The Disappearing Reverend's Wife

Willard looked at me for a full two minutes without saying anything. He was trying to read my thoughts in my face. I hoped I didn't look like I was lying, because I wasn't. Finally he stood up, nodded, and pulled a cell phone from his shirt pocket.

"I believe ya. Tell you what I'll do. I'll text Virginia your phone number and explain the situation. If she wants to talk to you, she'll text you back. If she don't, you're shit outa luck 'cause I ain't helping that asshole find her."

I felt a lot better about Virginia after talking with Willard. She was probably safe, wherever she was, so some of the urgency to find her was gone. I still had to try to find her, at least for the two days Reverend Roper had paid for, but if she didn't make contact with me, that was going to be pretty hard. People who disappear because they want to will do about anything to remain hidden. It wasn't likely she was going to text me back.

I had Reverend Roper's list of names I could check as well as the businesses where Virginia shopped. Talking to her friends was probably not going to get me anywhere. Since they were all members of the congregation, I doubted they were really her friends and I doubted she'd told any of them she was leaving much less where she was going. They'd have just told Reverend Roper as soon as she did and she wouldn't have been able to get away.

The places she shopped seemed like a better place to start, and given the way she always looked on TV, her hair salon seemed the most likely place. Women will tell their hair stylist or manicurist things they wouldn't tell their own mother.

I'd expected Virginia to use one of the best salons in Nashville, but the name Reverend Roper gave me wasn't one of them. She used a place called "Teresa's Salon" and it wasn't downtown. It was an old storefront out in the older business district of Gallatin, and when I looked up the Facebook page, it said the hours were from nine in the morning until five in the afternoon. I got there about five 'til five so I could probably talk to the stylists without waiting on any customers to leave. When I walked through the door, the place was empty except for one woman sweeping the floor.

She looked up and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Teresa, but I think you must have the wrong place. I only do women's hair and nails."

Virginia was twenty-eight and I was fifty one, so I couldn't very well use the story I was looking for a former classmate or girlfriend. Instead, I gave Teresa my real business card and kind of the truth. I said I was a PI and I was looking for Virginia Roper to serve her with a notice to appear in court.

Teresa eyed me suspiciously.

"What has Virginia done? Is she in trouble."

I had an answer for that question that I hoped would make sense.

"No, she's in no trouble at all. Her sister is suing her husband for divorce and wants her to testify at the hearing. Her sister lives in Minneapolis and didn't remember her address, but she remembered Mrs. Roper saying she used your salon. Apparently they aren't very close, but they do talk back and forth on Facebook. I couldn't find Virginia Roper in the phone book, so you were my next stop."

Teresa smiled then.

"I did the same thing when I got divorced, but I knew where my sister lived. Yes, I know Virginia. She has a standing appointment at four every Friday of every week to get her roots and nails done. I was looking for her today, but she never showed."

"Did she ever say anything about friends she might visit or someplace she was going after her appointment?"

Teresa shook her head.

"No. As far as I know she went straight home to her husband. She said he didn't want her going out by herself. Thought somebody might recognize her. He let her come here because it's just me and by four all my regulars are gone."

"Why would her husband be concerned about somebody recognizing her?"

Teresa frowned.

"You know she's a preacher's wife, don't you?"

I shook my head.

"No, I didn't know that. Which preacher? Maybe I should be talking to him."

"He's that preacher who's on TV every morning, Reverend Roper. I watched him one time after I found out who Virginia was. I think he's a fake."

I wasn't learning anything about where Virginia might be, but I was learning more about Reverend Roper. If I could keep Teresa talking, I might learn something that would lead me to somebody who would know.

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, he did talk about religion some, but most of what he said was that he needed money to keep his ministry going. The way Virginia dressed told me he wasn't hurting for money. She didn't shop at Penny's for her clothes. She shopped at the ritzy places like Megan's and L. Shelby's and she shopped on-line. I know because she always looked so nice and I asked her where she bought her clothes.

Teresa looked like she was thinking for a few moments, then frowned.

"You know, there was something funny about the way she paid me. She always used a credit card from Roper Ministries. She always had me run it as a debit, and the last several months, she started asking if I could give her fifty dollars in cash back. Because she was a good customer, I always did that, but I couldn't figure out why she'd want cash. Since I got a debit card, I never use checks or cash. That way I can track everything I spend and nobody can rob me 'cause I don't have any money to rob."

I left after Teresa told me she'd never heard Virginia talk about going anyplace else but if she thought of something, she'd give me a call.

I still had no idea of where to find Virginia, but I had a pretty good understanding of her relationship with Reverend Roper now. She wasn't just window dressing for his TV show. She was about as close to a slave as he could make her.

He also had underestimated her. I figured like most large churches, Roper Ministries had a treasurer to keep track of spending and income. Most treasurer's wouldn't think much about fifty dollars being withdrawn from the account because Reverend Roper probably did the same thing. He wouldn't want there to be any permanent record of what he spent on Misty. Misty had told me he always paid her in cash, and I figured that wasn't the only way he spent money on her.

If Virginia had been doing the same thing every week for six months, she could have accumulated several hundred in cash, and as long as she had someplace to go, that would take her quite a ways.

I hadn't gotten a text message from Virginia by Saturday morning, so I figured I wasn't going to get one. That meant I was out of angles unless something fell into my lap. In a lot of ways, I was glad. I usually like women, well, except for my ex, and it pisses me off when some guy, especially some guy who thinks he's something special, abuses one.

With no leads, I didn't have anything to do on Saturday, so I sat down and read over the notes I'd gotten from Reverend Roper again. Like I already knew, there was nothing there. I'd told Teresa that Virginia had a sister because Reverend Roper had told me that too, but he'd also said they didn't get along. When I'd asked him why, he'd shrugged and said he didn't know. I'd also asked him where this sister lived, but he didn't know that either.

On a whim more than in hopes of getting any more information, I turned on my TV and flipped through the channels until I came to Reverend Roper's TV show. I'd never really watched it before, but that Saturday I did.

Like I said before, it takes a con man to recognize a con man, and I had to admit, Reverend Roper was pretty damned good. In between praying for anything and every thing, he put pictures of starving children on the screen and asked for money to keep the food and medicine going to them through Roper Ministries. Roper Ministries was also in the process of building a family oriented and religious theme park in Georgia, and he needed money for that too. He only wanted five dollars, but anything would help the cause, and if you donated a hundred, he'd send you a T-shirt that said "I've been Ropered in by God".

His spiel would have been pretty convincing if you were taken in by his promises of a fantastic life if only you believed and gave him enough money. I always like conning people like that. You tell them they've won something free, and they'll fall all over themselves telling you everything you want to know.

It's hard to believe some people are that rock-dumb, but it's true. Reverend Roper helped keep them hoping by little testimonials he played from time to time. I figured they were all fake. I mean, the fact your wife got pregnant after you sent him fifty dollars probably meant things just worked like they've worked for thousands of years and not because he had anything to do with it. It's a crime to hustle people like he was doing, but unless somebody filed a complaint, he'd keep getting away with it.

I was starting to put together a story that there was no way I was going to find Virginia. That was going to be hard to do without telling Reverend Roper I was surprised she'd put up with his bullshit for as long as she did. I didn't figure he'd really care, and he confirmed that a few minutes after he asked for money to help the drug addicts in Chicago find God and get clean. His face turned somber and worried looking then.

"I got a letter from Mrs. Roper in the mail yesterday. She said she's well, but has been kidnapped by some drug dealers and held for ransom. They want two hundred thousand dollars within a week to release her. She says so far, they haven't harmed her, but if they don't get the money, they'll kill her and leave her body in the jungle. Friends, I can't bear to lose Mrs. Roper, so if you have a heart, please send in your dollars or even pennies so we can pay the ransom and bring Mrs. Roper back safe and sound."

The asshole had devised a con that couldn't go wrong. If Virginia came back, it would be because the faithful flock had given him enough money to pay the ransom. If she didn't, he'd make them feel guilty as hell that Virginia was now dead and lying somewhere in the jungle and they'd send him more cash in sympathy. He might even ask for more money so he could find her body and bring it back. He'd be burying an empty casket, but nobody would want proof she was in there. Either way, Reverend Roper would end up with a shit load of cash he could use however he wanted.

The other thing his con would fix is his relationship with Misty. If Virginia didn't come back, he and Misty could do as they pleased. I also figured Misty would suffer the same fate as Virginia, though Misty didn't seem smart enough to figure out he was balling the new housekeeper instead of balling her. I've tracked down enough unfaithful husbands to know they seldom change. Reverend Roper seemed to like really young women, so Misty would have to age a little, but he'd find another twenty year old eventually.

It was after watching Reverend Roper do that I made a decision. I'd wait another day to see if Virginia would talk to me. If she didn't, I was going to stop looking for her. Either way, my report to Reverend Roper was going to be that I couldn't find anybody who knew when she left or where she might have gone and his best bet was to report her disappearance to the police because they could put out an alert for her car and monitor use of her credit cards.

I was making some notes about what I was going to tell Reverend Roper when my cell phone buzzed. When I answered it, I heard a familiar voice.

"Harry, this is Teresa from 'Teresa's Salon'. Are you real busy right now?"

"No, not really. Why?"

"You said to call you if I remembered anything. I'd rather not tell you on the phone. Could you come to my salon?"

When I parked outside the salon, the sign on the door said "Closed". I walked up to the door and started to knock, but before I could, Teresa opened the door and waved her hand at me.

"Come on in so we can talk."

Once I was inside, Teresa closed and locked the door then motioned toward a couch.

"I don't have any place to sit except my chairs and this couch, and the couch will be better."

Once we were sitting down, Teresa looked at me with a sheepish smile on her face.

"Harry...can I call you Harry...good...Harry, I didn't tell you everything I know about Virginia because I wasn't sure about you until this morning. I think you've met Misty Majors. Well, I do her hair too on Saturday mornings. This morning she told me Virginia left on Tuesday morning and hasn't come back, and she said you told her yesterday that Reverend Roper hired you to find her. That's why you're looking for her, isn't it?"

I started into my standard spiel that I don't discuss my relationship with clients but Teresa cut me off.

"Don't give me that crap, Harry, because you're lying. I can see it in your face."

I shrugged.

"What if I am? Why does that make a difference?"

Teresa frowned.

"It makes a difference because of what Misty told me this morning. She said Reverent Roper - she calls him Tom, by the way, not Reverend Roper - she said he told he needed a woman on his TV show, and if Virginia didn't some back, he was going to pick her. He doesn't care if Virginia comes back or not if he's already telling Misty she's going to be the one.

"I don't think that's long in coming. She had me bleach her hair to blonde today because she said he thinks blonde women look more faithful. I think what he means is blondes are too dumb to be anything but faithful. Lord knows Misty isn't too smart if she bought what he was telling her."

I nodded.

"That's the conclusion I came to as well. I still have to try to find her though. Reverend Roper already paid me."

Teresa frowned then.

"I know that, but can't you just tell him you're pretty sure she won't come back?"

"The only way I'll know that is if I can talk to her. Her gardener sent her a text message with my phone number so she could set up a meeting, but so far I haven't heard anything. It looks to me like she wants to stay hidden."

Teresa smiled at me then.

"No, she doesn't. She wants to divorce the jerk, but she doesn't think she can do it by herself. She thinks he'll just sweet talk a judge into believing he loves her and really wants her back. If you haven't watched his TV show, you should so you'd understand she's probably right. That man could sell birth-control pills to a seventy year old Catholic nun."

"You've talked to Virginia?"

Teresa nodded.

"This morning, right after Misty left."

"Did she tell you where she is?"

"No, but she said she'd like to talk to you. She's going to call you at ten tonight."

At nine-fifty-five that night, I poured myself two fingers of Glenfiddich, propped my feet up on my desk and waited for Virginia to call me. At ten-o-one, my cell phone buzzed.

I answered "Harry Meers, what can I do for you" like I always answer. The voice that came back to me wasn't what I'd expected at all. The only time I'd seen her on Reverend Roper's television show she'd just sat there without saying anything. From the way she looked, I figured she'd have the same Southern accent Reverend Roper did. She didn't.

"Mr. Meers, I'm the Virginia my husband hired you to find. Willard and Teresa both believe I can trust you to do the right thing. Would it be acceptable if we talked for a while so I may explain the situation in which I find myself?"

"Sure. I was hoping you'd contact me."

I heard her sigh.

"I had hoped to just disappear and believed I had done just that until Willard sent his text message to me. I didn't believe my husband would care enough to actually pay someone to find me. When Teresa called me and told me about her conversation with Misty, that confirmed my belief. I just couldn't understand why he'd hired you.

"I watched his TV show Saturday morning and then I understood. He doesn't want me back. He just wants Misty to take my place on his TV show and he laid the groundwork for that to happen by giving his viewers a reason I wouldn't be able to come back. He'd just tell his viewers the drug dealers killed me because they didn't give him enough money.

"After some mourning time, he'll do the same thing to Misty that he did to me. He'll sweet-talk her into marrying him and then tell her his wife is too important to the ministry to do common housework. He'll hire another nineteen year old housekeeper and start sleeping with her. I'm not going back to him, but I can not stand by and allow him to do that to another woman, even if Misty hasn't got the sense God gave a goose."

I thought I should remind Virginia that Reverend Roper couldn't marry Misty unless he divorced her or could prove she was dead.

She just laughed.

"He'll never divorce me because that would ruin his reputation as one of God's chosen ones. That won't stop him from marrying Misty though. He'll just tell her the same story about my death and she won't know the difference. As I said before, Misty isn't very smart. She already let him convince her that having sex with her was something God told him to do."

Well, I'd figured out most of that already, so I asked Virginia what she wanted me to do.

"Virginia, I understand your situation, and I don't like it any more than you do, but Reverend Roper paid me to find you. After talking with you, I can't tell him I couldn't find you."

"I know you can't do that. I want you to tell him you talked to me and I said I was never coming back. You can say you don't know where I am because you don't and I'm not going to tell you...not yet."

That trailing "not yet" got my curiosity up.

"Uh...what did you mean by 'not yet'?"

I could almost see her smiling.

"If I know my husband, and I believe I've seen all sides of the man, he'll thank you and say you did all he could ask of you. You won't hear from him again because he'll have found out what he wants to know - that I'm never coming back to him. Once he's done that, I'll tell you where I am."

"Why would you want to do that?"

I heard her quietly chuckle.

"Because I want to hire you to help me divorce him. Willard seems to believe you could do that, and I trust Willard more than I trust anyone else in the world so far."

I suppose you're thinking it wouldn't be ethical to do what Virginia wanted. It probably wouldn't have been ethical if Reverend Roper had given me any information I'd used to find her. Even though he'd given me Teresa's salon as a place where Virginia got her hair and nails done, I hadn't learned anything from Teresa the first time we'd talked that I could use to help Virginia. It was only after Teresa called me I did, so that didn't really count as evidence I'd gotten by actually investigating. Actually, I didn't give a shit if it was ethical or not. Reverend Roper wasn't ethical either.

On Monday, I called Reverend Roper's cell phone number and told him I'd talked to Virginia but I didn't know where she was and didn't really see any way I was going to find that out.

"All she'd tell me was she was never coming back. I can't back-trace her phone because it's a cell phone and I can't get any information about which cell phone tower she was using. She could be anywhere in the US, so unless she told somebody where she was going, I could spend years trying to find her. Are you sure you want to pay me three hundred a day to do that?"

Reverend Roper didn't say anything for a while, but I figured he was trying to decide how to tell me he was crushed and make it sound like he was serious. He didn't do very well.

"Well, Mr. Meers, I'm not a wealthy man. All the money I receive from my followers goes toward the projects of my ministry to advance the word of God. I can't afford to have you continue to look for Virginia. Maybe it is God's will that she left me. Yes, that must be what it is. God doesn't make mistakes. He deemed it time for Virginia to leave me for some reason only He knows."