All Comments on 'The Neighbor's Home Improvement'

As the author, if you don't like it, there is nothing I can do about that. If you feel strongly enough to comment, at least have the courtesy to say what you didn't like. That way my next story can be better.

I'm not the person how made the comment you referred to -- and, which you seemed to have deleted, never a good sign -- so I don't know what that person said, but here goes.

.

You're writing in first person. This means 1) we know what the narrator is thinking, feeling and experiencing, and 2) it is impossible for the narrator to know what anyone else is thinking, feeling and experiencing. You go against both parts of this.

.

The three paragraphs that begin with "Jenny panicked, she clearly didn't think this out." suddenly switch to third person omniscient, but back to first in the third with "She looked at me..." Unless Mitch is telepathic, there is no way he can know what they thinking, feeling and experiencing.

.

Then we get to "Divorce Mitch, come live with me and be my lezzie fuck toy." To that and Jenny's declaration that he too will be Taylor's fuck toy, from the first person narrator we get ,,, nothing!

.

If you're going to write a story like this, third person omniscient is probably the best choice. The invisible narrator can present what is going on inside the characters as you seem fit. For first person, the writer is restricted to that person and only that person.

Not sure what I think about your story. If it was posted in the Lesbian Sex category, I never would have read it. I don't care about that, but I don't know what to think about Taylor's "I own you" business. That puts me off, makes me think I'm somewhere I don't belong or want to be. Why don't you fill out and expand your Biography?

Magic 8 Ball is a favorite.

I'm not scoring this story. If your stories are meant for other readers, help them and me to find their way to you or me away.

I did enjoy your story. You might not know that from my first comment.

Re-read it and gave you a 5.

I still think you should tell us more in your Biography aside from you like dogs.