All Comments on 'The Family Outing Ch. 02'

I lost track of who was doing what and when what was going on in the story was taking place.

What the characters are doing to each other and what they're doing to each other wasn't always clear in some parts. Suggestion: When you write the next chapter (and I know writing isn't always easy) try including more dialogue with your characters. It may help. More dialogue.

the sex scene was good. needs a little more tease.