All Comments on 'The Little Minx Ch. 01'

You have used a lot of completely unnecessary words and flowery language which actually detracts from the story and don’t add anything worthwhile. There are also numerous spelling and grammatical errors. Get yourself a proofreader and editor.

Please proofread and resubmit. There are so many misspelled, incorrect words and double words I had to stop reading. The story is looking good, but needs work to take the pain out of reading. I am sure it will be great.

Hell of a debut. Don't know what the first commenter is thinking. Perhaps there are word tweaks which could be improved but the overall feel of this story is very hot.

Yeah. Lots of words here. But what a great fantasy.

I can't see you going much further with this. The girl's motivation is non existent.

only read bits pieces bits pieces bits pieces . . . even though lots mistakes became excellent became awesome -

absolutely does need continue completely does need continue seriously does need continue

Please don’t take these comments to heart. I don’t know what the fuck the first two comments are going on about. Debut writers deserve encouragement, but fuck that. You deserve kudos if this was your 20th story. My only complaint is that it’s a one pager, but that’s more of a compliment than a complaint. Great descriptions. Good use of first person. From a personal perspective I wish the main character was slightly more reluctant, but that’s a me thing. I look very forward to reading more. I hope he’s seduced almost against his will to fuck the living shit out of her. Good luck with all your future contributions. Great first story. ~S

I'll be reeling in for the sequel. Nice work!

Part 2 please ??