All Comments on 'The Key Game'

too much windup, too little pitch. Sort of a shaggy dog story. Way too much boring chitchat and cut outs to what they were thinking; he was thinking this and she was thinking that in the first section. You need ti have some humor, or drama to keep the reader's interest. Some horse play among the booth workers might have helped. Feeling up someone's ass while they are talking to a customer and can't react, or humerous ragging on one another.

These are very bright and articulate people, but they don't come off that way.

Those who attend a Pharma convention are a lot different than those who attend a hardware convention. Pick a convention back story that fits your characters.

Lastly everybody doesn't have to look like they came off the cover of a romance novel. physical descriptions can distinguish characters, making it easier for us to remember them.

Oh well, hope this helps.

keep writing

I disagree. Nice lead-in, although this could have been listed in "Romance" rather than "Erotic Coupling" But I suppose we'll have to wait until "Chapter Two" to see if this story progresses past a "one night stand" Very well written

write in the past tense. I could not read your present tense story telling, it is too distracting and hinders the flow.

i like the "slow burners." "the key game" is fun and interesting and very sexily written. it takes it's time as it unwinds but isn't that half the fun...getting "there"...wherever "there'' might be??

well done, QBK...5 stars!!

david xxx

I liked the slow buildup and character development. It made me care more about the fucking. Nicely done.

Really enjoyed the graceful story telling and slowly building eroticism. Excellent writing.