The Nurse and the Nanny

"Really?" I asked.

"Oh yes Sabrina." She said. "There's not one damn thing wrong with you. In fact you sound pretty normal."

I can't emphasize enough how important that conversation with Merri was to me.

I had lived in such fear of someone finding out that I touched myself for pleasure, and here I was telling someone I liked and admired and she was telling me it was normal.

So normal that she'd admitted to doing it too.

Still I'd have died if anyone in my family had found out.

And lurking in the back of my mind was the worry that if Merri knew all the details of my fantasy life she might not consider me normal at all.

Our conversation drifted to other things that night, and eventually I went upstairs to my guest room, and she went to her own bedroom.

However, I lay awake for a long time, wondering how I could have kept the conversation on the topic of masturbation and pleasure, and worrying that the chance would never come up again.

The conversation had aroused me. Not in an erotic way, but maybe my body felt a certain jolt of freedom from her confession, that signaled to my brain that it was alright to be horny.

That night I crossed a line I'd never crossed before.

I fingered myself to orgasm in her guest room.

In all my months of sleeping over at her house I'd never done that before, saving my orgasmic needs to be met in the privacy of my own bed at home. I'd felt like touching myself in her house would somehow make me extra dirty.

But laying there in the dark I let my fingers drift down into my pajama pants, and I found that I was wet with hot desire. I spread my legs and my practiced fingers went on either side of my clit, sliding up and down slowly and pushing in a soft circle over my swollen lips every few moments.

I felt a delicious tension of lustful pressure build in my loins, and I pulled the pillow from under my head and clutched it on my chest, ready to bury my face in it and smother any noises I might make when my orgasm arrived.

In my mind's eye the pillow became a person in my fantasy.

It became Merri, her head on my chest as I held onto her tight and fingered the needy wetness between my legs.

Thinking about Merri brought my pleasure closer, and I started rolling my hips and squeezed my eyes shut, my fingers moving faster and faster as my belly tightened.

I wondered if Merri masturbated on her back like I did, and I had a sudden lustful picture in my head of her laying in her bed with her legs spread and her fingers busy.

And suddenly I realized something.

She'd said "I don't do it every night, but I do it most nights. Sometimes more than once. It's been an important part of my life for years."

If she did it most nights that meant that on at least one of the nights I'd been up in this guest room, she'd been directly beneath me, making herself have an orgasm. Or two.

That thought pulled me over the edge, and my body hunched up as my pussy clenched and spasmed against my fingers as my orgasm pounded through my body.

It went on longer than I'd thought it would, and when my body relaxed back against the mattress, I took in several deep shuddering breaths.

I lay there feeling my thudding heart slow down, and I brought my fingers to my mouth and licked at the tangy flavor of my own arousal and pleasure. I could smell my lust on my fingertips, and I closed my eyes and savored my post orgasmic feeling of peace.

When I woke up the next morning I smelled my fingers again, feeling a surge of lust twist through me at the memory of the night before. Reluctantly I got out of bed and got cleaned up, denying my desire to stay under the cover and explore my lust.

For the next couple of weeks our routine remained the same. I'd stay at my parent's house on the weekends, but during the week I'd mostly stay at Merri's, keeping clothes in the guest room closet, food in her kitchen, and even doing some of my laundry there at her insistence.

We even stopped calling it the 'guest room' and it became, at least unofficially, 'Sabrina's room'.

Our late-night conversations were still few and far between, and when they did happen they didn't offer an opportunity for me to conversationally guide them back towards sex.

Ever since our talk about masturbation I felt better about the frequency of my habit, but I still struggled with my interest in perversion. My friends talked about sex often, but their conversations were more aimed at the social and dating aspects. None of them seemed to share my 'interest level' in exploring pleasure.

As fall slid into winter, the weather grew colder and the threat of snow became ever present. I made sure I had extra clothes at Merri's in case I ever got snowed in there, or in case Merri got snowed in at work and I ended up staying with the kids longer than planned.

~~~

One particularly snowy Wednesday afternoon in early December I got to Merri's house just as the weather service announced a school closure for the next two days. The kids were extra wound up with this news, and I felt pretty good too, since that meant no classes at the college for me either.

Merri left early for work, giving herself extra time on the icy roads, and while the kids played video games (something they rarely were allowed to do on school nights) I cracked open my books and started on my homework, hoping to get it done so I could enjoy the next few days off.

After about three hours I got up from the table and put my books away. I was just starting to set the table so the kids and I could eat when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Sabrina! I just thought I'd let you know that the kid's dad is going to be by in a bit to get them." Said Merri.

Merri's ex-husband was a teacher, and he and Merri got along well enough that they didn't rely on any court decided visitation schedule. They just did what they felt was best for the kids.

"Okay." I said. "Do I need to get anything ready for them?"

"Just make sure they each take enough clothes for a few extra days, and their winter stuff." Merri said. "And one more favor?"

"Anything." I said.

"In the top drawer of my dresser I have a flashlight." She said. "Could you get it and leave it on the kitchen counter for me? If the storm kills the power I could at least find a light as soon as I stumble in from the garage."

"Sure thing." I told her.

"Thank you." She said. "Once the kids are gone feel free to take off for the weekend if you like. No sense sitting in the empty house until I get home."

"Sounds good." I replied. "Have a good weekend."

I hung up the phone and got the kids headed upstairs to pack. They were used to going to their dad's, so I offered only an occasional suggestion or reminder about what to put into their bags, and then they were ready.

Before long their dad arrived, and with a lot of noise and happy energy the three of them loaded up their stuff and they were on their way.

As I watched them back out of the driveway I realized that this was the first time I'd ever been alone in the house.

I went down the half flight of stairs into the family room and walked into Merri's bedroom. I had only been in here once when she'd first set it up, and I felt suddenly strange, like I was snooping where I didn't belong.

I went to her dresser and pulled open the top drawer, and suddenly froze in embarrassed shock.

There was a flashlight in there all right, along with three glass candles, and a box of wooden matches.

But lying next to all that was a white plastic vibrator. I stared at it for a long moment. My instinct was to grab the flashlight and slam the drawer closed and pretend I hadn't seen it.

But the curious lust in my stomach so badly wanted to touch it.

Truth be told I wanted to do more than touch it.

I wanted to smell it.

I wanted to taste it.

I wanted to twist the bottom of it and discover what the vibrations would feel like against my hand. Against my thigh. Against my pussy lips. Inside my hole.

I reached a finger out towards it, but hesitated. Merri wasn't merely an object of an orgasmic fantasy. She was my friend, and this would feel like a betrayal.

She probably hadn't meant for me to see this.

I stared longingly for another few moments, and then took out the flashlight and slid the drawer closed and returned to the kitchen.

I had some clothes in her dryer and I went to the laundry room to retrieve them, planning to take most of my clothes back to my parents for the long weekend.

But when I got to the laundry room my heart began to thud again. On top of the dirty clothes basket were the clothes Merri had been wearing before she changed and left for work.

And on top of the dirty clothes, were a pair of lacy purple panties.

Without realizing what I was doing I suddenly realized I had picked them up.

As I stood there holding her panties, I had an almost irresistible urge to sniff them. I often sniffed my own panties, especially if I'd been aroused or worn them to masturbate in, and I wondered if her scent would be anything like my own.

But somehow that would also feel like a violation to me, like I was invading her personal space.

On the other hand, these weren't in her room. They were right here in the laundry room where she obviously didn't care if I saw them.

And I was already holding them.

I brought them to my nose and closed my eyes, breathing in her smell. Even though I had never smelled Merri in this sort of way before, I was certain that I would have known that this was her scent even if I didn't know they were her panties.

I felt a primal pull towards her, and realized that my nipples were hard, my hands were sweating, I was breathing hard, and my own pussy was drenched with desire.

I dropped her panties back on the laundry pile and gathered up my own laundry and carried it to my room. Alone in my room I had a fantasy of retrieving her panties from the laundry basket and masturbating while inhaling her scent.

But my fear of somehow being caught, even though I was alone in the house, far outweighed my desire for an immediate orgasm. I could make myself wait until I got back to my own house.

I went back into the kitchen, with a sense of guilt. I decided to give the house a quick cleaning, as a way of bringing some peace to the shame I felt for having seen her sex toy and then sniffing the crotch of her panties.

I washed the bowls and cups from the kids after school snack, and then got out the vacuum and ran it in the upstairs hallway, all three bedrooms up there, the living room and finally down in the family room. I was about to put it away when I decided to run it in her bedroom as well.

I usually didn't run it in any of the bedrooms, just sticking to the common areas of the house and the upstairs hallway. However, I was now using one of the bedrooms, and I'd been in the kids' rooms helping them pack, so it didn't feel like I was intruding to vacuum in them.

She always left her bedroom door open, so I'd seen into her room almost every time I was in the family room. And it wasn't like I'd be violating her personal space too much since she'd already sent me in there to get the flashlight.

I pushed the vacuum into her room, and soon had her carpet finished. As I was winding up the cord, I looked around the room, and again felt that odd feeling of being alone in the house.

Not just alone in the house, but alone in Merri's bedroom.

Alone in the room where she masturbated.

Alone in the room where she pushed the vibrator up into herself.

I took the vacuum back to the hall closet, wondering what was happening to me.

I'd never been romantically attracted to women. My whole life males had been the object of my romantic fantasies, crushes, and as I grew older my sexual attention.

But females sometimes factored into my sexual fantasies. Not so much as the objects of my desire, but certainly as supporting parts of my lust. Although I would often awaken in the middle of the night and realize that I'd been having intense sex with another woman in one of my dreams.

I had no real sexual feelings for Merri, except for the closeness I felt for her as a friend, and the small part of me that knew something intimate about her, and that she knew something intimate about me.

Standing alone in her kitchen, I thought about how she'd not only given me a job but had made me feel welcome and loved. She'd even let me into a private part of her life and had been kind and gentle with something that I was deeply ashamed of.

I realized that I was feeling an affection for her that I hadn't ever experienced before.

Not a romantic crush, but almost like that.

Not lust, but almost like that too.

Definitely not a family sort of affection.

I stood still pondering it for a moment and decided that just like so many other parts of my private life it was just something I couldn't really define.

Suddenly I felt a cold draft across my neck and turned around with a start to see Merri coming in from the garage.

"Why are you home so early?" I asked her.

"They're closing everything down out there." She told me. "So they sent me home in case they need me later in the weekend."

"Well I'll be out of your hair soon." I told her. "I just stuck around long enough to run the vacuum and finish the dishes."

"You do too much around here." She said. "But you're a lifesaver."

She went through the kitchen and put her bag on the living room couch.

"The roads are a total nightmare." She said. "It'll take you a month to get home."

"It's a good thing then that I've got nowhere to be for the next few days." I said.

"I'm going to change clothes," she said, "and then make some hot chocolate and relax. You're welcome to stick around if you want to."

She headed for her room, and I started some water heating. By the time it was ready she was back.

"Thanks for vacuuming." She said. "It's great coming home to a clean house. I can't remember how we got along without you."

"My pleasure." I said. "I live here part time. The least I can do is clean here part time."

"Stick around for a cup of cocoa?" she asked.

"Sure." I grinned.

"Grab that flashlight in case the power goes out and take it down to the family room." She said. "I'll bring the drinks."

I picked up the flashlight and carried it down to the family room, and in a few moments she joined me, carrying two mugs of hot chocolate.

I settled in on the sofa, and she turned off all the lights except a tiny one on top of her tv. Listening to the wind howl outside made the dark room seem cozy and peaceful.

She handed me a mug and then sat down on the other end of the sofa, stretching her legs out so that her feet were almost touching me.

"Is this okay?" she asked. "I don't want to crowd you."

"It's fine." I said. "I'm enjoying the peace and quiet."

"Me too." She said. "It's always a joy to talk to you about life. Between the kids and work I don't get a lot of interesting adult conversation."

"I feel the same way." I said quietly. "In fact the conversation we had a few weeks ago really made me feel a lot better about some stuff I was worried about."

"Oh yeah?" she asked. "Which conversation was that?"

"When we were talking about stress." I said softly. "And stress relief."

"Oh." She said with a kind smile. "You mean when we talked about masturbation."

"Yeah." I smiled as well.

"What exactly were you worried about Sabrina?" she asked.

"Just that......well......uh.....that I was.....well....." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I was worried that I was doing it too much."

"Too much?" she asked.

I nodded in the dark room.

"I don't think there's really any way to measure how much is too much." She said. "Do you ever do it more than once a day?"

I nodded in the dark, deeply embarrassed.

"Do you ever have days where you don't do it?" she asked.

I nodded again.

"So what would seem to be 'too much' on a day where you don't do it, might seem like 'not enough' on a day where you do a couple of times." She said, putting verbal quotation marks around some of her words. "Does that make sense?"

"Sure." I said, and it really did.

"I never even tried it until I went to college." She said. "I lived in an apartment with two friends. We each had our own room, and one night I woke up from a really sexy dream, and without really knowing what I was doing I touched myself until I came."

She paused and took a drink of her cocoa.

"It was the first orgasm I ever had, and I was instantly addicted." She continued. "I had my fingers in myself first thing every morning when I woke up and again every night before I went to sleep. I even used to do it in the middle of the afternoon if I was there alone and didn't have classes."

"Wow." I said.

"I got my first toy on a Saturday morning when I had the apartment to myself for the weekend." she giggled. "On Monday I woke up so sore I could hardly walk. It wasn't until Thursday that I felt normal down there."

"Toy?" I asked, curious lust about her white vibrator tight in my belly.

"My first vibrator." She said. "Do you have one?"

I shook my head 'no', positive that my hairbrush didn't count.

"Can I ask you another question?" she said. "About what you were worried about?"

"You can ask me anything Merri." I said in the quiet room.

"Do you ever do it instead of doing something you're supposed to be doing? Like work or going to class?" she asked.

"Oh no!" I said. "Nothing like that."

"Do you ever do it while you're doing something important?" she asked "Like driving, or studying?"

"Nope." I said. "Well maybe on a study break."

"That's what study breaks are for." She giggled. "I never would have made it through any of my finals in college without those kinds of breaks."

I laughed with her, remembering how a few nights earlier I'd been sitting in my room studying and realized I had my pen in my mouth. And that had made me think about oral sex and within a few minutes I was under the covers in my bed pushing the handle of my hairbrush into my wet pussy.

"Can I ask you a really personal question Sabrina?" she asked.

"Definitely." I replied.

"You don't have to answer of course." She said. "But since you're worried about it I'm curious where you do it?"

"Where?" I repeated.

"Like I said you don't have to answer." She said. "I just thought maybe you were worried about where you were doing it."

"Well maybe a little." I confessed. "Mostly I do it at home in my own bed, or at least in my own room. Sometimes in my shower at home."

"That's not unusual." She said. "What are you worried about?"

"Well sometimes I do it in the woods." I told her. "When I'm out there hiking."

"A nature lover huh?" she said, with a friendly grin.

"I guess so." I said, hoping she couldn't tell I was blushing in the dark room. "I just like feeling the sun and the breeze, when it's nice outside."

"Do you do it where people could see you?" she asked.

"Oh no. I'm always really careful about that." I said.

"So home and in the woods." She said. "Anywhere else? Do you do it here?"

"No." I said softly. "Except for just one time. I feel like doing it here would be like irresponsible or something."

"Well I do want you to feel at home here." She said. "Was it irresponsible the time you did it here?"

"No." I said, staring at the coffee table. "It was late at night. After we talked about it that time. I didn't plan it. After I went to bed I just sort of realized.....it just sort of happened."

"Oh Sabrina," she said, "that's not weird at all. I did it that night too. The conversation was sort of hot."

"I felt like maybe I'd crossed a line." I said, not sure why I was telling her this. "By letting something we talked about get to me like that."