All Comments on 'The First Night'

But disappointing.

She put her hand on his cock. He put his cock in her pussy. Boom! Not the least bit erotic.

You're not permitting voting, so I couldn't vote. If I could have voted I'd have given it one star.

Not too bad for your first story. You need to work on the length though as this was just too short to really get into it. 2 or 3 pages is good. Now this story seems like there is much more that could happen between these two and I just love a hot sibling romance. Go for it.

No voting? WTF! There are tons of criticism comments due but the one main thing was your story was WAY too short. No buildup, not much description of your characters, sex was not adequately described, and on and on. If you produce a sequel entry, you had best develop enough storyline to take at least two or three pages. I'm going to make a note of your name and watch for more of your work. I'd like to see how much of the commented suggestions you heed.

are always difficult and intimidating for a person not trained or experienced as a writer. Don't give up! See if you can find an editor to help with writing mechanics. Transferring a story in one's head to the written word is harder than one thinks. But, if you have a story to tell, tell it. The more you write and listen to the criticisms you will become better at the telling. Above all, don't get discouraged! My vote would have been a 3.

You've written a nice story for as far as it goes. A bit more of a set-up at the start that shows how they gradually came to get together would help, too. But having rather speedily moved to a climactic moment, you now will face the challenge of maintaining their interest and our interest. This story could go in various directions, and it would be enjoyable to see how you proceed.

Needs a lot of work!

A good first attempt. For future submissions I suggest that you build up to where you started this story. For example, how did things get this far? Did she flirt with him in front of their parents? Cuddle on the couch while watching TV? How long has she had a crush on him? Did he also have a crush on her that he wouldn't admit to himself? etc.

Sorry, but it’s simply not believable as written.

I do agree with most of the prior comments in as much as you should be a bit more descriptive of the characters and their exploits. This would have made the story a bit longer without any real extra effort. Try a rewrite, and notate the rewrite status behind the title. I really liked the story, so I may have given a 4, maybe.

I think you "know" a lot more about your characters in your head. Unfortunately all the reader knows is what you write. Good first story, but remember to tell your readers everything they need to know. The more they know your characters, the more they will be invested in your story.

I really enjoyed the innocence and directness of your story. Background material fluffs up a story, but is not necessary. Keep on Keeping On! Good Work! - I would give 5 stars, if I saw a place to post them. Thanks.

Please do write a follow up

How old are these two sexy siblings? Give this young man a bit of sexy chest hair for his mature, masculine body -- he seems a very sexy young man!

A great thrill story, really hope there is a follow up written.

The only thing I would say to enhance it further would be consider slowing it down a bit and a bit more detail but def want more!

Not much plot. But ok.

Take some time and develop a plot

Ok

Hate that this was a one and done. Not just this story but no others. Thanks for this effort.