The Girl in the Green Dress

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I found my mouth flopping open and closed. "Julie," I began, but she rode straight over me with a certain relish in her cold voice.

"I'm sending DiMaggio over right now to pick her skinny little ass up, and I'll obviously expect your full cooperation." She sniffed. "We'll grab Jennae, too, for appearances' sake, but Golden's the one we want." She paused, and when she spoke her voice was ice. "She'd better fucking be there, Tony."

"She's not, Julie," I muttered low, feeling the vise tighten around my balls. Tori was looking at me strangely; I could only guess what my face looked like. "She didn't come in today."

"Gee," she snapped, "I wonder why. Maybe the little ghetto bitch got tipped off. Say, by a certain manager she has, who knows the cops are after her..."

"Fuck. Julie..."

"Call your lawyer, Tone," she advised, "because one way or the other, DiMaggio's been told not to bring Jennae in alone. So I guess I'll see you when you get here," she snarled, cutting her phone off.

Well. Shit.

* * *

Thanks for reading! These characters turned out a whole lot darker than I thought they would, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Make sure you read all the Winter Holidays Story Contest 2022 entries and vote up your favorites!

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4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

I enjoyed this story as I always enjoy your stories. Complex characters with development throughout. I did think the plot logic sagged a bit with the protagonist and Traci. I found it hard to believe she had any real leverage over him. But I forgave this and the story momentum kept flowing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Very good story, as usual. The main character is an idiot, but a lot of people are.

lastman416lastman416over 1 year ago

I wish that I had a comment well-written enough to express how much I enjoyed this story. A lot of times repugnant protagonists can bring a story down, but when so many of the antagonists and supporting characters are the same way, it weirdly lifts the main character up. He’s just doing the best he can in a shitty world.

It feels like a first chapter, or at least the first of two or three parts. Would love to read what happens next.

dmallorddmallordover 1 year ago

About halfway through the story, a nagging thought of how this related to the winter contest surfaced amidst one of those hot sex scenes but floated away quickly in the heated descriptions. I found the answer toward the end, and I was mesmerized by the beautiful, realistic dialogue and settings long after.

A masterpiece of noir. The non-stop sex scenes were so damn hot and creatively written. Like all 'bitches' in noir, each one was just as seedy as the next, and so was everyone in management - you only missed the opportunity to sully the poor guy mopping the floors. [just kidding]. This would have been an excellent post in the 'Ode to Mike Hammer' theme. I could see that by turning the lady cop into a Hammer-type personality.

Perhaps, as you noted, the characters were a bit dark - but that's how noir rolls or crumbles, as you put it. I liked the way they came and how you made them cum, with all their beauty and fatalistic flaws.

Anyway, this is damn straight-up good enough for more than five stars. You are a master writer head-and-shoulders - lips even, above most stories I've read on lit. Worthy of careful study for my writing improvement.

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