All Comments on 'The Lost Lord Ch. 21'

What happened it got cut off

Yea, I'll try to remove this and re- upload it. Didn't notice the damn text getting cut off.

Indeed, it was cut off. I'm assuming that this was intended to be far longer than a mere two and a half pages of text, though.

Get an editor to work on this before you resubmit! Seriously, you need one. In that scene where Aureal puts up that shield of light, you say it "forced everyone in the vicinity except for Aureal to pervert their eyes away from the brightness." It should have been "avert" rather than "pervert." An editor would have caught that along with all the other typos in this story. Normally, I'm able to figure out what you're trying to communicate despite some errors, but in this chapter there were a couple of spots where I just couldn't because it was so bad.

Please for the love of good writing, get an editor!

And please, don't force a sex scene in just because this is an erotica story site. If you've got to put in a sex scene after this, keep it short and sweet. The story needs to progress and throwing in a sex scene in the middle of a war doesn't help.

Keep it up, I don't know how some people are having trouble reading past the typos, it is still good and can't wait to finish reading this chapter once it's re uploaded and start the next. :)

Or if ur an English teacher its OK but I'm pretty sure ppl don't like teachers that look up porn

This is a great story keep up the good work and don't stop writing ur a really good author

There is no contention, here at least, that this is a great story. Having an editor would definitely help some bits, where you can be a bit confused by mistakes. I personally dislike grammar mistakes, especially with most of them being so easily found and fixed. Obviously there are some things that autocorrect or spell check will not find, but I have no doubt that there would be someone you could ask to be an editor for you. If all else fails, read through when you're done, and if you're not sure, then check. I agree with others about the lack of sex, if there is no need for it, (not much in a war zone) and especially if you don't feel it's needed, then don't force it; it's not required, having a good story is better than having random superfluous sex scenes. Kelp up the good work.

who cares about grammer when reading a free story . Not like your getting paid to write it anyways. Love it keep it comming

I personally tend to get bogged down during fighting scenes, but I try to struggle through for the sake of the story as a whole. I think that grammar errors should be looked at in a similar way. We may not like them but suffer through it for the sake of the story. Try to look at the big picture! :)

Well, I'll take your advice to heart not with this story, I'm more than halfway done with it and I'm too lazy to think as a whole now. Though I'll do that for my next one, Reality Break.

Having read up to this point I am happy to say that this is a really good story with a fairly good start on world building. I am personally a fan of stories placed in a well done setting. Good work keeping lively and interesting.

So far this has to be one of the best erotic stories I have read. I would rate it up with Cemetery Summons and some of the works on asstr. Keep up the good work and always strive to do better!

As a whole I love this story, as a previous poster already said you made a great start at building the world's of the seven deadly sins. And usually I love the amount of descriptive writing you put In your chapters. However I'm really struggling to get through the in-depth descriptions of the battle scenes and I'm sorry to say I ended up skim reading through a heck of a lot of this chapter as I found it tedious and over all boring. That said I'm looking forward to the next chapter and enjoyed much of the previous chapters. I agree that an editor would be beneficial to you as they would catch your grammatical errors. But personally on the whole I find it easy to over look them.

I feel like he is going to be one of those people who would go to war and fight bare fist. That being said if he had to have a weapon it should be those brass knuckles with blades on them. I feel like that would make him a total badass.

Tedious battle scene.

this keeps getting better and better