All Comments on 'The Family Mansion Rewrite Pt. 01'

God, that was dire, it read as if it was written by a ten year old, sorry, but please no more.

I was thinking the same as the first commenter. I even checked the writer's ratings for their stories and felt safe stepping into this one.

I was wrong. If this was improved from the first try on this story, there's no way I'm going to read the first one. I had to choke down 3 pages of this one before my self-preservation instinct kicked in and forced me to stop.

How did you garner so many followers and high-ish ratings of this is an example of your writing?

From a late bloomer at 16 to a EE chest? Right. Put this into the fantasy category.

I understand what you’re trying to do but if you want the readers to enjoy it you’ll have to add a little more excitement. If the next chapter is like this one, you’ll lose readers.

I throughly enjoyed your first series but thought it needed to be continued. I hope you don’t just stop again when you’ve just added new characters and situations.

add another male character in story

build orgy nudist scenes

If this is the rewrite I’d hate to have seen the original. Really bad, needs a LOT of work.

I've read the original and I like that you explain more about Liz's early development. Still the whole mansion is odd. I will definitely read more of the rewrite.

Continue the other story please. The rewrite is not so good.

The characters are appear generally underdeveloped and many actions come out of the blue without any real motivation or reason, other than to move the story along.

Can’t wait for the next episode

Interesting story, looks like it could progress many different ways. Looking forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.

the rewrite is better than the first so far. more detailed