All Comments on 'The Gift (His Side)'

You should not have split the story. I am not intrigued. Rather, I find the narrator to be a whiner, and worse an idiot. So much not explained, but I am not going to bother to read what follows because it will just as vague and empty. The word you need to learn is development: characters need to have character. He is a nothing. She is less than nothing because you told us nothing. Why continue? Important rule for 99% of stories: at least one likeable character. Not here. He fusses and goes no where Oh, boo hoo.. She left him. I am not sure I blame her since you do not give us any reason to stay. Poorly plotted in other words. If you turned this in to a writing class, you would have it returned with and F.

What's the sense of this tale?

Bit deep, but that's not a bad thing.

To deep for this site..He should have gone with the ring...He deserved it...

I am having trouble seeing much 'meat' for Sweetie's side of the story to veer out from what Hubby has told us. Usually, there is some event or statement which is ambiguous enough for the parties to misunderstand a critical relationship point. Then subsequent decisions force an wedge increasingly divisive, destroying the union. Sometimes it can be reconciled by clarifying the initial ambiguity ... other times that does not happen, or the split is poisonous enough to be permanent. in this story, I cannot find such an opening. Sweetie either gets tired of the Zombie Apocalypse guy, or is simply a gold-digger who finds a richer vein. Doesn't sound promising, but I will see if the author makes me eat my words (hopefully!) I love to see great imagination which fools me!

Your attempt to be symbolic and high class failed. River's don't have tides. They flow, they eddy, they rush, they meander, but they don't tide.

You have told a story of hurt but left the reader no idea why. She left him but why? What did she or he do? Hopefully 'Her Side' will reveal more.

Great story. I agree with the commenter who said that it was too deep for this site. This is great writing, but I don't think it will be appreciated here. It captures real feelings of loss. Most people on this site want to feel better about their lives and failed love attempts. Some just want to get read something that makes them horny. But the majority of them don't want to feel anything real. I for one enjoyed this story. Nice work!

Good that he pitched the ring. Maybe he can find love with someone else.

Boyd

Materialistic bitch should be stuck with a cheating loser Doctor who screws rich old ladies for their $$$ and contracts some weird type of VD making her sterile & whacked out.

For the read.

Very well done. I agree, however, with the comment that many readers on this site are too shallow to appreciate good writing. Still, keep on with your storytelling.

my only criticism is that it is a bit mawkish. The story would have benefited from a little more subtlety