My Krampus

As always, massive thanks to NewOldGuy77 for his awesome editing, support, and suggestions. Also, a special thank you to Voboy on this one.

~~~~~

(Allison)

"Congratulations, Doctor," My PhD advisor said, smiling.

"Thank you!"

I was shaking with nerves and my voice broke a little. I'd kept it together through my whole defense, but now I was falling apart.

"We were very impressed with the quality of your research, Ms. Avery. Or, I should say Dr. Avery," Professor Eder continued kindly.

My whole body grew warm, basking in the approval of this group of academics. Each of my committee members shook my hand as they left the room, until only myself and my advisor remained.

Professor Eder stood up and walked over to me, making my heart pound, but no longer with nerves. Now it was with arousal. I'd tried very hard to ignore how handsome my PhD advisor was for the last five years, but it hadn't worked. He still made my stomach flop when he stood near me.

Today, he wore dark jeans, a size too large as always, and a navy-blue button up shirt, tucked neatly into his waist band. His graying hair was tied back in a short ponytail, revealing the receding hairline over his temples. My mouth went dry as I looked up at him, my eyes flitting over his thin apricot-colored lips that quirked up in a small smile above his salt and pepper goatee. I met his eyes, deep green and decorated with wrinkles that spoke of many years of laughter.

"Have you found a job, yet?" he asked, kindly.

"Not yet, Professor Eder," I said quietly.

"Please, call me Tobias, we are equals now."

I frowned; I certainly didn't feel like an equal. My degree was barely five minutes old, and he had decades of experience.

"Alright... Tobias," I tried out the name, hesitantly. "Then you should call me Allison."

"Very well, Allison," he said, my name on his lips caressed my yearning heart. "I'm taking a sabbatical to do some research at my old alma matter in Austria, Technische Universität Graz. It'll be just a year, but I've secured a position for a post-doc in the same department. I'd like that post-doc to be you."

I sucked in a breath and glanced up at Professor Eder's face again. No, Tobias now. If he wanted me to call him that, I had better work on it, even in my head.

"Me? Are you sure?" I asked, my stomach fluttering with excitement.

I had always wanted to go to Europe. And more than that, I wanted to spend more time with Tobias.

"Of course," he smiled, the wrinkles on his cheeks masquerading as dimples.

"I would love to go to Austria with you, to work with you," I said, breathless with excitement.

"Excellent. I will prepare the paperwork. Do you have a passport, I hope? The semester starts October 1st."

I nodded. I had gotten a passport several years ago when I'd dreamed of using it. But so far, I hadn't had the chance.

Tobias put his hand on my shoulder familiarly. I stilled; I could not remember him ever touching me before. Not once in the five years I'd been his student, as we bent our heads over papers together and examined troublesome equipment together, had he touched me. There had always been an invisible barrier, and now it was gone.

"I hope you'll like my country," he said, before removing his hand and stepping out of the room.

I closed my eyes and savored the feel of that hand, the warmth that I could still feel on my shoulder. I should have said, "no". I should have found a job and started a new life and left this impossible infatuation behind. But all I wanted in my heart was to be close to him longer, to breath in his musky scent, to admire the veins that bulged on his weathered hands, to listen to his deep voice explain obscure concepts with ease.

I was in love with my professor, and I had been for years.

(Tobias)

I whistled softly as I left the young new doctor. I had a lot of paperwork to get done, and I was more excited about it than I had any right to be. I had been keeping careful track of Ms. Avery's, no Allison's PhD progress. I'd timed my sabbatical just right and worked hard to secure a post-doc position for one of my students, always intending it to be for her.

It was best for a new doctorate to work in a different university if they didn't go right into teaching or industry, so I couldn't very well offer her a post-doc position in my lab here. That certainly would not have helped her career.

I had not expected her acceptance of my proposal to be quite so quick, though. I'd figured I'd have to really sell TU Graz and Austria in general. Had she already heard of my sabbatical plans and researched it ahead of time? That would be like her, to be so efficient and well-prepared.

It really didn't matter, though. I was getting what I wanted, which was more time with my loveliest and most intuitive student. I hadn't felt so enamoured with a woman since my divorce ten years ago. I felt like a young man again, driven by lust and irrational emotion.

I had refrained from courting her for years, as my infatuation built slowly. It wasn't simply university rules that had held me back, I absolutely despised any hint of inequality in romance. There wasn't much I could do about my age, but I could work to make sure she felt she was my equal in all other ways. We'd made one small step forward on that today, I grinned to myself. And I had just bought myself a year abroad to get the rest of the way there.

I settled into my desk chair and pulled up the documents to be completed on my computer. I put together the papers that would need Allison's input and emailed them to her, emphasizing that she'd have to complete them this week. Then, I got started on my own pile of documents.

Twenty minutes later, my computer pinged, indicating a new email.

~~~~~

Professor Eder,

Thank you for the documents. I am already working on them. The visa application needs an address where I will be living in Austria. Is there assigned post doc housing, or do I need to find an apartment? Any help in this matter is much appreciated.

Thank you,

Allison

~~~~~

I groaned at her continued use of the honorific, professor. I must break that habit! I couldn't feel right about pursuing her if she acted like I was her superior. How could I know if her feelings were genuine or compelled by my perceived power?

Still, this question of accommodation gave me an idea. I ruminated on it for five minutes before I picked up my cell phone and made a video call.

"Warum rufst du mich so spät an?" An irritated voice answered in the dark.

The middle of the night? I glanced at the clock guiltily. Yes, it was midnight in Austria. Oh well, my sister would be fine, and I needed an answer now.

"I need a favor, Leni"

"Oh, do you?" My sister switched to English, knowing I preferred it over German since moving to America thirty years ago.

"I need you to evict whoever is living in your rental so that the post-doc coming with me can move in there." I said firmly.

"I can't just evict someone for no reason, brother!"

"It is not for no reason. I want my colleague to have a safe place to live that is near campus." I argued.

"Ah, then why don't you simply put an extra bed in your room? Are you too good to share a room now?"

"I can't share a room with her!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, her is it?" Leni suddenly sounded much more interested.

She turned on a light and I could see her face clearly now.

"Yes, my colleague is a woman. So now you understand why you should rent the attached unit to her."

"Tell me, brother, is she beautiful?"

"That is irrelevant," I admonished.

"I want to see her or I'm not doing anything for you, you old goat!"

If only it had occurred to me sooner to get my sister to clear out the rental for Allison, I reprimanded myself. Maybe with more warning, Leni would have been less resistant to reason, and I could have avoided this interrogation.

"Show me..." Leni reminded me of her demand as the silence stretched.

"I don't have a photo of her," I lied.

The last thing I needed was my sister haranguing me for pursuing a young woman. She'd find out when we got there, of course, but maybe I could delay that particular lecture.

"Don't lie to me," Leni yawned, a pointed reminder that I'd called much too late, and now owed her honesty, at a minimum.

I sighed and navigated to the department website where photos of all the doctoral students were posted. I clicked on Allison's photo and turned my phone to my computer so Leni could see it.

"Oh, now, she is a cute one, isn't she? Rather chubby, but she carries it well. And a beautiful smile. Must be smart too, to be a student of yours."

"Yes." I grunted, taking a moment to admire Allison's fine blond hair that escaped her tight ponytail and floated around her head in wisps. How I craved to tuck one of those precious strands behind her ear, every time we talked. It was agony to keep my hands to myself.

"So, you have a crush on her?" Leni observed astutely.

"No," I growled, "Allison and I have a strictly professional relationship," regretfully.

"Allison, hmm? You're on a first name basis with the girl? Well, I do think she should stay in the rental unit, if you are that close. I would love to meet her and tell her all about your adventures at her age..."

Memories of my youth flashed through my mind. I was a reckless, feckless, irresponsible young man. I cringed, imagining sensible Allison's reaction to hearing about my younger days.

"No, no," I said, regretting calling my sister, "You can't evict someone for no reason after all."

"Not to worry! The unit is empty right now. I could use a tenant."

I gaped, "You lied to me!"

"Yes, and you called me in the middle of the night."

I frowned, "You're as impossible as ever, Leni. But I appreciate you helping me out."

"Of course. And now you owe me." Leni said with a grin.

I made a mental note to pack a whole carton of the newest Reese's peanut butter cups flavors for her. Leni loved those things, but the new kinds always came to America first.

(Allison)

The weeks passed in a blur as I packed and stored everything I owned in my parents' basement, readying myself to move to the other side of the world. I was gripped by alternating waves of anxiety and excitement. I had not let myself plan ahead this far, to having that beautiful certificate that proclaims I am a PhD. I hadn't really thought it would happen.

For years, I kept expecting to fail. Every final exam, every meeting with my advisor, every thesis review, I expected each to end with my professor looking at me with quizzical eyes and asking, "Why did we accept you to this program when clearly you are not smart enough to belong here?"

And yet that had never happened. Now I was faced with the unexpected reality of needing to build a career. I was so incredibly grateful that Professor Eder had offered me the chance to work with him in Austria. Not only did it save me from having to admit that I'd completely failed to plan for success, but it meant I could be near him longer.

Tobias, I reminded myself. He wanted me to call him by his first name now. Tobias. I rolled out the syllables in my head, savoring each. It was a beautiful name, I decided.

"Tobias," I said, practicing in English, then German. "I love you, Tobias. Ich liebe dich, Tobias."

I closed my eyes and imagined him pressing soft lips to mine. I had never lusted after someone like this before, someone unattainable yet there every day. I'd fallen for the professor the first time I'd seen him, walking into class in his unfashionable loose jeans and geeky t-shirt. His shirt design was one of my favorite nerd jokes, where i tells pi to "be rational" and pi replies "get real."

It was a fantastic first impression that only improved as he smiled brightly and proclaimed that bachelor's degrees were bull shit, master's were more shit, and PhD's were just piled higher and deeper, so none of us should take ourselves too seriously. It was an old joke, one I'd heard in middle school, but he delivered with finesse and a heart-stopping smile.

In those first days of my doctoral program when I'd been overwhelmed by the amount of things I didn't know that I was apparently supposed to know, his humor in class had kept me grounded. When it had come time to choose an advisor, Professor Eder had been my first choice.

I still remembered, three years ago during my candidacy exam, when all five of my advisors gathered to quiz me on the finer points of genetic immunities. I had locked eyes with Professor Eder, and he'd smiled and nodded, his confidence in me shining like a beacon.

Every year, I'd given him a silly nerd gift for Christmas. I left each present outside his office door, too nervous to give it to him personally. And I'd never left a card. When the first day of the next semester would start, he'd make a point to wear the t-shirt, proclaiming that "one should never trust an atom because they make up everything," or he'd be drinking coffee from the "intellectual badass" mug that I'd left for him. Every time, my clit would tingle, and my stomach would clench, and my face would burn.

I'd feel like a creep for the next three weeks straight and avoid him. Yet, the next Christmas I'd send another gift and wait with fearful anticipation if he would use it that first day. I promised myself that if he didn't, I would stop. But he always did, for four years in a row now, he'd worn and used each gift I'd left him.

I feared, deep down, that the reason I hadn't found a job wasn't because I was convinced that I'd fail, but because I wanted to fail, so I wouldn't have to leave Professor Eder. Tobias, I reminded myself again. Tobias...

I sighed and gathered my wits, looking in the mirror one last time. I looked like myself, I decided. There was no point in examining my round, pale, face any longer. It would not magically become more beautiful, no matter how long I stared. Could Tobias love this face?

I stood up, pulled back my shoulders and nodded firmly to my reflection. It didn't matter how I looked. I was going to Austria to build my career, not to find romance, and certainly not with Tobias, who was far out of my league. I hiked up my carry-on bag on my shoulder and strode to my gate, trying to look confident as I left my country behind.

(Tobias)

I took another critical look at the sublet unit. I'd come to Austria a week ahead of Allison, specifically so that I could make sure the house and her apartment were in good condition. I trusted my sister, of course, but I had nightmares that Allison would take one look at the unit and decide she was better off finding her own place.

When I'd arrived, I saw immediately that I'd worried pointlessly. Leni had kept the unit in perfect condition, as clean and well-kept as I remembered it from my last visit a decade ago. In the main part of the house, my room was also exactly as I'd left it, not even a layer of dust to attest to the years of disuse.

Leni was a very conscientious housekeeper. Technically, the house was mine, deeded to me in our father's will. It had been his last-ditch effort to get me to come back to live in Austria. If I hadn't been married, and my wife extremely against the idea of leaving the US, it might have even worked. By the time my marriage ended, I was truly entrenched in my academic career, having earned tenure and a respected reputation.

As my marriage crashed and burned, I'd come back to Austria, to this room. I'd been tempted to abandon my career and start over. But I'd felt like an invader in my sister's well-oiled life, an unwanted observer as she effortlessly managed her marriage and children, showing me the life that I'd never have. So, I'd gone back to America, to teaching.

By the time Allison had walked into my classroom five years later, I had truly embraced bachelorhood. And now I was here again. Again, because of a woman. I shook my head and smiled ruefully. Who can know what twisted paths our life will take?

Feeling like a fussy old man, I strode across the small room and plumped the pillows, opened the curtains, and adjusted the position of a couple knickknacks on a display shelf by millimeters. Standing back again, I admitted there was nothing I could do to improve the space. It was lovely and homey, and I could only hope Allison would approve.

Shutting the door on the unit, I went downstairs to the main part of the old house.

"Leni, I am going now!" I called out, knowing she could hear me wherever she happened to be.

Leni poked her head around the corner from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel, "Isn't her flight due in an hour?"

I nodded. True, the drive to the airport was just 15 minutes. But there could be traffic. And I wanted to park and meet Allison inside, so she didn't have to navigate through the airport to find the car pick up lane on her own.

"My, aren't you eager, brother?" Leni asked, amused.

I frowned, "I am simply being a good host."

"Oh, sure," Leni smiled, then her look turned serious. "Tobias, you know I love you, right? I think it's great that you like this girl, but she is very young for you, you know. I don't want to see you get your heart broken again."

"Leni, you're a wonderful sister and I respect and love you. But kindly stay out of my business, please. I am fifty-six and more than old enough to take care of my own feelings," I harumphed grumpily.

Leni put her hands up and spread her fingers in surrender, "Alright, mein älterer bruder. Sure, you're a grown man, but grown men's hearts break too, you know."

"I am perfectly aware," I groused.

If there was anything I didn't need, it was my sister pointing out to me that I was acting like a fool. Allison was half my age, I knew that. I wasn't stupid enough to go chasing after her like a handsome young man could get away with, but what was life without hope? At least I could have that... If my sister didn't insist on crushing it.

I was in a foul mood all the way to the airport, and that resulted in aggressive driving that had me arriving far faster than anticipated. I grumbled and made irritated faces at everyone as I tromped through the airport to the arrivals waiting area.

People gave me more than my fair share of space in the crowded waiting zone, as if repelled by an invisible buffer of my irritation with the world. I stood and stared at the arriving travelers moodily for forty minutes, and then I saw her. Allison's round face and bubbly walk called to my gaze instantly.

My bitter thoughts faded away and I smiled, joy filling my grouchy old heart. And this was what Leni couldn't understand. I didn't need anything more from Allison than just to be near her. If I could have that, then it was enough.

Oh sure, I hoped for more. Hope is what keeps us young, I told myself as I waved Allison over to me.

When she saw me, she smiled wide and waved eagerly back, changing course towards me. Was it my imagination that she seemed as delighted to see me as I was to see her? Was I fooling myself to believe there was even a small chance she felt the same for me as I did for her?

Oh, who cared?

"Tobias!" Allison cried as she finally got within talking distance.

My name on her lips warmed my heart and spread a tingle from my fingers to my toes. Thank God there was no more of this 'Professor Eder' garbage between us.

(Allison)

I could not help the happy flutter in my groin as I beelined for Tobias. His glad smile was such a welcome sight after hours and hours of being crammed in a tiny seat next to miserable people. I desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms and hug him close, my lifeline.