The Dragon Chief Ch. 07

I’m hoping you disregard the negativity from the other comments here, I read this chapter soon after it was released and wrote a long comment back. Then I realised just how in depth it was so I edited it and sent it as a private message and thought I’d posted a briefer comment here 🙄, so I’m just pushing that to one side on a *screw you technology*

I’m hugely relieved that you changed the focus of this story, the way it was going was traumatic to say the least. The characters came across as very believable and realistic. The plot concept of good v evil, with the witch and the dragon is really quite enticing and it’s the main reason I was able to cope with the brutality of his treatment of Willa. Even then I was all in favour of her cutting their throats and setting fire to the place on her way out in the dead of night. It had that edge of survive long enough to escape. So I firmly believe it needed that dramatic turn around.

Jorvun was broken and with good cause he just discovered that ever he thought he knew in *this* life was a lie or if not an outright lie then at the least he had been manipulated by the witch. So yes he had a rapid change of character but it was obvious reading through the lines that this was only ever going to be short term whilst he wrapped his head around the new revelation. His decision to release Willa was a knee jerk reaction, essentially *I was wrong I should let her go*.

He is a dominant character in general as well as sexually, that won’t change easily. Once he’s moved beyond the shock of the situation he’s still going to want to dominate her. Her shocked angry reaction of *so you’re going to throw me out like trash* is absolutely justified, she’s been brutally tortured, raped and abused repeatedly. He claimed she was important to him and now all of a sudden he’s done she’s disposable? That just makes a mockery of his claim that he wanted her and that she was important to him.

Hopefully moving on there will be a balance between them and that will come over a period of time.

Now then onto IvyMarie WTAF ?!?

Seriously what was that rant all about? You sound like a pissed off editor so I’ll say this carefully, Fuck you. It’s not your story, you didn’t write it, it’s not your creation in any way and you didn’t commission it. Your actions come across as those of a bitchy entitled brat. I’m actually embarrassed for you.

Thanks for sharing this story I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes because *Torture Porn* is definitely NOT my thing.

Tess (UK)

At least she is someone I can somewhat relate to. She is not some stupid girl taking whatever he is welling to give.

I agree with her points; however:

1. We don’t know if you got tired of the story and wanted to tie it up. Ahem (and which I sensed - it’s the story of my writing life - I grow bored.)

2. Her manner - okay, your manner, Ivy, is too harsh!

I still like the story. A lot.

I made the mistake of finishing it and it actually got worse. This is now a Mistress/bitch boy fetish story. That's fine if it's your thing but you mislead us by introducing us to characters that were opposite of that dynamic. Then you pull a switch 7 chapters in. An inconsistent and unbelievable one at that.

You just ruined this story. You forced what should have been a gradual character arch (for both of them) into one 5 paragraph conversation. Willa went from a docile slave with a will to survive, to a cliche empowered feminist on a power trip. He went from a respected chief and misogynistic slaver to an emotional "Yes, Dear" boy without confidence in his authority, all in one conversation.

How can she fight with him as an equal if she loses all respect for him? And she did lose respect when he totally failed her shittest tantrum: "Damn fucking right." Willa huffed. "And now you want to toss me out like trash, huh?" I cringed. You could have maybe redeemed the situation had you allowed him to follow his instincts and punish her disrespect but instead he cries and prostrates himself before her. At least you got her response to his embarrassing display of weakness correct: she demands he serve her a drink and he mindlessly complies, solidifying their total role reversal.

I couldn't even finish the story after that point. You ruined their characters. I would suggest you delete this chapter and rewrite it with him staying in character as a Dominant male who is confident in his decisions and who does not yield easily. You can have him change from his abusive and controlling ways slowly, showing him struggling with inner conflict looking for a balance between strength and love, while continuing to behave in a way that is consistent with the norms of the world he grew up in. The conflict could eventually be resolved through her doing something for him, saving him in some concrete way (not saving his soul by pointing out the damage inflicted on his psyche in adolescents then giving ultimatums), that earns her his respect as an equal.

It feels like this chapter was written as if they were living in our current day society with our current day ideas of morality and gender roles instead of the future Mad Max style apoplectic world you originally created.