All Comments on 'The Gift'

Great story line, but the writing is really stilted - really, really stilted, almost to the point of making it hard to read

A fine story line - though we might have expected some closure - does she go back another night? does she abandon her boyfriend and make a career project out of the old boy? ????

although I get the premise....it makes no sense and the best stories have that 'possibility' of truth to them. first, no nurse needs to wait day tables and work nights. they would just work OT. second, no nurse can show up an hour late to work SIX times in a month and not already have been fired. third, no old man can be on a RESPIRATOR and still talk! and you can't 'shut off' the machine momentarily unless you ripped it out of the guys lungs. I then guarantee the man would not be sucking anything other than air and he would never get it up. fourth, which reminds me getting it up is a near impossibility in this scenario. fifth, no nurse wears black underwear under a white uniform and wears a DRESS uniform that is five inches above the knees! not without being sent home! sixth, what nurse have you seen with a cap on unless they are graduating? you just really suck at medical man. next time stick to what you know....or eliminate details that make the whole story seem stupid!

I read your story and did not in any way find it stilted. Stories by their very nature are 'stories' and not factual documentary. Ok so you have used licence i.e short skirt, many times late for work but again in a fantasy setting these inconsitencies should be embraced and not disregarded.

As regards closure I would hope that there would be a chapter two and possibly three. In my opinion one of the signs of a good writer is their ability to leave open the possibility for a next chapter and give the reader the desire for that to happen, both of which happened for myself.

Please do not allow any negativity in this forum from stopping you doing that.

I liked it. 5*

Definitely not entertaining.