All Comments on 'The Homeless Man's New Wife'

I'm not sure what you hate more, the English language or women. This story is about as erotic as being sprayed by a skunk.

Action is brief, plot is laughable. a concept does not a story make.

You know, you're supposed to be over 18 years old to be here little boy. Grammar, punctuation, spelling and verb conjugation are just as bad as the complete lack of erotic appeal.

I hope writing isn't your job, if it is find a new one. The grammar is atrocious and the story is about as erotic as watching paint dry.

Story was totally unbelievable.

until a revelation occurs. TK U MLJ LV NV

You may want to make spell-check a friend of yours. Your sentences lack structure, your story lacks a plot, and all in all it's totally unbelievable. Please learn how to review your rough draft before turning it in as your final.

So! There are night classes for english. Please spare us and take one before you submit another story. On the other hand it was mildly entertaining as a porno spoof.

pitiful, just pitiful.

I couldn't get off on this because it was too funny. I agree with the other person: it was as erotic as watching paint dry. A couple mistakes here and there are fine, they're nothing to fret about. But this was ridiculous. There were so many mistakes I found myself thinking about them more than what was happening in the actual story. If you have enough free time to write this, 2 more minutes of checking should not be a problem.

I'm sorry, but you lost me when Frank used a library computer to look up Kelly's information using just her license plate number. That is not something you can look up on the internet. You can't make those kind of elementary mistakes, it just ruins the story. You also need to pay attention to spelling and grammar.

Sadly this story fails from bad spelling, bad grammar, bad sentence structuring, and bad changes in narrative. Being brief about it, a very poorly written story overall. Many of the errors could have been solved by using a spell-checker, but the others are only going to be solved by education or experience.

I don’t like to ever tell someone to give up writing though, and so while the story had lots of flaws it shouldn’t mean you as the writer should quit if you enjoy it. Keep learning, and hopefully improving the craft.

As a tip I would suggest that if you are writing this type of erotic fiction you don’t skimp on sex acts descriptions. You can’t really say that a character puts his fingers in a girl’s pussy and she has an orgasm. It just has no feeling to your readers, as you are not painting any picture at all for them to visualise the act.

Right? Because that was just awful, start to finish.

it doesn't matter, an old or young asshole is still an asshole 5 for good effort and content of a LW stoey

This is Just Tooo sexy...! Cant wait for the Comic to be complete..,!

It was a good story Frog, I have a fresh plot idea, A Indian housewife fucked by a huge black man(ex-con). If you want this idea in detail, E-mail me at subijoyacharya@gmail.com

That was an amazing story. I am writer and I have an interracial story inspired by a real incident. It is nasty,thrilling and twisted.I want to give to you for FREE. Here is my email id -subijoyacharya@gmail.com . Mail me if you are interested

continue the next episode i wanna see her preggy

I would love to read more about Kelly's and Frank they get married she get pregnant

Do you plan to write a sequel?

I read the comics version of the story before finding this.I 'm obsessed with this story.Please write a sequel describing more juicy details of sex between Kelly & Frank &,how Kelly's collegues react to this & how Kelly gets pregnant by Frank & get married to him.PLEASE PLEASE.Not just me it's one of the most highly rated stories of Illustrated Interracial