The First and Last Time

I knock, gingerly, upon the white door with the crooked bronze 5 on it. The peep hole is higher up than my head. I stand back. My breath caught in my throat. My cheeks burning. I've been anticipating this for weeks. Since you first showed an interest in me. Burning to be consumed by you.

My feet are soaked, damn that puddle of water outside of your building. But I'm excited. My heart is pounding in my chest. My palms are sweaty. I wipe them on my velvet pants-- my comfort outfit chosen to make sure I was as relaxed as possible when my eyes would first meet yours. I take a deep breath, hear you moving towards the door. I remember nearly tripping up the staircase leading to your apartment door.

Will he like me? What if I'm not what he thinks I am? Is this going to be okay? What if I don't like him? What if we're not good for each other? Is it possible that he's just as he seems? We've been speaking for weeks. I want this. I need this I...

The door opens. You're so tall. I feel my eyes watering, taking you in. Your absinthe-green eyes. Your mussed hair. You're dressed all in black. I like that. I like it so much my brain gives me fireworks. I put my hand to my hair, I look directly at you. "Hi." You say hi back, you give me a hug. I breathe you in for the first time. You smell clean. Like soap and man. And perfect. I nuzzle your chest before pulling back.

You smile. Maybe laugh a little bit. Lead me into your apartment. I take my shoes off immediately, not wanting to get your floor all messed up by my wet, soaked sneakers. You sit on the bed. Then you say "Come here, Kitten"

I give you deer-in-headlights and you chortle, chuckle, and say it again. I move slowly and carefully, to your bed. I unzip my red hoodie, also made of velvet material. Reveal the pink tank top I'm wearing with the hearts I drew on the bottom. You look over me, approvingly. My heart starts hammering again. I feel nervous. Like this can't be real. But it is, you're here. I'm there. And...

You look at the place in front of you on the bed. Then back at me. Tell me to come here again. I move closer, within arms reach of you. You take my pants and panties off in one foul swoop. I sit down. You remove my tank top. My bra.

I'm laid bare before you. I cough, nervous, again. I look at you, smiling. I can't contain how happy I am but I'm still SO nervous. I inch closer to you.

Memory fails me at this point. I know you got undressed too. I was cold. I was wet. You put my soaked socks on the heater. We got under the covers. Cuddled for a while. Then you started touching me. And I lost it. Not in a bad way.

Moaning with your attention, my hands shaking. Yearning desire taking hold of me. All I want is to be yours. But this isn't right. This is the first time I met you. I should be. Doing something else. Talking. Not giving into this insatiable desire to have you... inside me.

I relax into you and you begin to tell me what to do. I like it. I thought it'd be a struggle, my first time submitting to someone in the flesh. But it feels... perfect? Right? Like I've wanted this my whole life.

In the midst of our playing you mention how you haven't used the cat tail on me yet. I freeze, nerves taking me over again, and you smack my ass, playfully.

Then your fingers find my pussy. Slowly patting and petting, inserting first one finger, then another. I'm not wet yet, but I can feel... something... building. You tease my labia. My taint. You touch everywhere but my clitoris, and it's driving me insane. I'm moaning, writhing, wriggling, wanting. And then you stroke me there and I explode into feelings of YES, OH GODS, YES. PLEASE. MORE.

My brain starts imploding on itself, thoughts of what if you don't like my pussy? What if I'm ugly. What if.. what if... what if... then you move your head between my legs. You tell me to spread myself open for you. I comply. Your tongue begins to work its magic and... it feels like no one has ever done this to me before. It overwrites trauma and awful and aches. But I'm a bundle of nerves and can't be pushed over the threshold into an orgasm. I'm sopping wet. I'm embarrassed. I'm self-conscious. I'm trying to enjoy myself...I'm starting to let go.

You put my hand on your cock and I stroke it a little bit. What I really want to do is lick it, and suck it, and see if I can put it in my mouth all the way. Almost like magic, we're maneuvered in such a way that I do what I want. And I do this for a little bit before...

You break me out of my nervousness, and my brain starts to stop its incessant and unending thoughts and then you tell me to get on all fours. I don't know what you're going to do. I hear you rummaging around. I don't even look. I know it has to be something to do with that tail.

I'm terrified and horribly aroused at the same time. This vicious WANT dances in my head. I hear you open a bottle. I don't know what it is. I find out it's lube, rather quickly. I feel your fingers, pressing around my anus and I shudder.

I've never experienced anal and enjoyed it. I am trusting that this wont be horrible. Then you push the plug end of the tail into me and all I feel is "ouch, ouch, ouch" but you make me ride the pain out. You play with it. Moving it in and out. Then in and out. And suddenly I feel the muscles relaxing. And a moan escapes me. You make a noise, approvingly, as if you've just discovered a secret. And then move me against you, spooning me, keeping the tail in.

I get so relaxed eventually the tail comes out on its own. Before that though, you fuck me with it and it feels so good I think I'm losing. Something. Important. But I stop caring. I want your hands on me. I want this inside of me. The tail tickles my ass, my thighs, and my mind.

We spoon again and you keep touching me. And I feel myself unwinding. This constant ache of not-being-wanted-or-good-enough easing. The tail eases itself out of me by itself. Then you tell me to get back on all fours again. And before I can think, before my brain starts up again, you're inside of me. And it feels perfect. So good. I don't want it to stop. But I know it will.

When you finish, you clean me up a little bit. We spoon again. I think we pass out for a little while. Or we watch some youtube videos. And we watched them? Everything is so blurry. I feel so good and I came so many times. And all I keep thinking is I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. But I don't want to ruin this. I want to stop being so insecure. So I try to clamp down on it.

The rest of the evening is... perfect. We sleep together. I have night terrors but every time I wake up from them, there you are, like a never ending source of comfort. I start to cry. You're still sleeping. Making noises here and there that make me feel more relaxed. My arm keeps twitching though and it's making it hard to fall back to sleep. Each time I awake, and I try to move away a little bit, your arm around me tightens and draws me back. And this does more insane things in my head. It makes the panic go away. I slide back into sleep.

I never want this to end. But I know our time is almost up. You have to work and I have to go back home. When will I see you again playing over and over again in my mind.

I can't wait to come back. I can't wait to fall into you again. And leave the world behind.

I want to say "I love you, Daddy" but it's too soon for love. And it scares me I feel so intensely after only one instance.

I'm just a little girl. And all I want is a Daddy who loves me. At this moment, if you never love me, I know I'll live. But I hope above hope that this blossoms into the rest of my life. I want you more than I want oxygen. I burn for you more than I yearn for anything else.

And this is just the first time.