The Hunger

High school is such a drag. I only have one or two close friends to hang out with; and they are into getting into college, or into their girlfriends. At eighteen, and seniors, we are at the height of our sexual curiosity; yet most of us have never fucked.

"It's just a dance, you'll do fine." Howard loves to encourage me, but it seldom works. I feel lost in this life, but something inside of me keeps zeroing in on guys, like they have a magnetic pull or something. He has no idea.

"I don't dance. You know that. Why would I go?" He is my friend, and I love him, but he is not the quickest with his words.

"Ah...maybe...maybe you'll get a girl." He's smiling because that's what he wants for himself, I'm sure of that. He's straight, I think. I tried to get into his pants one night on a sleepover. He just said: 'No.' so I dropped it. His mom had us sleeping together in his twin bed. It was summer, so we only had our briefs on. She kind of beamed as she said good night to us. I'll always wonder if she planned for us to make out. Maybe she knew something about her son that I didn't.

"Come with me, please." I can't say no to him, though it starts a certain terror in my mind. I want stability. I can't deal with change. I always feel outside of everything. I want in. I'm being ripped apart!

"Okay. But only for an hour or two." Maybe I can contain my misery for that long. I can pretend to be interested in the girls. I can shuffle my feet with them and smile. I can snatch a glimpse of the hot and well groomed young studs as desperate as I am for a hookup. They want a girl. I want a man. I want to be left alone. I hate being lonely. I'm going to go crazy! I've been glued to this chair for twenty minutes now.

"Come on." Howie has me by the arm. He's pretty much dragging me into the hallway; and there are way too many eyes watching as we pass. "Sit." Around the bend there is a small bench near the offices. It's nightime, and except for the dance, the building is empty. "Talk to me." He looks part angry and part concerned. I want to cry.

Part 2 -

Suicide is not an option for me. I know that no matter how long I live, or how miserable I become, I will always fight (a losing battle?) to be better. I imprinted on failure. I am better than that. My life is pulling me apart in an inner war that I can neither lose nor win. WTF can I do?

"Do you want to leave?" As I nod, a few tears fall onto my chin. He has his arm around my shoulder. I desperately want to cuddle him. I'm terrified that he'll push me away. I must look awful. "I'm sorry, Kim. Let's go."

He drives us back to his house. His mom and dad are away for the weekend. We enter through the kitchen door. I have been here so often that it feels like home; and I feel safe here. While I head for a seat at the table, Howie makes his way to the fridge. He scoops up some ice from the freezer and fills a couple of glasses; then he leaves the room. I have a moment to compose myself, and it's working. He and I have shared enough about my depression that I know I can talk, and that he will listen. Thank God for his friendship.

"Here. This will help us both." He is holding up a big bottle of rum. Each glass gets half way filled, then in goes the cola. He holds a glass out to me, and I take it.

"What. No lime?" Clowns like me always laugh... on the outside.

""Fuck you." He is saying it with a grin.

"Yes, please." I am serious. His grin evaporates; and he pulls a chair next to mine.

"I could. It's just sex. Would that make you feel better?" He looks serious.

"Howie. You're not gay." He probably knows that I am, but it's still unconfirmed.

"No, but you are, right?" This is it. Half of me wants to let it all out; and half of me is terrified of losing my friend. The seconds take an eternity.

"Maybe bi." It's a lie. I am not a good liar. He doesn't buy it.

"Bullshit. Look. This is just you and me, Kim. How many times in how many places have I seen you in heat over a guy...over me." I can't read his mood. Will he start to beat up on me? Where is this going? Gotta change the subject.

"Fuck you. Let's drink to good times and good sex!" He is unmoved, But we clink glasses and each down the hooch.

"What kind of sex, Kim?" He says this as he refills our glasses. Humor is failing me.

"Howie...I..."

"NO! You owe this to me! You owe this to yourself! What kind of sex? WHAT KIND?" I am hanging my head and fighting back tears. I've just enough strength to put the glass onto the table and grab hold of my head in an attempt to stay steady. Just before I devolve into a catatonic state, Howie leans in and embraces me. Que the waterworks.

"Kimmie. I love you, man. Stop doing this to yourself. Have you ever actually been with a guy?" I manage to shake my head. "Well, neither have I, nor a girl for that matter."

"But you told the guys..."

"Lies." I look up at him. As soon as we are eye to eye, Howie leans in and kisses me.

"That was fun." He says this to me, and leans back in his chair. The kiss lasted for maybe five seconds.

"What are you doing, How?"

"Helping a friend. Maybe me too...I don't know." He clinks his glass with mine. "Let's get loose and see where this goes!"

We quickly drain our glasses for the second time. I had a good buzz after round one. This one is pushing me over the line.

"It's just the booze talking, right?" I ask him this with a smile; but he looks all serious.

"Not exactly. We've all seen all of us in the showers at school; and yeah, I know you are into guys, Kim. But as much as I want my share of pussy...guys are on my radar, too." Knock me over with a feather.

"No way."

"Way."

"Why..."

"Because you never asked, did you? Just that one time for the sleepover when I said no, and then you gave up. I didn't mean no forever, Kim. It was in my fuckin' bedroom with my folks home. My bedroom off the hallway. You know. The one with no door!" His room was a converted walk-in closet. With five kids in the house, the door needed to be sacrificed to give more space to the 'room', because the door opened inward.

"Oh." My head is swimming a bit with the rum. It makes sense, I guess. But what now?

"So, what now, Howie?" He leans in again for another kiss...this one is lasting longer.

"No one's home, remember?"

Part 2 -

I am no stranger to porn. I know Howard has watched it, too. In fact, we have watched it together on occasion. It was just for shits and giggles. We never acted on anything either of us may have been feeling. He sets his laptop between us as we sit on his bed. The title of the first video is: "Friends Do It Rough".

"These guys are hot!" He wants a comment from me. I have seen this video before. I have fantasized being the bottom 'friend'. My dick is starting to chub.

"Which one is you?" I don't think he expected that.

"Uh...I'm not a fag...no offense, so...the 'top'." He hasn't taken his eyes off the screen yet.

"Cool. I'm the 'bottom'." Now he turns quickly to look at me.

"We could..."

"Hell no. You're not a fag. Neither am I. I'm gay, Howard. Gay. And I don't want a straight guy getting off on me just to dump his load." He looks hurt.

"It's not like that."

"What then?" He flings the laptop to the floor.

"You're my bestie. We share everything. Can we just drop the labels bullshit and make out? We are tight with our minds, bro. Can we be that way with our bodies, too?" I want him so very bad. I want to feel his thick cock fill my ass like in the video. Heck, we already kissed. He seems to want this, too.

"What'll we do?" Instant smile on his face.

"Fag...gay guys like it up the ass, right?" I nod. "You know I crave a good pussy." He does. "Neither of us has had sex of any kind yet." True that. "What if I take your pussy-ass for a ride...and you get off on the fuck with a man?" Maybe it's just the booze, but this makes sense to me.

"Now?" He bolts up into the hallway, and returns with some condoms and a bottle of lube.

"My dad uses these all the time. After five kids, he's had enough. You in?" I nod. As I stand next to him he tosses the goods onto the bed, and we start to strip. Howard is not a muscular athletic type. Neither am I, but my build is what I call athletic-pretender. His body is your basic slightly overweight dad bod, but on an eighteen year old. He's still hot to me!

"Damn, K...nice chub!" He is also hard and ready to go. At our age, we're usually hard and ready to go! He is ripping open the condom wrapper.

"Let me." I want to put it on him. He shudders as I grab his dick and unroll the sheath. It crossed my mind to blow him first, but he is on track for a fuck, so...

"You're the first besides my doctor to cop a feel, bro. I like it." This time it's me who leans in for a kiss. It is brief, and it is enough for me. He plunges back into my face for a deep tongue fight, all hot, hormone fueled, and hungry for my ass.

"I'm all yours, big boy." My butt is sitting on his pillow, and I am grabbing my ankles with legs high in the air. Pornhub has been a great teacher for me. Maybe for Howie, too. He's got his sheathed dick covered with lube, and is rubbing the cool gel into my crack, on my taint, around the hole, and... "OH."

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. It felt good. Do it again."

"Like this?" He is slowly inserting a finger into me. It feels every bit like a full-on fuck to me. My tight little hole is eating this up! I sigh and nod. He continues.

"I'll never get my rod in, K."

"Just use more lube and more fingers. The damn thing will stretch and you WILL get in, trust me." I need him in me, period. I feel his fingers scissor-stretching my hole, and it feels amazing. "Try it now."

"Got the head in!" He's all excited.

"Push. I want all of you inside me. Push it in. Push it in."

"AAHHHH." He's in.

I've watched porn with big hairy bears fucking little twinks. He's no big bear, and he's naturally smooth, but he'll do. For that mater, I am no little twink, although right now I kind of feel like one. Nature is taking over and he's starting to pump-fuck me. He looks adorable from this POV. I have a man inside my hole and he feels wonderful. "You feeling good?"

"Supreme good. You're way tighter than my hand, and warmer, and wetter...oh. Oh, K. OH. OH---FUCK!!!" I can feel his whole dick swell. He's deep into me and holding there with a nutty look on his face. "FUUUCCCK! FUCK. FUCK. OH. FUUUUCKKKK!" He must be nutting his whole sack into the condom. Funny, I really, really love this, but my own cock is soft. Getting fucked is all I need right now, I guess.

"Fill my hole, Howie. Fill it good." He seems spent.

"Oafff." His body is on mine now, but it still feels like his cock is in my ass. My arms are holding him. My tongue is licking his neck. I've never felt this good!

"Oh, man. That was fine." He's trying to catch his breath. He's not in the best shape, but to me, he's Diego Sans! "Crap."

"What?"

"I pulled out."

"I felt it. We can't stay hooked forever you know." I'm smiling. He's not.

"Sorry, dude."

"Why? It was great."

"It broke. The condom broke! You've been seeded and bred for the first fuck of your life. I'm gonna be a pappa!"

"I wish. No biggy. I like the idea of carrying your cum inside of me for the rest of the day."

"Spoken like a true bottom bitch, K. You're my bottom bitch now. Admit it."

"And you are my not-a-fag friend-with-benefits fuck-buddy now, Howard. How does that feel?"

"It feels like I'll have to rest up for round two. My crotch is all worn out. You?"

"I'm fine. Although..."

"What?"

"We both got what we wanted. You topped. I bottomed. But my crotch is still loaded for bear."

"You want to fuck me?" He looks terrified.

"No, silly. I just need to get off. Maybe a handjob...or..."

"OH. HOWIE!!!"

to be continued...