All Comments on 'The Mermaid'

One writer to another: anything in your "style" that interrupts the flow of your story is a bad thing. Sentence fragments - groups of words with no verb - interrupt the flow. You take the reader out of the narrative and force him to figure out what you meant. Most of your sentence fragments could be easily fixed. "Still feeling a little sore, but a satisfied mermaid." not only has no verb, it also has no subject. The easy fix would be, "She still felt a little sore, but she was a satisfied mermaid," or even, "Still feeling a little sore, she was a satisfied mermaid."