All Comments on 'The General's Wife'

Enjoyable tale. Good Karma :)

Great, I love the daughter's closing. Sums it all up. 5 Stars Keep writing.

Loved that last sentence!

Great story!

You followed up a great first story with an even better second one. I loved it all from the cowardly DaBull and the cheating wife, right on through the General’s acting success. Kathy’s realization that the grass was dead on ther other side of the fence, and Danny’s blown up life, we’re the final icing on the cake. I enjoyed the Ranger references, as one who has the tab, but not the scroll, I am in awe of those who serve in the regiment. Easy *5 from me.

Write what you want to write. Commenters are going to say what they’re going to say. You don’t need a multi-paragraph public struggle session with your own insecurities before every story. Or any story. That’s the wrong lesson to take from other authors here.

Excellent story, and the last line was just fantastic. Five full stars.

You missed the house cliche, but boy you hit every other one available. Was this a parody of all those other cheating wife stories?

Nice story entertaining , you may have a knack for this

lame

This was very good for only a second story here, especially in this category. I only caught one “distraction” error, so I will leave it for the diehard critics in order to not deny them their fun.

One day an LW author wrote a story, that deviated from cheat-remorse trope and his house got burned down

Ever since only bravest of them try to write original plots

You have a gift. A very easy five. Congratulations.

Mmmm, not so sure about this one so it can be a **** star general.

I'm still on the first page, but you need to learn how to properly punctuate dialogue.

Never stick any dialogue in a big paragraph of narration. The two should be clearly separated.

Here's one example, but I saw half-a-dozen more on the first page:

"Tyler! Good to see you brother. Morning Andy," he said to the men. Tyler was Tyler Sherman, creator and show runner of the most successful scripted TV series currently airing on television. Accompanying him was Andy Daniels, Senior VP for streaming for Ascendent. Doug led them to the white leather conversation group in the corner.

No! It should be:

"Tyler! Good to see you brother. Morning Andy," he said to the men. <--- dialogue.

<--- white space to separate them.

Tyler was Tyler Sherman, creator and show runner of the most successful scripted TV series currently airing on television. Accompanying him was Andy Daniels, Senior VP for streaming for Ascendent. Doug led them to the white leather conversation group in the corner. <--- paragraph of narration.

In general (ha ha) I liked the story. My advice to the author would be to focus more on dialogue and less on narrative and the background of superfluous characters. For example, I loved the daughter’s line at the end of the story when she asked about her mother coming up from hades. That line could have come from an HKD or Bebop character.

I will keep it simple. Two out of two isn't bad. Good luck.

Ignore the majority of noise -- this was a fine 5* story. Yeah it has a lot of LW stalwarts, but they got that way because we want them to be true. The bit about dialog and background, he nailed that one. Otherwise this a fine story with a nice turn of the phrase at the end. Boy a story about Kelsey and that attitude would make a great spin off. I am sure she will have some adventures of her own, why not create them for the rest of us...

Really enjoyed the breath of fresh air this story brings to the genre. Given you are already in contact with some of the heavy weights regarding content, I can offer to help edit for minor detail misses like some have pointed out. Just let me know! Easy 5*!

Good interesting story. Totally realistic wife that didn't come across as brain dead made for a good story. Though the MC didn't have anything to do with it the fall of the exwife and lover was fun to watch.

Great story ! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

5 stars for a great story. Gonna make comment about your comment about editing. Most readers do not understand. When you write a story and the re-read to edit, you tend to see some errors but many just go by. It is like the commercial of being 'nose-blind'. You brain simply reads over them and substitutes what you intended.

Sometimes a good cure for that is to let the story 'sit and rest' for a few days then do another read. You still won't catch al the errors but you will be surprised how many you do catch.

Nobody is going to tell the story exactly like you do. You included things in this one, I would have left out. But it is your story so you tell it the way YOU want.

As far as comments are concerned, like you I read them all. Many tend to bite you a bit until or unless you look at the profile and see they never tried to write and submit a story. Or if they did, it got a low score indicating they missed the mark.

For this story I must say, well done.

Your first one was better. This one seems pretty standard script. Still, it was ok.

very entertaining story.... 5 stars, and keep 'em coming.

I liked the story, a lot. You have more than a passing knowledge of the military. That's not all that common. Critiques? Some issues with dialogue punctuation. That's one of my weaknesses too. And man, you really like parentheses. Those didn't detract from a well-told story, from my viewpoint. 5*

Very good story. Keep’em coming!!! 5*

I certainly enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work.

This was a wild fantasy, filled with all sorts of errors. I’ll skip over all the minor stuff, like writing Jack instead of Danny. Early on, there was confusion about a tv show being considered for an Academy Award. Doesn’t happen, though later in this story a possible award (Emmy) was considered. Second, the author clearly doesn’t understand academia, where publishing a novel might help an English professor, but would have no weight in other disciplines. Trying to shoehorn a huge amount of some substance (you pick your favorite) into a small container is a messy proposition and never ends well. The author might consider limiting the scope of future stories.

really enjoyed the story. wish it had been expanded. are very enjoyable read. thank you please keep writing

Nice! Thank you. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

And the very best thing about the story is that the general didn't have to do a thing: karma worked it all out!

I'll certainly be keeping an eye out for this author from now on. This is possibly the best work I've ever read on this site (and I've read a lot) and had me captivated from the get go. I love history and I especially love military history. I understand that this is a work of fiction and not meant to be treated as a factual account but there was enough in it to be credible. Then the biggest treat of all: the worst kind of cheating wife, not that I would want one those for myself but they are absolutely compelling to read about on LW.

Kathy is the ultimate social climber, a woman who uses men as rungs on a ladder, a woman who will happily lower her snatch onto the first dick she encounters that carries the scent of wealth or prestige and will fly off it just as quickly when she perceives a better one to be available. To see her so comprehensively fucked over at the end was simply one of life's greatest pleasures. Five stars just don't do this marvellous work justice, bravo, author!

What a great story! The only thing I would have liked to see more of is his relationship with Maria.

Great Story! Wish it was longer. The characters were engaging and would make a novel so there was time to develop them better. I know it’s only a short story but with the limited background it was one of the few that left me wanting more.

Really good. Well written. More please.

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5 *****

A minor quibble: Majors in the US Army don't command companies. That's a captain's job.

Majors are run through a series of battalion staff positions to prepare them for their time as a battalion XO. These are often referred to as "The Suck Years."

Story itself is fine, if a bit boilerplate for the LW category.

Since you seem to be interested in constructive criticism, I'll add this: cut extraneous details. You could have lost most of the first page (and half of Jack's background) without affecting the overall plot and flow of the story. You spent 20% of the story's length on characters that were peripheral to the main plot--words that could have been used to get into Jack's state of mind, build his relationship with the actress, or cut altogether to make the tale leaner.

But keep writing!

You need to have someone else read. It doesn't have to be an editor, just another set of eyes. The problem with reading our own writing is that we see what we expect to see. A classic example of this is a word pyramid. The top line says, "Paris." The second says, "in the," the bottom line says, "the Spring." Most people seeing this for the first time will read it as "Paris in the Spring," missing the double "the's," because that is the common expression.

It was a fun read but in someway for me it lacked that drama and angst I usual get from some LW stories.

sounds like a viet vet hater

I think you're confusing Spaniards with Mexicans. They're not at all alike and speak the same language differently. This is true for both English and Spanish (or Castilian).

I especially liked the daughter's line, "hello mother, what brings you up from hell." (Hades)?

Brigadier general - they usually retire at 30 years. A man may reach brigadier, in the U.S. Army sometime around twenty years, most likely around 23 years. To retire at that pay, he would need to remain in rank for three years. That would take him to 26 or 27 years. Most guys will just push through to thirty. Even full colonels typically go the full thirty. Someone who topped out at lieutenant colonel may leave at twenty, but usually will put in 23 or 24 years before retiring.

By federal law, a wife will receive 50% of his retirement pay as long as she was married to him for at least eleven years of his active duty service. That's not negotiable and a judge has no authority to change it. The Department of Defense will cut her a check for half of his retirement pay every month for the rest of her life. Without looking at rank and time in service base pay for a brigadier, I'd expect the wife to get at least four to five thousand dollars a month.

Great story, excellent take on current events

I read this on another site and absolutely loved it. Great job!!! Keep it going!!!!

Not bad. I know it's far easier to criticize than create so keep that in mind. I appreciate the work you are doing.

The villains are a bit too cheap, shallow and inept which makes any victory feel similar.

Writing depth of character with complexity is very difficult and not many here can do it.

If you develop the ability to express that depth however.......

The backdrop for this story was very rich with many possibilities for more stories.

Only thing to complain about is the entirely unnecessary slash as scotus Thomas and his wife. Calling her a prostitute was uncalled for.

way way to rushed

I just read your intro. It may be a trope but it is definitely noy unusual for one spouse to own te family hoome outright as his or her separate property. Most states would recognize a homestead right in the non-owning spouse but that would not normally matter in a divorce. At least in my state.

anon.1

If you write about Texas you should at least get basic facts right. For example, there was no "Austin" in 1834. There wasn't even a "Waterloo", which was the original name. You also didn't help yourself with the feminist and racial woketardery. The bit about all the "racist" wives in Dallas is an outrageous slander, but I doubt that your thinking on race deviates from what is approved by the MSM and tech media. You also try too hard to make "movie" people glamorous. They aren't. The dealership service/repair bit is far beyond unrealistic, but you'd have to know something about the industry and the relationship between major dealers and auto makers.

In case you are wondering, I'm not a native Texan, and I'm not in the automotive business, but I am a lawyer and know a fair amount about the entertainment business and other types of businesses.

Your prose flows well, but the storyline relies on too many ridiculous stereotypes. If you put more effort into real character development and your plots, you would be a much better writer. I think you can do it.

I know from personal experience that it’s hard to proofread your own writing. It’s too easy to read what you meant to say and miss what you actually wrote. Sometimes it helps to put a draft aside for a couple of days and come back to it. Even better is to read what you’ve written out loud. But nothing beats an alert second (or third) reader.

One small thing: Yes, publishing is important for college faculty, but only academic writing in one’s field of specialty. Many faculty look down on popular writing, even writing about one’s specialty for a general audience is often seen as “not serious.” Unless a faculty member is hired to teach fiction, a faculty candidate with only a PhD and a novel is unlikely to be hired.

More importantly, I think this story had too many moving parts, too many subplots, so that all of them were treated only superficially. The ex-wife came across as a caricature; she’s a shallow person, but she’s written shallowly. The love affair between the grieving beauty and the handsome hero was just too perfect to believe. Consider giving your characters more depth. Make us interested in them and what happens to them.

A very well constructed story with logical scene changes. Well worth Five Stars.

JPB

Great story, enjoyed it, my only negative comment it was too short. I read it and wanted more! Great ending, really good BTB in a nice way. A additional plus the daughter didn’t go missing in this story LOL…..

Keep writing I’ll be looking forward to your next story. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There was a Loving Wives story in there. Sadly, it wasn't long enough to make the 750 word limit so you chose to add a bunch of crap to it. Thus, we ended up with a really long cure for insomnia instead of a good Loving Wives story. I almost fell asleep on the first page and ended up skimming most of the wasted words you abused to flush out this bloated whale.

Great story, especially the first half. I was in the 82nd (11b) from 1980-1983. Reading a little about my old stomping ground was nice.

Why would you care what harddaysknight thinks?

Please allow me to rant again on my annoyance with Lit's point system. This is a clear 4.5, yet we can't vote that- either 4 or 5. A 10 point system would allow me to vote a 9; a much better system, but they're not listening. Good story, very interesting, loved the historical references. Not sure why the General didn't smack the living daylights out of ol' Danny boy while he was still in his house. A former Ranger- he could have done it.

Great job on this story, aspiring writer. The only faux pas was saying that a professional football player was intimidated by Jack's threat. To be able to play in the NFL, you are intimidated by no one .... no one! I enjoyed your story and I look forward to reading any new ones you come up with.

5 stars for a good fairy tale.

The BTB was very well done, without any violence or real vengeance on the part of the MC.

The SLUT basically did herself in - hahaha

I wanted to rate the story a five, but the rushed ending effected my rating. This is a good story line, but adding more details would have made it a great story. The part of story about his ex wife, the car dealership and the ex footballer can be dropped.

Very interesting. Lots of twists and turns. Great story. Thanks.

Very well written. Fast paced, and highly engaging characters. Felt my time spent reading was well rewarded.

5* Well written story. Ignore the trolls, especially the scummy anonymous. Sadly, I know of too many young soldiers who hurt themselves marrying bar flies, sluts, and whores.

What a great way to end a story. It was very well written and followed a line many of us who served knew well. "Jody" is always around. Thanks for the entertainment. I look for more. Definitely 5.

Great story and neat concept.....but I could have really done with 5, 10 or 15 more pages of this.

Great story. Excellent writing. This really could form the basis of a tv miniseries or a novel. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading your work. Bravo. Outstanding!

While I was enthused by your first story, this one is far better.

The only thing wrong with this story is that it should have been a novella! Pease send more!

Well done! Easy 5* for me

Your work is exceptional for a “rookie” author.

I like to check the stories by some the the detractors and find it interesting that some can’t get high scores or haven’t contributed any work. I love the comment by silentsound regarding criticize and create. I find both stories flowing and intriguing reads. Keep up the great work!

Entertaining story, many thanks for sharing with us.

Too easy. No drama. No tension. Like dominoes falling. I am looking forward to your next effort. Keep writing.

Amusing. As a Texan I snuckered through the whole thing. Well done.

I will admit that I almost tuned out a couple of times, but overall the story was solid and well-written.

You were right about your proof reading skills

Well done.

Well written and interesting plot.

Brilliant background.

Easily gets my top ratings.

Thanks writer!

i liked the story, but what got me awarding it a 5 was the part about setting the record straight- ..."have I ever lied to you"

By the way, i am a descendant of the current king of Spain. If enough of my cousins die (approximately 1,200,000 as of last count) and assuming no more are born, I could have the job of King. I tried making my wife call me "your Higness" and acceding to my every demand, but she just started laughing hysterically. I decided to not bring that up until all my cousins and their offspring are dead.

Nice! Another top scorer.

Looking forward to the hat trick.

I liked the story. We all like a fairy tale, and that includes myself.

Tried to get through it. Far too much background and set up. Not a lot of meat on the bone. Frankly it was written more like a report than a story.

Somewhere in this menagerie of 14-15,000 words was buried a decent 4,500 word story. For example what did the rather extensive and wordy description of the general’s military service record actually lend to the story. There was also an extension recital of a Texas law firm’s founding partners’ personal history. What did it really add to the story? Then there was the excruciating detail relative to film making that would put an insomniac to sleep!

The wife cheated, husband caught her, lover tried to humiliate him. Husband kept secret his new found success from whore wife who thought she traded up. She tried to get back together. Too late, too bad, so sad. There, I told the story leaving out the detritus in a paragraph. Keep trying, you show promise. A good rule of thumb for you to follow would be 4 pages of story for every 1 page of background/setup. Not the other way around. I think if you had led with the general catching his cheating wife in opening paragraphs and fleshed out everyone’s emotions instead of backgrounds you’d grab readers interest. In other words, show them tell

Entertaining story other than the numerous military mistakes. The only one that really matters though is that she gets half the retirement if they are married for at least 10 years even if he had a video and confession 9f her running multiple trains in the barracks.

BTW, many of the comments urging you to make the story longer were posted by readers who fell asleep after first page or two. It’s called sarcasm.

You spin a great yarn, OP. Very nice, but as they saw out here west of the 100th meridian, the devil's in the details. First of all, where Austin sits was empty river-bottom land in 1834. It wasn't until 1838 that the site was selected and a town incorporated in 1838. Also, nobody ever says, "Austin, Texas," unless they ain't from around here.

.

Nobody, regardless of how enlightened, would "pay for school" for a young woman in the early days of the Republic, mainly because short of shipping her off to a convent in New Orleans, there was no place to send her. Concerning education in the law, until well into the 19th century, lawyers apprenticed and "read the law" under the guidance of a mentor. Garcia would've read the law with one or more attorneys, probably with Bonham paying him a living stipend and vouching for him. Finally, Texas is NOT a no-fault divorce state unless both parties agree to a no-fault divorce--one of those common-sense compromises Texas has been known to get right. Yes, adultery is grounds for divorce. You were correct that the court may consider adultery in the division of assets and payment of spousal support. Since "proof" doesn't rise to the level required in a criminal trial, good, circumstantial evidence is usually good enough.

*

The gigantic upside on your side of the ledger is that you write well and trust your readers. The perfect example was MC's reference to an "elevator pitch." Fully 90% of the writers on this site have no clue what that is, but on the off chance they do, there would've been a long, largely irrelevant explanation, and a third of them would've included an anecdote. Your writing style is full, without being overblown, thorough, without bogging down in the minutae, and well-paced. Also, your characters are realistic and believable. Finally, you enclose internal dialogue in single quotes, a simple thing that's like quantum origami to most of this site's writers. Your stuff is like reading.... real fiction!

*

Real proof that you're the Real Deal is the profusion of cultural and historical allusions. The best was your somewhat oblique reference to the "Texas' largest Chevy dealer" run by a former NFL lineman (just off 290, right?). Pure cultural gold! You even pulled off the backstory without turning it into a Magnus Opus Regurgitatii. Yeah, you've been around. Something tells me you hate Dallas as much as I do ("Fort Worth is where the real west begins, and Dallas is where back-east, peters out!" - P.R. Bass). The last line is perfect! Fives out the wazoo!

Selfish greedy stupid bitch wife decides to exchange her loyal loving hard working middle class husband for a richer man she's been fucking behind his back for months. Blind deaf and dumb cuck divorces the cheating whore, becomes wealthy and famous in a sudden financial windfall, while at the same time meeting and marrying one of the most beautiful women in the world. Meanwhile the cheating ignorant whore ex wife ditches the dumb shit who seduced and took her from the ex husband, then she comes crawling back to the rich famous ex husband only to learn that she has been replaced, and is wanted back in their lives about as much as a hemorrhoid.

\

How'd I do? Pretty much the essence or core of your story, without all the blather and filler and side stories and setup which enhanced this basic cheating wife story hardly at all. You, 5 pages. Me, 4 sentences. I think the right mix to get an interesting and concise story is somewhere in the middle. Less is more. Good luck with future efforts.

Hmmm, I think you're taking the piss with your author comments at the start. You proof read, but admit there will be mistakes. Well shoot, why write and try to improve if you accept mistakes. Or are you dyslexic? That could account for some of this. I mean, on the first page, who is Gary? We have three characters interacting and then, Gary? That is only one of a litany of mistakes. Nope, not buying your hyperbole. If you want to improve, it takes effort. If you want to keep readers invested in the story, improve your writing, proof reading and editing so they aren't 'jarred' out of the story. It helps with flow.

Also, if criticism doesn't bother you (thanks mom!), that means you what, won't improve or can't improve? The ego is strong here.

Disappointed. Far too much unnecessary literary clutter. Good effort.

Well, I'm laughing and will probably do so all day. I thoroughly enjoyed your roasting of Taylor and Yellowstone. Very clever, very, very funny. You got 'em all, the 6's, Tim and Faith, even 'Fort Liberty' and the Mansion. And of course, Leroy Jethro. That's a lot of story packed into a very short 5 pages. Thank you for making my day.

Nicely done. 80% of writers in LW are awful (with all the nasty cuck garbage). The other 20% are excellent. They are the reason I keep reading here. It's good to have a new author that can produce such a compelling story. Welcome and consider yourself in that 20% keep up the good work.

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.

Damn good!

ending too abrupt.

Lotta’ fun. May it be so for each of us.

Nicely done. An amazing amount of detail, characters well developed, and they develop well. Looking forward to more of your work.

Thanks for rhe great read.

Ummm.

People read fictional stories to escape politics. Leave it out and the snarky ad hominem attacks on groups of people. It tends to cast a bad light on the author and the story.

3 stars. Would have been five, but the unnecessary mudslinging dirtied the story.

Great story well done

Good characters

Well written

5*s +

Thanks for sharing

Looking forward to the next one already.

The condescending introduction to his first story reveals much about the arrogant idiot attempting to flatter those of little worth, who regrettably abound in this category, as evidenced by the mockery directed towards other writers. Naturally, I saw no reason to continue reading. However, I am curious to see if this pompous ass stays true to their word of never deleting comments. I hereby declare that I will fuck your ugly dixie mother in the ass daily, even if it means descending into the depths of hell to do so.

I would have given it 3.5 if possible to so do.

Plot a bit too predictable?

Excellent story. My only suggestion is to get more emotions that draw your readers into the story and gets their emotions flowing. Stories that get my blood pressure up and me screaming at my screen are the most enjoyable stories for me.

It's well written, but it really doesn't cover any new ground. As a matter of fact your story hits on the sane plot that's seen often in LW: Stupid, entitles, selfish wife dumps husband to trade up, husband then becomes rich/famous while the guy wife traded up for falls flat on his face. It's been done MANY times before. To be fair, it's really, REALLY hard to break new ground in the LW category. There's only so many different ways one can cheat, get caught, etc.

The thing that always bothers me with these stories is the cheating wife. They're so calloused and disrespectful to their husbands, and complete assholes to them as the leave for greener pastures, yet they actually think they can cone crawling back and be accepted with open arms? I'm sorry bot NO ONE (even liberals) are that stupid.

I also don't get the ex husband's reactions either. Some things are unforgivable, and acting with the level of disrespect that Kathy did in the beginning is one of them. Sure, Jack ends up trading up in the process (also so over used in the LW category that it has become cliché), moves on, and is no longer angry or bitter, but why would you let the bitch off of the hook by accepting her apology? Send that bitch to her grave without any closure because she doesn't deserve any.

That all being said, it was VERY well written, so I don't want to discourage you from writing. However, I'm willing to bet that you can do better, and that you can write a story without resorting to the same tired, cliché crap that far too many other authors on this site fall into. Your writing suggests that you're certainly capable of doing so.

Bravo, a really very well told story with a noteworthy content. History sounds good even here. 5*!

This was awesome, loved it! Could have kept reading this story for days, but like all good things, it came to an end!

Well done!