All Comments on 'The Freedom of Slavery'

the freedom of slavery = 1/4 slave of the servants and thats just me being honest!!!!!!!! A slave with neuroses.......!!!Thats a new one though!

With the anon comment.I called the first chapter of STTS hideous crap(Doctor wolf is one of my fav authors on this site,why she chose to write that still leaves me in a catatonic shock!!!),so if I apply the formula.......enough said!!!!!

Interesting

while i did use a few ideas from a few stories that i read on this site, this is a twist all its own. it gets MUCH better btw, this was a test run of the story, so if you want more, let me know!!

Keep writing, I want to see where it goes. You've set it up well. DW

i loved this keep it coming... i think i found a fav new author

please keep writing, i am looking forward to finding out where this goes...

Donna.

It kinda reminds me of one of my favorite stories on Lit A Slave to the Servants by DoctorWolf.

I love where it is heading please keep them coming and quicklly.

Please keep writing I'm wondering where this is going to go. Reminds me of Doctor Wolfs story and I love that one hopefully this will turn out just as good.

A Slave To Servants. Take that as a high compliment. That is one of my all time favorite stories. Carry on. I'm looking forward to more.

What a fantastic first chapter. I missed this the day it posted and am just today catching up. I would normally say alot but I have to go to the next chapter right now!

Your protagonist the "psychologist" makes a ridiculously easy transition into slavery on another planet! This story is completely lacking in descriptive detail or emotional depth and pales in (inevitable) comparison to Slave to the Servants.

I started reading a story earlier today, entitled...eh, something. Silver Hearts Join As One. That's what it was. That one was ridiculously similar to Eragon (my all time favorite book), but it was just an empty shell of what Eragon was. It was rushed, lacked detail, didn't give background. There was no build up, no emotion. It was a pitiful reminder of a great book.

This is in the same boat, except the first chapter of Slave to the Servants was nowhere near as good. I haven't really understood that story's success. It was well written, but just hasn't appealed to me (within the first two chapters). As someone else said, this is a fraction of that story thus far. It's rather frustrating that this story is so similar and so poorly done at this point. You should have given DoctorWolf credit. A band of humanoids purchases a female slave on the intergalactic market and the slave makes the decision to be cooperative. Ridiculous.

So what is different is her past. Now she has panic attacks and what not. Except, even though she claimed in she was in the midst of a panic attack, she showed no signs. The guard thought she seemed quiet, after she promised that she'd be quiet. That was the only indicator that she was freaking out. Which she apparently wasn't.

Quick digression: The alphabets are the same? Really? They have 26 letters, A-Z, all in the same order? Earth and Catland, whatever it's called, without having had any contact with each other, managed to develop the EXACT SAME (redundancy for effect) letters, but use different symbols? That's unreasonable. Just tell her the letters make sense to her because of that translation chip thing and let's move on.

You never described the cats to us. There's a tiger, cheetah, panther, whatever. But you called them humanoids when they shopped for her, now you're giving them traditional cat names (rather odd that they developed the same way as Earth's did...), and not giving us any description to indicate that they're at all humanoid. Except that they talk.

And when she told her story and the cats started crying. That's when I decided I had to write this. Good God. That was the least emotional story I've ever read. It wasn't that it was clinical and unemotional. That would actually be reasonable for someone who is suffering from such an experience and who has repressed the associated feelings. But it was just bad. "He raped me and the house was messy and he was angry and he hit me and there was blood and I went to a shelter." Does that make you want to cry? No? Go figure.

When you introduced this story she pretty much decided she was dreaming. She determined that it was a dream, because her scars were gone and she was naked and she wasn't in bed. But then you decided you didn't like that intro, apparently, because suddenly she had accepted her situation and it was completely real and she was realizing she would never use the word earthling. What? The last time she would use the word earthling? I'd say she pretty much only used that word when discussing aliens, since everyone's an earthling back home, so she almost never used it. Whereas now, as one of the only earthlings in a foreign environment, its use becomes a hell of a lot more valuable.

Now we're back to the previous experience issue. If she had already been an involuntary sex slave, escaped, and now found herself forcibly returned to it, suppressed memories and feelings would return to the forefront. She would freak the fuck out. She would not say "Oh, time to reinvent myself like I did last time. Thank Goodness I have practice! I really should thank (was it Mark?)!" No, she loses her mind, shouting "I'LL NEVER LIVE LIKE THIS AGAIN KILL ME PLEASE KILL ME" or something.

It's nice to see people thinking clinically about their kidnapping status. Unless the person in charge is sadistic, cooperating will make things go better. So good work deciding that she could benefit from being reasonable. Good work her for slipping back into a status that she last experienced during the worst part of her life so easily. But that doesn't excuse the trainwreck that is this story.

I know, you said it gets better and this is just a trial run. When you hand in a resume for a job, do you say "Yeah I know this is pretty poorly put together and doesn't display much potential, but it will get better as time goes on."? No. You put the best offering you have forward. I know it doesn't really matter whether or not people read this, unlike getting that job, but if you want people to keep reading, you need to give them a reason to do so. "Yeah I know this chapter makes me look like a shitty writer, but I'm not, honest, I was just too lazy to write to my potential on this one" is not going to encourage people to read on.

So with all that said, I'm off to read the next chapter. Okay fine, I'm gonna finish this one first. Three quarters of the way down the first page and I was already frustrated enough that I needed to write this. It really makes me feel better when I get my complaints with a story written down. The fact that there's some chance the writer will benefit from them is good too.

Anyway, if I don't think the next chapter is god damned brilliant (as you yourself sort of said it might be), I'll be throwing a temper tantrum in the comments section of that one.

And despite all my complaints, they could all also be taken as valuable criticism as well. So give that a shot. I even threw in the one positive, just to make you feel special.

While I think your comments WOULD be helpful to someone who was seriously looking for feedback to the plot of their story, I am not one of those people. I would also like to add, if you don like the story or think it is a piece of shit DON'T READ IT! I thought that Eragon was a teen fantasy drama, and that it had potential. I didn't stop reading till the third book, and I sure as hell didn't send the author a letter telling them I had read better just so i could feel better. I will except critisim on style, on grammar and spelling, on not using an editor, whose head I would just rip off anyway because I am sensitive about my writing, and other such things. It is down right insulting to write me almost a full page of nothing but nitpicking after only the first chapter, when you should never judge a series by its first book. I am severely tempted to delete your comment, and all others that are this insulting. You think my story is a piece of shit, fine by me, I am writing for the joy of seeing something I have written published, and for those you appreicate my work, and if you want to give my story another shot, you might find I have a method to my madness.

I agree with you. Anon nitpicked to the extreme. It is your story. If you want monkeys from Mars to speak Chinese, play bass guitar and have god like strength you can do so. That is why you are the author. I admit that I started reading this becuz I was bored. I thought it was too close to Slave to the Servants. I am guilty of judging your story by the title. I decided to stop being a butthead and just read. I can honestly say that I enjoyed this first chapter. I will now continue to read until I catch up and am sure I will continue to enjoy it. While I love doctorwolf, I will not demean either of you by comparing . I think you both are talented. Thank you. Kick rocks anon.

Really badly in need of a good editor. I suppose you already have one, but he/she shouldn't be allowed within twenty feet of a new story!

If the idea was original I would have enjoyed continuing but the fact that this plot is parallel to Slave to the Servants. It is not okay to copy the ideas of others even if you try to change details( and truthfully you didn't try hard)

As others have said, this story is reminding me strongly of STTS, but that is not necessarily a bad thing! STTS is a fantastic story, and the first chapter of this is an interesting set-up of the same basic event but with an unique angle. Nancy is a competely different type of heroine, with other challanges ahead of her.

As for the (few) haters. Did you not notice that DrWolf commented as well, in a positive fashion? If HE isn't screaming "plagiarism", then what gives you the right to? If using a similar set-up would not be acceptable then 9/10's of all the sci-fi and fantasy novels in the world would never have been published.

I really enjoyed it. I didn't understand all of it, but I'm sure I will in later chapters. I love how understanding her new owners are when it comes to her health