All Comments on 'The Job Pt. 08'

There will be people not liking the ending...but I thought it suited.

Thank you for another great story!

I hope there are more stories to come? Maybe a spin off?

Special mention to your Editor, Tim for his great work.

C

Part 8 was worth waiting for. This ending is simply superb. Thank you DC and a very big thank you to Tim for putting it all together again. Well done.

Thanks, enjoyed your story.

I freely admit, I LOVED this entire story..especially the ending. I, like others, thought chapter 7 was the ending. It could have been, it didn't set well, but I was prepared to let it go. Then this morning, the perfect ending that tied it all together. Thank you DC.

What's not to like about the ending? I thought it was well written, had some twists, and enough sex to warrant being on Literotica. Here's hoping for a spinoff or maybe a prequel.

As both a reader and an editor, I commend you both. I am a romantic at heart and this new concept of a pair of assassins with "hearts of gold" and a "hooker/ psychiatrist" was just too much fun. Great read. This series should make the HOF.

That was a beautiful series. It made me laugh, cry, smile and get angry all in any one chapter. So thank you for sharing, not killing Jayden and Beverly and for the new addition. It was a pleasure to read and i look forward to more romantic mystery.

Wonderfully strange story. Thanks for sharing.

in spades - memorable stuff - thanks!

Ten stars. Loved it.

Your usual excellence and my lack of sleep because I can't put it down.

Well done...one of the best I've read in quite a while...5's all the way down the line.

But is this the end!……..

DreamCloud, this is the best series I have found so far on the site, I have been a member since 2010.

I kind of figured on a happy ending, but not quite what DC did. Even the deus ex machina reprieve worked. Very good series!

the good news, it was one of the best. The bad news is the bar isn't really all that high, is it? I think technically the writing was good. I'll let the grammar geeks address any shortcomings there. The flaw was unbelievable character traits. We have a professional assassin who is sympathetic, sacrificing, romantic, and a lover of people, especially women and children. Obviously such a psyche cannot exist. Did you mean for this to be science fiction? Jayden would have to be nonhuman to be believable. Jayden was happily driving to Indianapolis to kill whomever he was told, until a child was included. So while he risked his life to save the child, if the child was not included in the hit he would have blithely blown the child's mother's head off? How many people has he killed, not knowing (or caring?) if they had children or spouses? Of course the female assassin just compounds the personality spoofing. Everyone knows that deep down in the heart of a cold blooded killer there is a burgeoning spirit of warmth and love, just waiting to be released. As soon as their last kill bleeds out. And they clean the brain splatter off their shoes. As long as the mark turned 18 as of yesterday? I wonder what Jayden's age limit was?

I understand you wanted to show a dramatic turnaround in human spirit, but you should have found some other profession that did not require a mentally deranged killer morphing into Mister Rogers. How about a guy who travels from factory to factory, throwing people out of work, closing down large industries, and causing economic and professional chaos in small towns? Or maybe a guy who brokers organ donors for rich clients, having parents and relatives sell their kidneys or liver to pay for their child's chemotherapy, etc. That would at least be believable. The transformation of Jayden is commensurate with Adolph Hilter converting to Judaism, and moving into a Kibbutz.

So, a really enjoyable fairy tale. But is a fairy tale what you meant to tell?

Great story, as to the previous comment, I had no idea that this site was for stories strictly based on reality. Dang and here I thought that there was fiction here as well, guess i was wrong. lmao. It was a story, you tried to read too deep into the character instead of enjoying it, if you merely read for enjoyment you'd have understood the little tidbits about him not killing children, him not understanding the impact his kills had on children, him coming to the realization after Susans mother is killed in front of her, everything was laid out for you yet you failed to comprehend the progression.

I sure hope you have more stories in you. This was well constructed, with a tightly woven plot that introduced several different characters, in many different settings, and yet never lost its way or got bogged down. Kudos to your editor for his contribution to making the story flow smoothly, without the grammatical glitches and spelling errors that seem to plague so many of the authors on this site. You have real talent. I left this story for last and have enjoyed everything you have written, to date. I will be watching for more.

For a "job" well done! Thank you for being a wonderful story spinner!

Every single one of your artistic dalliances listed to date -- are gems! Characters you love, how they love, how fleshy they are, etc.

Truly a breath of fresh air...

I have for the past two days been trying go access chapter 7. Ended up reading the end first.. Shame....9

Anyone who finds the idea incredible should watch a very funny British/Irish movie called 'In Bruges'.

What a nice story. So entertaining and unusual. I loved all the twists and turns. It was a real page turner. I didn't think I would like it at the beginning but I couldn't wait for the next chapter once I got into it. You really know how to write a romance. I love a happy ending and was really rooting for all of them. Beverly - Happy; Marissa - Happy; Susan-Happy; What about Sandra? Would have been nice if she had a happy ending. Thank You for a very nice story.

Absolutely fantastic series, I hope you have more stories coming up. Thank You.

And since I felt the need to read the whole damn thing in one sitting, I'm blaming you for me being late for work!!!

Keep writing. You are VERY good at it.

As one geek to another, this story was one of the best ones that I've ever read. It is good to have all your characters' names be unchanging, and all "i"s be crossed and all the "t"s dotted, but above all else, the story must be good. There were issues here, but not BAD problems.

Nothing was bad enough to get my inner nerd going.

The story flowed beautifully and the characters were very interesting, displaying deliciously droll humor combined with sparkling dialogue, over-watched by excellent action.

Just an absolutely fantastic story. You are one hell of a writer, I had to read this in one sitting. I just could not put it down. Thanks for sharing it with us!!!

your other stories I didn't care for the subject matter, as much. Still, great writing and very daring. Not everyone can make two assassins the hero and heroine of the story and succeed. What astonished me is the high ratings this story received. We've already established that your writing style is superb so maybe this was an experiment, of sorts. Take two assassins for the mob, traditionally the villains, give them a limit (no child targets) and see if you can turn the two assassins into the good guys and the story into a romance novel. If your writing process remained the same I would have loved to have seen where your thought process started out. Even though I didn't care for the subject it still held my interest. Thank you for sharing your imagination and the hard work it took to put it in writing.

Your stories are very hard to put down. I discovered you about a week ago, and now I have nothing left to read! I've read them all!.....Please keep writing. Between you and your editor Tim, all your stories turned out great. The twists and turns, I love the surprises that pop up just when you think you know what's going to happen, something better shows up. Thank you!

happily ever after.

in their own weird and wonderful way

fade

how you tied up (nearly) all the loose ends at the end, and as many as could be.

have all the stars possible

Every chapter deserved a 5 but the site only accepted my vote on 3!

Every one a pleasure to read!

That I could not stop reading until I got to the end

Yoshi

I was not sure I was going to like this story due to the explicit and descriptive sex, but knowing you I kept going and I was not disappointed. I gave you a full vote on each chapter and will look forward to more.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

What sort of person can easily overpower someone larger and so willingly threaten their death - with a gun they had so close at hand - that was believable enough to make you not try to fight back...?

And yet not only did he engage in passive aggressive - assuming you consider slashing tires while running away PA... He also figured it was total BS and went against what he was told...

Likely he was just so used to being a bully he couldn't remember to be afraid...

Not my favorite of your stories but still enjoyable...

I have to compliment you sir, and Tim for editing. This was the best:) chapter 6 i read two times in one hour, before i continued to ch 7 :) that was the best chapter of romantica, i have ever read. But i hope you will give us Even better in the future. :) if you one time in the future publish someting, pls let us know:) ty vm from Norway :D

Please tell Tim the past tense of to kneel is not kneeled but rather knelt, otherwise his grammar is quite good. For you, I like your stories, well thought out, and good sex.

You have created. Thank you for sharing your stories with us, expecting no financial return. You are a gem.

Dreamcloud is possibly the best author on Literotica in balancing the plot with the erotica. Some authors just start out with explicit sex and proceed down the usual path of playing with nipples to manual sex to mutual oral sex to the grand finale of intercourse in a number of ways....and then you realize that there was no story. DC makes the sex seem like a integral part of the story, but if that gets redundant you can skim the sex and read a worthwhile story. I thoroughly enjoyed this adventure and loved Jayden and Beverly. It took awhile for DC to settle on these two as the featured couple. For a while I was sure he'd head back to Sandra/Debra and he sort of did at the end, but this was a very satisfactory conclusion. A string of 5* chapters.

Overcritical's comment below nailed every point I wanted to make. This was a beautiful story, a classic DreamCloud really. Just amazing. I don't know what you're profession is Dream, but I can tell you that if you're not a professional author, you missed your calling :) Keep writing, and I guarantee you'll have us reading and rereading, and loving your work even more and more.

Exceptional and unique story. This author is one of several that in my opinion are the best on the site. Will seek and read everything he writes. 🏆

Great story, but Bev getting even by cheating with Sandra ruined my opinion of this last chapter.

Like the comment below, the cheating by bev with sandra kind of ruined the ending for me.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this story which was well structured and the flick back to Marissa and Doug was brilliant. Also enjoyed the story rather than the sex which is refreshing!

The plot's pretty good and detailed.Loved it.

Looking forward for a spin-off with Beverly as lead character.

I really like the way you tell a story. BUT...like others said, the cheating was just wrong. If they want to have an open relationship that's cool with me--but that's not the honorable way to go about it. She was jealous of his PAST so she decides to have sex with one of his PAST women without discussing it with him? So, so wrong.

I also feel like Beverly's jealousy and upset reactions are too over-the-top through the whole story. She's a successful assassin, I think they tend to stay calm and controlled a bit better than the average person. She may not have had a relationship in a long time, but I bet she's seen drama.

I quibble about these things because I respect you as a storyteller! Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

You could have found a better way to shoe-horn the threesome in this chapter, even dropping it entirely improves the character development.

@Anonymous Re: Kneeled – Actually, either is correct.

Re: Children – There was a scene where he questioned how many children who lost parents due to his work.

Re: Sandra/Beverly – While I suppose it was technically cheating since she didn’t tell him first, she obviously wasn’t intending to hide it from him, and her explanation made s kind of weird sense! I was hoping for a more permanent threesome!

I loved reading it from start to finish. You are a hell of a writer.

For me the one thing that kind of ruined it was the threesome at the end. It felt forced. Beverly suddenly gave up her jealousy? Sorry not buying it,

The rest of it is a masterpiece.

Great read!! I loved it and didn't want to put it down! Please keep writing!!

nice read. keep up the good work

Still loved it. Wish I could find other authors of your quality. Thank you

but some details missing about it...the ending seemed too contrived and too much left to the imagination and did not need that silly lesbian scene in it.....that was pathetic.....and added nothing to the story....just felt it needed a bit more ....I suppose we have to presume the asshole on the boat ended up feeding the fishes....not a bad story...not brilliant either...close but no cigar.....

I like tour stories but one detail to care of would be the names, in this story jayden suddenly was jason or something like that and i got a bit confused, the same happened in the link story with Rose, Natally's mother you kept changing her name several times. But the stories are great maybe one of my favorites has been the accident one, and the carnaval. Keep writing.

The story seemed fantastic and wonderful, but I have two objections:

Alejandro Mendoza is NOT Spanish, if ever Colombian or from any other Latin American country. Spain is in Europe.

On the other hand, the scene between Beverly and Sandra, for me in particular, profoundly killed the end of the story (my own personal demons), if Beverly was jealous of Jayden's relationships before they met, how can she have sex with Sandra after being in a relationship with Jayden? For me, that's cheating, it does not matter the sex of those involved. Obviously, this is an appreciation of mine, based on personal experiences.

5 * for you, despite my points of disagreement.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

Theirs good in the world,and yet some times it's really hard to see with all the other crap going on.rite in front of us from the shootings in the schools now days. I would of thought you would of pulled Steven Seagaul or Jackie Chan,out of the box and went after the top guys. R.W.

ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE NOT DISAPPOINTED ME. KEEP UPP THE GOOD WORKS

hornyoldgoat6969

An incredible story, ruined by one incredibly stupid scene. So completely out of left field for both Bev's character and the story as a whole. Why not have Marissa bang a tattoo artist for a discount as well?

There's no doubt DreamCloud was one of if not the best author Lit has ever seen, but damn, did he ruin this one for me.

As others have commented, the sex scene between Sandra and Beverly was a significant flaw in an otherwise great story. I still gave it an overall 5*, but if you step back and look at the episodic approach that was taken on this story, that scene did not fit at all. Much of this tale was fantasy, which is all right, but the animosity between Sandra and Beverly couldn't vanish that quickly. It would have been better if Dream Cloud had spent more time on a really nice ending for Sandra.

There was some commentary about mixed up names. I have found, having been reading Literotica for some time, that authors often mix up names. Someone is Carol for the whole story and suddenly becomes Charlene for a page. I really think that those who don't use editors are reluctant to read their own stories. The other probablity is that people often do a lousy job of proof-reading their own work. When I used to write a lot of reports I found that some mistakes got through when I edited my own work. If it is important, you should always get someone else to proof your work.

I have read all of Dream Cloud's stories now and somehow get the feeling that no more will be forthcoming. Too bad! This is indeed a bright spot in an often dreary landscape of mediocrity.

Loved it. It's a shame you won't be posting anything else on this site but it's understandable

But I have to agree with many other comments here. The Beverly and Sandra scene was not your best choice. I understand the reason for including it but there had to be a better way to use Sandra's insight for Beverly's benefit. Excellent writing and I would hope you have reconsidered either posting or making new stories available to your readers (directly through Amazon for example). Yo. Are too good of a story teller/writer to not share your talkents with others.

Cloud; you were ahead the entire game when the other team gets lucky and scores to go ahead by one point. With time running out you try a short field goal to win, yea!

Bev "forces" Sandra to do oral sex on her...With one second remaining, the kicker gets the ball airborne, and it is WIDE RIGHT. C'mon, with all your great stories you did not need to resort to that. You are way better than that. Sorry you are not allowed to post anymore.

This story is perfect

Just read this for the first time all in one sitting.

It was ... strange. A mix of chapters that pulled me in and others that were kind of ... flat.

Emotional assassins ... who would have guessed.

And after complaining about the lesbian scene. Normally if he complains to that degree you’d get 3* max. Congrats. Maybe he was just nicer back then.

After finishing and enjoying the Literotica suggested The Promise I wandered over to the DreamCloud page to see what else was offered. The Promise was a well written straight line story telling. The Job is a series of interconnected vignettes, an entirely different type of writing equally well done to The Promise. To shift writing styles with equal aplomb is a difficult premise. C'mon, DreamCloud, 'fess up. You write for a living and drop odds 'n ends into Literotica, correct?

You are a wonderful writer, and you really brought the characters to life.you also made me cum more times than I could count, but that happens to me often. Though I have had stories I couldn't finish with on lit. But you really know how to set the screws.

DreamCloud,

Your writing is so satisfying, expertly woven, every detail completely finalized.

Thank you so much.

Steve Scott.

This is the 12th story of yours that I’ve read and can’t beehive that each story each story just keeps getting better than the last! I’m an old movie buff so I’d already deduced what was coming for the two assassins and I bawled but I wasn’t expecting that awesome f-ing plot twist!! I was kind of mad over Beverly and the hooker hooking up but for them and the situation, it made perfect sense. Your brain and imagination are a wondrous thing! Thank you for sharing it with us.

I used all my words up on the previous chapters. Great second tome read! Thanks to the editor and our author.

Great story!

Just a top notch story from beginning to end. Characters that make you care about them

Just simply perfect. I know you don’t write any more for Lit, but many, many thanks for leaving what you’ve written still posted here despite the thieves, every single story a gem. Cheers Ppfzz.

Excellent !!! 5 BIG STARS

absolutely butchered the story on the last chapter. you hate to see it

What a wonderfully strange story about a wonderfully strange couple!

I totally disagree with those who critisized the last scene with Bev and that very special Escort/hooker. It was well done and very much added to and complimented the whole story.

Yeah, a wonderfully strange story and exciting story, still 5 stars the second time around, a little less sex scenes and more story would have even been better.

Great story well done. 5 stars

Damn! I hate to see it end.

Would like a follow up.

Exciting, surprising, sexy! Great story!

Really enjoyable series. Deserves a follow up for the loose ends. Sandra. The new baby. Susan dating etc. Thanks for writing this. BardnotBard

So the great Don was human after all, just like all husbands. The wife has the last word. All to the good for the sake of Jayden and Beverly. But you could have extended the story a little longer. Would have loved to hear about Marissa getting pregnant with Doug's child, and Beverly being a mother.

Nice story. I did not like how you presented the drug cartel. It soured my view Making them look human when they are really greedy, sadistic narcissists who kill and ruin millions. Really made me sad. Your not alone, so many other storytellers do the same and romanticize them as nice or normal. My brother's son lived miserably with his drug problems, He and million of others would agree that letting the cartel always win is bad.

Great Series! You write Very Well, and really Hold an audience! Thank You!

Sad to ruin a great story with a stupid 3 way. But I shouldn’t expect more from a story on a sex site…so…my bad.

An interesting ride through out. Well done.

Good read with everything tied up neatly at the end.