All Comments on 'The Masterpiece'

such a beautiful story - so inventive and evocative!

Thank you, OxfordJack!

This was really nicely written, a feast for all the senses. what's more, we are drawn into who each of them are in how they fuck each other. I love when a sex scene isn't just generic sex, it's a relationship in a moment. You've captured that here.

Great job on your first Lit story!

Oh, wow! Brilliant, sensual, loving. I wish I had more stars to give.

Excellent first story! While I was never an artist, this model and artist theme has always been a favorite of mine. You really brought it to life. Five.

I read it twice! Thank you for such a beautiful piece!

JuanaSalsa, TarnishedPenny, RoperTrace, and Amisit_Scintilla, Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement!

Gorgeous writing. This is one of those little jewel that I stumble across from time to time. Cudos.

Also, artists and models is a bit of a theme for me, too.

Aww, thank you, electricblue66! For me, too. :)

5 ***** What a beautiful, sensual piece of writing. No pun intended, you really paint a picture with your words. You are so talented, and this truly is an amazing for a first submission. Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

Thank you, Smuttyandfun! That's very encouraging!

Sweet and seductive with all the dirty spice I like.

Thanks, Anonymous!!

Aptly titled piece of writing. I frickin' love the sensory details in this story! Just enough to keep me wanting more.

I hope you submit more very soon because I'm looking forward to it!

Succinct, poetic and alluring. Just what was needed. Thank you for an excellent first submission, Brielle. Looking forward to more!

Thank you for your sweet words, ranunculus01!!

Thank you, Nylonian!!

I came upon this story via the forums where the author asked for feedback; well, I hope that not only unreserved praise was what the author was asking for because I don’t think there is much to praise about this story.

But let’s start with the more or less positive things, right?

The technicalities—spelling, punctuation, point of view, etc.—are mostly okay, except for a missing word here and there. The prose is readable without much difficulty; the dialog flows more or less naturally (or, at least, not entirely unnaturally). There is a kind of structure to the story, starting in medias res, giving us some background information on the characters—mostly via dialog (the best part of the story)—before then ending with the obligatory sex scene.

Well, that’s about it!

Next, the not-so-good parts.

First and foremost, there is the terribly k i t s c h y style to name. At first the story only reads sporadically, but soon enough predominantly like a chapter from a cheap romance novel, all this unending talk about hearts and souls! Just to give a few, nauseating examples: “hidden flame in her heart,” “words took the hand around her heart and twisted,” “opened my heart,” “[s]how me your heart,” “truth of this heart,” “kept her soul to herself,” “[m]y very soul,” “[h]er soul finding its lost half,” “the windows of their souls peering at one another,” with the latter two phrases towering in their triteness above the rest, without question, but still this does not excuse this overuse of sentimental clichés in the least.

Furthermore, and pretty much in consequence, there is just about no depth to the story. As all this heart and soul searching is just kitschy schmooze, there are no r e a l feelings to be found here, only the prepackaged, tired platitudes the heroes and heroines of the romance genre are usually spewing on the pages of their commercial outfits. With the faux feelings thrown out, there remains only the background to provide some substance, and what is really a pity is that said background is not too bad at all, as the story is basically a historical romance, taking place in the Salon’s most prominent years late in the 19th century. But what does the story offer us of this—theoretically—rich and colorful background? Apart from name dropping Manet, practically nil. I mean, Paris, or France for that matter, is not even mentioned once! Just—why? Because making use of this amazing background could have maybe obscured the kitschy schmooze? Oh well . . .

Now, to come to a closing, the obligatory sex scene at the end left me completely cold, for I did—and, indeed, c o u l d—not buy into these perfunctory characters’ romantic relationship. Besides the kitschy clichés and the strikingly matter-of-fact way of enumerating who did what to whom, physically, and in which order, made for a rather curious contrast!

The tacky final line then was also the final nail in this romance’s cheap coffin, at least for me. Too much cheese, too little t r u ly heart-felt writing!

—AJ

Thanks, AJ! I appreciate your feedback. I don't expect everyone to love my stories, or even like them. And it is good to hear from readers who don't.

I've added a new line to my signature. :) "Unabashed writer of kitschy romantic schmooze... because that's how I experience love."

Beautifully done; the romance comes through. Would love to see a part 2 set a year later, to see how their relationship progresses.

Thanks, NewOldGuy77! That's a good idea!

Well written. Short, yet sweet. I can't wait to see what you do next.