All Comments on 'The Idiot'

The fact that Bobsflop and Systech favored this says a lot.

Isn't that the moderator who likes to play little immature games?

HACK!

I liked everything about the story but the ' against all odds' ending. The author has a very nice touch describing the rolling countryside, steady as she goes mentality of a honest, substantial, no airs tradesmen ( main character and his buddies ). The female spouse character was a cliché BUT not an invalid one in terms of marriage in nose dive mode as far as she was concerned.

I wish from a holistic basis that Fredoberto had shown a fleeting positive aspect to Stella so her role wasn't so mired in ' cheating shrew ' mode. Likewise Kenny was always one of nature's gentlemen. Give him a transient weak moment that gives Stella the impetus to ( mistakenly) believe she deserves better.

No more nitpicks ! I believe this is first time I clicked the author's name. Fredoberto is now on my " worth taking a chance on list " as far as authors go. I thank him for sharing .

Way to much irrelevant scenery description, but I liked the story well enough. Is sytech24 becoming a LW meme? Seems very popular these days. Gave it a four.

Thanks for sharing.

What an enjoyable contemporary fairy tale!

Great little tale with the husband betrayed by his whore wife and he winds up with a happy ending. Hope the cheating cunt is miserable.

Good story, well written but I would have preferred a simpler ending. More like he won the lottery with a ticket after giving the beggar 20 pounds and the beggar giving him a blessing in return. The exotic turn of events is out of place and distracts from the mill town set up. Better would have been if he had settled down and found a decent woman and invested the money in a plumbing business.

I agree with @sugna...Good story, well written, but with a winding end. But that was the way the writer saw his story...so 4*

Particularly British laws, but if the ending had simply had the husband win the lotto, I would expect the wife to get a share since it would have been a marital asset.

I did find the ending a bit hurried but that might be more the fine pace of the lead up it compares to. There is only so much you can do in 2 pages.

Thanks for sharing

It was well-written and well plotted.

The author gave clues throughout the story as to what was happening and what would happen.

And, yes, the description of English/Welsh divorce law is accurate. Scotland has a different legal system, so I'm not sure of their divorce laws.

The winnings were not his. He did not purchase the ticket. He had no part in it, and Lucky found him after he was divorced. It's not his money now, it's Lucky's. If Lucky decides to share her life, and her possessions with a now-single man, there is no case for an ex-wife to get squat, doesn't matter WHAT legal system you live under for that, Well... any civilized legal system anyway.

The ex-wife has zero claim on anything. Just saying.

Actually, there is a TRUE story of an English woman who 'traded up', leaving her hubby. He then moved to the USA and won one of the super-lotteries over there, getting more than a hundred million, if I remember correctly.

When asked by the press how she felt about her ex-husband's windfall, she replied: "It's just typical of him."

I thought about that, and wondered how she could consider trading him in... if it was typical of him, lol.

I also remember, he had a new US girlfriend on his arm in the press photos.

Good literature. Great characters and plot. Keep it up. A 5star effort!

Very tightly written. Perhaps too tightly written. (And by 'perhaps' I mean YES)

Parts of the story which were longer than the entire marital confrontation, the most critical conversation in the story.

-description of the town (5 paragraphs?)

-description of the shop that Balbir and Meena operated (three?0

-description of how he saw the lottery system (three paragraphs)

-description of the adulterous sex (five)

-description of the clothes he wears hill walking (three separate references)

-description of the marital sex (don't blink, you'll miss it) (one and a half?)

We got a single paragraph of marital confrontation and that as third person narration.

This is not my cup of tea. I do not consider that discussion a trifle.

As a story, it was reasonably well written. Even well written. I get the characters. I think you had a touch of problems with the focus, is all.

-

Kimi opened the party. "Way too much irrelevant scenery description." FD45 listed it and gave the details Kimi just mentioned. You two should comment as a team!

You're a good writer, there was just too much trivia and not enough focus on the meat of the story. You're worth reading. Every story can't be a home run.

You should pay attention to those comments. LSD should pay attention, too. Instead of being a gas bag and trying to show everyone what a savant you are, just review the freaking story. It isn't about how smart you think you are, it's about the story. Nobody give a shit about what a giant brain you think you have, just review the story.

Great story. An oft-used story line but well told with local color.

I can't write like this. Either can FD45 who hasn't produced anything worthy of note in years. So he keeps himself busy latching onto the works of others (finishing it as his ego determines it should be) OR spends his free time picking apart the works of others in the most embarrassingly juvenile way, making pedantic observations about the most meaningless crap. Not a reviewer, not a critic - just an angry man envious of the skills of others.

Thank you Fredoberto! Fun reading. And thats what most of us are here for.

He gets off Scott free? No retribution? His wife never finds out he is a man whore?

A part two could be a lot of fun.

Fun bit of fluff with overtones of the literary. Enjoyed it, but I think realistically there would have been more conversation with Stella after the breakup, i.e. showing us the tumult of their lives rather than the oh-so logical conclusions Kenny comes to so rationally in such a short amount of time afterwards He is not an impulsive figure until that moment. Also, a bit of conversation with the beggar/lottery winner to really portray Kenny a bit more as a generous, caring man in a world of trouble, and perhaps a bit of lag-time between jobs. He is barely inconvenienced and transitions smoothly to a better life. And what is his idiocy? Being optimistic? Kind? Seeing the glass half full and not wanting to make waves with his self-centered spouse?

The more appropriate title would be "Lucky."

Still, gave it a fiver for language and effort and polish and will be on the lookout for more from Fredoberto.

Nice tale

I liked the meander through the old run-down English town, unlike other commenters who thought it and the characters we met on the way not so relevant.

This was one story where the adulterous wife's motivation was irrelevant and didn't need to be explained. What she did just provided Kenny with a reason to move on.

Lue

beats the crap out of the sickos stories.

You're right there on the edge of being very good. Cut down on the verbiage and this would have been very good. As it stands, just too much description. If you'd put as much time into the emotion of the characters as you did the countryside it would have been much better.

It Isn't my writing style, but I can appreciate it in other works

However, throwing all the 'meat' of the story (infidelity) into one third person narrative summary is distinctly NOT my cup of tea. It is like describing the weather and local of the battle of Bosworth Field...and then, when the battle joined, saying something like "And a bunch of guys got together and fought. Some died."

Why not use even half of that evocative writing to make a cracking good dialogue?

We had more emotion and description in Balbir and Meena's chat with him at the end. Heck, I think it was longer!

So keep all the other stuff he wrote AND add something more than a light coating of 'horsefeathers' to the story. Though that is a great evocative word in itself. More of that please.

To me the joy is in the differences . Some authors here will take a lot of trouble to sights and sounds outside of the actual characters. Others are more cerebral. I'm not going to debate Hemmingway 's merits. To me, he's definitely in top ten favs as far as short stories. The novels are far more dicey; some wonderful , some drone ad nauseum. Some authors skew in that fashion ( are you listening Matt Moreau? ).

But here is cut and paste on EH's utilization of nature in short fiction. He was known ( and often parodied ) for his clipped, terse prose but to him nature made the cut and then some .

"Nature, in the form of beautiful landscapes and wholesome surroundings, is a constant presence in Hemingway’s short fiction. It is often the only thing in the text, animate or inanimate, that is described in a positive or laudatory fashion. Hemingway was a great believer in the power of nature, both in terms of its beauty and its challenges, to improve one’s quality of life.

He was a lifelong outdoorsman, an avid hunter, fisherman, camper and boater, and he believed that overcoming natural obstacles using only one’s intelligence and skills made one a better person. In addition, Hemingway’s characters look to majestic landscapes and other manifestations of natural beauty for hope, inspiration, and even guidance during difficult or challenging times."

In this individual story. it was the pouring rain that distracted the main character from artificial, man made drama sporting event, brought him home unexpectedly and alerted him to wife's infidelity, the chilly night made him reach for the wallet to disburse alms to beggar . That sensitivity to elements of course paid mega-dividends.

I rarely differ with FD45 but this is one of those times. As for disagreeing with anons ? "They laugh at me because I'm different, and I laugh at them because they're all the same." . Love that quote. Thanks go to Kurt Cobain for that one. He was a shooting star that might have shined a bit longer if he cultivated the habit of walking in parks like Kenny. Final thanks to Fredoberto for sharing.

is good ★☆★☆★

I enjoyed the story, well done.

The setting and its description is what makes the story. Thanks for sharing.

Here's the ideal story for the "it's too wordy" crowd:

Man caught wife in bed with another man. Man beat wife and lover to death with a tire iron. The end.

(A bunch of morons creamed their pants when they read that.)

Enjoyed your writing skills. Not the same old same old loving wife BTB story. Simple, neat and clean.

It is what makes you like a writer's style! Next you will want to do away with dialogue.

It case you have not noticed this will leave you only with a plot and they have all been done before!

On balance a good story. Perhaps some scenery backdrop is a bit over cooked as I found myself saying 'get on with it'.

Story title did not quite line up with the tale for me, as I don't see an Idiot.

Four star effort.

Ah, the English equivalent of BTB and letting them rot in hell.

Love your writing style, it has a easy flow to it. I was expecting a more climatic ending but for a short story you ended it well. I haven't checked to see if you have written anything else yet but hopefully you have, if not keep writing! I'm giving this story four stars because it was so well written.

The back story was rich in detail of a land and activities where most readers will never go. So a new, unusual place (to us anyway) in interesting.

Which is refreshing because all the hyper drama in "I got home early" is sort of same old, same old. In the husbands opinion she wasn't worth fighting over. Once something's in the past , move on. Rage and revenge are wasted effort.

Chilley

Reminded me of an O'Henry tale. I hope you had as much pleasure writing it as I had reading it.

I felt that your title, "The Idiot", was quite appropriate. What idiot gives 20 pounds to a beggar? And what is the only way an idiot can survive? By being lucky.

I thought you would have him winning the lottery. Nice twist that the beggar was the one who won.

I expected a slightly different direction, when he gave her the 20# note I expected the lotto ticket was stuck to the note that he just bought in the store. The store owners being honorable people/friends knew who bought it and were waiting for him to return. So the win was really his all along. With the same ending of new found love/life - or better 2yrs later their toddler chased their puppy into their bedroom interrupting their early morning sex scene. With she fain's embarrassment and Kenny is hysterically laughing reaching down to scoop up his toddler.

Would have liked to know what happen to the slut and David after it got out, since Dave was a married man. He got off way to easy.

I'm surprised the score isn't higher. I think normally it would have been boring but the skill with which this was written was entrancing and moved the story along.

Well done!

What happened to the wife? Did she regret her affair, or missed Kenny?

but when they surprise with good fortune they become savant. TK U MLJ LV NV

you and your lucky days...

Well written but like a lot of authors you didn't finish! We needed to know the wife's pain and maybe a little revenge against Dave....or at least maybe she gave him half and he looked in her eyes and said, " I will give it all back to you for one date."....then they could LHEA...live happy ever after....

Ordinary people in ordinary jobs, surviving in a town well past its glory days. He chooses to make the best of a mediocre situation, dealing with a rather mundane home life in the best way he can. She chooses to have an affair, disrespect her husband, and jeopardize her workplace. After collecting his thoughts he decides to deal with the situation by stepping away from her infidelity and negativity by moving on with his life. And if the story had ended there it would still have had a happy ending. New job at higher pay with greater potential for advancement. New digs, and a company vehicle. No maintenance or child support payments, and no trendy clothes to purchase out of a meagre pay check.

Getting a return on his generosity and a benefit from the Idiot Tax was a bonus above and beyond his expectations. And Lucky being an added enhancement puts it over the top.

Well done.

thanks

Wow! He was no idiot but his wife was a slut. Did you know that S.T.Ds is at alarming high and guess again it's highest with married women! Sobering isn't it? Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story!

if only life always had a happy ending like that. 5*

i do agree with others that we should have heard stella try to justify cheating and see the life he is now leading, her paramour should have met his mates one dark night, at the very least his wife should have been made aware.

some of the other commenters are saying it's too descriptive. BOLLOCKS!

how often in similiar merkan "husband comes home early" stories do we have to read about " childhood sweetheart, college, sophomores year, graduated, cheerleader, jock, hert shaped ass, 34Cs, walking wet dream, 5 times a night, some convoluted cowardly revenge after getting turned on watching and doing fuckall blah blah fucking blah.

just walk away and let the slack cunt wallow in her misery.

rant over.

and hell can freeze over; TK U MLJ LV NV

If not for unusual events, stories tend to be boring and uninteresting.

I was thoroughly entertained. Thank you!

He was too much of a milquetoast to have any sympathy for this guy. He walks in on his wife getting screwed by some asshole and he just goes to sit in the park until she's done? No wonder his wife has no respect for him. I'm surprised he didn't offer to wash the guys dick off when he was done and help him get dressed. Maybe offer a scone for his drive home. Pure bullshit.

I kill both of them. I "ransacked" the house, take valuable items, purses, wallets, jewelries.etc... I go back to my friends and tell them to go ahead....

I try not to delete comments, because I value feedback. However I will delete any comments that are abusive about other commentators, other authors and sometimes even about the author. If you don't like what someone said in their comment, there is no need to get personal. The story exists as a work of fiction. It is not about real people, so please try to tell us all what you think about how the story was told, rather than what you would like to do to the characters, who are not real. I would be grateful if you were courteous to other real people who have provided feedback. Even if you don't agree with their comments, as Sir Walter Scott said, "Life is too short for the indulgence of animosity".

I liked it, if anything it was a little short, Maybe could have expanded on the ideas a bit.

For most of the story, it was at the pace of a turtle, with an awful lot of unneeded details. Then it sped like an out-of-control jet and crashed. Such stories I find lacking. The content of your story, however, was unique. The core is there. Perhaps, you can rework it?

Nice feel good story. Unlikely but aren't most of the scenarios on this site. Liked the pace as that is the pace most of our lives move at.

And, it left me feeling better. Thank you.

Typical LW wife. Won't talk to her husband, but can bare her soul, and her husband's perceived faults, to the pussy-hound at work. Maybe if she actually TALKED to her husband she would know about his potential promotion.

Also typical that she complains about their situation, but buys clothes that she doesn't need, and refuses to move where job prospects are better.

"Bursting into tears, she turned and ran to the bedroom." - I know I say it often, but if she cares enough to cry about it, she shouldn't have done it.

A commenter complained that there were unnecessary details that unfortunately extended his reading. Poor guy- words are hard. Those “extra words” are what make a story. I thought it was a nice compact telling; the theme is a common one, but it was well done. I thought his tickets were going to be a winner, but as Lucky would have it, he won in the end. No explanations needed there.

Typical LW husband. Too much of a wimp and a coward to try to,resolve issues with his wife. Actions to turn and leave witjpitnyryingnshow thatnhemnever loved his wife in the first place.

I read this story when I first found Literotica, before I thought to save authors I liked. After reading "Gifted" I checked the author's other stories and now will read them all. These aren't strokers but are well crafted and well-written stories...eager to read the next story!

Again is not enough. Out them publicly, get 'em fired for moral turpitude on company time & facilities....BTB

Kenny should have alerted Dave's wife and employer to Dave's true personality. A person who will steal from another's marriage is a thief, and will steal from his wife and employer as well. Kenny shirked his community responsibility by allowing a predator to remain loose and unknown.

Otherwise it was an OK story. All the characters were rather shallow, and the plot was of course very contrived, but you made you point well and it was an entertaining read. Thank you.

Your command of language is formidable and you use it to delightful affect.

I suppose she is his Lucky Lay?

as many other commenters have said, your detail is way over the top. The character development was not too bad but didn't generate any sympathy for anyone. If we can't identify with a character then it's akin to reading a newspaper account. The interaction between main characters was so little and virtually non existent after her being caught. He basically just left and the ending was pretty contrived. Did you get tired of writing? I gave it a 2 because of lack of excitement. You have good command of language but evoked no emotion anywhere. Read how other top authors do it and emulate them. Keep writing, a breakthrough is imminent.

Have read this before

I noticed the effect as an object goes through time slower than it ought to, that is, to say, the story had "detail" as one person put it, but I've seen "colorful" stories which start it thinking they're novels before realizing that's lot of work and morph into a more appropriate prose. This seemed fine enough. As long as each part helps move the plot, not merely 30 pages describing people at a park, doing ordinary things on an ordinary day, bordinary.

But why does winning £13 million (after taxes I guess that's what you'd have left) turn someone into a perfect mate via blowjob? Did she assimilate his DNA and modify her own to please her new Master or something? Knows his every desire like and dislike, after the genetic delight? If you think that's retarded, so is repaying someone with....sex and an allusion to more.

I dunno, accepting it unless it came with the DNA melding a bit deeper than a protein shake, it might feel like a cheap proposition.

"I got money, thanks, fuck me."

"I'm flattered, but I dropped my wallet, not my sensibility.

"You know, phone calls are cheap nowadays as they're digitized and multiplexed with more capacity than can be used by the whole country on a fiber taking up space where copper wire once lived that used to only be able to handle a few calls simultaneously, analog, frequency shifted, crosstalk and all, being charged extra to hear others' conversations, or the repurposing those existing lines for digital methods, increasing capacity by ten thousand, allowing physical connection reduction and service improvement at less cost, where the only real expense is the switching equipment at the last mile and those bums trying to steal copper.....and damn backhoe operators who ignore the call before digging signs!

"You could have bought a 15% stake in the phone company...you could have called where I work...you could have hired someone to do that while out at the spa... Quite frankly, my dear, I'm disappointed in you..."

Kenny was a simple honest guy who was stuck in a run down town with a shrew for a wife. He wasn't a talker and Fredoberto told his story with an amazing description of what he observed. This is a complete 2 page story and some idiots complain about the detail! You are a great writer. Thank you for your work!

reasonable man

I loved this story, thank you!

Get some perspective, you self important dumb-fucks. The author wrote a decent story to entertain a few people and you talentless jerkoffs shred him as if you just found out that he mixed dog shit into your evening meal and came in your coffee.

five *****s

Enjoyed your story. Really enjoy the happy ending.

Agree on first part of LSD comment, however there were several positive aspects ascribed to Sweetie, including their last coupling. They were reported to be very compatible until The Bull got his ‘nose’ in Sweetie’s ‘tent-flap.’ After that the negative drift seemed to be fairly gradual. It may have been an instant recognition of her financial vulnerability, but her reaction to Hubby’s announcement of having been home during her major ‘fox-pox’ was not one of indifference nor disdain. Sweetie’s willingness to sign the divorce papers could be seen as a positive attribute. She really did not want a divorce, and MIGHT have truly reverted to her loving self. (Glad that option was not offered, since ‘might not’ was also possible.)

4*

Lovely little story. 5*s. Though a bit sketchy here and there, overall a good read.

A good and believable story right up until the ending. The old bum was really a beautiful woman who gave him wealth and a blow job. Sure. Why didn’t you have him rub a lamp and have a naked genie with 3 boobs pop out? Same thing, just a little more traditional.

About the beggar but I knew who she was when she walked into the store. I expected Kenny was going to be the lottery winner but you turned that around, no matter he still ended up Lucky. It's nice to see someone just being kind getting rewarded, it doesn't happen near enough. Signed: BTW

You seem to have a knack for capturing the flavor of a place. Many of your submittals could double as a travelogue. You also have a command of the Queens' English and sent me to the dictionary several times throughout your submittals. You also have a knack for a clever turn of phrase which is delightful, especially i na dreary piece like this.

This was a fairly dreary piece and I was hoping for a reconciliation at the end. Possibly with Stella holding the winning ticket which won with Kenny's rent money. As it turned out the ending was somewhat of a deus ex machina.

Now that is a happy ending!

Just like so much of your work, you write a big set-up but then don't finish!

People who make disparaging comments? But if you look at those same people they don't have any stories they've written.I wonder if it's because they don't have any Talent or they just like to bitch about other stories

Huh??? He divorced from his cheating wife, and a year later got the beautiful RICH girl.

What? You need it to say “And they lived happily ever after.”

The End

I agree with @BigJim48... A big setup and a wimpy ending... Other than that it was a very good story and I enjoyed reading it, just not the ending... 3 Stars for me...

That was a good one. I enjoyed it again.

A well told, fully complete story.

Great Profile Picture!! Stop the War Peace for Ukraine

Slava Ukraini!

5 stars - I liked this story

Very nice, if you just keep plodding along who knows what might happen. 5 stars

Love the flag. My moms family came to America from the Ukraine. I was a paratrooper at fort Bragg north Carolina during the cold war. I was trained to fight the Russians. Good luck to your country

A lovely story, tis sometimes better to be lucky than good.

Good story even with the cheesy last line! Still gave you a five star rating.

Average

No punishment for other cheating sob. He got off Scot Free

What a good old fashioned story, nice characters throughout

[12.12.22]

Excellent!

11/10!!!!!

Great, great, great story!!!

Good story bad ending to quick of a wrap up....

🙉🙈🙊💦💨💩🤧

Bastard Campbell still screwing over a MacDonald, eh?

Hoping you and the family are safe. Love and support from the Canada.

Ukraine 🇺🇦 💗

Excellent.