All Comments on 'The Line of Succession Vol. 01'

Good beginning!

4

Great start!

Great start!

Off to a good start. Awaiting the next installment.

Has the bones of a good story, but you really need to watch the point of view you're using. Either use first person (I) or third person (the major). Don't use both. Couple of spelling errors but nothing to egregious. I'm inclined to think the princess fell in love to quickly but this is erotica.

Great start. I loves me some good old fashioned space opera. Where the men are men and the women are grateful. The world building is good but the relationship does seem fast. I imagine the Empress started plotting the minute her son and husband died. The Major does seem to be being railroaded into this marriage. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Her life won't change much but what about his. Plus the whole conspiracy to kill the royal family and where that might led.

Good start. Incidentally a Webber fan and a member of the Honor Harrington fan club (I get free pens at cons) which also apparently makes me a member of the Royal Manticorian Navy. Got stuff to prove it somewhere.

Nice Bear! …very, very nice! Looking forward to more. A very entertaining read. Thank-you

Has some significant promise, although a little proof reading in places may help as a few times you had the wrong character stated as saying something. Also would suggest staying with first or 3rd person perspective, unless a switch is totally neccessary for story reasons.

That would be 'too' egregious. If you're going to comment on spelling errors, learn that basic rule.

Liking it so far! As far as spelling goes Anonymous should learn the rules for using to, too and two! Anxiously awaiting further chapters.

Great start. One primary trait of good science fiction is the SCIENCE. There are two things that ruin most good science fiction.

1. Inconsistent rules of physics. things that are impossible at the beginning become commonplace without notice. For example, having established life pods and shuttles are the primary mode of ship to ship and ship to planet travel, don't suddenly introduce star trek transporters.

2. Too much weirdness. If something won't in the loving wives category, thank twice about including it in this story.

I can give you a start on the technology. First, because shuttles and the BC palladin can land and return to orbit without refueling, they must use some sort of reaction-less drive. possibly anti-gravity or counter gravity, possibly something else.

Because the marine commander is a major, each of the 12 assault shuttles would be designed to carry a platoon. That is 30-50 troops in full combat gear. The shuttles would have to be almost as big as a commercial jet, the palladin the size of an aircraft carrier.

one thing that puzzles me, although it does not need to be answered, is why was the royal family on a destroyer, one of the smaller ships in the fleet.

Excellent. I just don’t understand where the lavish quarters came from. The royal transport was destroyed, with it, the royal accommodations. Suddenly onboard a military vessel, there’s rich wood paneling and antique furniture. ??

Agree with anon: it’s a much stronger story If the POV is consistently first-person within a scene.

I am guessing you are 15 and socially awkward

Definitely in for Part 2. Well done

Great story - hurry up on the next chapter !!

Great start. More please….and soon!

Who doesn't love a Marine? SEMPER FI !

Good beginning, but stop putting apostrophes around words everywhere. 90% aren't needed.

Enjoyed this!!

Marvellous.

I read all your works and have enjoyed most of them thoroughly.

If this is your first foray into Scify it is amazing. Well written, great plot.

I absolutely loved this, being a fan, and look forward to the next chapter. I’m expecting a great many chapters.

Scores a well deserved 5/5. Well done for a first saify effort.

Excellent start. Looking forward to more chapters.

5stars

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

You hit and fired all my cylinders on that one. I'm a big fan of SCIFI and you even got some loving wife stuff into the story. Great job! 5 stars

Enjoyed reading it, but only 4 stars as he cheated and besmirched his honor and her honor. He should have followed his character as you laid out representing him and refused until after the divorce. It's one thing to follows the princess's orders, but her order had nothing to do with protecting her.

Enjoyed it immensely. Keep up the good work!

Sorry, nerd alert here.

Skipper...for a Marine?

Assuming this military derived some basis from US or British Navy, a Skipper is an informal name for the captain or the person in command of a Navy ship. Even if a Marine outranks a captain of a navy ship he would never be referred to as the Skipper while on said vessel, even if that 'captain' is a lowly Ensign he would still be referred as the Skipper over the Marine. Pretty sure David Weber didn't make that fubar.

Alas, I am hooked and enchanted by your tale. Let the villains head roll! 5*s.

Loving it, yeah! 5 BIG FUCKING STARS!