The Eden Project Pt. 01 Ch. 07

Chapter 7: Reset

Ellie just sat there, completely paralyzed by the bizarreness of that last statement. A baker's dozen competing thoughts jostled around in her head, but none of them could get their shit together long enough to formulate a coherent question.

Hannah removed the burden. "It's called The Eden Project."

"Pretty," Ellie said stupidly.

"There is a black site in the mountains of Wyoming," Hannah pressed on, taking advantage of Ellie's paralysis. "There are nearly 500 of us living there -- 93 adult recruits and 391 of our children ranging from twenty-three years old to -- well --" Hannah thought for a moment. "I think Bethany was due yesterday. Might have a surprise when I get back. There's a lot of babies these days; like three per month."

Hannah then smiled an earnest smile that caused Ellie to sink defensively into her booth. A somewhat conspiratorial grin. "I would be very happy if you came with me."

Ellie sat for a solid 45 seconds before she said anything. Hannah allowed it, sipping the last of her tepid coffee.

"I..." Ellie coughed a lump out of her throat. Her neck was hot with a distasteful cocktail of fear, grief, disbelief, anger -- too many emotions to identify individually. She could feel pit stains forming under the arms of her dress. "I'm gonna need you to explain a little bit more of this black site to me, because that sounds... weird."

Hannah nodded. "Sure. So I'll be blunt, yes. It's going to sound kind of freaky." She made eye contact with Ellie that said, are you sure you want to hear this? Ellie nodded, so she continued. "The recruits -- the folks who weren't born there, like myself -- come from many different backgrounds, and they contribute to the group according to their own strengths and weaknesses. We all do jobs ranging from construction, farming, livestock care, food prep, resource gathering... As well as things like administration, medicine, engineering, education, conflict resolution, and so on.

"The women who can bear children are asked to do so diligently. We try not to waste a cycle. Because..." Hannah said that word with an insistence designed to tamp down Ellie's expression of dismay, "We are endeavoring to build a colonist Reset Generation with as much genetic diversity as we can before time runs out."

"Reset... Generation..." Ellie repeated, wrapping her tongue around that strange phrase.

"Yeah," said Hannah. "That's the best way to describe it. Yeltsin isn't building rockets to go to Mars. That's the Buck Rogers fantasy that he fed the public. No. He's building ships to migrate this micro-generation to a neighboring star system that has a Goldilocks planet."

"That being...?" said Ellie.

"A planet that orbits in the habitable zone, like Earth." said Hannah. "Not too hot. Not too cold. Just right. Rocky, big enough to hold a thick atmosphere, and ripe for terraforming.

"These incredible kids are going to leave Earth in eleven years." Ellie could hear a prideful excitement in Hannah's voice. " They will have been educated and trained in everything they need to know to survive on an alien planet. They'll farm, they'll build, they'll invent, they'll take care of each other, they'll prioritize what's important. And ideally, they build humanity from the ground up.

"Our job is to prepare the Resets. The recruits don't get to go because a colony like that is only possible if the colonists have all been instilled with certain values and philosophies from day one."

"A mindless devotion to Fat Fyd?" Ellie quipped.

Hannah shot Ellie a look that said, Cute. "No, actually, that's one of the important points. No devotion to any kind of higher power -- real or fictional. The children aren't raised to believe in God. No omniscient holy saviors or human stand-ins for the same. To them, Yeltsin is just a person with a good idea, and he's just as susceptible to failure and weakness as anybody else."

"That's... interesting," said Ellie. She was biased by her distaste toward her own devout upbringing. "Can't say I hate that."

"I thought you might say that," said Hannah.

"Okay what else?" Ellie's curiosity was piqued for the moment.

"Firstly, a celebration of differences -- physical and mental -- and an unquestioned acceptance that someone you may have nothing in common with is still valuable to you and to society. Everybody has their place.

"Secondly, a full rejection of the concept of property." Hannah smiled at Ellie's reaction. "Yes, I guess you could say we're raising little communists. It is very important that we do not export our impulses for greed, exclusion, or possessiveness to this new world, for the sake of the colony's survival. And this, by the way, extends to possession of people."

"Oh good, you don't believe in slavery. I guess I don't have to ask," said Ellie sarcastically.

Hannah snorted. "It's not just that. It extends to traditional family roles." She leaned forward. "This answers one of the first questions you asked, way back at Luann's."

Ellie leaned forward as well, intrigued, despite her best judgment.

"Like I said, I've had children, but my children have dozens of mothers. I care for them all the time -- and so do the other men and women. I'm breastfeeding, but that's available to any child who happens to be hungry -- or..." Hannah paused, bracing for the reaction Ellie was about to have. "Generally anyone who wants it, for that matter."

Ellie's eyes went wide. Jesus. And as she processed the strangeness, she thought, Well that explains the volume.

"And the older Resets lend a hand with the childcare when they're mature enough. But none of us get married or go 'steady' or whatever. We avoid engaging in exclusive familial, sexual or romantic relationships."

"Wait," said Ellie. "So you guys just have sex with whoever whenever?"

"Yes," said Hannah, "Which segues into point three. We reject shame with regards to sex. That piece is key for building genetic diversity. Do whatever you want with whoever you want, mostly whenever you want."

"Ohhh, God..." Ellie put her face in her hands. This hit her like a freight truck, and the food in her stomach turned to concrete. "So I'm basically one of however-many-dozen people you're fucking right now. Great. Amazing."

Hannah grabbed Ellie's wrist and pulled one of her hands into a tight hold. "I'm sorry... I knew that one was going to be difficult for you."

"How many children do you have?" Ellie's voice was shaking.

"I have given birth to six so far, and they are happy and well cared for among hundreds of children who can trust any adult to nurture them."

Ellie pulled her hand away. "Please tell me the adults aren't having sex with the --"

"NO, no no no. GOD no," said Hannah. "We have the same rules as everyone else on that front. The resets and the recruits are on either side of a very strict boundary sexually. We don't do predatory relationships. Rest assured that is not happening."

Ellie remained silent, and not entirely because of disgust. She was distracted, beyond this particular concern, with a hot bubbling jealousy burning her insides.

"Though," Hannah added, "you should understand that we don't keep the older resets from playing and experimenting with each other in private. They have to keep reproducing, obviously. No recruits allowed. But they're raised without shame. Sex might as well be playing soccer, as far as they're concerned."

Ellie barely heard this. She stared at the sticky table. The betrayal was choking her.

"I'm so fucking stupid."

"Please don't speak to yourself that way," said Hannah, compassionately but firmly. "I would never let anyone speak to you like that. And you're not stupid. I kept things from you."

Ellie shot Hannah daggers. "Do you always fuck your recruits before you make them sign their lives away?"

"No," said Hannah. "I don't have sex with everybody I recruit. Chemistry doesn't always work like that. But it did this time. And need I remind you," Hannah pressed, "Look at me."

Ellie's gaze, which had drifted back to the table, returned to Hannah's intent green eyes.

"You can get up right this second, walk out of this restaurant, get in your car, and go home if you want. You're free to never see me again, and you will always have that choice. You have signed nothing away. All that's changed for you is knowing."

And why am I not taking that advice?

"Ellie, it's important to me that you understand that nobody is part of this project under duress. Even the Reset kids are allowed to leave if they want. They know what they're sacrificing if they do, but... yeah. They can leave. And the recruits can leave. And they're well supported if they do."

"It's not that," said Ellie. "Maybe it should be that. But it's not. I don't think."

"Then what's up?"

Ellie was ashamed to admit to herself that this black site, the intricate apocalypse story, the extreme strangeness of all of it -- though this made her feel selfish... Childish-- none of that stuff was nearly as upsetting as the fact that Hannah wasn't...

Hannah wasn't hers.

After everything they had shared.

"...So... " said Ellie, "Weirdness aside... I think logically I knew that this wasn't going to turn into a big romance... I didn't forget that you don't live here, that you have this crazy job that would make you nearly impossible to ... I don't know... have a relationship with, but... I guess knowing that I'm only one of a lot of people?"

Ellie sighed. She had never felt more like a naive virgin in her life.

"I guess I just thought I was as special to you as you were to me."

Hannah looked down at the fragments of her pancake and fidgeted with her knuckles. Ellie had finally said something that gave her pause.

A tiny tray clattered onto the table. The check. "Whenever you're ready," said Brittany the waitress. Her eyes said, Now, please. But she walked away.

Ellie looked around. The IHOP was picking up; the early morning crowd had started to trickle in. She pulled her phone out of her purse. 5:08am.

"Hannah... It's nearly dawn. I'm so tired." There was a simper in her voice she couldn't prevent. Tears threatened her. "I know you didn't try to hurt me, and... I... You... It's been nice. I guess it got a little weird, but.. I guess you kind of helped me see..." She took an uneven breath. "I really should just..." Obnoxiously, her voice had forced itself into a higher register.

Hannah took Ellie's hand again. "Do you remember earlier in the hotel when I said you felt like home, and you said you understood the feeling?"

Ellie nodded. She remembered the surge of desire when Hannah had pounced on her right after. And here, in this syrupy booth, she could see the tiredness in Hannah's eyes as well. They were bloodshot, and bags had begun to form.

"Imagine being around five hundred people who make you feel that way."

Ellie grimaced.

Hannah pressed on. "You are profoundly special to me. That's the point of all of this. We can't build what we're trying to build without people who are capable of that bond. You're perfect. I would be devastated to lose you. I mean, I would get past it... I have to get past it all the time." Hannah's voice hitched on that last sentence. "But I'm very glad when I don't have to."

A pleasant and wholly unwelcome warmth made its way through Ellie's heavy exhaustion and defensiveness. She started weeping.

"I just don't understand any of this," said Ellie, her mouth forced into a grotesque grin of heartbreak. "You're scaring me but I can't fucking walk away from you and it's pissing me off." She squeaked that last part more loudly than intended, and a few heads among the early birds turned to glance at her. She lowered her voice, took a moment to regain a semblance of control, and whispered with a trembling indignation:

"Why would I believe any of this? As far as I know, you're just a victim... or like a brainwashed recruiter for some kind of insane apocalyptic sex cult. You know that's what this sounds like, right? A cult."

Ellie meant for this to sting. She was feeling vindictive. But Hannah showed no sign of offense. She just nodded. "Yeah, okay. I can see how you'd get there." Then Hannah leaned forward again to make sure Ellie heard these words:

"But when's the last time you met an apocalyptic sex cult with proof?"

Hannah pulled a wad of cash from her back pocket and deposited a ten and a twenty onto the check tray while Ellie swiped shameful tears off her face. "Would you be open to coming back to the hotel with me?" she asked. "Not sex. Sleep. I would really like that, and I think we should talk more after we get some rest."

Ellie made no such commitment and said nothing, still seething -- but trailed pathetically after Hannah as they exited the IHOP. The early birds didn't hide their stares at the over-emotional little lesbian doggedly following her older lover.

As they stepped out into the morning air, Ellie realized that she had arrived at a crossroads moment. She could simply keep walking past the hotel and back to Luann's where her Corolla waited in the deserted parking lot. Ellie could even see it from here under the fluorescent street lamps -- a distant, beige escape pod. A chill ran down Ellie's spine.

If Hannah lets me go.

Her ballet flats smacked the pavement loudly as Ellie plodded after Hannah towards the hotel. Birds had begun to chirp and click amongst the sparse trees, responding to the weak light of dawn. If she was the unhinged cultist that Ellie thought she might be, then all of Hannah's "free to leave" assurances could be just another lie among countless others.

What others?

HAD Hannah lied to her? Well... Now that Ellie took inventory, she supposed she couldn't actually identify a single untruth from Hannah in these last twelve hours.

Save, of course, for all the crazy apocalypse bullshit. None of that is true...

But Ellie certainly felt lied to. She felt that Hannah had lied implicitly by ... well...

By being so intimate... affectionate... Loving, even. How can a person hold you like that while you cry, stare into your soul... have the nerve to make YOU feel so valuable when she's opening her legs to so many people?

Why didn't Hannah tell Ellie that she was having sex with other people?

She did.

Okay, but why not earlier? BEFORE the sex?

You didn't ask.

But she made Ellie sign that stupid contract before she finally opened up! Surely she could've given Ellie a heads-up that she was a free-wheeling fuck machine without shrouding it behind all of this confidentiality bullshit.

But still. You didn't ask. Not if she was single. Not before IHOP. You didn't ask because you didn't want to know for sure.

Did Hannah misrepresent herself? Only, she supposed, against Ellie's preconceptions. Until IHOP, Ellie assumed that Hannah was ... at least single? She'd already notioned that Hannah had some weird shit going on. That Ellie might just be a heated one-night stand during Hannah's work trip stopover, but that she was otherwise uninvolved...

An uninvolved woman who's lactating? Genius.

They were under the hotel portico, and Hannah turned around. "So what do you say? A few hours of sleep and then talk some more? I can ask for a late checkout."

Cut your losses. Just go. If she'll let you.

"You know what, Hannah, I think I need to go home," Ellie sighed after a moment.

Hannah's eyes fell, and Ellie realized how thoroughly non-threatening Hannah looked, bra-less in that blousy grey t-shirt, denim shorts, and faded high-tops. Nowhere to hide a bag to throw over Ellie's head. No bulges where a chloroform-soaked rag might be hidden. Just a dressed-down woman with beautiful freckles and unmanageable curls, who looked very sad.

"I completely understand. Can I have one last hug?"

Ellie allowed it, and Hannah wrapped her tightly in her arms. Again the comforting smell of grass, sweat, and bar soap. Ellie intended not to reciprocate the hug, but couldn't help herself.

"Please take care of yourself, and please be kind to yourself," said Hannah. She gave the nape of Ellie's neck a firm goodbye kiss.

Ellie nodded. Sleep deprivation had eroded all emotional fortitude, and a few tears leaked again. She pulled away from Hannah and began walking back to her car in the Luann's parking lot.

Fantastically, Ellie braced to be tackled to the ground, or to see an unmarked van come screeching around the corner while Hannah yelled, "Grab her!"

Nothing.

Ellie had reached the end of the fire lane and she looked back at the hotel portico. Hannah was sitting impotently on the smoker's bench watching her go, elbows on her knees and arms crossed on her lap. She responded to Ellie's look by raising a hand and waggling her fingers in farewell.

She looked back at her Corolla, gleaming in an early morning sun that would soon scorch. The little car that would take her back... home? No, the studio apartment that made do for the time being.

Back to dodging calls from Pete and her family.

Back to appeasing a loud-mouthed moron at work.

How very much she had to lose...

God dammit.

Heart pounding, Ellie turned around and marched back in Hannah's direction. Hannah watched her approach, and she beamed.

"Forget something?" said Hannah when Ellie got back under the portico.

"Shut up," said Ellie, grinning. She led the way through the automatic front doors.

Hannah stopped at the front desk to request the late check-out. Ellie's frisson of excitement at continuing to indulge Hannah ... And herself... And for now, wherever strange and exciting places that might lead... Was overhauled by a new wave of profound exhaustion once they stepped into the elevator.

Hannah grasped Ellie's hand as they walked down the hallway, and Ellie gave a deep yawn that Hannah copied while she unlocked 217.

Ellie stumbled toward the bed and absently kicked off her flats. Though she wasn't cold, she was so tired she was shivering. A low headache was breaking through the Tylenol. She didn't bother taking off her dress, and climbed under the covers. The pillows and sheets were damp with cum and milk. She was too tired to care.

"You can go to sleep, need to pump real quick. I'll try to be quiet," said Hannah, pulling off her shirt. In the dark hotel room, Ellie watched Hannah's silhouette against the light coming from the bathroom. Her tits were noticeably more swollen than before they left.

Though she could barely keep her eyes open, Ellie bit her lip. "No. Come here. I want it."

Hannah smiled with exhausted eyes. "Really? ...Thank you."

She slid into bed and rolled toward Ellie. Ellie cuddled up to Hannah's soft body under the covers and drank from her nurturing breasts while Hannah stroked her hair and purred, occasionally planting a soft kiss on Ellie's temple. Ellie's shivering ceased. Hannah's warmth was complete and enveloping.

She listened to Hannah's breath and pulse slow steadily -- and finally, the fingers on her scalp went limp. Hannah's breathing devolved into soft snoring. In turn, Ellie too was carried into a deep, heavy sleep.