The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 01

I thought back to my own world. Nuclear, biological, and other nightmares... with the magic of this world the very same things could be a terrifying possibility.

"We will think about it." Was all that she said, still staring at me with a ghost of a Cheshire grin on her face.

I sighed as I thanked them and took my leave without anymore incidents. It was the best I could do, kinda hard to convince a side that's winning to... well not win.

*********************************

That evening, I hauled my exhausted ass though the door of my room. I froze seeing something out of the corner of my eye. Below my crappy little tree lay a single present, gift wrapped with brown paper, red ribbon and a little bow on top. Walking over I knelt down to touch it with a shaky hand. How was this possible? I heard a soft pop behind me and the voice of Romie,

"I didn't know when your fat guy friend was coming to leave you gifts but I wanted to make sure there was one there from me." She said quietly.

I sat down on my ass like a little kid and held the gift in my lap. Drops of water started to wet the wrapper. It took me a moment to realize they were my tears. It was something so stupid, it shouldn't have affected me like it did. I started to heave and sob uncontrollably. Romie rushed over and held me in her arms. Maybe it was the fact that despite everything, I felt that somehow I failed. Hell, maybe it was the holidays, maybe it was the stress of everything, maybe I just needed a good cry, I donno but I just continued to bawl my eyes out on her shoulder. Her thick wavy hair tickled my face and her smell comforted me. She held me through the night as I grieved, not saying a single word....

**********************************************

December 22nd

I awoke for the second time, locked in an embrace with Romie. We were both laying on the floor as she held me in her arms. She made a very nice pillow I thought randomly as the memories of last night came back to me.

That's when it began again. Stabbing pain assaulted me as I cried out, holding my head.

"What's wrong?!" She asked suddenly waking up in panicking while grabbing my hands over hers.

I couldn't answer, the pain was too great. All I could do was gasp and keep myself from screaming out again. That's when I heard the voices.

'Showing signs of bra... oqweert..... Maybe try 3ccs dgsjeidh...."

Romie just held on to me as the pain coursed over me. I could feel her crying helplessly as she could do little more than watch. After about 5 minutes or so, I was able to talk.

"I'm ok... I'm ok.." I told her, breathing heavily.

"No you're not! What happened? Is there something wrong with your head?" She asked fearfully.

"Heh, ask almost everyone I've met here and they'll say there's something wrong with my head." I joked, shaking off the lingering pain.

"I'm being serious!" She cried as she took me by my shoulders.

"A Cheshire that's being serious, will wonders never cease."

I know I was being an asshole, she honestly did care about me. Guess it was just a self-defense mechanism for something that scared me to death. I was in an accident that brought me to this world after all- something quite honestly could be wrong up there. Feeling guilty, I did something stupid.

Grabbing her head, I pulled down and kissed her on the forehead gently.

"I'm okay now. Thank you... for everything..." I whispered letting go as her head slowly raised back up.

She stared into my eyes, hers glistening with tears. Closing them, she gently leaned in to kiss me.

Nuh uh girl....

I put my index finger up to her lips to stop her.

"This is a no no and you know it." I said quietly as her eyes shot open.

"Who cares, it's just you and me, no one will know." She answered just as quiet, her voice soft, full of need and want.

"Maybe some other time but for now, we have a meeting to go to."

*********************

My last chance. Everyone was seated at the table looking at me. I had a map of the land unrolled, on it were two lines drawn in the middle creating a bisected zone.

"So my idea. An area will be created here," I said pointing towards the northern area,

"That will be Human only. No corrupted items, no Mamono, no demonic energy, nothing. This is a sanctuary area and will allow Humans to live unturned and uncorrupted. The area in the middle is for lack of a better term a demilitarized zone- no forces Human or Mamono will be allowed to enter this area. It will serve as a buffer for both sides. The area to the south will be whatever Demon Realms are set up. Both sides will redistribute their armed forces to serve as a border patrol to keep these lines intact and prevent citizens from encroaching. Of course later there maybe trades routes established between territories and so on but we can cover that in a later meeting." I finished proudly.

I tried to copy what North and South Korea had set up as a possible means to an end. It wasn't perfect but hey, I was sure that with time, something better could be done. It could serve as a beginning. An honest to god start at something better than what they had.

I looked up to stony faces and frowns. Just like the time I told a bunch of Star Wars nerds that I thought Star Trek was better...

"The man is daft!" Dicksalot said, roaring with laughter.

Everyone else voiced their opinions of doubt after the douche spoke. The only one that stayed quiet was Romie as she sadly stared at me. A Cheshire that couldn't smile at something, guess my idea really was that shitty, I thought bitterly. I stood there stunned and dejected as everyone left for the second and final time.

Romie was the last to leave, before she did, she came up and kissed me softly on the cheek. I hardly felt it as I stared down at the map. My fabulously great idea, the way to end the war and save this worlds inhabitants ... laughed at...

I don't know how long I stood there. Eventually I too walked out, leaving the map where it lay. It was just a useless piece of trash now.

Later as I sat on my bed staring at the wall. A knock came from the door. Opening it I saw it was Fredrickson.

"What?" I sighed rudely.

"I... I am sorry that things did not go well. That your plan... was not well received."

Looking at his face, it seemed like he was reaching for comforting words but the S.O.B. looked genuinely sad about it.

"We will be taking our leave on the morrow.... You could come with us, join the last bastion of defense for humanity. With your abilities, you could be a Hero, a ray of hope to light our darkest hour," He urged.

I could tell there was a small amount of desperation in the offer. Guess Katrina wasn't bullshitting about the 5 year estimate, they really were getting on their last legs.

His words touched me. Sure he was a prick most of the time I knew him, he had his faults, we all did but... Here was a man, a person, a fellow human being asking for my help. I would be lying if I said some small part of me wasn't tempted because of sheer pity. Because they needed someone...

But I couldn't... I wasn't that someone.

I was barely able to look him in the eye, "I'm sorry..." I said, fighting back a large feeling of guilt.

He nodded slowly, sadly, as if he already knew my answer. I closed the door as he turned and walked away.

In that moment, I hated everyone. I hated the Order for their shitty kill or be killed attitude. The fact that they knew the end was coming and rather do something different that didn't involve killing Mamono, they would rather lose it all. I hated the Maou and her parasitical nature. Turn them all without a loss of life, sure a kinder alternative, but that doesn't mean you didn't just wiped out an entire species. She was just a different side to the same coin in my book.

I stormed back into my room and in a fury I threw anything I could find. I over turned the bed, punched my fist through the wall, anything to take my rage out. Fuck them and their ways! Fuck this backwards ass world! Let them all die or change or whatever. I warned them, I gave them their chance! When the final bell tolls, I just wished I could be there to say I told them so....

That night no one knocked on my door, no one teleported in. I slept in the corner on the floor, physically exhausted from my tantrum and mentally exhausted from my thoughts.

****************************

December 23rd

I sat atop the roof of the conference hall, my feet dangling over the edge as I watched the Order delegates leave. A sinking pit of depression enveloped me as I stared out to the horizon. I tried, I really did. It seemed like a perfect plan, logical, well thought out- it just required a lot of effort on both sides. Maybe it was just a dumb ass plan and I was too retarded to realize it. Who knows, but in the end you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved I guessed.

There was a soft pop behind me. I didn't care enough to look. Could have been anyone, hell even Arnold himself sent from the future to terminate me. Didn't give a fuck. They sat down beside me and out of the corner of my eye I saw black and purple stockings. Romie...

We sat in silence not saying a word, just looking out to the distance. Finally she spoke,

"It's not your fault, you know."

I grunted, no witty come back no smart ass remark, just a simple sound that made up everything I was feeling.

"It's just how things are in this world." She said quietly.

"A lot of bad things, atrocities, happen because people think 'that's just how things are' does that make it any better?" I asked.

"You can't blame them or yourself. The way you think is very different then the way they do. You think more like a Cheshire." Without looking at her, I could tell she was grinning.

"So what does that make me, batshit crazy?" I asked sarcastically.

She answered by laying her head on my shoulder. We sat like that for a while as the silence overtook us again.

"Come with me." She said.

"Where?" I replied tiredly

"To Wonderland, to see my mother, maybe she can help you find a way to get home."

"And how would your mom be able to do that?" I asked caustically.

"Well, she is the Queen of Hearts, if anyone could then she can." She replied.

Well.... butter my buns and call me a biscuit. The, excuse me, a granddaughter of the Great Maou. Not like I hate grandmama or anything. I had the feeling that I was the daytime TV favorite of Fate herself with all the messing around she was doing to me. Whatever.

Thinking back to Victoria's letter that for some reason I decided to stuff in my pocket that day, I said,

"Lemmie look at something, figure things out before I give you a solid answer?"

"Take your time, everyone else is going home, but I'll wait for you." She said kissing my cheek again before she stood up and popped out. Chicks getting way too liberal with that.

Reaching into my pants pocket I took out the letter and opened it. That time ago when I stayed with her, I taught her how to read and write English, she learned at an astonishing rate and was able to master it in no time. Me on the other hand, well she tried to teach me, but I guess I'm not that smart. Like I said before, I'm boarderline illiterate for the language here. Thankfully she wrote it in English.

Donnie,

I hope this letter finds you well. The Succubus, Katrina sought me out to get advice on you. I told her you were a good man despite what you may think about yourself. I have written this letter to be delivered, I hope she gives it to you without any incidents. I made several new inventions with the remains of your automobile, I wish you could see them. I thought of you often when I was working on them. I do miss you very much, but I know your place was not here, trapped in my home. Your spirit is wild and free. You yearn for your home and I do hope you will find your way back. I know this is a selfish request but... think of me perhaps?

- Victoria

I fought back tears as I stayed up there for a few hours more. I finally stuffed the letter back into my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I sucked back up my sorrow and buried it deep. Emotionally healthy, yes I know. Standing, I made my way down to the town beneath. I visited a few shops to replenish some supplies then made my way back to the trashed inn room for a final night.

Oh, what a day.... what a day...

***************************************

December 24th

Merry Christmas!

I said yes to Romie. We'll travel to Wonderland and see if her mom has anything to get me back home. I tried cleaning up my trashed room as best as I could, but there was no way I could fix the holes in the wall. I kinda felt guilty about that one, but I'd pay the innkeeper for it.

That evening, her and I sat around my uprighted Christmas tree. Thankfully, I spared it the bulk of my wrath when I Hulked out the other day. I opened Romies gift, it was a brown, fur-lined cloak, the kind that D&D nerds would pay a fortune for. I was betting that she paid no less for it. It really was quite nice...

She looked at me questioningly as I handed her a tiny gift.

"Uh yeah, so back home around this time of year- we give friends, family and loved ones presents..."

"So where do I fit in with those 3 categories?" She asked with her typical Cheshire grin.

"Just open the damn present." I replied grumpily.

She did, gasping as she took it out. It was a small silver necklace with an amethyst gem in the center. Hey it's purple, I'm pretty damn sure she likes purple... why not right?

Leaping across, she hugged me tight. I wanted to say something but, it's Christmas- for this one day, I won't be an asshole. I took her out to dinner that night as well. We ate, laughed and had a good time, I told myself that I wasn't growing attached- that it was the holidays and she was the closest thing to a friend I had at the time. I just didn't want to celebrate it alone again...

****************

December 26th

Wonderland.

It was kinda like the time my parents dragged me to Reno for a wedding of some friend of theirs. I was like 16 at the time, bit intimidated at all the flashy lights, the gambling, the booze...the hookers. But then you realize it's all just how you make it. It was a piss poor comparison to the commercials for Vegas, just like this place was a piss poor comparison to half the mind-fuck movies Hollywood produced that I used to watch in high school.

I didn't tell this to Romie of course.

I rode on a cobblestone path atop Rudolf, while she floated on in front, leading the way. She opted for going commando that day evidently, I could see her bare ass the whole time as her dress rode up. I'll admit she had a nice one, good shape not skinny not too big, unlike some, for example Holsts. Now them cowgirls had a booty so big you'd need a GPS to find your way out.

After about an hour, though I stopped peeking at her... assets and started thinking. Going into Wonderland was a pretty desperate move for me. I wasn't afraid per say, just I wished there was a more...normal way for me to get home. Like maybe Richard Dean Anderson showing up and offering me a ride though the Stargate- that kind of normal. Not the 'hey let's go see my mom that's ruler of wacky land and watch out for the tulips they get a little rapey when you brush by them' - normal.

We rode for a few hours more. Saw some glowing neon trees, orange water, pink grass, a coyote chasing after a road runner with an Acme rocket... wait did I really see the last one?

We eventually came to a little rest stop/ restaurant on the side of the path. Romie landed and clapped her hands in glee.

"My friend owns this place! I'm so happy we found it!"

I tied Rudolfs reins to a tree branch- sorry to leave you out here guy- and walked in with her.

Inside was actually quite nice, it had booths set up around a glass counter with pastries on display, the smell of tea brewing combined with fresh baked bread gave the whole place a rather normal comforting feel. I felt like I should be worried.

The owner, a Mad Hatter, came out and gasped happily at seeing Romie. The two hugged and gabbed about not seeing each other in so long. The Hatter then looked at me questioningly. Romie cupped her paws around her ear and started fiercely whispering in it while occasionally glancing at me from the side of her eye.

Yeah that's not rude or anything.

After a minute or so the Hatter was grinning at me. What the hell was Romie telling her? As she finished the Hatter made a sweeping bow and introduced herself as Myra. Not knowing proper etiquette, I bowed in return and introduced myself. She ushered us into a booth across the way from another that had two more customers, a March Hare and Jubjub I believed, and placed menus in our hands.

Well so far so good...

I looked at the menu, yeah I had a hard enough time reading as it was, the words on this thing were literally walking around the page. Screw this.

She smiled looking at me as she held a quill and a pad of paper to take my order.

"Do you see anything that arouses your appetite sir? Of course the poached egg with humpty sauce is quite ejaculative and our breadsticks will penetrate any hunger."

Cute... real cute. Okay, my turn...

"Yeah, I'll have a Big Mac, hold the pickles, extra secret sauce, large fries, 2 no make that 3 packets of honey mustard sauce- I like to dip the fries, 2 apple pies... and a super sized Diet Coke, gotta watch my calorie intake, it's getting to be swimsuit season." I said calmly glancing at the menu as if I were actually reading off it. Figured if Mad Hatter chick wanted to fuck around then so could I.

What I didn't expect was everyone to freeze up and turn in my direction. Even Romie was staring at me, her paws bunched up tight.

...I fucked up, didn't I? I said some kind of taboo Wonderland phrase or something and things are gonna go south faster than you can say 'Rosie O'Donold'. They're all gonna be chasing me, trying to kill me, like the opening scene from Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Shit, I don't think I can run that fast.... Oh God, maybe I should have ordered a Whopper instead? I mean I'm not a big Burger King fan but if it would've saved my life...

Myra suddenly crossed her legs then shivered violently. Looking over, I noticed the other 2 patrons doing the same in their booths. What the fuck?

I looked to Romie for some kind of explanation but she was just grinning wildly. I looked back to the Hatter as she had just uncrossed her legs. There was a large wet spot on her crouch...

You've got to be kidding me.

Myra looked feverishly over to Romie,

"Does he have a brother?" She asked desperately.

Romie simply glanced over to me.

"I'm an only child..." I mumbled, pretending to read the menu, as the ridiculousness of this situation continued to unfold. This is what I get for being in Wonderland, folks.

"I see..." She said depressed as she looked back over to Romie, "You really are the luckiest girl in Wonderland. I'll be right back with your food."

As she ran off I put down my menu and looked over to the Cheshire,

"Okay, wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?"

She sighed wistfully and took my hands in her paws. I kinda wanted to comment on her going all touchy feely on me, but I did want to know what just happened.

"Do you remember when we first met?"

"Yeah, I couldn't forget if I wanted to. And it was a few days ago, not exactly a lifetime." I said pointedly.

"The things you say, I'm sure it's all normal for you in your world but for everyone else, it's very strange. Here, in Wonderland, we love strange... it's very... erotic."

"Sooo.... when I talk it's..."

"It's a major turn on for all of us." She said as she absently played with the necklace I gave her.