All Comments on 'The Hedge Ch. 01'

I enjoyed this, and hope to see more of episodes. Good quality of writing with only a couple of slight annoyances.

Just a bit disjointed at times and some grammatical errors. But very enjoyable read. I look forward to your next chapter! Thank you for sharing this story.

DJ

But enjoying the tale, though just on page 5.

If he is just 19 mum would not see him as love interest, so why is daughter 18 so worried.

Also confused at what the kid is doing at school. Assume he is still in high school doing A levels? But would be too old, so confused.

Next why would a group of boys be chasing to beat up a 17 yo girl. She is way too old for them to try that. Totally implausible.

The original ages for Aaron and Vicky were a bit younger but due to the age constraints of this website I had to increase their ages because I was not allowed to even infer sex in a conversation, I did not want to have to rewrite a whole section so made Vicky stay at school an extra year. Alice and Vicky are both strong characters and each enjoys getting something over the other. Aaron is a fit, good looking young man and Alice is a bit jealous, she is only 33 but has been single for quite a long time and doesn't know that the two are becoming a bit more than trainer and trainee. The boys chasing Vicky is plausible if her age was three years younger, I had to make her older but kept them the same age, she is a short, petite tomboy so looks younger. There is no mention of Martin Baxter but he may have set them on to her for fun.

You should have rewritten. I like sex in stories, why else read this site, but the story is the most important part. Will try again.

The dialog seems clinical at times, dry as the Sahara.