The Heart Wants Ch. 05-09

My hips sped of their own accord as I groaned into her neck, "I have to... have to slow... oh, fuck you feel so fucking good wrapped around me..." I took a breath and tried again, "Have to slow down... I'm too excited..." I could feel my orgasm building to the critical point, "I won't be able to last..."

She squeezed me tighter, moaning into my ear, "You can fuck me as many times as you want tonight... tonight I'm yours..."

That was all the permission I needed...

Grabbing her leg again I started to thrust myself into her as hard as I could again...

I felt the precipice...

Some voice screamed in the back of my head, Don't cum in her!

I could lie and say I didn't have time to react, but the truth is, I was able to thrust myself into her twice more before I felt myself release...

My hand slid to her knee as I groaned into her neck, "Oh fuck!"

Stream after stream of myself flowed into her as she clung to me, her voice urging me on...

And like that... the pleasure was too much and all I could do was push myself into her as deeply as I could as I clung to her...

She clung to me as well, her lips kissing absently at my ear, her hand rubbing in my hair, her legs tightening around me. I still hadn't taken myself out of her, she just felt too good...

Pushing my hips into her again I moaned into her neck. She, for her part, threw her head back, her breath coming in short, panting gasps. I was breathing hard too, my heart pounding in my chest, my pulse rushing in my ears, with that familiar pressure in my skull that warned me that my blood was pounding through my body harder than normal. Nuzzling her neck with my nose, "I'm sorry..."

She shook her head, pulling me closer, "I'm not."

I felt the fool's grin spread across my face, "I came in you..."

She nodded, again, hooking her heels behind my legs and pulling me tighter into her, "I know, I felt it... that was worth the price of admission all by itself."

A rush of guilt smashed into me, "Look, no matter what happens..."

She laughed, sending a delicious pulse through where we were connected, "We're safe."

Rolling off of her I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her, feeling the wetness of her hair against the inside of my arm. She wrapped her arm around me, her leg thrown lazily over my own. I wondered what the hell she was talking about... why would a... a lesbian need birth control?

I could feel tension enter my muscles, so hard after she had just relaxed me in such an intimate way. Her voice broke the silence, "I have really bad periods, so my doctor put me on a birth control shot. They're still pretty bad, but at least I only have them every three months now."

Relief washed through me, tinged with a strange sense of disappointment...

It was weird to think about being disappointed to know that I didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant but I knew where it came from. Some ancient, caveman relic that wanted to perpetuate the species...

I looked down at her as she twisted her head, looking up at me, "Was it good?"

I brushed my finger beneath her chin, "Very good."

Things clicked in place for me. Questions started to pile up...

Doubts.

Looking into her eyes my brain managed to reset, "I don't understand. I need an explanation."

Her hand reached out, her fingers caressing my face, "I like you, and I decided that I wanted you."

She turned away from me, pillowing her head on my chest, once again rubbing her head in little circles against me. She snuffled against me.

"What are you doing there?" I asked.

She giggled, "I like the way you smell."

Questions like that started to pile up in my mind. Not the childish ones, the stupid shit like a dick measuring contest between me and her past lovers, instead my heart was filled with questions about the differences. About her experience. It was a part of her, and I wanted to know every detail about her, every part of her amazing mind, every nook of her incredible soul...

She looked up again, smiling at me, "You can ask."

I shook my head, "I shouldn't. I should just be satisfied to have what I do and be happy."

She kissed my nipple, nibbling at it, "It's okay. I want to tell you..."

"So, which is better, being with a man, or a woman?" Okay, so maybe I had a few dick measuring questions...

She shook her head, "That one's impossible to answer. They're... different. Too different." She paused, thinking, "I mean I know that it seems like they should be the same, but they're not, it's..." I could see her trying to work it out, trying to find the answers for me, maybe trying to find them for herself. "Maybe I'm not the best person to ask."

I lifted my head, looking around the room, "Well, you're the only person in the room that's been with both."

She laughed, swatting my chest, "No... I mean... like I can't compare all men and all women. I've only been with a couple of girls, and..." her mind seemed to go a million miles away... "one of the girls just once... and Rachel. Rachel a lot... and just you as..."

I felt my gaze land on her, surprise filling me.

She smiled, swatting at me, "Yes. What, you think I'm a giant slut?"

Once again, I brushed her chin, this time giving her a quick kiss... "No. I think you're amazing."

She smiled, "So I can't compare all men and all women, I can really just compare you and Rachel."

I shook my head at her, "Then I'm good."

She smiled at me, "I don't mind. You're both different but both good."

I did want to know... "Why don't you just tell me what you like about being with me?"

She smiled, again, running her nose along my ribs, "I like the way you smell."

I shook my head at her, "Now I know you're lying."

She kissed my side again, "No. It's... I don't know. It's different. She always smells so girly, so sweet. You smell, Linkish... I don't know... it just makes me happy." She ran her fingernails across my skin, "I like your muscles. She's all soft and smooth and squishy, and you're all hard, and strong. With her, even when she's being rough, she's still very gentle, with you, I could tell you were still holding back and it was still really intense."

My eyebrows came down, "I wasn't too rough, was I?"

She rolled over in my bed, propping herself up on her elbows, "Not at all... in fact... I kind of want to..." she looked down, like she was embarrassed, "maybe play a little rougher?" nibbling at her lip in that cute way that I started to realize meant that she was horny and embarrassed, "I mean, sometimes, Rachel talks to me about when she's with a guy, and, you know, we play act it. I thought it was pretty intense with her, but with you..." A shiver ran through her and I felt a shot of excitement run through me.

"You're bigger, and that makes me feel safe." She started tracing her hand lazily on my tummy, as she tilted her head, "Let me think, what else do I like about you...?"

Her hand traced lower, now rubbing in my pubic hair... "There's this..." she told me as she ran her hand over me.

As soon as her hand touched me she got super excited, twisting her body and grabbing me, "It's so soft now!"

I smiled at her, "Yeah, that's what it does after..."

She smiled evilly, looking at me while her hand rubbed against me...

A sudden wave of doubt washed over me, making me wonder why she, why someone as perfect as her, would choose to be with me? Why she would... Rachel.

Fuck...

Guilt made me slide up in the bed and away from her, made me wrap the blankets around me, hiding my nakedness from her. Her face lined with worry she asked, "What's wrong?"

I looked at her, and much as I wanted her, much as I wanted even the slimmest excuse of being with her that even sex provided...

Double fuck...

I looked down into my lap in shame, shaking my head slowly, "What about... Rachel?" my eyes snapped up to her, looking for answers.

She tilted her head, raising an eyebrow, "What about her? This is about me and you."

I tried to swallow past a lump in my throat, "Isn't this kind of... cheating?"

She crawled a bit closer to me and I moved my feet, worried about her touching me. I wasn't sure I could control myself, that I could force myself to care about the right thing if she started touching me again...

She was quiet a moment, looking at me, "This is going to sound really harsh, but..." the pause was pregnant with expectation, "I'm hoping you aren't thinking you and I aren't going to run off into the sunset and get married or something, right?"

I nodded. While there was a part of me that was disappointed with the fact that I was not going to be building a relationship with Laurel, I did understand that what we shared was just sex. I mean, it was probably more than that to me... but for her, it was just sex. Maybe she was expanding her horizons a little, and while I was very grateful she was looking to expand her horizons, I did understand that at the end of the day, she was going to go home to Rachel. That she loved Rachel.

I nodded, "I understand that. I have no expectation we're going to have a relationship, or that we're going to fall madly in love... I just..."

She cut me off, "You do understand there's a hundred percent chance Rachel has some lucky son of a bitch between her legs right now, right?"

That shocked me, "What?"

Laurel nodded, "When she goes out of town, she almost always hooks up."

I looked at her, trying to comprehend how she wrapped her head around that, "And you're cool with that?"

She smiled, shrugging, "Yeah. As I said, I don't own her. She enjoys it. I enjoy that she enjoys it." She looked off to the side, "In fact, it's a hell of a lot simpler when she does that than when she bones some local guy. This way we don't have to worry about some guy getting clingy. That's gross."

I nodded, understanding...

Sensing this might be important down the road, I figured I'd better put it on the table now, "And if I was in a relationship?"

She smiled, "Depends on the relationship. If you wanted to be loyal, then I would respect that. If you had more of an open arrangement, then you and I are going to fuck like rabbits."

Somehow, I figured that might be a little bit of a difficult ice breaker...

Hey, it's been great meeting you! What are your interests and do you mind me fucking some other chic I might be in love with? It's totally cool though, 'cause she's involved in a long term, same-sex relationship...

Might get a drink or two thrown in my face.

I licked my lips, wondering if we had actually solved anything by talking about this whole thing. Laurel got up, crawling over to me, she put her hands on my legs and slowly leaned in and kissed me... she tasted delicious.

When she finally gave me a break and looked at me she said, "Little advice?"

I nodded, "Sure."

She bounced her eyebrows, "Just go with the flow. Enjoy yourself a little, at least for tonight. There's plenty of time to worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. For tonight, let's just have some fun, okay?"

She pulled the covers away from me as I nodded my head, "Now, let's see how long it takes you to get to round two..." she murmured as she climbed on top of me...

It did not take me long...