The Journey Ch. 08

I sat back, a little tension leaving my body. "I see."

"We are all God's creatures, created in his image, Vivian." He gave a little wry grin. "Your Abuela and I have simply been talking about that. More than anything, the message of Christ is one of love. Love for our fellow humans. And most importantly, love for our families. Regardless of what we see as their flaws."

"Nieta, no... no estoy de acuerdo con lo que estás haciendo. Pero no quiero que eso nos separe." She glanced nervously at Jane. I did the same, and got an unspoken look of understanding from her.

"Abuela, why don't you and I take a walk?" I said.

She hesitated, looking at Father Danny, then Jane, then Diego who nodded at her.

I let her hold my arm to steady herself as we went down the steps, then we slowly walked together along the sidewalk that circled Diego's apartment complex.

We made it a quarter of the way around before either of us spoke. I finally decided I'd go first. I needed to atone to her anyway.

"Abuela, I've been... needing to apologize for taking your car. I don't have any excuse, it was absolutely the wrong thing to do and then I wrecked it. I'm really sorry."

We paused as we reached the small, grassy area with cheap plastic playground equipment in the back of the apartments.

"I was happy you no hurt worse than you were, cariño."

My heart melted a bit, hearing her call me that, and it hit me how much I'd missed my Abuela.

"I think... I think I might have handled things better until you started calling Jane a whore." I turned to face her, but she wouldn't look at me. "Abuela, I know you don't approve. I know you think I'm going to hell."

"I no want you to go to hell cariño. I worry for you. But Father Danny... he say things that... he different from Father Esteban. I no sure he knows what he talks about."

I didn't know either, but I'd take whatever I could get, I guess. "He's a priest, Abuela. The church wouldn't have put him in charge of St Mary's if they didn't think he knew what he was talking about."

She made a non-committal sound.

"But honestly, right now this isn't about the church. This is about you and me and if we can find a way to be in each other's lives. Like I said, I know you don't approve. I know you said you don't want me coming around until I 'change my ways', but this isn't something I can change. This is who I am. It's not something I can change, any more than you or I could change being Latina. It's who I've always been, I just hid it from you because I was afraid that something like..." I waved my hand to encompass her and myself, "this would happen. Abuela, I love you and it kills me not to see you anymore. But I love Jane more than anyone I've ever loved besides you and Mamá and Diego. I want her in my life. I need her in my life. She's not a whore. She's a brilliant, accomplished woman, who deserves your respect."

"She seem like she a nice girl," Abuela grudgingly agreed.

"She is. I'm lucky to have her. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'd be staying sober without her."

She nodded her eyes were filled with worry. "Diego say you were drink too much. Say that why you go away to that place, to stop drinking."

"Yeah," I sighed, and I could feel my shoulders slump. "I'm an alcoholic, Abuela. I got addicted to alcohol and it almost ruined my life. Crashing your car was just... I dunno. It was bad, but in a way, it was good. It was the thing that got me to the place where I could be faced with the truth. It gave me the chance to turn my life around."

We were silent for a long time.

"El Padre Danny dice que el Santo Padre dice que los padres deben encontrar una manera de apoyar a sus hijos homosexuales. Que dios no abandona a sus hijos, y espera que yo haga lo mismo."

I sucked in a breath at hearing the words, feeling tears spring into my eyes. I didn't trust myself to speak.

"I no... I no hate you Vivian. I just... I no understand how... how this is your life. I no understand. But I no hate you. Te amo nieta. Siempre te amaré, incluso si no estoy contento con la forma en que vives tu vida."

"I love you too, Abuela. But if we're going to be in each other's lives again, then you're going to have to accept Jane in my life. I mean, ideally, I want you to love her too, but I'll start with you accepting her. And I demand that you be civil to her."

"No se si puedo... I will try to be nice, Vivian."

"I need you to do more than just try."

She looked at me angrily. "¡No me presiones, nieta!"

I sighed. "No puedo hacer esto si no puedes ser cortés con ella."

She crossed her arms, tapping her foot angrily.

"She seem like a nice girl. I will be nice."

"Gracias, Abuela. That's at least a starting place. Can we come tomorrow and help you with tamales?"

She hesitated. "Both of you?"

"Yes, Abuela. Me and Jane."

"I no sure I am ready for that yet, cariño."

The 'yet' gave me a little feeling of hope. "I understand. I'd like to start coming to help you again, but Jane is my partner. We're a package deal, like Diego and Virginia. And I think Jane would enjoy learning how to make tamales. I've been teaching her all your recipes, she's gotten really good at some of them."

"She can cook?" she said, surprised.

"Sure. Do you think all gay women just order dinner from door-dash?"

"Hmph. I still no sure."

"Okay. You let me know when you're ready and Jane and I will happily show up to help. I bet Diego and Virginia would like a break."

"I... I want you to come again. Would you go to mass with me after?"

That brought me up short. I'd spent the last ten years finding ways to avoid going to mass with Abuela. If Father Esteban were still at St. Mary's...

But he wasn't, was he? And Father Danny seemed... nice. Nice enough, I guess. The idea didn't sit right with me, but... Abuela was making a compromise just by letting me and Jane into her home.

"I'll ask Jane if she'd be okay with going to mass with us. She was raised Methodist, but for some reason I suspect she'll be game."

"Bien. Será bueno. You should call your Mamá, too."

"What?" I blinked in confusion. After I'd gotten out of rehab, I'd called my mom in Mexico and came out to her. She'd taken it a little less poorly than Abuela had, but she had still been... disappointed. We'd started Face Timing on a regular basis again and our relationship was... in process. It was definitely better than how things were with Abuela. "What do you mean? I talked to Mamá yesterday."

"She say you call her all the time again, that you tell her about being... gay." The word sounded alien in her mouth. Like she was trying it for the first time.

"Yeah, we do talk about that."

"But you no tell her about Jane. You no introduce her to this person you say you love, that you introduce to me."

"Huh." I stared into space. "You're right." When we walked back into Diego's apartment a few minutes later and I found Jane sitting on the sofa opposite Father Danny who had taken Diego's leather chair. I plopped down between them, phone in my hand, as Abuela headed into the kitchen.

"Hey baby, how did it go?" Jane whispered.

"Not bad. Not nearly as bad as I'd thought. Tell you about it later. We have another thing to do first," I said, as I dialed one of my speed numbers.

My mom's face appeared on the screen, the family restaurant in the background behind her.

"Hi, Mamá, ¿Cómo estuvo el negocio para el almuerzo?"

"¡Tan ocupado, cariño, me duelen los pies!" Mamá said with the weary smile that comes from a day of hard,honest work.

"¿Tienes un minuto?"

"Always dear, ¿Qué esta pasando?"

I'm calling because I wanted to introduce you to Jane, my girlfriend. I'm sorry I haven't before now." I pulled Jane close to me, so we could both be seen by the camera. "Jane, this is my mom, Isabelle Esparza. Mamá, this is Doctor Jane May, my girlfriend.

"¡Hola Jane, es un placer conocerte!"

Jane glanced at me with a nervous smile. "¡Hola Señora Esparza! It's really good to meet you too!"

"That went better than I first expected when we got there," Jane said, on the way home.

I didn't answer.

"Okay, spill," Jane said.

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Why do you think there's something wrong?"

"Because your jaw muscles are clenched so tight right now you could crush walnuts between your teeth."

"I'm just pissed, that's all."

"Why?" Jane said, surprised. "We had a nice lunch with your grandmother. I know that her shunning you has really bothered you, but she invited us to come next Sunday and help her with tamales! I thought you'd be happy."

"First off, it's not an invitation to lunch, we're gonna be working for three hours."

"You love doing that, though. You've talked about it so many times since we met."

"I know."

"So, what's the real problem?"

"She wants us to go to afternoon mass with her afterwards."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's fine. I mean, I know I can't have communion, but I can go up with you and get a blessing from the priest."

I looked at her, surprised. "How do you know about that?"

"My first roommate at Howard was Catholic. I was bigger into going to church back then, but I wanted to broaden my horizons so we alternated between going to hers and mine."

"I'd be happy never stepping foot in a church again," I said, sourly.

"Lost your religion?"

"Maybe. I just..." I stared out the window.

"Just, what?" When no answer was forthcoming from me, she tried to divine what was wrong. "Is it because the Catholic church has such a bad history on gays?"

"No, it's because they have such a bad history on me!"

A mile passed under our wheels as Jane patiently waited for me to find the words.

"My whole life growing up, Father Esteban was always on my shit. Because I was a tomboy, because I was rebellious, because I didn't like to wear dresses. Then, after Mamá was deported, I cut my hair short, got my sleeve," I lifted my arm, showing my tattoos, "and he got so much nastier to me. The last time I went to mass, maybe a year or two after I graduated high school, he saw us in the fourth row and threw out whatever homily he'd written to go off on a tear about homosexuals, how unnatural they were, how we were an affront to God. Staring right at me while I sat next to Abuela."

"I'm sorry, baby." She reached over and gripped my hand.

"Abuela had never really been all that... into being against gays before I was in high school. I mean, I guess she hadn't been. I don't know, I'd never seen it. But when I started figuring out who I was, I guess it was obvious to Father Esteban and he really leaned into making the point that gays were going to hell. And he made it his mission to let me, and more importantly, Abuela know that I was going to hell if I stayed on the path he saw me on. He was a dick my whole life, but he was really a dick then."

"That sucks. I'm sorry you went through that."

"Yeah. And ever since then I've been finding excuses not to go to church with Abuela. Diego and Virginia have been nice enough to pick up my slack on that."

"But Father Esteban isn't there anymore, right? Father Danny is the priest there now?"

"I guess so."

"So, what's the problem?"

I huffed out a frustrated breath. "I just don't want to go. Because of Father Esteban, every time I've been in a church for the last ten years I feel bad about myself. Whether it was St. Mary's or anywhere else. I almost messed things up between us at Diego's wedding, and it was all because of that asshole."

"But he's not there anymore."

"I know."

"And you want to mend your relationship with your grandmother."

"Yes."

"So, just remember that Father Homophobe isn't going to be there, and focus on the positives. You'll make your grandmother happy, and you'll get to see me in a pretty dress."

I smiled for the first time since we got in the car. "You know, you can be very persuasive sometimes, Professor."

"All part of being a college professor."

"Hurry up and get us home. I'm gonna tell Alexa to play Hot For Teacher as soon as we walk in the door."

~~ Washington, D.C., July ~~

"Oh god, I'm never going to get out of bed if you don't stop doing that!" Jane moaned.

"That's my plan."

"But I have to go, you naughty girl!"

She lay on her stomach on our bed, gloriously naked in the morning sunlight. I straddled one of her legs, one hand stroking her smooth back and pressing her to the mattress, the other between her legs, caressing her wetness. I let my thumb slide over her clit and she moaned loudly, arching her butt towards me. I accepted the implied invitation and slid down the bed, putting my face in the cleft of her magnificent ass and slowly licked her lips. Her groans increased in volume.

I rolled her over and lifted one of her legs over my shoulder, attacking her clit with my tongue again while sliding two fingers into her, curling it to stroke her g-spot. It took almost no time at all before her voice dissolved into her characteristic orgasmic whisper.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh. My..." She held her breath, then whimpered "Oh God, Viv, baby, y-e-e-s-s-s-s-s!" as she shuddered under my hands. I didn't stop, stroking her through her orgasm, then started building her back up to it again. Her bare foot stroked my back in time to the rhythm of my fingers inside her.

After her third orgasm, she pushed me away, gasping. I laid next to her and gave her a few minutes to catch her breath.

"Baby..." she panted. "I know you like morning sex, but that was crazy."

"Well, I'm going to miss you."

"I'll be back tomorrow, silly."

"Doesn't mean I won't miss you."

She reached for me. "Now it's your turn mi corazón."

I wrapped her up tightly in my arms and kissed her, forestalling her advances. "You have to go," I said playfully. "Besides, my period started last night. Things are a little bit of a mess at the moment."

She squirmed out of my grasp and rubbed the crotch of the boxer briefs I was wearing.

"You know I don't mind getting my fingers messy for you."

"Nah, babe, it's all good," I said, pulling her hand to my lips to kiss it. "I'm a little crampy right now anyway. And you really do need to go."

She looked at the clock on her bedside table and grimaced. "I really do. Fine, but I'm getting you back double when I come home." She jumped up and paced into the bathroom. When I heard the shower start to run I grabbed my phone and texted Diego.

She'll be leaving in about 45

Jane had been invited to speak at a conference on race and the media at Virginia Tech on Friday evening, then participate in a roundtable discussion Saturday afternoon. She was going to drive down to Blacksburg this morning and come back tomorrow night. Diego answered me almost immediately.

Finishing up some stuff at home, then will swing by Lowe's. Be there in about an hour and a half.

I quickly typed back, Front door will be open, then pulled on a pair of gym shorts and went out to our living space. After putting one of Jane's favorite Marvin Gaye records on her turntable, I got busy in the kitchen. By the time she was dressed and came out with her overnight bag and backpack, I'd assembled a nice collection of snacks for her.

"Made this for you for the road," I said, showing her the bag. "Snacks and stuff. I put in most of the good grapes."

"You're so sweet," she said before she kissed me. She was dressed in one of her nicer professor outfits, a complete suit instead of jeans. With matching headwrap, of course. "I wish you could go with me."

"Yeah, me too. But I gotta a shift tonight and I have a lot of homework. Hopefully I'll have it all done by the time you get back Saturday night. Are you sure you don't want to stay over? Drive back Sunday when it's not dark?"

"And miss Sunday morning with Abuela? No way. I think I almost made her laugh once last time."

"She does seem to be warming up to you a little."

"A teeny-tiny bit."

Since brunch with Abuela and Father Danny, we'd been taking turns switching off weeks with Diego and Virginia, helping Abuela with her tamale business, so we'd each have alternate weekends free. The first couple times, Abuela was cool as a cucumber to Jane, but the last few weeks she seemed to be growing used to having her accompany me to help.

"I gotta get going. Five-hour drive to Blacksburg."

"At least you have your new baby to enjoy on the way down."

The weekend before had been a big deal for Jane. She'd decided to finally replace her aging, ten-year-old Ford Escape, which had a hundred thirty thousand miles on it. Using my rent payments for her down payment, she'd traded it in on a brand-new Kia plug-in Hybrid SUV. The interior looked like a space-ship, with Apple CarPlay for her phone, seats that were both heated and cooled, and all the bells and whistles one could ask for. She'd been giddy about it ever since.

I carried her overnight bag and walked her out to the garage, kissed her goodbye and watched her pull out and drive away down the alley. I really was going to miss her, but I'd been planning this weekend for a few weeks.

The minute she was gone I raced back upstairs, stripped the bed then started moving everything I could carry by myself out of our bedroom. I was trying to push our king-sized bed to the middle of the room when I heard Diego call out from the living room.

"Hola, hermana, where are you?"

"Back here!"

"Hey," Diego said, walking in the bedroom. His hands were full, one carrying multiple shopping bags, the other two paint cans. "I've got three more cans of paint in the car." He looked around at the shambles I was making of the room. "This is a fun thing to spend your weekend on."

"Not the whole weekend. Just today and tomorrow. I figure I can get it primed this morning, first coat tonight, second coat tomorrow morning, get everything put back tomorrow afternoon." I started digging in the bags, pulling out rollers, brushes, masking tape and various other painting implements.

"You sure she's gonna be okay with you painting her room and not telling her?" Diego asked as he helped me carry the dresser to the guest room-slash-office.

"Hoping so."

"What if she hates the color?"

"She's been telling me for months she wanted to change the blue to butter yellow. I'm just taking some initiative. Thanks for picking this stuff up for me, it would have been impossible to hide from her. I have cash for you."

"No problem. You sure you don't want any help besides moving the furniture?"

"Nah, I got it. I need something to keep myself busy. That's one thing I've found that works to not think about booze. Keeping busy."

"So, you took a day off work to paint Jane's bedroom? Wouldn't working your regular shift keep you just as busy?"

"I guess so. I just... I wanted to do something nice for her, you know? After all she's done for me? I want to show her how much she's meant to me."

"You know..." he trailed off with a grin on his face.

"What?"

"I think you really need to put a ring on it."

I blushed, hard, and cleared my throat.

"You're thinking about it! You're gonna ask her!" he yelped in delight.

"Dude, chill! I mean... someday, yeah. I'm still working on myself, but I'm making progress. When I think I fully have my shit together, then... yeah, I'm going to ask her. You know... if she'll have me."