All Comments on 'The Crystal Rainbow Ch. 02-05'

But it is too much information all at once and bounces around a bit. It is confusing and sort of difficult to follow. Good tale, though. You should consider and Editor to help with the continuity. ^_^

<P>I think an editor is essential for your story. This would help to address a number of areas. I know this is fantasy, but some grounding in the world of reality is necessary to ensure readability.</P>

<P>1 Plotting problems. The woman has 'kidnapped' a nine year old boy without knowing about his parents or whether they might be concerned by his absence.</P>

<P>2 Long paragraphs are much harder to read on a screen than on paper. You should endeavour to shorten them for online reading.</P>

<P>3 Punctuation. Over use of exclamation marks reduces their impact and effectiveness.</P>

<P>4 Inconsistencies. In chapter 1 there were French words. Now they have gone and a Scottish word appears. Where are we?</P>

<P>5 Even in fantasy I think that the dialogue should be believable. It reads in a very stilted fashion that is hard to relate to the characters.</P>

<P>6 Various minor grammatical and punctuation errors also detract from the story.</P>