All Comments on 'The Lost Lord Ch. 02-03'

this is turning out really good

I like it but for a lord of lust he seems kinda shy.. ;)

You've got a good plot here but your narrration sucks. I feel like i'm reading a childs book with sentences like '"Ah milk, to the dairy section." Rainer vocalised as he pushed his cart forwards.'. I've got to admit though, that this is much better than the first chapter. You said you're really lazy, but if you got an editor to proofread and help the story would be much better.

I wrote this about 6-7 months ago and never got around to posting it, so it's been sitting around in my files without me doing anything to it until I found it and restarted the project. I just wanted to get the earlier chapters posted, no matter how bad they are. In essence, there has been no editing of about chapters 0-8. Except of the one proofread I did before I posted it.

Do not listen to the folks..... keep writing. :)

This posting is a bit better than the previous one, but still has room for improvment. This installment probably doesn't need as extensive a rewrite as the first one, but at least take a look and consider it.

Once again, decent story so far, and I'll be checking out the other chapters.

Not to dis your effort or anything but this chapter contains some of the most inane dialogs I have ever read. Esp. the one between Asmodea and the wannabe gangsters - I almost gagged on that one.

Yep, it'll be my favorite story.

The simple "What's up" - "The ceiling" had me laughing out loud.

Kudos for creating an intelligent, intimidating yet funny character. Those are impossible to find in literature, apart from Jack Reacher, of course.

Anyway, BIG THANK YOU for the story.

... I couldn't do it. This is so poorly written, filled with so many errors and ridiculously dry dialog that it's beyond hope.

And really, pumping up your score with fake votes is ... well, I guess it's to be expected. Doing that just pisses people off. There is no way in hell these stories deserve an H.

Cool your jets there guy. Take a step back and look at the story for what it is. The dialogue is perfectly fine if you immerse yourself in the story. Great story @TheTask!

The dialogue is OK, not perfectly fine, quite honestly it’s too stiff. Dialogue should be written how people talk with conjunctions like they’ll, I’ll, shouldn’t and so on.