All Comments on 'The Fallen Cross Ch. 01'

It is good that you have begun writing, but the writing is dreadful by my standards.

You use words in a manner for which they were not intended. "A pang shot up my arm." Really?

There are too many adjectives and too little straight forward story. The last sentence and the last paragraph are really representative of the excess of adjectives.

"The sharpening kicked up again, the sounds rang with a vigilance..." The words are English, the writing is not.

"An overcoming dizziness grasped and wrangled my mind..."

I wonder if English is a second language for you.

Not at all sure what to recommend. You might try writing a simple narrative and allow only one verb and one or perhaps two adjectives per sentence.

It's too brief. The writing is unusual. Prob as bly not from an individual whose first lanquage is not an American English speaker. But, in the few words written, a mood is set and there is founation for character development. Stay with it, you've got promise. Be well.