All Comments on 'The Envelope - a 750 Word Story'

Ouch!

I LIKE IT! Short and sweet and definitely right to the point

Ahhh that's it..

Ouch that’s gotta hurt

Really liked the way you put this story together, good work. I also wish the best for your wife’s recovery. Had not read the Jack and Diane saga previously have now done so and eagerly await for your next chapter. Take care.

I will never understand why an author writes such a short story. In all of them, I think I've read 2, maybe 3 that actually qualify as a story.

Pt2

Could have been great, but needed another couple of paragraphs!

Continued well wishes for your wife's recovery. Hope their is another chapter.

Saw it coming but still like the ending

I'm afraid I could see that coming a mile off but it was a nice try.

While the sterile husband/pregnant wife isn't a familiar plot device, the envelope and it's assumed contents leading up to it was a good twist. The contents didn't contain his notice and severance as expected. It's a good thing he didn't lose his job, because he will need to buy new furniture when he moves out.

Ouch

Short and sweet!

4

Very short story, but it was enough, well written, proper grammar and all that. At first, I thought he got fired, man was I wrong. nice little story.

Its good as it is...but it really needs a follow up. In my opinion the parents should disown the wife and the husband should definitely divorce the wife on grounds of infidelity and also find the arsehole who the wife was fucking and give her to him and tell him she is his problem.

Ugh.

One more page. Just one more page and it could have had an appropriate ending.

It started well then the writer ended it at the right part where it would have been the MEAT of the story. But you ended it. I hope one of the good writers will pick up where the writer left off.

/

I hope you and your wife are doing okay in spite of everything else. I do hope for your wife's fast recovery. Take care both of you. Pray. I know GOD will help.

Wasted a good story set up with this dumb 750 word challenge. The most interesting part of the story is what happens after Mike’s announcement.

Needs a part

Been done many times before so i think a 750word effort like this is best way to present your attempt. I liked it.

Nice little story, but one simple word makes your setup a little unfair!

Mike's news needs to be dealt with "financially"?

^

Wait, I get it! This must be what we now call "misinformation", or a "distraction".

I guess that DOES work, sometimes. I suppose that's why it's done.

Well, that was different. Not bad, just different.

И это всё? Отстой полный

Turns out that she was trying even harder that he was to get pregnant.

Now...FTDS

Needs to be finished!!! Certainly not worth the read!!!!!

That was clear as water.....

Well done. D

750 words- you covered it all. Great job! Really enjoyed it! Thanks!

I dont much care for 750 word gambit as I myself am a bit wordy. But this piece hasn't even begun. The story really starts after he shares envelope, but you used that as the punchline.

Oh dear!!!

Somewhat predictable

4/5

nice, quick follow up story could be fun!

"I know there are those that don't like the 750 word story format, but I find it particularly enjoyable. It's a challenge to try and get the reader at least a little emotionally invested with so few words. It's not what many would consider a 'complete' story, so it allows the reader to draw their own conclusions as to how the story ends." - Actually, your story IS complete! It end with a cliff-hanger, but DOES have an ending. Too many 750-word stories are simply chopped off.

This was fun, with a REAL twist. I thought the envelope was his last check, that he was laid off. Unlike many "twist" stories where the main character actually knows the twist, nothing in the narration made it seem like HE was surprised.

Sorry, but that is not how this works. That is not how any of this works.

If any story needed many chapters, this is one....

Mama also said alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

Good job. Maybe you could have had Tom, the father in law, open and read the envelope??

.

4 ****

OOOOH, someone's been a naughty girl! And to let the cat out of the bag in front of her parents -- priceless!

A somewhat recent story used the plot device of unreported rape as the reason a husband finds his wife give birth to a black man's baby. She didn't report the rape because a gang had her personal info and promised to kill her and her husband if she reported the rape, so she didn't. Wife here might have the same excuse.

So the setup in this story was good, but it was not a story. How about instead of sterility, the husband has a DNA report that shows not only is he sterile, but he also happens to be his wife's half brother. Wonder what her Mom or Dad would have to say about that? Like Mother like Daughter? In fact I think that would have been a better setup and conclusion.

But thanks for your effort.

That'll do! Not a wasted word. I spent the story expecting the envelope to contain a PI's report, but this was far better. Good story. Good job!

Oops!

Works for me.

Even though you kinda waste words explaining the envelope - most readers will figure out what it was after Mike's outburst. It would have also be more impactful if the MC walked away from his family-in-law, leaving the envelope, and they themselves figure out what was up after reading it - I don't know, 'sound more dramatically satisfying this way.

But, as I said before - it works. Thanks for the share, author.

Decent story but 750 word story leave a lot to be desired.

The (mis)direction was obvious, but very well-told, and perhaps the most effective use of the 750 genre.

Uh-huh.....and just HOW did this set them back 'financially'??

I'm sure this has happened many times.

Good start, but a lot more to tell. Doubtful that they will stay together. This can easily be expanded through their divorce and him finding a single mother to have a life with. As far as Michelle goes, no way she can sugar coat it. She'll have 3 options - being a single mother, giving the baby up for adoption, or abortion. She's going to be divorced, and she will lose a lot of respect from her parents. That's going to suck when she will have to live with them. FDTS!

Absolutely one of the best under 750-word stories I have read on this site. Congratulations!

Gave you 4 stars for the attempt. I know it said it all, and left us readers knowing. The reveal in front of the parents was a good touch. Until the end I thought he had been fired.

The one star deduction was because I'd just like to see a subject like this treated with a little more depth.

Glad to hear your wife is on the mend and wish you both the best. I like 750 word stories, but few writers on the site can pull them off. It’s challenging to have so little space to convey a complete story. I think you did a great job with this take - well done. 5*

<smile> This was good.

Predictable, didn't need 75 words, let alone 750

short and sweet

I think there was much more to write, and the 750 words structure destroyed your story.

Live 750 word stories. I'm so tired reading about someone's college career 10 years before.

Almost kept the deception going; thought he got sacked since there was no reference to doc appointment only work. I thought work gave him the letter. But as soon as 'fertility clinic' came into the story the deception was over (and predictable).

\

Cunny ya need to keep the fertility/pregnancy to the last sentence to keep the deception/twist alive and then slam it home for a best affect.

\

Now the big question will the Courts still hold him accountable for child support after the divorce since they were married even though he's not capable of insemination? Remember, USA Courts are all about the 'child' NOT truth in fairness nor man's moral/logical rights.

\

So did her parents take her home with them? I'm sure supper was a bust.

\

5*, Hooyah, BTB I hope.

very predictable

Oh Crap!

Great story for the 750 word category.

Enjoyed it. I usually see them coming, not this time.

Should be considered a classic 750 word story. Nicely done! Five stars ⭐️ for this one.

I like the 750 word format. It disciplines an author to not waste words, and focus on what is essential to a story. This was nicely done. 5 stars

(( SMASH!!! )) Now take your kid and get the fuck out.

________________________________________________

What is it with Wargamer? ..... "Somewhat predictable" ??! WTF did he want him to do?.... UNEXPECTEDLY kill her and her parents and then burn the house down??

Pretty good. Reading about the fall out would be interesting, yet I knew it was 750 words when I started.

Four stars.

One of the best 750's I've read, well done! Now BTB down (in 750 words of course)!

not bad, but you could see it coming...

Burn her

Surprise!!

Boooooom! (Mic drop)

My personal preference is for the drama of the fallout. None here so nothing really for me to sink my teeth into. It was well written and hit the button on what the format should be so I will give it a 4 but I like the drama surrounding the fallout much more than the explosive reveal.

Another comment just sparked an idea, apparently others prefer the story after the reveal as much as I do. How about you write another 750er and this one is the immediate aftermath of the reveal. You get 4 characters intimately involved here to play with so 750 might be really tough but I'm sure that gramma and dear ole granddad would love to know who is the father of their soon to be grandchild.

Damn. So who's the daddy? 5*.

Nicely done in 750 words, leading us to think of redundancy and a neat twist.

Just another whore that needs to be punted back to the streets for trying to pass off an affair baby to somebody else. Find someone worthy of your time, your protection, and your financial backing gentlemen, if not kick them loose. They would do the same to you for something far less egregious.

Writing's not bad, but this plot point has been used so often in LW that having it as the big reveal at the end was anticlimactic. It was so obvious that I thought the story might be leading to an actual unexpected twist by 'subverting expectations', but in the end, it just stuck to the normal plan.

Using 750 words and a story in the same sentence shall be illegal.

Write 6 or 7 750 word stories and you might find we've written an actual story.

To quote Waylon Jennings, "Wooops!"

It was ok, been done to death though.

I will say if it could have been longer it might have been able to be something.

Still better than the garbage the mentally ill have dumped on us over the weekend.

Short, sweet and point made. The "if you can't say anything nice don t say nothing at all" was Thumper's mum i think, from Bambi a classic Disney cartoon from 1940's. Thanks for your work.

Hahahaha! Nice short and I sincerely hope your wife is doing better.

WOW

A taunt story in a tiny package. What a absolutely horrible day for everyone.

Despite claims that this was cliche, I thought he had lost his job. So by the time its obvious it all out in the open.

5 stars

Busted in 750 words.

1*.

A good story, but as almost all 750 word stories, the aftermaths are for the readers to imagine them...3*

If that was it.... then..... *

Great idea and twist. Had to give you 5 stars.

Start

of

a

Story

please finish

Sad.

Michelle Was so excited! I’m pregnant!

Mike, what's wrong? I don't understand?

Mike: I’m sterile!

Michelle opps…

what a day to learn that she had cheated

You were right, it was short and quick. No complaint, it was executed almost perfectly. But we didn't get a chance to get invested in either of the protagonists.

Yawn, nothing new here, been done to death and I believe done much better!

Hackneyed plot that's been too many times before.

Oops!

Will somebody please do a study on why people, who hate 750 word story’s, read 750 word stories! Are they simpletons? Were they dropped on their heads?

Hhmmm. Something's amiss here. Mom & Dad just got served a "shit sandwich" for dinner. LP

Gee….was there anyone at all who didn’t see that coming?

Way too predictable. If you are going to do a 750 word challenge, then by all means, be challenged. This was like phoning it in.

Boom!! Nicely done.

Well executed

Well aint that a big oopsie for the wifey