The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

We sat and pondered the menu. We laughed when we both chose the same item- Spaghetti Carbonara. I was so nervous, but I was almost relieved to see Nick was too. "So, Nick, you finally went and did the music therapy?" I tried to break the ice.

"I did after someone gave me the push I needed 12 odd years ago, but I think I need to start before that." Nick started. "I came into the classroom a month after my marriage ended and started strumming those chords on the guitar and when you actually started singing I almost cried. I had sung that song to my then girlfriend just after we had first had sex, however she was not very musical and I don't think she understood the passion behind the song."

Nick went onto explain that he had been married for 6 years to Jill. She was a maths teacher he met when they were doing their diplomas together. Nick described Jill as an absolute beauty. I was almost jealous of his talk of her long legs, silky long hair and button nose.

"Jill wanted children, but I wasn't keen. I wanted to travel," Nick continued, "but it really was on a trip to Southern America when I realised that we really had little in common. I wanted to visit Jazz clubs and listen to music and she wanted to shop. She had no interest in visiting museums and galleries. I realised that although the sex might have been great, there was little else."

Our meals arrived and for a while we ate. We both loved the pasta and agreed when we said it was close to our own carbonara recipes. I was surprised to hear that Nick cooked as Rob had never ever cooked me anything. I decided it was my time to open up.

"I started at uni knowing my marriage was on the rocks. I had to be honest and say that I was not sad that I had been unable to fall pregnant," I started, "I knew I wanted to be a nurse, but what surprised me most was the music course, your music course. I felt alive for the first time in a very long time."

I went on to explain that I had been shocked when the pregnancy test came back positive in the semester break and how I wanted to share my news with Nick, but he was merely my lecturer.

"Nick, I thought I felt a connection, right from when you first strummed those chords. It was like the music went straight to my heart," I explained. "I thought I had a crush on you. When Rob and I would have sex, I would think it was you and wonder what having sex with you would be like. I honestly cried to myself when I found out I was pregnant as I knew it meant nothing would come of us. I wanted to take your jazz history class, but I couldn't bring myself to go back to that campus and face you."

I went on to explain that after my marriage ended, I moved to be closer to my parents and had only recently moved back to the city.

"The year after you were in my class, Sarah, it was so wrong. It was like the other years had been. The students liked music, and many were talented, but I don't think they got me! I was some weird music lecturer who would play weird chord progressions and burst into song. I saw the year out and handed in my notice. I had a failed marriage and I thought I had lost you too because you were so right, there was a connection. When I hugged you at the last class, I wanted to scream stay with me, but I could not take a baby from its father."

Nick explained about moving interstate to study his passion, music therapy. "I had a string of relationships, most lasting six weeks maximum," Nick explained. "But none of them meant anything. My heart wasn't in it. It was my last girlfriend, Rose, who asked me outright who had broken my heart because she knew it definitely wasn't Jill. She told me to come home and seek you out."

My hands were in my lap. I wanted to reach out and hold Nick's hand, but I was too scared to. Both of us declined the waiter's offer of desert. Despite my protestations, Nick insisted on paying for dinner.

As we stood to leave my phone was ringing. I looked and saw it was Jess and knew I needed to take the call. I excused myself and walked outside. Jess really wanted a chat. She was telling me about her flute teacher telling her she lacked talent and how she wanted to just give up. Nick had joined me outside the restaurant at this stage and could see I was upset. I wanted to console my beautiful daughter but she was two hours away. I was so angry that Jess was doubting her abilities. I thought she had immense talent at flute, piano and voice and she had received a scholarship.

"Jess, sweetie, would it be ok if I emailed Ms Tracey and asked her opinion tomorrow? I trust her and she might have more suggestions on the way forward." I was finding it hard to know what to do. Eventually her friend came to her and dragged her away from the phone, but I was unsettled.

"Girl trouble?" asked Nick.

"Worse," I replied, "Flute teacher trouble,"

I explained what had happened. Nick was so angry for Jess. I suggested we go for a walk in the gardens near the restaurant. We did and sat down at a bench near a duck pond. I wanted to reach out and grab Nick's hand and hold it and ask him to cloak me with his arms in a huge hug, however I was so nervous.

"Nick this all seems almost serendipitous. I mean, I know working as a music therapist you were bound to cross paths with nurses, but this isn't the only hospital in the city, there are dozens more."

Nick leant over and took my hand in his stroking my fingers. "I've never been able to work out how old you are. I know you have a 13-year-old and you had been trying for a while to conceive, but you don't look older than 30!"

I laughed, "I turn 40 in a few months, and hey, what about you? I doubt you are that much older than me?" I queried.

"Um, I'm 45 and I'm beginning to feel old. My Dad died when he was 47 of a heart attack and I have been feeling my own mortality for some time. Anyway, back to you, after your divorce, you must have had lots of guys chasing you."

I explained that I had been on a few dates, but no one had really taken my fancy. I told Nick that I had been happy by myself, plus I had had Jess most of the time.

Nick seemed to have trouble believing me, "But you exude sex appeal, you are the epitome of sexiness and your voice alone..." Nick trailed off. I was blushing uncontrollably.

"I've never ever seen myself as being sexy and apart from Jess, you're the only one who's heard my voice lately, well apart from the oldies today! You know, you may drop dead in 2 years like your dad did, but I would like to think that we may have spent 2 enjoyable years together, plus I'm a nurse and I demand you go see a GP for a check-up ASAP!"

Nick was still holding my hand and his blue eyes were gazing into mine, "Sarah, today was really the first time we have ever spent time alone. We had class time with all the other students, but I was keen not to invite you into my office because I knew I found you so desirable that I wanted to throw you on my piano and make love with you."

I was shocked at his words. I had never thought of myself as desirable.

"Sarah, I've enjoyed spending time with you today and tonight and I think I'd like to see you again sometime if you are up for it. The last 12 years I have been searching for a woman just like you and now that I've found the actual you, I think you are right, and we owe it to each other to see if perhaps there is something there. And hey, there may not be and in a few days or weeks or months you may decide that perhaps our banter in the classroom was better than dates alone as single available people, but we won't know if we don't try."

I turned to face Nick as he turned to face me, and our lips met for the first time. It was gentle and tender, and it was very, very nice. As we broke away I started giggling, "We've been around in circles over the last few minutes Nick Lawrence, why couldn't we both have said as we left the restaurant, 'Gee it's nice to see you again, let's see if we can make something of it?'" Nick was laughing too, and he leant in for another kiss. We exchanged numbers and were on our way. I agreed to text Nick and tell him the next weekend I was free.

As soon as I got to my car I decided to text. 'Hey N, I'm still smiling over those kisses- I think our lips like each other. I'm working afternoon shift the next three days and then Friday off then Saturday morning- I drew the short straw with this week's roster it would seem, but I then have Sunday and Monday off.' I wanted to continue, however I knew I had to stop.

By the time I got home I had received a reply from Nick 'Wow speedy! You are right about the kisses- I felt the earth move in my hand. Can I please book in dinner on Saturday- I'm happy to cook and I'd also love to spend time with you Sunday- there's a new exhibition opening at the city gallery I'd like to see, but I understand if you don't like galleries.'

I smiled getting the song reference. I simply replied, 'Both sound lovely. Oh and 'Like the trembling heart of a captive bird, That was there at my command my love.' Good night x'

Of course, I was wondering if he assumed that I would stay the night on Saturday and I was not sure how I felt. He had mentioned a couple of times that evening that he wanted to take me, at one stage mentioning he wanted to make love with me, and I suddenly felt very inexperienced. I tossed and turned for a lot of the night and worried that things were moving too fast. I thought back to the times Rob was having sex with me and I was dreaming it was Nick and hoped that perhaps sex with Nick might be a little different.

Fortunately I was working a late shift and I received another text from Nick mid-morning, 'Sarah, see if you can find out who Jess's flute teacher is- s/he sounds like a tool!' It reminded me that I did need to email Tracey. Being a school email I did not want to go into a lot of personal details, however I mentioned that Jess had been upset at something her flute teacher had said and I would like it if she might be able to shed some light on the matter. I did add a PS that I had had dinner with Nick Lawrence the night before and we were hoping to catch up this weekend.

It did not take long for Tracey to reply. She gave me the name of the flute teacher and said that she had a reputation for being far too hard on her students. She also mentioned that she was starting to tutor flute again and would be willing to check with the head of music to see if she could take over Jess's tutelage. She rang me as well and I had to laugh as she started with "Sarah and Nick, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" She wished me good luck for the weekend, "Although you won't need it if he is half as into you as he was in class you have nothing to worry about!" Of course, the main reason for her call was to say that the head of music was thrilled that she had offered to take over Jess's flute lessons.

I messaged Nick to thank him telling him of the result and the name of the other flute teacher. As I was checking my phone before my shift I saw another reply from Nick- 'It all makes sense- she was a nasty piece of work at the Conservatorium when I was there and for her to be telling students they have no talent is really rough coming from her. Let's just say it probably wasn't her marks that got her that degree.'

On Thursday as I arrived at work and received my assigned ward I was concerned- they were sending me to the Mental Health ward. I knew that with pool work they could send us anywhere, however until this stage I had avoided Mental Health. It had been years since I had worked on a Mental Health ward and I knew I would be out of my depth. I reported for duty and was greeted by some very grateful staff who were so lovely and filled me in on some of the happenings. They also told me that later on in the afternoon a music therapist was coming along to play music with the clients.

Janine, one of the nurses I was working with turned to me, "Oooh you need to meet this therapist! He has the curliest hair, a smile that you swoon over and a butt you just want to squeeze!" I knew exactly who she was talking about and smiled. He really did have a lovely butt.

The clients on the ward were lovely. As I was new a few of them tried to put things past me, however I was switched on enough to know to check their stories. I was laughing with Mark who apparently had been in and out of the unit for years when I heard "Now Mark, I've told you time and time again to find me a sexy nurse and it looks like you have finally come through with the goods!" I turned around and shook my head at Nick trying not to laugh.

Nick had quite the following on the ward. He brought his guitar and so many of the clients gathered around. I was surprised. Soon they were all requesting songs. One client took Nick's guitar and started strumming it, but Nick did not seem to mind. He had tambourines and shakers and bongo drums and speakers with an iPad attached to Wifi. Sometimes he would sing the songs with the clients, sometimes they would listen through the speaker and dance. I could see Nick had found his calling. He was amazing with them.

They had been singing for well over an hour. I was able to be there for a lot of the time yet was called away at times. Janine turned to me at one stage and said "See, I told you he is one sexy bugger, I'd love to know if he's married."

As innocently as I could manage, I replied "Yes, I saw him the other day on the dementia ward and I think he is seeing someone."

"Pity," replied Janine, "I mean that butt is dying to be squeezed!"

We both laughed. But I did have to agree with her. I walked in as they were singing the Dolly Parton classic 'Jolene.' I could not help but join in. Dinner arrived and Nick stayed whilst they ate and played quieter music for them. At one stage he simply sat there and strummed his guitar. Seeing Janine sitting one side of him I felt a little jealous so I went and sat the other side.

As dinner's were finishing Mark came over and said to Nick, "We haven't had Nick's song of the day yet!" Nick turned and explained to me that he always played a song of the day to them. Mark continued, "And not a soppy one like Tuesday!"

Nick burst into laughter, "OK Mark, I won't play that one and I won't even make Sarah sing it even though she does a much better version that the amazing Roberta Flack, but today I have a classic Beatles song." And he clicked play on 'Here comes the sun.'

"So, you're here twice a week are you, Nick?" I enquired as he was packing up. He told me he did Tuesday and Thursday evenings in Mental Health and Monday and Friday mornings in the dementia unit and spent Wednesday in the palliative care unit. He also visited a few nursing homes throughout the week.

Janine sent me on my break, and I asked Nick if he wanted to grab a cup of tea with me. We went to the staff room and made a tea and then went outside to drink it. We found a secluded bench in a garden near the hospital and sipped our tea.

"So, you played 'that' song to them on Tuesday, did you?" I enquired half-jokingly.

"I couldn't get it out of my head all day. I think Janine thought I was aiming it at her though."

"She mentioned you a few times before you arrived," I stated, "And when she asked, I said that I thought you were seeing someone."

Nick squeezed my hand and said "Yeah, I kind of am, and it makes me smile!"

I needed to be back on the ward, but I also needed to get something off my chest. "Nick, I think you are lovely and I really enjoy spending time with you, but I need to take things slowly. I don't know if I will be able to, um, 'lay with you' on Saturday night."

Nick hugged me tight and said, "Sarah, that is fine with me. Simply spending time with you is enough for me right now- I'm still pinching myself that our paths have crossed again after all these years."

I wandered back to the ward with a huge grin on my face. Music was still the topic of conversation and Janine later told me that Nick's sessions had made such a difference there was talk of expanding the budget to involve more music on the ward.

On Friday, I caught up with an old friend, Carol. I had met Carol at nursing school and she now worked in a Nursing Home between caring for her three small children. We talked of Nick. Carol remembered Nick from uni days and how I would rush across campuses to attend his classes. I told her that I was scared of sex and that if sex with Nick was as bad as sex with Rob then it could end a beautiful friendship.

Carol smiled, "It sounds like Rob was never that interested in pleasing a woman and you can now understand why!" she said, "Perhaps you need to trust Nick because from what you've told me, I don't think he's the sort of guy who would just want to see himself satisfied."

Nick texted me that evening, 'Sarah, I'm cooking a beef dish tomorrow- no more hints other than that, but I did want to check that you have no allergies or anything!'

I started to reply, 'No, I eat anything!' before changing it to 'Beef sounds lovely, I'll bring a bottle of red.'

Nick had texted me his address and it was actually only a few blocks from where I lived. I thought about walking and then decided I was better off driving. I decided to pack an overnight bag just in case. I knew I was scared about the physical side of a relationship, but I could not argue I was not attracted to Nick.

I arrived at a beautiful cottage with a stunning garden at the appointed time. The roses were in full bloom and I could see a lot of thought had been put into the garden. I remembered Nick joking during a music class that his home was cluttered with amplifiers and instruments. I knocked on the door and Nick was soon there. He smiled when he saw me before pulling me in for a big hug followed by a gentle kiss.

"Nick, where are the amps and the instruments I thought I was going to be stepping over?" I enquired.

"You remembered?" Nick laughed, "I actually decluttered a lot when I moved both there and back."

"This cottage is stunning," I offered, "the garden is gorgeous, and it smells pretty good inside too!"

Nick took the bottle of wine from my hand and gave me a tour. There were two bedrooms, however the second bedroom was more of a studio. Nick explained that the couch converted into a bed and he was more than willing to sleep there tonight should I wish to stay in his bed alone. I smiled. The back garden was as beautiful as the front. There were assorted vegetables growing and three chickens roamed the yard. Nick explained that he had bought the cottage as is and was thrilled that he simply had to maintain what someone else had planted.

We went inside and Nick poured us both a glass of wine. He served up dinner- a stunning Osso Bucco complete with polenta and green beans. It truly was delicious. We held hands throughout dinner and Nick played some smooth jazz through his speaker system. I helped with the dishes and we placed the leftovers in the fridge. Nick poured more wine and suggested we sit on the couch. The wine was soon forgotten as we were making out like a couple of school kids. I found myself sitting on Nick's lap and I could feel his growing erection. Nick whispered in my ear that I could touch it, but I suddenly became very shy.

"Sarah, is everything ok?" Nick probed, as I removed my leg from straddling him and sat next to him again. I burst into tears. Nick simply held me close and stroked my hair. When I had calmed down a little I tried to talk.

"Nick, you are so experienced, and I've only ever been with the one guy and I never really enjoyed it. I'm scared that I won't enjoy things with you, and it will ruin our friendship."

"Sar," Nick started, "I think you could feel what your kissing did to me and yes, I can think of nothing nicer that making love with you, but if it is too soon then that is fine- I'll sleep in the spare room and you take my bed- I'm not going to let you drive after drinking half a bottle of wine."