All Comments on 'The First First'

Very bad English

No build up or Story

The story seemed to be all build-up. I enjoyed it. However the "she" in the second-last sentence doesn't seem consistent. I first assumed it should have been "he". But maybe you could find some way of stressing that it is "she" and shocking the reader when they realise the "he" of the rest of the story is really a female.