The Muse

"Your hotel room is closer than my condo," Richard offered, his need growing like mine. I jumped up and pulled him to his feet. I leaned into his ear, brandishing my advantage.

"I want you badly," I whispered seductively. I am sure I looked the fool with a smile I couldn't hide.

"Stop that. It isn't fair," he said, walking just a little funnier than I looked. I skipped ahead like a schoolgirl, pulling him along faster. I wanted him with me, more than anything else right then, I wanted him naked and with me.

I lost my advantage the moment I closed the hotel room door. I was ravished by the sex-crazed maniac I had created. I decided I liked being ravished by a sex-crazed Richard and his horny ears.

It was over dinner when I broached the future. We had ordered room service and rented a pay per view movie on Janice's dime. Richard enjoyed it all the more. He really had a thing about torturing her.

"I have to fly back tomorrow," I said in between bites of a really tasty filet mignon. (Richard had insisted we order the most expensive items on the menu.) He looked away for a second, sucking his lips in deep thought.

"I'll stay here through Tuesday and drive back on Wednesday and Thursday," he said then added, "I don't do well on planes."

"If you want to leave tomorrow, I could drive back with you," I offered. It was a long drive alone. Richard smiled.

"I have half my book swimming around in my head," he responded, "I need to get it down. If you're near, the last thing I want to do is write. You're just too delicious." I loved his word choices.

"I can make you dinner Thursday night," I suggested, "just you and me." I loved how he was smiling at me.

"I'd like that a lot," Richard returned, beaming. I liked that we had plans. I had a feeling dates with him were going to be on the private side. Right now I was okay with it. I was hoping I wouldn't resent it over time. I was never a big party person, but a restaurant now and then wouldn't be horrible. I decided, for now, we would move at Richard's speed.

Torturing Janice had its cost. We had both over ordered and overeaten. We spent the night cuddling with little desire for our previous sexual exploits. To tell the truth, it was just as enjoyable. I just loved touching him and he seemed so comfortable with me in his arms. We talked late into the night. He bounced ideas off me, what-would-Melissa-do questions. I gave him smart ass answers and intelligent ones. I flirted and teased, but stayed away from his ears. I needed and wanted comfortable Richard. I fell asleep in his arms, a most comfortable place to be.

I woke up to a very amorous Richard. We made love slowly and with purpose. He cherished me and I responded in kind. This was his goodbye, the morning to remember until Thursday night. We simply shared each other. It was lovely, my tender fireman making sure I knew how he felt.

After, sated and in his arms, he whispered to me, "That's how I feel about you." He was absently caressing my breast as he spoke. "I just had to let you know." I knew then that he had loved me before I even knew he existed. He didn't use words. I wasn't ready for the words. When he finally left me so I could pack, Thursday seemed just on this side of eternity.

I wasn't anxious to get back to work. Life-changing weekends have a tendency to remold your viewpoint. I disliked my job before and now I was considering hating it. Damn student loans. The one bright spot was that I was one day closer to Thursday. I was measuring time by a man, and, even with all the independence that change had sucked from me, I was giddy. I read some more of Richard's book on the plane and deep into the night. He had written the words four years ago, yet I could feel his passion for Melissa, me. I could almost feel his arms around me as I read.

I entered the main offices of Wilkerson's Hardware barely on time. Julie, the receptionist, was giving me a knowing smirk as I passed. "Sick, my ass," she commented quietly as I moved beyond her desk toward my cubicle. I looked back to her wide grin and I blushed. Was it that apparent? I tried to relax my face, make it more normal. I never thought of Julie being that perceptive. Others were smiling at me. I felt like I was in one of those nightmares where you show up at the office naked. I was obviously the root of some kind of rumor.

The cause became apparent when I entered my work area. There, on my desk, was a glass vase filled with two dozen purple roses interspersed with some kind of white lily. It was exceptionally large as bouquets go. I turned four shades of red and felt my heart shudder. It was embarrassingly lovely.

A small envelope stuck out from among the blooms. I pulled it away quickly and looked around, making sure no one was spying. I opened the envelope slowly and pulled out the small card. I almost cried when I read it. Richard had penned 'God's Flower' then crossed out 'God's' and corrected it with the word 'My.' I shoved the note quickly back in its envelope when Julie entered my cubicle.

"Someone had a nice weekend," Julie whispered. I was still flushed from the note and I could see it reflected in her eyes. I tried not to smile and maintain some decorum, but it was hopeless. "Someone had a VERY nice weekend," Julie repeated, grinning conspiratorially.

"Shh," I said, trying to get her to stop.

"Purple means love at first sight you know," Julie stated, ignoring my reluctance. I wasn't going to tell her there was a deeper meaning. "They were shipped overnight from Texas. Who the hell ships flowers overnight and were you in Texas?" She was nothing if she wasn't persistent.

"Look, I just met this guy," I tried to make it seem normal. No big deal. Julie wasn't biting.

"God's flower, my flower. What's up with that?" Julie crossed her arms and assumed a stubborn pose. She had read my note. Of course she did, she was Julie after all. I was about to express some anger and was interrupted.

"It's because she looks like Melissa," Bob, my purchasing counterpart, said from the cubicle next to mine. He stood and put his arms on the cubicle wall. I now had two people to shut up.

"Who's Melissa?" Julie asked. Bob was smiling. I was grimacing.

"The mysterious love of Adam Westlake, from Donald Rickers' novels," Bob imparted his knowledge. I squirmed.

"Shh," I repeated and was ignored.

"I've heard of him," Julie said.

"Adam Westlake calls Melissa God's Flower," Bob continued, "and our Mary is Melissa's spitting image."

"You got that from a book?" Julie asked incredulously.

"The descriptions are quite vivid," Bob answered as I cowered in my chair, "purple is Melissa's favorite color." My face was turning purple.

"Stop it! I have work to do," I pleaded.

"We're eating lunch together, girlfriend, and you are going to give me all the dirty details," Julie ordered good-naturedly, "if you don't, I am going to start a rumor you're dating Donald Rickers." Her revelation was meant in jest, but it took me by surprise.

"Please, don't!" I responded, shocked at my adamancy. Julie's eyes went wide.

"Oh my God, you are Melissa," Bob whispered, "you know Rickers, don't you?" I was never good at keeping secrets. The ramifications of this getting out right now hit home. My eyes were watering.

"Please, stop," I pleaded once again. Julie saw something in my face and looked at Bob.

"This conversation never happened, Bob," Julie said sternly. Bob looked at me and then nodded his head. He sank back into his cubicle. "I'm sorry, Mary, I stick my nose where it doesn't belong all the time," Julie apologized, "I was just happy to see you get flowers."

"Lunch, okay?" I asked. I guess talking with someone who already knew would be liberating.

"Sure," Julie responded with concern, "and my lips are sealed." She smiled at the bouquet on my desk and then headed back to her desk.

I spoke with Julie at lunch and the next day's lunch. I told her almost everything, leaving out only Richard's anxiety. She had a voracious appetite for personal information. She became my sounding board. Julie never judged and was more interested in the sex being good. She was enamored with the idea of dating a famous author, whether he was a private man or not. I decided nothing during those lunches, but I felt better because of them. They made the days go faster which was bringing Thursday's dinner quicker.

Bob, for his part, kept quiet about his discovery. He did whisper a request for an autograph, and I promised I would try. I wasn't sure if Donald Rickers signed anything. I got home late on Tuesday, we had to double check purchase quantities to verify a new inventory system again. The system that was supposed to save us so much time was currently costing us twice the time. I was surprised to see Janice waiting at my apartment door. She was holding a bottle of wine and a pleasant expression.

"I was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by," Janice stated warmly, "I thought we could talk." The wine told me she may not have seen the room service bill yet. I smiled warmly and let her in.

"I was going to make a salad for dinner, are you hungry?" I offered.

"Sure, if you let me help," Janice countered. I emptied the fridge of its vegetables and we sliced cucumber and shredded carrots together.

"I just received some more pages from Richard," Janice said as she chopped some broccoli, "Adam has reaffirmed his love for Melissa and he vowed to free her from her past. He has gone into action mode, the stuff his readers eat up."

"That's good, right?" I asked, pulling three types of dressing from the fridge.

"For Themes and his readers, yes," Janice answered, "you do know he is also talking about you when he writes about Melissa?"

"I saw it first hand," I said, remembering the first night Richard and I spent together.

"He loves you," Janice stated. She didn't leave room for debate on the issue. I looked at her, with her motherly concern, and just nodded. She looked down at the broccoli, "Are you going to run the first time he has a panic attack?" Her question was soft and quiet. She was trying to feel me out, to see what I would do to Richard in the long run.

"He had two when I was out there," I said almost proudly, "I am not afraid of his anxiety, I am just trying to figure out how to work with it."

"Two? And he still wrote?" Janice raised her head, beaming. "He usually goes dark for days after one. How did you break him out of the funk?" I was blushing bright red, not really knowing how I should answer.

"Kissing seemed to help," I replied sheepishly. Janice snickered, trying to hold back a laugh without spitting all over the vegetables.

"I tried everything else," Janice joked with a shrug, "I think I'll leave that remedy in your capable hands." From that moment on, I sensed Janice had fully accepted me. I had her mom 'seal of approval.' "Do you love him?" Janice asked, this time looking straight at me. She was ready to accept any answer I gave, positive or negative.

"I am not ready to say it yet," I answered truthfully. Janice started laughing and had to turn away from the counter to not spoil the dinner. "What's so funny?" I asked with apprehension.

"As an editor, may I rephrase your answer?" Janice was grinning from ear to ear. I nodded. "Yes, but I haven't told him yet," she rephrased. I sucked in my bottom lip and I just nodded. She was right. I was afraid of the future and needed more time to adjust. "It's not what I imagined, but I am truly happy for the both of you. Richard is one lucky man," Janice added. I became a Janice fan.

"You haven't seen the room service bill yet." I warned. Janice just laughed again. We opened the bottle of wine and enjoyed our salads. I had been planning a little workout tonight, but thought talking about Richard with Janice would be more pleasurable. It was. After we cleaned the dishes, we took the rest of the bottle of wine to couch, kicked off our shoes, and talked some more.

"I want to make you an offer, but I am afraid you might take it the wrong way." Janice was hesitant to broach the subject. I think she just moved from motherly to businesswoman. I told her it was okay to continue.

"I would like to bring you on at Themes," Janice said, almost as a question. I was floored. How do you answer something like that. I am screwing your best writer so you want to bring me in-house. Janice was quickly losing her appeal and she must have seen it in my face. "I was afraid you might react that way - please, let me explain." I took another sip of wine and held my temper in check.

"Richard is Themes Publishing," Janice began, "he is eighty percent of our business. He doesn't do appearances and book signings like most authors. He doesn't respond to reader mail and won't let us do it for him. There is a lot of untapped potential in that man, markets he hasn't even tried to penetrate. Did you know only five percent of his readers are female?" Janice paused for a second trying to gauge my reaction. I just nodded and she continued, "If we could double the female readership, it would mean tens of millions." She paused briefly again. "Richard won't pursue these things, but he would let Melissa do it. We are his family, Mary. We would love to have you on board, moving his books to new markets." She was throwing marketing at me. I wanted to leap at the job, but it still felt wrong.

"You want me to keep Richard in line?" I asked sarcastically.

"No one keeps him in line and keeping him happy is not in the job description. I'll admit that a large part of your appeal is that he trusts you," Janice responded.

"Why does the whole idea feel so...whorish?" I asked.

"Please don't look at that way. You're right that I wouldn't offer this to anyone else, but Richard doesn't trust anyone else." Janice threw up her arms, almost spilling the wine. "I'm taking a risk even asking you. Richard told me he would switch publishers if I pissed you off with the request."

"You already mentioned this to Richard?" I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Yesterday." Janice nodded. "He didn't like the idea at first. He thought you would be insulted. I thought he might fire me for the suggestion. You and I are the only two who know him well enough. I know how far I can push in the right direction. I also know you can push farther - before you say anything, that is exactly what I told Richard. It is what convinced him to even let me ask."

"He wants to be pushed?" I asked surprised.

"Gently, yes. And only by you," Janice stated, "he knows instinctively that you understand his limits and would never push him over the edge. He gets really upset when he disappoints and goes out of his way to avoid situations where it can happen. For some reason he has no desire to avoid you, the biggest risk he has ever taken."

"I would be able to decide what paths we take?" I needed to make a few things clear.

"Yes," Janice answered without a pause.

"If anything came between Richard and me, I'd quit in an instant." I felt that needed to be made crystal clear. I knew I was inching toward acceptance with Richard's acquiescence. He needed me, and, God help me, I needed him.

"Of course." Janice smiled. "That's the reason he trusts you. I wouldn't be asking if that wasn't a foregone conclusion." I looked away, trying to think of reasons I shouldn't take the job. I had no desire to work at Wilkerson's Hardware anymore. There were no other opportunities throwing themselves at me. Just those damn student loans. It always ends with the money. I hate talking about money. It just makes me feel greedy.

"I need thirty-two a year, I can't survive on less," I stated with the firmness of a fish out of water. Janice just smiled.

"We'll start you at fifty-five, and, after six months, Themes will take over any outstanding student loan payments for as long as you work for us." Janice knew she had me. I was trying not to look stupid after asking for such a low amount. "Richard is a hundred million dollar business, Mary," she added to make sure I understood.

"You're risking a lot, based on the one weekend Richard and I have spent together." I don't know why I harped on the negative. I guess I just wasn't used to people handing me things like this.

"Business is a risk. Richard was the biggest risk I ever took and he worked out rather well," Janice responded, "I will never find another person who he will respond to. It may be a very long time before you get another offer like this. We all suffer a little if you turn this down." It wasn't really a choice. Staying at Wilkerson's seemed senseless and Richard needed me.

"I'll take the job," I agreed, "I'll give Wilkerson my two weeks' notice tomorrow."

"Wonderful," Janice beamed. She grabbed the bottle of wine and emptied it into our glasses. "To a long and fruitful employment," she toasted. We clinked our glasses and I sipped wine with my new boss.

I was nervous when Thursday finally rolled around. A lot had changed since the weekend. I had spoken briefly with Richard on the phone - not a good way to talk with him. He was more of a letter person. He agreed to meet me at my place at seven thirty. That would give me time to clean up after work and cook a dinner. I rushed home a little late. Work was in a turmoil due to my two-week notice. They had me documenting all my procedures and training a temporary replacement. They tried to offer me more money to stay. I have to say it felt good to have a business desire you. I declined graciously, secure in my direction.

When I finally arrived home, Richard was standing at the door holding a single purple rose. "I couldn't wait anymore," he said with a smile. The gulf I thought was created over the last three days disappeared in an instant. He looked so good standing there, his hazel eyes begging for mine. I threw myself into his arms and we kissed deeply. I loved the feel of him, his arms wrapping around me, holding me like he would never let go. I heard a sharp intake of breath from down the hall.

Debbie Brindlemen, her gray hair askew from the wind, was holding a bag of groceries and staring at us in shock. It wasn't that I was kissing a man. It was that I was kissing Richard, the building's shy guy.

"Good evening, Debbie," I said warmly. I shouldn't have been enjoying her shock, but I found it enjoyable none the same.

"Hi, Mary...Hi, Richard." Debbie looked at us both in turn. She had forgotten to close her mouth. I could smell the gossip brewing from where I stood.

"Debbie, you look absolutely wonderful tonight," Richard said from whatever cloud he was on. I was still in his arms and couldn't help smiling at his words. Words that weren't on paper, that came from his mouth, that didn't try to hide. He was looking straight at Debbie. The woman blushed and I could see the schoolgirl in her wrinkled eyes. She saw the dashing Richard. The same one I saw.

"Why...thank you, Richard," Debbie stuttered. At least the gossip would be pleasant. "You two look very good together." She smiled honestly. I liked her assessment.

"Thanks." I smiled back and gave Richard a quick peck on the cheek. Debbie giggled and unlocked her door. She gave us a last, bright look before she disappeared into her apartment. I brought Richard into mine.

"I missed you," Richard said softly, running his hand through my hair, "I really missed you." My insides melted at his words.

"Ditto," I said before he kissed me again. This time his hands traveled to places the hallway wouldn't allow. Dinner was really late.

"I took the job Janice offered," I told Richard over toasted cheese sandwiches. I had planned a nice dinner, but time got away from us - blissfully so.

"She told me," Richard returned, "she is really excited about it. Thinks you'll take me in new directions."