All Comments on 'The Jogger Ch. 01'

Good story...nice little surprise at the end, though you could see it coming. Makes you want Ch. 02...and more...to see what happens...well done!

"Roger rolled the plastic garbage can out to the curve." A mistake in the first sentence is not good.

"At 48 years old" Should be "forty-eight." Ditto for "`10 story office building." Write out all numbers under one hundred.

"I will," "you are" - should be contractions when used in dialogue by native English speakers.

"Tim was a good looking man, especially for being in his early fifties." Awkward. Could be, "Tim was a good looking man in his early fifties." "Enjoyed to flirt" - "Enjoyed flirting."

There are tons of redunancies and unnecessary stuff and fillers. The second two paragraphs could be deleted. In fact, this story could be half the length and it wouldn't change anything.

" He fiddled with the trash can to make it appear as if he was doing something important." I doubt anyone would see fiddling with a trash can lid as important.

"He fiddled with the trash can, using that as an excuse to linger."

Your style of writing is incredibly amazing, among the best on the site. Here's hoping you continue this story - and The Agency!

I appreciate critique, because I believe it makes me a better writer. However, I would not consider your critique helpful. I realize that I had some errors here and there, but those are limited. I know that I am far from a perfect writer, but I do the best that I can. Some of the things you pointed out are merely a personal preference for how you would have structured the sentence. If you just want to be a grammar Nazi, please find somewhere else to do so. Especially if you aren't ballsy enough to post using your username.

On to the only criticism you gave that I found valid was the overall length and description at the beginning of the story. While I do realize that it drags on a little long, it is done in an effort to inform the reader of Roger's backstory. I am trying to paint the picture of a man who is broken. If I skipped the backstory and merely stated that he was a rich divorcee who was lurking at some young jogger, he would sound like a creeper. The purpose of the long backstory is to try and develop the character. You will continue to see this done for the rest of the characters in later chapters, because I feel like you need to understand the characters past to truly understand their present.

I do understand that criticism, though. I too thought it drug on a little long, but that was a writing decision that I made. Yes the story could have gone without those sections, but I think in the long run it will make for a better story.

I didn't notice. I think it's right to paint the scene before the play begins. While I have enjoyed The Agency and look forward to more of it, this was a very pleasant surprise. I look forward to more of this story. With the focus on those introduced in this chapter, it could still run at least as long as the agency with more character development, considering your talent. .

You write very well and I agree that anyone that likes to nitpick that much without using his/her own name can't be taken too seriously. There is so much crap writing on LitE that is it extremely refreshing to read someone that can write well and is organized and thorough enough to construct a FINE story with actual, realistic human characters in a realistic (not fantasy) world. Keep this one coming. - Rick (a new fan)