The Divine Gambit Ch. 14

14. Double Tap

We took a cab back to the apartment, leaving behind the noisy and busy city center. Beth was quiet and sullen, withdrawn, and not as physically intimate as she usually was. She didn't sit in my lap, lay against my chest, or even snuggle into my side. She held my hand, but for her, that was pretty distant. I could feel the shard edges of the storm raging inside her mind, flare-ups pushing her to the boiling point.

When we made it back to the apartment, she grumpily kicked her shoes off, ready to stomp off and sulk. Instead of allowing her to run away, going to stew in her own misery somewhere alone, I picked up her tiny body and carried her to our bedroom. Sam quietly put our calzone in the fridge and then brought hers with her as she followed me to our bedroom. I laid down on the bed, holding Beth against my chest. Sam sat at the desk and began eating her dessert, tentatively watching us, waiting for what was going to happen.

"What's up, Beth? What's got you upset?" I asked when Beth mentally accepted the discussion I wanted to have as inevitable.

"Everything. What I've done. The reminder of who I am."

Ahh, this was going to be one of those conversations. Pulling teeth, but hopefully, it would help Beth through some turmoil.

"What bothered you earlier today, before we purchased clothes?"

She released a massive sigh, paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, and then released another one. "I don't know. I don't even remember what exactly Sam said. And I know she didn't say it to upset me. I just hated the idea of having to dress up for you. The expectation of it. It made me feel so out of control again. And not in a good way. In the 'they're bulldozing this building next month, find another place to live' way. Like I was just an insect. A background character.

"I just hated how she made it seem like because you had made my life better, it was my responsibility to be pretty for you, a cute thing on your arm for everyone to gawk at. Like, because of what you'd done, we owed it to you. I hate feeling like I owe you. And I know even now, you're really struggling to not interrupt and tell me that I don't owe you anything. But it's true. I owe you a lot and everything you do just puts me further in debt.

"You're intoxicating. You're genuine and upfront and honest and loyal and true. But everything I've done since meeting you has only happened because I met you. I hate you for having so much control over me. I love you, because I can feel in my bones how much you hate the power you have. It's hot, in the bedroom, to think that I'm literally your slave, in some ways. You won't ever use it to make me feel gross like people have before. I just got upset because of the way Sam phrased that she wanted to look nice when we went dancing and it reminded me that the freedom I struggled my entire life to try and hold onto is absolutely gone now. I got exactly what I wanted out of it -- a safe home with people who care -- but I lost the thing I had built my entire being around, and it hurts.

"And then, Zoey fucked us around all night. I have no idea what she was doing, but it was annoying as fuck. The dancing did help me get over my annoyances earlier. When we left, I was tired, ready to come back here to swallow some high-fructose porn syrup from you and snuggle with my head in Sam's perfect tits all night, pressed between the two of you, reminded that I have people who care for me, not just what they can get from me.

"And then my demon spawn cousin showed up, and it just dredged up all of those emotions from earlier, again. Seeing her reminded me of who I am, because she's exactly the same. Fuck, I said you were my fiancé, but I stupidly explained us moving here as for your 'promotion,' so she bats her eyelashes and mashes her tits together. If your cousin said she was going to marry someone, would you try to seduce them? She heard money, and everything else went out the window.

"And a week ago, I wasn't any different. I tried to do it to you. Just get whatever I could and then cut ties. And I wasn't even good at it. Amber is. I mean, you saw her; She's hotter, she's more womanly, she's more seductive. Growing up, I had more than one boyfriend who found their way into her bed instead of mine. It just hurts to see yourself in the mirror like that. To look at someone else and go, 'Holy shit, I was that bad?' But even then, I wasn't even good at it. It makes me sick to see that not only was I something I hate, but I wasn't even good at it. I'm just a mess, right now.

"And then she says my mom is in town. I don't want to see my mom. She said my mom was sick. I have no way of knowing if that's true. I'm pissed at myself that I tried to manipulate you. I'm feeling empty without the freedom I once had, without knowing I can get up and leave whenever I want to if something bad happens. I'm terrified I'm going to fuck up massively and lose you, because I have no idea what to do with people I care about. I'm terrified I'm going to have one of these explosions, and you can just go grab the older, hotter, bigger-titted version of me like everyone has before.

"I don't know how to deal with having an actual relationship, and I jumped from step one to the grandmaster program because now I have a fiancé and another girl with us, maybe a third in the queue. I pushed you to court Sam specifically because I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm in over my head. To make this work, I needed someone who knows what a relationship is. Not just a transaction of a couple blowjobs for rides to work after high school, but an actual relationship. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not fighting as hard as I can to stay afloat, scheming and planning and plotting my next quick buck to make rent for a month."

Beth paused for a few moments to catch her breath. She had gotten worked up, wrapped up in unloading her emotions, and she had barely left enough room to breathe during her rant. Then she continued.

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a drama queen. I'll go sleep in the other room, for tonight. Sam should be in your arms. She's waited long enough."

Before she could slip out of my arms, which weren't precisely restraining her, Sam spoke up, "You're not going anywhere. You are right where you belong. Can't you feel him right now? I don't know why you're worried at all. He looked at her and felt disgust. He looks at you and feels compassion, concern, care -- love."

"But I'm not better than her. I did exactly the same things as she did. He should hate me. It's what I've earned."

Sam shook her head, disagreeing resolutely, "By your own description, you're not like her. She tried to tempt J right in front of you. You invited another woman to share him with you, to help you work through your own head. She would take what she wanted. I know your story from what you've said. You might've embellished your wounded little bird act, but you didn't pursue J romantically until you knew he was single. You knew your claim was as good as mine. And then, when you knew your position couldn't be threatened, that you couldn't be disposed of, you invited me to join you.

"On top of being such a help with J throughout this process, you've also started to bond with my mother. I didn't do it to hurt her, but I've been really distant with her over the last ten years. I couldn't make friends because of her position. Everyone bends the rules sometimes, but if I knew, and therefore Mom potentially knew, they might get in significant trouble. So, no one was friends with me. If I was the rebellious teen who hated my parents, a few people would tolerate me. It's really hurt our relationship. With you, she has someone she can dote on, someone she can teach the things her mother taught her, without the baggage she and I have. Would your cousin, just looking to take her spoils of war, help J navigate the mess he's in or ingratiate herself with my mom?"

Beth rocked her head back and forth a few times, and then said, "No."

"Would your cousin, looking to get the most she could, apologize for feeling emotional and offer to leave her partner alone with another woman?"

"No."

I cleared my throat, "For the record, I think you were overestimating your exploitative prowess. The dragon can smell your emotions, and you clung to me that entire Saturday, so I was always somewhat aware of how you felt. Some of the physical contact was cynical, but you can't tell me you weren't an emotionally exhausted, suddenly homeless teenage girl looking for a hand up wherever she could find one. Yeah, you wanted to ingratiate yourself to me physically because that's what you knew to offer, but none of it was a lie. You weren't misleading me; you were using the shit hand of cards you were holding and the situation in front of you better yourself."

"I guess," she sullenly replied.

Sam continued my thinking, saying, "Beth, given how strong of a reaction you had to your cousin, I'm guessing that James is right. If you had woken up Saturday morning and found out that he and I were engaged instead of just reconnecting, would you have still tried to pursue him?"

Beth thought for several moments, then said, "I want to say I wouldn't have. I might have tried to stay for another few days, to get a few reasonable meals and a nicer night's sleep, but I would've been looking for where I was going next the entire time."

"Would your cousin have moved on?" Sam asked.

Beth laughed and shook her head, "You saw her trying tonight when the first thing I said was that he was mine."

"So stop comparing yourself to her. Maybe you did some things similarly in the past, but even acknowledging and accepting that, the girl you were isn't the woman you're going to be. You're J's first wife, the head of his household, his to hold and his to love for the rest of your lives. The lost, desperate girl you used to be is gone."

Beth shook her head, "I'm not. I can't be." She coughed, cleared her throat, and then explained, "I can't be his first. That's gotta be you, Sam."

Sam shook her head, "No. Without you, none of us would be here. You're the one he awakened with. You're the one he bonded to before knowing anything about how it worked. You have the warding. He picked you. I'll be there with you, every step of the way, but you are undeniably first."

I interjected, "Sam, that's enough for tonight."

Beth surprised me by insisting otherwise, "No, she's right. It's what makes me different from Amber. From my mother. If I'm yours, really yours, then I'm unique. I was just scared that I couldn't run away anymore. It was sinking in that this was the real rest of my life. Calling you my fiancé spooked me. Getting all of that out felt good. Knowing that Sam knows it feels good. Knowing that she's still in my corner and that she thinks I can do this, well, maybe I can."

Beth paused for a moment, a pensive expression on her face, "I think your magic is more than skin deep. I'm mad, at myself, at my mom, at the rest of her family, at everything I've done in the past -- but, in the past, I would've blown up. I would've blown up on Amber and then come back here and made you fuck me until I was bowlegged and bruised to try and let off steam. I can feel now that not only are you and Sam worried about me, not only has this entire night been a mess that put all of us in a weird headspace, but I know innately that my old habits were just avoidance. It makes me even more uncomfortable to realize that I never actually dealt with any of my issues, that I'd just go off and fuck whomever I was around while holding them at arm's length so they couldn't hurt me like my family did. Seeing myself in the mirror like this, having the ability to examine my old behaviors and compare them so clearly, makes me question everything I did and feel incredibly exposed."

Sam had finished her dessert and took the opportunity to come sit on the bed, rubbing Beth's back softly. "From what I understand, you never had a chance to fix your habits or address your grievances. You were stuck treading water just trying to survive."

"But how much harder did I make it for myself by never dealing with it? If I hadn't been plucked from the gutter by J, how long would I have let myself stay stuck there, trapped by my own anger and trust issues?"

The emotional introspection was a step in the right direction for the long term, but we wouldn't finish this tonight. Beth probably needed years to try and sort through the baggage she was carrying, and even the magic would accelerate that, it was time to take a step back for the night.

"I don't think that's a question we need to answer, especially not tonight. We have plenty of time to work through this, but when we're rested and calm. I need to go to the gym in the morning, figure out what the fuck Zoey actually wants, and then meet with Aisling and the other leaders, and I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. It doesn't sound like either of you are much better. So, I would like to go to bed now, holding my two self-proclaimed wives."

A blush from Sam and an exhausted giggle from Beth was all that was said after that. The three of us crawled under the covers. Sam ended up lying facing me, my right hand holding her left. Beth made a pyramid out of the three of us, nestled in the gap between Sam and me, wrapped in both of our arms. The confounding mess of a day was over, and at the conclusion, everything was alright. The three of us had survived all of the insanity intact.

~*~*~*~*~

A groan from Sam woke me up. She was, after all, inches from my face. Her eyes were still closed, and I wasn't sure if she was awake, but the sound of discomfort was clear. Given the sunlight creeping into the room, there was a possibility she was awake and simply lying here so as to not disturb Beth and me, suffering just to preserve the moment.

"You okay?" I asked faintly, hoping not to rouse her if she was still asleep.

Sam's blue eyes fluttered open, eventually focusing on me. She grunted noncommittally, the conflicted look on her face slowly melding into an accepting smile.

"Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yesterday was just a lot, you know? I feel really guilty about exploding on you earlier in the week, knowing that you've gone through seven yesterdays. I'm really happy to be here now, with both of you."

"You groaned because you were happy to wake up in bed with the two of us?"

Sam blushed and stammered, not giving an intelligible response.

"Is there something wrong, Sam?"

My question caused a flash of concern over her pale features, and her blue eyes fixed themselves on my face. She shook her head, gently so as to not sway the bed and shake the other woman snuggled into her, and said, "No, no, no. Nothing is wrong, at least, not with you or anything here."

She trailed off, clearly leaving the thought unfinished. Something was bothering her, but it wasn't anything we had caused. Hopefully. I prompted her to elaborate, saying, "...But?"

Sam cringed slightly, clearly embarrassed, and when she explained, I understood. "But, I'm, y'know, sore. Downstairs. You're not small, and you kinda spread me open yesterday, and I'm feeling it now. I rotated my hips to get more comfortable, and I just felt it."

"I'm sorry, Sam, I should've --"

Sam interrupted, the absolute certainty of her voice carrying the intensity despite the hushed volume. "Don't you dare apologize to me for that. I feel complete now for the first time in my life, like I don't have to hide who I am or who I want to be, and that's exhilarating. And I haven't even mentioned how lost for words I am that you reached down and shared your power with me. So don't you dare apologize. A little discomfort is fucking nothing in comparison to what I gained."

I was taken aback by the ferocity in her statement, her unflinching unacceptance of an apology, as though acknowledging my contribution to her physical irritation would somehow diminish the change. Which was unfortunate because I didn't want to see her in pain... and I had a perfect remedy.

"Do you want to feel better?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Sam looked queasy, as though the thought of intimacy was distressing given her current situation.

"I don't think that's necessary, J. I'm not sure I'd enjoy that right now."

"Are you sure? I'm interested to see if my saliva would make you feel better."

Her eyes flashed understanding, and she said, "Oh! You literally meant 'kiss it and make it better.' I didn't -- It's so weird to have that as a possibility."

"So, is that something you'd be interested in?"

Sam nodded demurely, but then paused to ask, "What about Beth?"

"What about Beth?"

"How do you want to do this without waking her up? Or are you going to do the same for her?"

"Slide your hips out that way. She can stay under the blanket; you can keep holding her while she sleeps."

Sam bit her lip nervously but did as I asked. I slowly crawled out my side of the bed, moving around to her side and gently climbing over her now exposed lower half. She was wearing just a pair of pastel baby-blue panties that nearly matched her eyes. She sighed as I placed kisses over her navel, her head falling back into the pillow, simply enjoying the affinity she felt between our intimacy and the subtle hints of emotion over the bond.

As I teased her, kissing her thighs and running my hands all over her body without touching the inevitable destination directly, she whispered, "J, not that I want to complain, but waking up in your arms for real had me nice and ready before you even made the suggestion. You don't need to torture me."

Nuzzling against her mons, my lips brushing against the silky undergarment an inch from where she was desperate for my attention, I answered her, "What if I want to torture you a little? What if I want to drag this out and enjoy you now that I have you? What if I want to make up for all the time we lost when we weren't allowed to be together?"

Sam loosed an unintentional whimper, nodding her assent to my intentions. I focused my attention on her body, gently teasing and tormenting her with my soft affections. I moved slowly, patiently inching forward, carefully encroaching on her still garbed nethers. Sam largely allowed me to move at my glacial pace, only twice lifting her hips to attempt to grind herself on my face in urgent need. Withdrawing and applying some tame swats to her behind had her relaxing back to the bed.

The third time she pressed herself against me, I could feel how desperate she was for a firmer touch and how soaked her underwear was becoming, thoroughly saturated with her juices. I used the moment to slide them down her hips and off her legs, before returning to my place between her thighs. She moaned in ecstasy as I began pleasuring her in earnest.

Our shuffling must have roused Beth because she spoke, although she never opened her eyes, and her words were slurred by the shroud of sleep. "Did J go to the gym without giving me a good morning kiss?"

"No, Beth, I'm here still. Sam was feeling sore, so I'm making her feel better."

Seemingly forgetting that she was still clutching the other woman, Beth answered as if we were the only two in the room before trailing back to sleep, "Good... Remind her that she's yours and that you're going to take care of her... I want her to be happy with us... She was really helpful last night for me..."

Sam didn't respond, and Beth's soft, rhythmic breathing suggested she was no longer with us, so I continued what I was doing, torturing Sam with my love. Unlike yesterday, she wasn't swept up in the intensity of the brewing storm, managing today to surf on the surface, riding the currents as they brought her towards her peak.

And when she got there, it wasn't an extreme, forceful explosion of lust like yesterday had been; instead, she crested beautifully, her muted, flowing moans starkly contrasting the sharp, violent noises I had expected. She cupped my face as I devoted my efforts to her enjoyment, running her fingers through my hair, politely guiding me to exactly where she needed treatment.