All Comments on 'The heat of desire'

The heading says it all, more please.

...to this site. Your story was well-enough written but it did finish a bit abruptly which makes me wonder if it was a first chapter rather than a complete tale, although there is no indication of this. My main criticism is that a lot of your dialogue sounds rather stiff. In real life, most people speak in abbreviations. I'll give you some samples from your story with the more realistic terms in brackets: I am (I'm); I have (I've); I will (I'll); I would (I'd); I did not (I didn't); That is right (That's right). If you use these normal speech patterns when writing dialogue, it will sound far more natural.

Like going to a play, being seated, then the actors and their roles are introduced and the curtain closes. If this is a story, I will not start another by you.

To the first comment by an anonymous person. Why would you feel the need to waste time to write your comment? If you cannot identify yourself when you comment then what you say as a negative response has no validity.

@Maonaigh - Thank you for your comment. I understand and agree with you to a degree. In verbal correspondence, I rarely use contractions. Typically I will use, don't, can't and other simple ones many use in every day speech. However, when used too much in writing, it appears to dumb down the level of intelligence of the characters. You may also notice that I do not use curse words. If it is read again in a normal speech pattern, minus the blocky robot talk idea, it flows a little better.

I appreciate your constructive and welcomed criticism. Thank you for your thoughts.

To the second anonymous user. Thank you. This was more of a feeler story, a tease and dipping my toes in the water. I like the idea of the reader using their imaginations and watching the scenes they want to happen in their minds. Especially after it has been set up in my story.

Thank you for your input and I hope you continue to read my offerings.

I liked it. Really good buildup. I'm just frustrated (in more ways than one) that you stopped before the payoff! I hope you write a followup soon.

I agree with most other comments, being the introduction and start detail was quite nice. I have a very positive feeling on this story, thinking you intended it to be a multichapter series. The ending was seemed sudden, just as the sexual activity was commencing.

If "The Heat of Desire" was not intended to be multichapter, I am suggesting you reconsider, because based on your 1-page tease, I feel this would develop into a "Wonderful Mutual Seduction" story!

I LOVED reading this and felt more and more drawn in as the story unfolded. I truly hope you will consider adding more chapters to it as it seems several of us readers are eager to read about what happens after being led to the bedroom!