The Driver

'It's very smooth down here.' I kissed her again. 'Mm I like it like this; I think my chin is rougher.'

'Yes and it feels wonderful'

I probed with my tongue and her legs fell wide apart. I found her clit and licked around it, exposing it to my lips. A little sucking had her forcing her mons up into my mouth. Her hands came down on the back of my head and she pushed down as if she was trying to force me into her pussy headfirst. Her breathing became loud and the flesh around her pussy got very wet as her body thrashed about. I knelt between her legs and ran my hands up her sides. She pushed her head back into the pillow, lifting her shoulders off the bed. I reached behind her and undid the bra then pulled the little triangles of chiffon off of those gorgeous orbs of flesh. Her nipples were not only erect, they seemed to be blushing they were so red. I found them even more attractive, my head was drawn to them. I took one in my mouth, I sucked, pinched it with my lips, even bit down on it lightly. She threw her arms around my neck and pulled my head down onto her breast. I took as much as I could into my mouth as she pushed her body up to me. I lifted my head and moved to the other breast.

'Oh Ronnie, love me. Fill me up with your manhood. Make love to me Ronnie, please.'

As I moved up and kissed her, I felt her hand guide my cock to her pussy. I pushed into her and was amazed yet again. How could a woman her age still manage to squeeze me so tightly? I pushed harder until I was completely in. Her legs wrapped around me pulling me down. I flipped over onto my back, leaving her back exposed to my hands. Sara loved my hands on her back and bum. I rubbed at the base of her spine and down into her arse crack. She pushed down and ground her mound against me. With every move of my fingers, her hips got more active. I slid my fingers down to her anus, circled around it then pushed in. She let out a small squeal and writhed on top of me. I continued to work her with my finger as she bounced about on my dick. I felt her body tremble and her fingernails pushed hard into my back. I could feel something closing over the head of my cock then pulling off sucking at me as it did so. The feeling was intense and I could hold out no longer. Everything I had flowed into her. Everything became very slippery and fluid dripped onto my scrotum. She relaxed on top of me. I pulled my finger from her arse and stroked her back. She kissed my neck and my shoulder.

'Oh Ronnie, I love you so much.'

We just lay there for some time. Me stroking her back and her kissing me. All thoughts of what she'd done and where she should have been were driven from my mind. I felt loved and needed by the lovely woman on top of me.

'Ronnie, do you think this suit was a waste of money? I mean, I can't see me wearing it for very long it's not really the sort of thing a woman my age should be wearing.'

'You're as old as you feel and right now you feel like a twenty-year-old. As for that suit, I hope you wear it often.'

'Come on you big hunk, let's have a shower.'

* * *

Shaftoe residence, Shap village

31^st August

The Wife

I knew it was a big risk. It could all end in tears but enough was enough, it was time for truth. As I drove home that night, I couldn't help but worry about the way things would go from here. Ronnie really was my life; I'd give up everything for him. I knew how important his racing had been to him, yet he gave it up for me. I know he still misses it. He thinks I don't know about his track days when he goes out in a racing car. I know, but I also, I know it doesn't represent the same risk as racing. The fact of the matter is I can't stand the thought of losing him and now I'm going to risk just that. Anthony would probably take his father's side. That only left my job to cling to, a job that was already behind me.

As I pulled into the garage, my mouth was dry and all the things I planned to say, vanished from my mind. I walked into the kitchen and was welcomed with a big smile from the man cooking my dinner.

'I hope you're in the mood for a nice Beouf Bourguignon.'

'I'm always in the mood for anything you cook me.'

I gave him a big kiss and went to get changed. I used my bedroom time to try to get things straight in my head. Ronald had dinner on the table for me when I came down. My appetite seemed to leave me and despite the meal being delicious, I spent most of the time pushing the food around on my plate. We shared little more than small talk during the meal. I cleared the dishes away and put them in the dishwasher. We both took our coffee into the living room and as we sat down Ronald gave me a searching look.

'You seem somewhat quiet. Had a bad day?'

'Sort of, I quit my job today.'

Ronald looked shocked. 'But you love that job and you're damn good at it. What's brought this on?'

'Well I've given the required three months' notice but I fully intend to give it up. I have something to tell you. It's going to be very hard for me so I would really like it if you would let me finish before you say anything.'

Ronald just sat back on the sofa and made a gesture with his hands that I took to mean I had the floor.

'When we got married, I didn't love you. I liked you a lot, I thought you were a good man and I thought you'd be a good father for my child.'

'Our child,' he corrected me.

'No Ronald my child. I said this wasn't going to be easy. You aren't Anthony's biological father. He wasn't early he was right on time. I didn't know I was pregnant the first time we went to bed, but when I found out I was pregnant I knew it wasn't yours. I never told you he was yours but I deliberately didn't tell you he wasn't. You seemed so happy when I told you. I thought this is the man I want to be my child's father. I started to fall in love with you after we married and while I was pregnant. You were so kind and caring towards me. When he was born, you loved him from day one and you loving him made me love you more. Initially, I thought that if it didn't work out, at least my son would have a father's name on his birth certificate, but all that changed as I came to love you.'

I looked at his face as I was telling him this. I could see he was keen to say something but I wanted to finish what I was saying.

'No hear me out, and then you can say what you like. I grew very fond of you and I couldn't fault you in the bedroom. No one ever satisfied me the way you do. I wanted to have another child, maybe more than one, but it just didn't happen. I wanted to ask you to get tested but I couldn't do that without you finding out what I'd done. I know you would've liked more so we both suffered for my lie. Then came that awful crash when poor Colin died. I kept thinking that it could have been you. That's when I realised for sure that I loved you more than life itself. I felt awful for doing it but I had to stop you racing. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I knew how much you enjoyed it, but you gave it up for me and I loved you even more. All that time I haven't been the wife you deserved and now I've let you down again.'

'You remember Robert McIntyre?'

'Oh, I remember him alright, who could forget that arrogant bastard?'

'I know you didn't like him, that's what makes this even harder. You see, about six months ago he took over the running of the Newcastle office of Barnsdale. I'd seen his name on the board of directors but I thought he was in the USA so I didn't think it was the same man. I should have told you the day he came into my office, but I didn't because I knew you wouldn't like me being around him. I didn't feel much for him. I still liked him and I enjoyed all the flattery but it was nothing compared to what I felt for you. Then he turned up at the conference in London. We had dinner together and, I swear to you, I only had a few drinks.'

I started to cry as I tried to continue. 'Oh, Ronald, I'm so sorry and so ashamed. I woke up next day, he was in my bed, the sheets were damp and I'd had sex. I still don't know how it happened. I was terrified; we haven't used birth control for years. I missed the first two items at the conference because I had to get the morning after pill.'

I stopped for a minute to dry my eyes. I looked at Ronald trying to gauge his reaction. He started to get up to come and sit with me.

'No please Ronald sit down I'm not finished yet, and I won't be able to get through this if you come any closer.'

He sat back down. I took heart from the fact that he hadn't flown into a rage. I hadn't really expected that he would, Ronald doesn't do rage. He does calm, rational and action but I'd never hurt him before. I just hoped I could control the damage.

'That wasn't the end of it. I'm sorry to say there's more. After London, he frequently invited me out to lunch. He kept at me to do it again but I never gave him chance. I tried to make sure there was no opportunity, then came to the Birmingham event and he was there. It was all about fraud, he had no reason to be there but he was. I tried to keep him at arm's length, I had dinner with him and a number of chief constables. It was only later in the bar when he started on me again. He asked what you would do if you knew we had slept together. I told him I didn't know and wasn't about to find out. That's when he started with thinly veiled threats to tell you unless I went to bed with him again. I was so scared of losing you that I did it. I'm so sorry, Ronald. I realise I should have called his bluff, but I didn't. I let him do all the things he used to do. I was blindfolded and I found out later that he took pictures. He threatened to send them to you, but I said I'd tell his wife and we'd both lose out.'

I looked at him again. There was still no sign of what his reaction was going to be. He was so calm, almost cold. I remember thinking he should have been a poker player. I was almost done; I just hoped I could hold it together for a little bit longer. I summoned up my strength and continued.

'I really did try to end it. I hated what it would do to you. He insisted on one more try and when I refused, he threatened to use his position on the board to question everything I had done in my work. He knew how much I loved that job and suggested he could take it away from me. I couldn't see any way he could make me continue after that so I agreed to one last time. It was supposed to be on the day I went to Glasgow. I'm sorry I lied to you, there was never going to be any show. The other girls did all go out clubbing but I came back to a hotel in Carlisle to meet him.'

'He was a little late and while I was getting ready I suddenly got everything into perspective. I realised that not only did I not want him, I wanted you and you were more important to me than my job. I phoned him but he didn't answer. It went to voicemail so I left a message telling him it was all off and to do his worst. I even sent a text saying the same thing. I got out of there and came straight home to you and you made me so glad I did. I don't ever want to see him again so I quit my job. They insisted on three months' notice but at least he has no power over me now.'

Ronald just sat there looking at me. He gave no indication as to how he felt he just looked at me. I didn't know what to do it was agony having him look at me like that. 'Say something Ronald, please, I'll do anything, take any punishment but don't leave me.'

'Is that it? Have you finished or do you want to break my heart a little more?'

I burst out crying and tried to speak through the sobs. 'Yes, that's everything. It's never happened before and it'll never happen again.' I looked at him again just calmly sitting there. 'Say something Ronald, do something, beat me I deserve it.'

'Come on Sara you know me better than that. I've never lifted a finger against you. You've given me a lot to think about and I think you ought to leave me alone to think about it.'

'Ronald, please tell me we can get past this, I love you and I know you love me. I'll be the best wife you could ever wish for, please don't push me away.'

'I told you I want you to leave me alone, now please go'

I burst into tears again and ran upstairs to the bedroom. I'd known all along this was my only chance Robert would almost certainly send the pictures to Ronald and that would kill any chance I had of keeping him. I'd told him everything and he was sending me away. I pulled out a suitcase and started to pack. It was mainly work wear I packed, plus a couple of pairs of jeans and tee shirts. If I was lucky, it may only be for a few days, while he got his head around what I'd told him. I went back downstairs with a heavy case and a heavy heart.

Ronald seemed surprised when I came back down with my case. 'Where are you going?' he asked.

'I'll find a hotel. Please call me when you decide what to do.'

'There's no need to go. I asked you to leave me alone to think, I didn't mean you should leave home. Put the case down and come and talk to me.'

I dropped the case and ran over to him. I threw my arms around him and tried to kiss him. It really hurt when he turned his head away.

He looked at me and saw my disappointment 'I'm sorry Sara, I'm not ready for that yet.'

I sat down next to him and he took my hand. 'I have a couple of questions for you. Will you answer me truthfully, even if it hurts?'

'Yes, I'll answer anything.'

'The second time when you were in possession of your senses, did you enjoy it?'

'Please don't make me answer that Ronald. Don't make yourself feel worse.'

'Well, I guess I've got my answer.'

'Alright, yes I did enjoy it but not because it was him. I liked what he did to me. I liked being powerless and dominated but all the time I knew it would be better if it had been you doing it.'

'So I don't meet your needs sexually.'

'That's not it at all. You are a wonderful lover and always leave me satisfied. It's just that sometimes I like to feel powerless. There are times when I'd like you to adopt the attitude you used to on the racetrack. You know, the I'm going to do what I want and you will just have to fit in with it, attitude. I never said anything because you are so good and so caring it seemed ungrateful to ask you to be more selfish.'

'You say you have no recollection of the first time, did you not think that he may have drugged you? That would make it rape you could have gone to the police.'

'Yes, I've thought of that since but at the time I was so upset, so ashamed, I didn't even think about how it had happened and the thought of being pregnant by him was repulsive. so that's what I dealt with. By the time I thought about the possibility of being drugged it was too late, the evidence was all gone.'

'I think I'd better go and let you think.'

'Go to him you mean.'

'NO,' I shouted back at him. 'That's why I quit, so I'd never have to see him again. That's why I'm telling you everything; I don't want him to have any hold on me.'

'Have you told his wife?'

'No, why should she be hurting like we are? She did nothing to deserve it.'

'And he gets away scot free?'

For the first time, I saw real steel in his eyes. It occurred to me that this was the look he had while racing. It made me shiver.

'Don't you see? I don't care what happens to him. If I never see him again it will be too soon. If him getting away with it is the price of us staying together then it's a price worth paying. Please don't do anything that endangers you or us.'

The look disappeared and he gave a little grin. 'Don't worry, I won't do anything to get me arrested.'

'What about us, if you don't want me to leave what do you want?'

'I haven't decided yet, but I don't see anything to be achieved by your leaving.'

I put the suitcase down next to the door to the garage. 'Okay, this stays here until you decide. I never want to lose you Ronnie, but if you want me to leave, I won't make a fuss. Do you want me to move into Anthony's old room?'

'Not unless you want to.'

I sat beside him and tried to take him in my arms but he stopped me. He took my hands and turned to look me in the eye.

'I knew, that you didn't love me, I knew.'

I started crying again. 'But I do Ronnie really I do.'

'I knew Anthony wasn't my son, well not biologically. You see I've been barren since I was seventeen. I told you I had a motorbike accident. I broke my pelvis. What I didn't tell you was that I did some severe damage to my reproduction department. They told me it might be operable in later years, but at the time we got married I was incapable of giving you children, I still am. I've loved you almost since the day we met. When we attended the same lectures, I used to sit a row behind you so I could watch you without you noticing. I hated that bastard McIntyre for the way he treated you. When he paraded you around campus, like a dog on a lead, it made me sick. When we got together, I knew it was because you were on the rebound but I didn't care. I accepted your pregnancy because I thought it would bind you to me, give me more time to make you love me. At the time, I never realised that accepting the baby as mine would rule out getting my problem fixed. I knew you wanted more I thought you would come clean and I would get checked out to see if I could be fixed. You never did own up and I couldn't own up without letting you know that I knew you had deceived me. You see you aren't the only one who's been living a lie and we've both suffered for it.'

I was taken completely by surprise he had known all those years and said nothing, As for Anthony, a boy never had a more devoted father. I started to feel angry; we could have had a proper family. How could he keep such a secret for so long? My anger turned to despair as I realised I had done exactly the same thing to him. I pulled my hands away.

'I think I'm going to bed. Are you coming?'

'I have a lot to think about, I'll be up later.'

* * *

The Burns unit Carlisle Hospital

19^th September

He was here again last night. At the end of what started out to be a good day.

The nurses were in at six again this morning. They washed me as usual. They didn't want me to do it myself yet. Not enough control in my hands apparently.

'Would you like a bath today, Robert?'

Yes, I'd finally managed to get them to call me Robert. Mr McIntyre sounded so formal.

'Sounds good to me, ladies. Will you be joining me?' They both giggled.

'One of us will have to help you, but it'll be a start on getting your independence. If you think your hands are up to taking your weight.'

That afternoon they came back with a wheelchair. They showed me how to get out of the bed and into the chair. It hurt like hell but I managed it. I felt a great sense of achievement. A while ago, I couldn't imagine being proud of getting out of bed but today, it made me happy. Nurse Evans wheeled me down to the bathroom. I was a surprisingly nervous when it came to stripping off.

The Nurse giggled, 'It's all right Robert, you haven't got anything I haven't seen before.'

I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt me but no woman had ever treated what I had to offer as ordinary. It came as a surprise to me and I felt uncomfortable. She pulled the side of the chair and I manoeuvred myself from the chair and into a sling attached to a hoist. She used the machine to lift and lower me into the bath.

'This will get easier Robert and you'll be able to get the equipment put into your house.'

I think this was intended to be encouraging, but it brought home the fact that I wouldn't be completely independent for a long time. By the time I got back to my bed the feeling of euphoria had evaporated leaving me depressed. Everything hurt except in the places where I had no feeling at all. I longed for sleep that night but at the same time, the thought that he might come to me again filled me with dread. As darkness fell, I did drift off to sleep. When I woke to find the overhead light on I knew he was there.