All Comments on 'The Island: Pt. 01 - The Beach'

My first attempt. Reading it I think it reads a bit too much like a list, she did this, he did that, repeat... I'll work on the style for a bit more empathy maybe.

I thought it was pretty sexy!

Luck girl!

I can see where your coming from but thought that it was only really the last paragraph that didn’t work very well. Although I found it amusing that she was more worried about him coming in her mouth instead of having unprotected sex.

Tess (uk)

PlanetNebula (can I call you PN) you are very kind. If you have any suggestions how I can get from "pretty sexy" to "ohmygodIwantmore" I'll take it.

I'll keep reading but am dismayed by lack of dialogue - your characters really need to establish some rapport

Hello Anon, fair point. Dialogue picks up significantly from episode 4 for what it's worth.

Cheers

G

Like all the previous chapter, I love the intense build ups to the confrontational exchanges between the opposing parties. I think this saga is a wonderfully created story. It has me captivated and eager for each and every new chapter.

Thanks for this Gortmundy.