The Floggings Will Continue...

Kelly started to reply, but Ashley held up a hand. "Thank you both. We'll pause there for now. Cherie, three points for Timothy and Kelly."

She took a step back and raised her voice to carry through the room. "There's quite a lot going on here, isn't there? Now that we've brought these conflicts to the surface, we can really start addressing them. Let's see if we can't shift these negative dynamics back into positive territory."

Ashley strolled over to the second whiteboard and wrote CONFLICT RESOLUTION at the top in perfectly neat letters. "Every conflict is different! There's no one-size-fits-all solution. But there are some useful techniques that often come in handy. We're going to try out several of them today."

On the next line, she wrote OXYTOCIN. "Now, has anybody heard of oxytocin?"

A few hands went up.

"Would anybody like to tell the group what it is?"

The hands went down again.

"Oxytocin is a hormone that's important for social relationships in many different mammalian species including humans. When you pet a dog, or a mother holds her baby, that releases oxytocin, and that helps develop bonds. Chimpanzees do it by grooming one another. Did you know you share 98% of your DNA with chimps?"

I did know that.

"For the next part, I want some of you who are in conflict to help me show how we can use oxytocin methods to change the way you interact. Discuss among yourselves for a moment and then I'll take nominations."

The atmosphere was febrile. People were still muttering about "fucking Alistair", and Margaret was looking daggers at Kathleen, who was on the verge of tears. Still flushed with embarrassment and anger, I tried to will myself into invisibility, and considered the situation.

I've read a lot of psychology since that day, trying to make sense of what happened to us. I learned about Milgram and Zimbardo, dollar auctions and struggle sessions, and in hindsight I can admire the skill with which Ashley brought us to the boil. At the time, though, I didn't have the background to understand it. All I knew was that things were deeply fucked up, and that I wanted to keep my head down. Say nothing, keep out the way, mark time until we can go home.

"All right, do we have some nominations for this activity?" Ashley surveyed the crowd. "Yes, Kathleen?"

Her voice was quavering. "I will. If Margaret agrees."

"Thank you, Kathleen. Cherie, could you please mark up four points? Now, Margaret, what do you think?"

"Don't think this will make it all right, Kathleen! But if we have to do this..."

"You don't have to," said Ashley. "It's always voluntary. Will you?"

Margaret scowled. "Oh, all right."

"Thank you! Cherie, four points for Margaret. Now, do we have anybody else?"

I kept quiet.

"Can I nominate somebody else?"

The voice was behind me. It was Sigrid, risen to her feet.

"You can," said Ashley.

"Fine. Then I nominate Kelly and Timothy. I'm fed up with being in the middle of this pissing contest and pretending I don't see you looking daggers at one another. Sort it out, you two." She sat down again.

"Kelly, Timothy? Do you agree?"

I had no interest in making nice with Kelly—why should I? It wasn't me that started this. But if I said no, then Sigrid...

"Okay. Whatever," I said. I could see Kelly working through the same calculus, coming to the same conclusion. "Yeah. I guess."

"Thank you both. Three points each for Kelly and Timothy. That's enough for this activity, let's get started. Margaret and Kathleen, over here please."

She showed them to two chairs. "Margaret, you sit in front, and Kathleen, you sit behind her. Now, once upon a time, your ancestors would have settled this by grooming, and that's just what we're going to do! But we're not going to have you pick fleas off one another. Cherie?"

Ashley held out her hand, and Cherie gave her a hairbrush.

"Don't worry, it's quite clean, brand new. Margaret, I want you to let out your hair. Kathleen, you're going to brush Margaret's hair. I don't want either of you to talk now, just keep on brushing until I ask you to stop. Does that make sense?"

"Okay," said Kathleen. Margaret just shrugged, took out a couple of hairpins, and sat back. Kathleen started brushing cautiously.

"Everybody, I want you to watch what's happening. See how Kathleen is focussing on Margaret? This is an act of service. It's a powerful way of establishing respect. Sometimes far more powerful than words. Keep on going, Kathleen.

She turned to us, and I wondered how this was meant to work.

"Now, with Timothy and Kelly, it's a different situation. Both of them are angry at one another. If I asked Timothy to brush Kelly's hair, he'd just feel like he was doing a favour for somebody who doesn't respect him, isn't that right?"

I nodded.

"And if I asked Kelly to brush Timothy, she'd feel the same way." Not that there was much to brush; I kept mine short. "So we're not going to take that approach. going to try something different. Martin, could you please change to a different beanbag?"

Martin yielded his place the biggest of the beanbags, a black one in what might or might not have been real leather.

"Thank you, Martin. Kelly and Timothy, I want you to lie in that beanbag and put your arms around one another."

Kelly bristled visibly, and I wasn't far behind. "What?"

"You're going to cuddle. Pretend you're hugging your parents, or your brother or sister."

It was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. We did what we were told, me on the left and Kelly on the right, holding one another as cautiously as one might an unexploded bomb. It says something about the power Ashley had over us both that it seemed easier than refusing.

"If you try anything funny," whispered Kelly, "my knee and your balls are going to be very closely acquainted."

"You're not my type," I replied. I considered some more witty repartee, but there was no point in escalating things while we were stuck together. And we were getting closer together; the middle of the beanbag was settling under our combined weight, pushing us both towards the centre.

"Physical touch helps release oxytocin," said Ashley, speaking over us to the crowd like a science teacher explaining the inner workings of a frog. "But it takes time. Let's help it along with a little music. Cherie?"

A few seconds later, the music started up, and I felt Kelly tensing up even further. "Enya. Why did it have to be Enya?"

"Not a fan, I take it."

"It was good the first ten thousand times or so."

"Well," said Ashley, "let's leave them alone for a while. The rest of us are going to work on a group exercise together."

"That why you left Ireland?"

"Na. That was more Bono's fault."

"Really?"

"No. Joking."

"Clearly there are a lot of strong feelings about Alistair, and it's important we address that. Don't you agree, Alistair?"

We lay together for a while, listening to Ashley recap some of the grievances that had been raised earlier. She had an amazing memory for people's grudges, repeating them down to the tiniest details of Alistair's crimes against good office management, drawing them together into an irrefutable indictment. It was seductive and horrible, like a car-crash that you can't help watching.

"This is fucked up," I whispered.

"Yeah. It's like she's making a lynch mob. I don't wanna hear it."

"Me neither." Well, I did and I didn't, but I knew I shouldn't. "Hey, my arm is falling asleep, can we move a bit?"

"Yeah, it's been sticking into my ribs." We squirmed around, repositioning limbs. "How's that?"

"Better, thanks. You?"

"Good."

Somewhere along the way, I realised, the tension between us had diminished. Not altogether gone, but reduced. We were both making an effort to get along, and just knowing that Kelly was making that same effort made a difference.

"Look, Kelly, you're right I have feelings for Sigrid. I don't apologise for that. But I'm not trying to break up your friendship. That's no skin off my nose."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah, I know I haven't been fair on you. It's just... not that simple. You don't mean to hurt us, but you are."

"Healing requires forgiveness, and forgiveness requires atonement."

"I don't get it."

"You haven't noticed, have you?"

"Noticed what?"

She sighed. "I'm in love with her, you stupid bastard. I was starting to feel like maybe she felt the same. I was waiting for the right time to tell her. Then you came into the picture and now I feel like she's slipping away from me."

I said nothing.

"I'm not proud of how I've handled it. I shouldn't have gone at you like that."

She was shuddering, and without thinking about it I squeezed her. "I didn't know."

"Would it have made a difference?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't have hated you for it, though."

"Think about your anger. If there were no consequences, what would you want to do to Alistair? Let's go around the circle. Don't be afraid to speak your mind."

"Ugh, what's the use? It's not like she would've wanted me anyway."

"Do you know that?"

"Well..."

"You've never told her. You don't know." Realisation struck. "Oh fuck, you're the lesbian version of me."

"Jesus, Tim, that's an awful thing to say."

"Well, that's... creative. Obviously not something we can legally do, but definitely creative."

"Sorry, but it's true."

"Bollocks. For one thing, new boy, I'm the original."

"So that makes me version 2.0?"

I thought it was clever, but she ignored my snappy comeback. "For another, you don't have my dress sense."

"Maybe not, but my taste in women is excellent."

She sighed. "Got me there. She is something, isn't she?"

"Uh huh. That thing she does when she's thinking hard and she starts humming?"

"Oh yeah. Should be annoying, but it's not."

"And I know it's superficial, but I have a weakness for pixie cuts."

"You're welcome."

"That was your idea?"

"She wanted advice on a new look. Two weeks before you showed up."

"Sometimes an act of punishment clears the air. Don't you think it's easier to move on when you feel like justice has been done?"

"Do you think she's going to be okay over there, in the middle of that?"

Kelly stiffened. "No. No, I don't."

While Ashley encouraged the others to discuss what form justice might take, Cherie came back to visit us. "How are you two doing?"

"Okay," said Kelly, and I said "Making progress."

"That's great! When you feel things between you are back on track, you can come and join the rest of us."

"Uh, actually, Cherie, can you ask Sigrid over here? There's some stuff we need to discuss with her."

"Of course!"

When Cherie was safely out of range, Kelly whispered "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get her out of that. You heard the lady, if we're finished then we have to join the clusterfuck, so we need to drag this out as long as possible. Besides, I owe you."

Sigrid looked relieved to be away from Ashley and Alistair. "What's up?"

"Sigrid, come hug with us. We need you to help us work things out. Plus, I figured out, going from two to three means three times the contact so three times the oxytocin!" I made sure Cherie heard that last bit.

She lay on top of us, both of us drawing her into a group hug. "Have you seen what's going on over there?" she whispered. "She's got Alistair to strip down to his underpants."

"Let's have you all form an orderly queue. Who's first? Howard?"

"Plan is to stay here as long as possible. Stay out of that mess. Now, Kelly has something to tell you."

"What?" hissed Kelly. "I didn't agree to that."

"Just tell her, Kelly. Please."

I felt Kelly suck in breath, hold it a little while. "Sigrid, I think I'm in love with you." The hug tightened, and I didn't know whether it was Kelly or Sigrid or me doing it. "Didn't know how to say it without scaring you away."

"Oh, Kelly. Takes more than that to scare me away from a friend."

"And Tim. Tell her yours."

Whack. A gasp of pain. Whack.

I tried to focus, tried to block out the noises from outside the three of us.

"Sigrid, I... look, I haven't known you long enough to say I'm in love with you. But I feel like I'm heading that way. I want to find out where it goes."

Sigrid sighed, though she didn't seem exactly unhappy.

"Howard, that's enough to start with, we need to make sure everybody gets a turn. Alistair, would you like to say thank-you to Howard?"

"This is not how I expected things to go. Better, I guess? Better than when you two were just sulking at one another. But much more complicated."

"Tell me about it," I muttered. It had been easier when I could just write Kelly off as a bitch. I couldn't help but speculate about the family argument she'd mentioned earlier in the day. That seemed like a long way away now.

Whack. Whack. Whack.

Sigrid's knee was pressing uncomfortably into my leg, and I shifted to a better position, using that as an excuse to steal a peek at what our "facilitators" were up to.

Alistair was bent over the table. His trousers were around his ankles, and he quivered as Isabelle from Facilities administered a brisk series of smacks. But also—

"They're looking at us. Talking."

"Shit." Above me, Sigrid glanced over. "Cherie's coming over."

"Look busy," Kelly whispered.

"Hello again!" chirped Cherie. "You look like you're just about done there—"

Sigrid kissed Kelly. I heard more than saw it, and I felt a pang in my heart. I should've seen the signs. I was sad, but I couldn't find any anger for Kelly any more.

"—or maybe not!"

Then Sigrid turned and kissed me, and at first I thought I must have been drugged to hallucinate it. But her hand was under my back, fingers pressing into my ribs. It was only a kiss on the lips, but my heart was hammering almost to burst.

Then it was Kelly's turn again, and then mine, and then Sigrid looked up at Cherie. "I want to try something. An experiment."

"You're here to learn!"

And Cherie walked off to check on Kathleen and Margaret. I could hear them talking now, agitated but perhaps not angry.

"What the fuck, Sigrid." I can't even remember if that was Kelly or me.

"You said to look busy." She was still moving between us, bestowing little kisses. "It was the only thing I could think of. Besides, I've figured something out."

I mumbled a question.

"I've read about shit like this." She kissed me again, and I wondered how much of the taste was her and how much Kelly. "Gangs and cults. Hazing. When you join they make you do something fucked up. Kill somebody or humiliate yourself, some sort of major transgression. It strengthens commitment and it means you have that secret to hold the gang together."

"Okay, yeah, getting that vibe here," said Kelly.

"Alistair, I think if you pulled those boxers down a few inches, so people can see the effect, that would be very helpful, but it's entirely your choice. Thank you, Alistair! My, isn't he getting red! You can really see the handprints."

"And you don't want to be the person who chickens out. You do that, you're threatening the system, and everybody has already invested in the system. If it's not the system, you're just some crazy who spanked their boss."

I saw her point. I didn't think Ashley or Cherie would be stupid enough to do anything illegal, but they didn't have to. They'd built their very own lynch mob.

"So." Her hand slipped between the buttons of my shirt, fingertips on my chest. From the balance of her body, I could feel she was doing something with Kelly too, but I couldn't tell what. "Those two want us to transgress. I don't think they care just how we transgress as long as it's visible. You can go join up to take a swing at Alistair if that's how you want to do it, but I know what I'd prefer."

"Alistair, Nicholas has asked to use his belt. Is that all right with you? Oh, splendid!"

I couldn't think of a way to answer that didn't make me sound like a horny teenager, so I just said nothing and started stroking her back. At some point my hand bumped into Kelly's, and we both pulled back.

"What are the rules?" Kelly whispered.

"I don't know," Sigrid replied. "Just... see what we can live with, I guess?" She dipped to kiss the hollow of Kelly's throat. I felt Kelly sigh. "But I'm not expecting to keep my clothes on."

"Okay." Kelly was caressing Sigrid's face. "I'm not doing anything with Tim, though."

"That's fair," I said. "If my hands get anywhere they shouldn't, let me know."

"Oh, you'll kn—mmph." Sigrid cut her off with another kiss.

Kelly had her hand between Sigrid's shoulders, so I moved mine down, stroking her hips. She seemed to like that; I could feel that she was concentrating on Kelly just then, but she squeezed my arm as if to say: more please. I slid my hand further down, stroking her arse, slipping my thumb under her waistband to make contact with the skin of her back.

After a while I heard her whisper to Kelly, "Tim's turn." She shifted so we were cheek-to-cheek, and she breathed slow and warm on my ear. I extricated my right arm from under Kelly and brought it between us, running my fingers along her chin, down her neck to the top button of her blouse.

"Mmm," she whispered. "You can play, but don't undress me yet. We need to make this last a while."

I stroked her chest, my other hand on her arse pulling her close against me, and she squeezed her knees around my leg. She kissed me, deeply this time, her tongue wriggling against mine... and then she switched her attention back to Kelly for a while, although she still had one hand inside my shirt, fingertips against my ribs.

The switching was frustrating, but maybe it was for the best. I would've found it difficult to keep control with Sigrid's attention focussed on me. As it was, it took much of my willpower to keep my erection in check.

At some point, when Kelly returned her to me, I noticed that a button near the middle of Sigrid's blouse was now undone. I slipped my hand inside and found the edge of her bra, forayed up to the top of the cup and ran my fingertips along her smooth, yielding skin.

"Mmm." She'd tugged my shirt loose from my waistband and had her hand inside, stroking my back, fingertips pressing softly against me.

I traced the edge of the cup, then curled my fingers into it, working my hand under the cup.

"Naughty boy."

"Is that good?" I whispered, as my fingers found the soft bump of her nipple, as my other hand slipped under her waistband and I caressed her arse through her panties.

"Oh, it... yes, but don't let them see you, not yet. Take it slow." She twisted a little, and I felt movement in the space between us, and realised Kelly was stroking Sigrid's belly. "Mmm, that's nice, keep going Kel." Her waistband tightened against my wrist, and I realised that somewhere out of sight, Kelly's hand had slipped inside it. By now my other hand was well and truly inside her cup, grasping her, squeezing her. My leg bumped against Kelly's, and I realised the two of them had kicked off their shoes.

"Tell me what you want to do with me. Both of you."

"I want to lick you," said Kelly. "Kiss you all over undress you and taste you and show you what I can do for you with my fingers and my tongue."

"I want to see you," I said. "I want to run run my hands all over you. And, yeah, what Kelly said. She has good ideas."

"Is that all, Tim?" asked Sigrid. "Nothing else?" Her hand was at my front now, her palm pressed against the bulge. "Feels like there might be some other stuff." She gave me a little squeeze. "Remember, we're sharing our secrets today."

"Yeah, ah... easy... go easy. Yes, I want you, Sigrid." I caught her nipple between my fingers, pinched it, felt her gasp.