kiss. She had walked by my room a few times, beaming a smile at me through the half-closed blinds in the hospital window, but she seemed very busy, and had not had time to return to see me again.

"Welcome back, ma'am.." I said with a wide grin. It was rather amusing to watch her bobble into my room like a bumbling bumblebee. I turned my gaze towards the wall clock - It was almost night time. "Busy night?" I asked of her, as I observed her movements. She was a seasoned veteran, and moved her hands deftly, changing the IV bag in no time at all. The contents had a clear warning label on it. It was a very high dosage of anti-inflammatory steroids, and the reason for my constant feeling of nausea.

"Oh, yes. Always is. But there's actually only a couple of hours left on my shift, and then I'm off! You will be here when I'm on tomorrow? I come in during the afternoon." she asked of me. She gave me a big, warm, motherly smile. There was something maternal about the way she carried herself. Something I found quite appealing.

"I hope to be released in the early morning. When Doctor Stephens is in." I told her. "So unfortunately we'll probably miss each other."

She seemed disappointed by that, and let out a loud, dramatic sigh, as she gave a pout. Then, with a chuckle, she said "We better make the best out of our remaining time, then!" I smiled back at her. "Although.. I think we will need to run a few tests before we can let you go home. But nothing out of the ordinary - don't you worry!" She gave my shoulder an affectionate pat, and started cleaning up.

She seemed a little distracted. Her eyes were twinkling again, and as I noticed her expression changing into that mischievous look she often showed, I couldn't help but to laugh softly. "What? What are you up to? I see that look on your face, ma'am."

She smiled, and rolled her eyes a little, while keeping that expression. "Oh, I just have some exciting news! You're going to love it!" she said, in that slightly impatient tone people use when they want to get on with things. There was also an underlying hint of excitement that she couldn't hide. She stepped closer to the edge of my bed, lowered her voice and whispered "I'm probably not supposed to tell you this, but Abigail is coming to visit you in about 15 minutes I'd say. I saw her, just as I was heading over here! She's changed out of her scrubs. She looks so beautiful, if I do say so myself! You two would make such a cute couple." Nurse Hannah winked at me.

My heart started beating faster. But.. I found it odd. "Wait.. what?" I said, more in shock than anything else. What Nurse Hannah told me couldn't be true, surely? There was no way that Abigail would come to visit me here after her shift had ended. Not after having just been so very cautious about sending the wrong impression to her colleagues and being so concerned about dating a patient. I was very much still a current patient - I was in a hospital gown with my whole ass hanging out!

"You've got it all wrong, ma'am. Nurse Abigail cannot be coming to visit me here. She's not allowed to.. To mingle with a patient like that, right?"

Nurse Hannah scoffed, shook her head, and then leaned towards my ear and said "There's nothing wrong with two people who care for each other! And I'll make sure that no one knows that she's here.." she winked at me again, while leaning in even closer, practically resting her face against my left ear. I almost could hear the smirk on her face, as if it were audible to my ears. I expected her to say something else, but she hesitated, and then didn't. Instead, with surprising swiftness, she bobbled over to the hospital window and closed the curtains nice and tight, so that you could no longer peak inside. She also pulled a roller blind down over the glass frame in the door, then turned to me with a huge grin on her face.

"There, now everyone just thinks you're sleeping and won't bother you unless you press that little alarm button! Not for at least a few hours, anyways.." She then looked over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. "Speaking of which, time passes by quickly! Do try to make yourself look handsome, dear!" she said to me, then burst out into another fit of giggles, spun around and left the room. I couldn't help but feel like there was still something she was not quite telling me.

My emotions were bubbling up within me. What was happening here? Clearly, Nurse Hannah Cooper sometimes liked to play things up for dramatic effect. She was a gossip and a stirrer of pots, so to speak. How did she even know that Abigail was coming over here, and not just changing into her ordinary clothes because she was about to head home? But just in case, I'd better take her advice, and freshen myself up a little bit. Go to the bathroom. Splash some water on my face. Maybe rub some soap under my armpits - I had been sweating profusely earlier as a side-effect of the steroids.

I sat up properly, then got on my feet, and grabbed the IV stand with the four little wheels on the bottom. I was going to have to roll this around with me, but I was used to that by now. What I didn't expect, however, was how lightheaded I felt. As I stood up, I almost thought I might faint again at first. The lights dimmed before my eyes, and I had to lean back against the bed for a long time before I managed to recuperate and recompose myself. This was nothing out of the ordinary by now. As a part of my condition, sometimes even mild excitement or sudden movements would set my heartrate off, or mess with my blood pressure. This wouldn't be much different from those other times, I thought, but when the dizziness went away, I realized there was someone in my room.

Abigail had entered, clad in ordinary but beautiful clothing. A black skirt with red stripes at the sides that stopped at a rather flattering length above her knees, combined with tall black leather boots with ankle straps that buckled into place at the front. On top she wore a white sleeveless button up blouse, tucked into her skirt. In her arms, she held what looked like a jumper with a zipper in the front, in a shade of salmon or perhaps light pink. She looked breathtakingly stunning, and certainly seemed like she had made some sort of effort, given how different her hair looked - now being put into two twin tails, one on each side of her head. She also had more make-up on her face, her lips painted glossy which shimmered in the light.

I adored it. The look worked, although her normally bushy bangs were nicely parted down the center. I immediately began to realize that perhaps the real reason she had dressed so well was for me, and it made me feel very flattered. But she looked a bit nervous, and a bit concerned.

"Are you alright, Christian? You look a bit pale.." She asked, as she carefully stepped closer.

I didn't know how to answer her question at first. I thought of saying "I'm fine, but my heartrate seems to be off" or some other variation of that statement, but instead I took a few deep breaths and managed to say "I'm actually feeling very well.. You look stunning. " I smiled as sincerely as I could muster, hoping she would realize how happy it made me feel to see her this way, without the typical scrubs and work garb.

My words appeared to have a calming effect on her. The worry from her face faded, but the nurse in her was ever-present. "Are you going to the bathroom? Do you need my help?" she asked me in a gentle tone. There was no awkwardness there from her side, as there usually was when patients are assisted while doing such basic functions. It wasn't strange at all for Abigail to ask that question either, seeing as I was standing up and probably didn't look too steady on those legs of mine. It just showed how considerate and caring she could be. I really appreciated that side of her. And yet, I shattered the sweet gestures with the next words that came out of my mouth.

"You want to hold it for me?" I grinned. Abigail stared back at me. I swear she blinked for a whole ten seconds at once, until she began to shake her head as if trying to remember something, or wake up. The surprise from my statement had managed to wash away the worry - She was feeling much better now, and we both broke into a chuckle. It was nice to laugh like that again, although it did make the butterflies in my stomach return, because Abigail's eyes were twinkling like they had a few hours earlier when she had made her feelings for me quite known.

When the chuckles had subsided, Abigail quickly closed the distance between us, threw the garment she was holding onto my bed, and slid her arms around my neck. Her touch was soft, but with surprising strength. Her fingers wrapped themselves in my hair, her face just inches away from mine. I smelled a scent I recognized - something earthy, that reminded me of fresh rain on asphalt. She must have used some sort of perfume. It caught me by surprise a little bit because normally the nurses were not allowed to wear any scents at work, and it really cut up against the usual hospital stench of hand sanitizer.

She pulled my face close, and pressed her lips firmly against mine. It was a little bit sloppy, as if she had wanted this all along - for months, perhaps? - and could finally let her feelings for me show. And then her tongue slipped into my mouth, gently brushing against my own, and I felt myself lose the ability to breathe, as if all I could focus on was this lovely woman in front of me, and the moment we shared. It made the hair in my ears tickle a little. I wrapped my arms around her, one on the back of her head and the other on the small of her back, two of my fingers just barely coming in to contact with the top of her shapely behind. She moaned softly, and kissed me even harder.

She broke the kiss eventually, and had an aroused expression on her face. But there was also a tiny hint of guilt. A shadow of shame in her eyes.