All Comments on 'The Deal'

Nice work keep it coming!

i'm loving it.more please

But way, way, WAY too short. I need this story to continue.

Your story is well written and begs for more chapters. The mystery of why he married her, testify against him? What happened to her sister and other teases in this story are well done. My wife normally doesn't read stories on this site, but I will show her this one. Now quit laying around and let's have chapter 2.

Thanks for your work.

woodmanone

Captivating and interesting and very well presented. I thank you for this welcome diversion from the usual offerings in Literotica.

Good so far. On the one hand I want to read more, but on the other, they've already wasted 4 years dancing around their feelings and I don't want to read a 15 chapter story about how these two are too stupid to realize they love each other.

On a bad day on lit. a good start to a story, not all is lost. Thanks.

I like your characters. It's not easy to write good characters and keep them interesting. Great job!

Their marriage deal started out intriguing ... she married him to get her inheritance and he married her so she wouldn't have to testify.

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But then, four years later, Grandmother Isla has died and little Ryan is introduced. Did Isla keep their daughter away from Michael because she was so heartbroken when he never came after her? Did she not want to raise their child in a loveless marriage? But, if the marriage was consumated (and obviously it was), there had to have been some physical attraction between the two.</p>

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Michael's reaction to learning about his daughter is a surprise to me. As mentioned already, he doesn't appear to be angry or hurt that Isla allowed him to lose three years with Ryan. They don't discuss anything when she visits him and instead they just have lunch and kiss.</p>

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And one very minor thing, I didn't like the idea that Isla visits him in an office environment wearing shorts. Perhaps that's just me, but if she's coming to his office, especially to supposedly discuss their child, why not dress with a little more class? I know some people will balk at such a complaint and perhaps cite women's lib etc. But, even if it's a casual office environment, why not wear a dress or skirt even? But instead she wears white shorts with wedge sandals. I thought she was going to a meeting, not a picnic.</p>

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This story did start out interesting. I would have very much liked to know more about the circumstances in which they married. Marrying to get an inheritance is one thing, but what is it that Michael did that forced him to marry Isla so that she wouldn't testify against him?</p>

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Perhaps more will be explained in the next chapter. I certainly hope it'll be better (and longer) than the first. </p>

another schizophrenic woman as basis to a mysterious story. to bad.

I had to make a comment about her family. In the beginning of the chapter when she was first leaving Michael, it said she had no sister, no parents so the only person she could talk to was her grandmother. Then 4 years later, her parents are back in the picture. I'm confused about that. Is that an error or did I just miss the point?

wow this story is so good. it makes me want to read it forever

This is a great start.. I always hate when women do that to men, it's unfair they get no say in so much

i love it when an Author creates characters that jump off of the page & into your head.

voted 5 stars ,

just wish this type of story came with a few reminders between each paragraph.

1. remember to breath when reading this ,

2. wipe your eyes.

3. breath again u fool.

4. wipe your eyes again u will see the screen better.

5. breath u idiot.

6. ok shocks over , pick your jaw up , close your mouth ,wipe your eyes & try & remember to breath when u read the next chapter .

In the beginning she has no family but grandmother then she has a father and mother. Crap writer.

They marry so she could get an inheritance. What happened to the inheritance? They married so she couldn't testify against him? What did he do? They agree to stay married for a year yet she wants a divorce after 8 months? Why? Why 4 years later are reporters at her grandmothers funeral? And why is Ryan, a 3 year old child, in school? Too many unanswered questions in this mess.

This ia another incomplete story on Lit.