The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee Ch. 01

Damn.

"I made her cum by ordering a Big Mac didn't I?"

"Yes, along with the other two over there," She pointed at the March Hare and Jubjub sitting across the way. Both were eye raping me as the conversation went by.

I sighed internally, all I wanted was two all beef patties with special sauce on a sesame seed bun...

"Wait... why didn't... I mean did you?" I asked- I know I shouldn't have asked, but it honestly just popped out of my mouth.

Her smile turned seductive as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"You know what, never mind."

I sighed again, seem to be doing that a lot recently, I know, this was some stupid ass shit. But then again I'm in Wonderland where stupid ass shit was their GDP (Gross Domestic Product).

"Fine, I'll just watch what I say. Anyway, how far are we till we get to your mom's house... castle, whatever."

"Well we have to get lost first before we can find it. I mean if I could teleport you, we would be there instantly but that's not an option. So we have to do it the hard way."

I nodded my head sagely as if it all made perfect sense. When in Rome, right?

"Right. Get lost, find Mom's place, do introductions, make pleasant small talk while adding in the fact that I'm from another dimension, world, whatever aaaaand see if she's got something to punt me back home. Easy, right?"

Romie gave me a large grin in answer. I really had a bad feeling about this.

A tray of cookies and some tea was put down in between us as an appetizer I guessed. Taking a bite out of, I found it was decent, not exactly Pilsbury doughboy quality but it was alright. I washed it down with some tea, it was a little bitter, needed some lemon and honey for sure but again it was alright. I found once again I had an audience.

"What is it this time? I'm eating the cookies way too sexy?" I asked sarcastically.

"He's not changing," Myra muttered aloud.

"I told you he was special, nothing works on him," Romie said smugly.

"Someone wanna share some details?" I asked.

"Myra didn't believe me when I told her that you were immune to magic, so she gave you these cookies that would have turned you into a little boy and the tea would have made you very, very...lustful." Romie answered while biting her lower lip as if thinking something.

"So you'd let her give me food that would have fucked me up?"

Myra simply nodded and smiled as if it were the most normal, innocent thing in the world to do.

"I knew it wouldn't work," She said matter of factly while shrugging.

"And if it did?" I asked semi-pissed at her casual tone.

"Then we'd all be having a lot of fun right now." She said seductively.

Whatever.

"You seemed to get all possessive when Katrina was trying to jump my bones that other time, and now you wanna share, what's changed?" I said bitingly with my own grin while grabbing the tea to sip once more. I just wanted to prove a point that nothing would happen.

"There, she would take you away from me. Here you would be mine, and they would know that." Romie replied quietly and probably imagining quite a few things.

I sighed... again... nothing like having a friend that wants to rape you.

Then real food came, this time supposedly not drugged or magic'd. Romie had some kind of soup that she slurped loudly with every spoonful. After the fifth time it really started to get annoying. For me, Myra brought a sandwich - as good as I was going to get here without them Golden Arches.

The sun was setting by the time we exited,

"What the hell?! We should have like 6 more hours of daylight left!" I said almost shouting.

"Time works differently in Wonderland." Romie said as she stood next to me.

"I missed the sunsets here..." Her paw reached out and grabbed my hand.

Glancing over to her, I chose to stay quiet. She missed home, I could relate in the worst way, she deserved to be a little emotional.

"Is there any place we could stay for the night?" I asked quietly, holding hands with her, as we watched. It really was beautiful. The colors radiated more vibrantly then anything I've ever seen. Any words I use honestly wouldn't do it justice... it was just the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"Myra has a spare room, I'm sure she'll let us use it."

Great, what could possibly go wrong?

*****************************

December 26th

Myra's 'spare room' was more like a broom closet with a bed taking up most of the space. Still, any port in a storm and all that.

I didn't exactly want to be roughing it in the wilderness here in Wonderland. Too much weird shit during the daytime and I really didn't want to know what the night life was like.

"Soooo how are we doing this?" I said as I stared at the single small bed.

Jumping onto it, Romie grinned at me,

"We're going to sleep together, of course."

"This bed is hardly big enough for a single person, how are two people going to sleep in it?" I asked, slightly annoyed at the situation.

"Very closely."

I let out a loud breath of air that some might call a sigh, I had a... you know what? It was going to go bad, no feelings, no ifs ands or buts... this was all bad. I had no choice though. It was this or camping outside with god knows what out there in wacky land.

"Fine..." I said as I sat down taking off my boots and shirt, but leaving on my undershirt, a boys gotta have some modesty.

"Your not getting undressed?" She pouted as I laid down, folding my hands in back of my head. At least the bed was comfy.

"Nope." I said closing my eyes. We were pressed up against each other and I was doing my best to ignore her warmth and softness.

There was a soft pop and movement in bed, opening an eye, I saw there was no intruder...

"What was that?" I asked suspiciously.

"I was just getting more comfortable." She said in a sultry voice.

I grunted and closed my eyes again. Even though I wasn't exactly tired, tomorrow held a lot of uncertainties and I found being well rested was usually a good defense against them.

"...You're not even going to look?!"

"Nope."

I felt her snuggle against me. I knew she was naked. I lied to myself and said this wasn't getting to me. That she didn't smell amazing despite being on the road all day, well flying above the road all day, but that was besides the point. That despite everything she wasn't fun to be with, someone who didn't look at me weird when I talked normally, that didn't judge me. That she didn't care for me. That here right next to me wasn't an absolutely beautiful woman who wanted to be intimate. In other words, I tried not to get horny ok?

Long ago I promised myself that I wouldn't get attached to anyone if I was truly going to find a way to go home. Sure Victoria was before that as well as being in the past. I didn't want to lead Romie on, break her heart when I finally have to say my last good-bye. This was for her protection, to spare her feelings. For me... well I guess I would just have to live with my own pain. Seems like I keep racking up more and more of it. I morbidly wondered how long I could keep doing it.

I felt a soft paw on my cheek that gently turned my head towards her. Opening my eyes, our faces were very close, I could see the need and want in hers. She closed the gap between us a little more until our lips were almost touching. There was a certain smell in the air that was musky and sweet- perhaps it was just from being a small room with no ventilation but I knew it was coming from her. It was her first night back home in Wonderland, she wanted to make it special.

Don't know why I didn't do or say anything sooner- maybe the asshole in me was taking a night off, maybe I wanted something to happen despite my own self promise, maybe I didn't want to piss her off and be left alone here. There were a lotta maybes going on in my head.

"Why won't you kiss me?" She whispered, staring into my eyes.

"I've kissed you before." I said hoping that a chaste little forehead kiss in my time of weakness would count for something.

"That dosent count." She pouted softly.

Damn it.

Well... time to lay the cards out on the table...

I took a breath and said, "I don't want to hurt you. Romie, we're going to your mom to specifically find a way for me to go home. It's almost certain that if we do succeed, I'll never see you again. Do you really want to start something like this and have it end so soon?"

Did I want to say more? Yes. Did I want to tell her that despite everything I fought against internally, that I was developing... that I had feelings for her? Yes. Did I want to kiss her that very moment, forget everything I set out to accomplish and have probably the most amazing night of my life. Well, you don't need my answer for that...

I said enough.

I could see sadness filling her eyes. They echoed my own. Pulling down her head I kissed her forehead and whispered,

"Forgive me."

I held her in my arms that night as she cried, ignoring the feeling of my own heart breaking.

**************

December 27th

I woke up before dawn, it was that perfect moment where everyone was still asleep but you and there was all the time in the world to enjoy it. Where that moment was yours and yours alone, no one would ever know. I looked down at Romie, still asleep in my arms, I smiled and hugged her tighter. A soft bed, warm covers, beautiful girl in my arms, this really was nice...

In a moment of weakness, I wished mornings were more like this. Maybe I was caught up in things, or I just felt like I could get away with it but, I bent my head down and kissed her cheek. Turn about is fair play right? I half expected her to wake up, but she continued sleeping peacefully, albeit with a smile on her face now.

Suspicious...

Now, dear reader, you may think I'm growing soft. I'll admit, maybe you're right. I had feelings for her that I could never truly act on. It was depressing as hell, still for some stupid reason I was some how greatly comforted just by watching her sleep.

********************

We set out again after Myra and Romie had their farewells. She seemed happier, which made me even more suspicious that she was playing possum when I kissed her but I really was glad that she better.

She floated over and landed behind me on Rudolf. Wrapping her arms around my waist she hugged me tight and said,

"I can't guide you this time. If we're going to find my mothers castle, you're going to need to get good and lost."

Right, get lost, find what you're looking for, makes perfect sense.

As we were riding, I wasn't really paying attention to where we were going, a thought came to mind,

"Hey, uh, so how exactly should I address your mom? I've never really met a queen before."

She rested her head against my back in thought before answering,

"She's not like her sisters, at least that's what I was told. She's immature, childish, selfish..." I heard a bit of bitterness in her voice, maybe they weren't that close?

"Still though, she's a good queen, a good ruler..."

"Just not a good mom?" I twisted around and asked quietly.

She hugged me tighter from behind in answer. I kept my mouth shut after that, it was a rough night for her, I didn't want to make it a rougher day. Guess I would just copy what I saw in the movies and go with "Your Majesty" or some crap like that.

Looking back, I saw a bend in the road, I then realized that I had no idea where I was going, or for that matter where I was. That counts as being lost right? I'm pretty sure it did...

As we crossed the bend what do I see? Turrets, drawbridge, a moat, yep if that ain't mommas castle I don't know what is.

"Hey, we're here."

*************************************

Tumpets were blown and a whole mess of crazy looking card chicks ran out to greet us, I later learned they were called Trumparts- original, real original. The whole castle made a big commotion about the return of Princess Romie. The term actually came crashing down on me. I had been hanging out with an honest to goodness princess...

In my defense I feel that it would have really come to mind if I hadn't been putting up with so much bullshit, so I gave myself a pass- good job self.

As they welcomed her into the castle a card chick, a spade if I wasn't mistaken, came up and pointed her spear at me.

"What is that?" She asked gesturing to Winona on my hip.

"That's my significant other, her names Winona," I said sarcastically, "She can be a real bitch if provoked."

The card looked at me in confusion before suddenly grinding her legs together and moaning.

Oops, I did it again...

God damn, it's like I'm in that one Britney Spears song isn't it?

I sighed and followed Romie... Princess Romie into the castle, leaving the spade to finish with her, ah moment.

It was then that big mama herself came out to greet us, except she wasn't exactly that big.

"Holy fuck, your mom looks like a pubescent Taylor Swift!" I whispered to Romie as the Queen approached.

"Huh?" She asked bewildered.

It was true. Blonde hair, blue eyes, about age 12-13 if I could guess. How the hell did she pop out a baby? She was appropriately clad in a red and black dress with a small pink heart in the middle of her almost non-existent breasts. She sported red high heels, along with a black choker adored with yet another pink heart in its center to accent her wanna be sexy for a 13-year-old look. It was the crystal crown tiara that sat atop her head, however, that denoted she was indeed the queen of this place.

I wanted to ask many, many... many questions but kept my mouth shut as she reached us. Taking a cue from the movies, I knelt before her and lowered my head. Romie simply went up to her and gave her a cold hug.

"Romie, you've been away for too long! I've missed my Romie bomie!" She pouted.

Holllly shit... this really was the Queen...

"Don't call me that, mother." Romie said grinding her teeth.

"This is Donnie, my um... w- we've come here to ask for help to get him back to his world." She stuttered while gesturing to me.

Smooth.

"You've been in my royal presence now for a while, why haven't you changed into an Incubus?" The Queen interrupted haughtily. It would have been intimidating if didn't come from a girl who looked in her tweens.

"He's immune to magic, including yours mother." Romie said in an annoyed tone. Guess they really didn't get along.

"Humph," She pouted crossing her arms and staring me at me, "That's no fun, and I don't spend time on things that are no fun! You deal with him Romie, I have a tea party to attend."

Her eyes lingered on me for just a moment more, then they traveled down to Winona. For a slight moment she paled, but quickly regained her composure and walked away.

That was interesting. If I didn't know any better... nah, Winona's the only gun on this rock.

"That went well," I said as I stood. I kinda wanted to ask where her old man was but I figured that would come in due time. This was her show, I'll just let her run it.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to her tomorrow." She huffed. I never saw Romie quite that irritated before, unless you count the first time we met, it was certainly different. Heh performance problems.

"Come on," She said, grabbing my arm and smiling, "Let me show you around."

She dragged me to every part of that damn castle. I saw the dinning rooms- all five to be exact, the kitchens, the hedge mazes, the orgy room- she gave me a very large, expecting smile as we looked on.

"Nope." I said both literally and figuratively closing the door on that one.

We ended the day long tour at her bedroom. It wasn't as large as I would have thought it could be. The bed was a queen size, no pun intended, the walls painted pink and white, with stuffed animals littering the floor. It seemed so... normal?

"So this is my room..." She said, fidgeting like a high school girl who had a boy there for the first time. Hell, maybe this was her first time?

"Um, well it's very nice," I said looking around. This was getting awkward, real awkward. I knew she wanted something to happen...

"Hey, you know it's been a long day, is there maybe some place I could wash up, you know, get the dust off?"

"Well we have a giant bath." She said with a grin.

Ding Ding Ding, those were the magic words I was waiting for.

************************************

I sighed/ groaned in pleasured relief as I let the hot water work it's magic on me. It had been a New York minute since I had an honest to goodness hot bath, and I had plans to spend a damn long time enjoying it. Looking around the chamber I found that all the statues and artworks in there depicted people in various states of intercourse...

Classy.

Well, whatever, I wasn't there to play art critic, I was just there to enjoy the damn bath.

Closing my eyes, I let myself relax- wrong thing to do as I heard a pop behind me. Turning I saw it was Romie wearing nothing but a towel around her. She gave me a huge grin as our eyes met over the steam.

"I thought I'd join you, it's been a while since I had a good soak." She said as she took off the towel and stepped into the water.

Queue Japanese anime bath scene- Now.

What could I say? It was her house, castle, whatever. She had the right to do whatever the hell she wanted. Could I have protested like a little virgin bitch as if I was in said anime? Yeah, but I wasn't so I didn't. I simply closed my eyes, leaned back against the wall and ignored her.

"You're not even peaking a little, are you?"

"Nope."

I could hear the water sloshing as she made her way next to me. She took my arm and pressed herself against me as she whispered,

"I understand why you don't want to do anything. You're trying to protect me, my feelings, and I love you for that but,"

I could feel her getting closer to my face with every word she spoke. She took me in her paws and in that dizzying, terrifying, intimate moment I was powerless to stop her.

"I'm not a kitten, I'm an adult. I can look after myself. I have been for a long time. Let me make my own decisions about my heart. Even if it's just for a little while, please, let me choose you."

"Even if you're a Princess and I'm just an idiot?" I joked.

"Do you really think that matters to me?"

With that she kissed me softly on the lips. I surrendered and accepted, opening my mouth I let her lips greedily lock onto mine, her tongue playfully teasing my own. Maybe it was the hot water, maybe it was the steam, but I was tired. Tired of being stoic, tired of denying myself simple companionship, tired of being alone facing the troubles of a world not my own. In the end my own stupid heart beat out my brain. Fuck it, this night I wouldn't say no to her.

I felt her push her nude body against my own, her arms wrapping around me as if I would escape her. As our kiss ended I opened my eyes to her flushed face. Desire was in her eyes, the need, the want, she was having her victory and she knew it.

"You win," I said simply, breaking my own promise to myself. In a way I felt a small amount of self-hatred for so easily rejecting my vow, in another way I felt more free than I really ever had in this world. Maybe I could let my guard down, just for a little while.

She kissed me passionately again, I could feel her hunger as she rubbed her naked body against mine. Her hardened nipples poked at my chest and she wrapped a leg around my own in an effort to press as much skin against me as possible.

"We're doing this in my room," She said lustfully after breaking the kiss. Pulling me out of the tub, she hastily wrapped a towel around my mid section and her own as she all but dragged me out of the bath chamber. I ignored the knowing smirks of the passing Trumparts as we journeyed to her bedroom.