The Nutcracker

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Toby was at a meeting off-site so I knew being a few minutes late wouldn't matter, but also did not want to make it a habit. I was a punctual person and did not want to take advantage of the boss when he wasn't in the office.

Caitlyn clip-clopped into my office carrying a festive red basket with slips of paper in it. I had managed to avoid decorating my office space with anything resembling the holidays, and Toby had told me to get over it when I complained about the tinsel in the staff room.

"Ah, Stella. Sophia told me you'd want to be part of the Secret Santa this year. Just draw a name out of the basket."

"No thanks, Caitlyn, but I don't do festive and Soph knows that. Can you just take me out of the draw?"

"Come on, Stella. It's just a bit of fun."

Begrudgingly, I drew a name and rolled my eyes at drawing Toby. Not only did I not want to be part of this exercise, but now I had drawn my least favourite person from the office. Why could I not have drawn Caitlyn's name, or even Sophie's?

Searching online for ideas, I was tempted to get some novelty toilet paper, but I also knew these gifts were shared in front of the whole team at the Christmas Party.

My mobile pinged and I noticed a new message from M264. "Hey F391. Hope your day is going swimmingly. I was grabbing a coffee and was wondering if you prefer coffee or tea?"

"Well, hello again, stranger. I like my morning coffee but will often have herbal tea at night. Too much caffeine makes me restless."

"Good day at work?"

"Absolutely—the boss is out all morning. Although, I did discover I have drawn him as my Secret Santa so now I have to buy something for him."

"I have a mate who is a media magnate, and last year, his Secret Santa gave him a blowjob."

I had thought about different sexual acts from time to time but giving Toby a blowjob had never factored into things. I thought I'd almost vomit rather than perform something so intimate on him. Besides, he was probably used to all his model girlfriends giving him amazing sex.

"Sorry, that was a little forward of me. Forget I said it. I'm going to put in feedback that they need to have a withdraw message option on this app."

"Nah, it's good. I just did a little sick in my mouth at the thought of giving the boss a BJ."

"Is he old and wrinkly?"

"No, he's young and actually really handsome. He has this sexy aura about him but is still a cocky arsehole."

"Make sure there's no mistletoe in the office then because otherwise you might have to pucker up with him. You're not going to be one of those secretaries falling for their boss then?"

"Yeah, no! I'm only filling in for my sister who's on maternity leave. Oops. The boss is coming down the corridor—I need to go. Talk later."

Toby had been caught by Caitlyn before entering my office and had drawn his Secret Santa. I was able to slide my phone into my lap and pretend I was typing when he walked in.

"You look guilty, Estelle." Toby picked up the folder I had on the edge of my desk for him with the important messages he needed.

"Sorry, Tobias. No, just been busy, that's all. I see you drew your Secret Santa—want me to shop for you?"

"I'm quite capable of choosing a Secret Santa gift, thanks. Besides, it's a secret who I'm buying for."

Over lunch, I launched the app again and sent M264 a message saying I was snowed under with work and catching up with a friend after work but was not ignoring him. He sent me a smiley face emoji back, well a smiley face in a Santa hat which I pretended to ignore.

~*~*~*~*~

"So, what's the hot despot got you doing now?" Charlotte asked me over sushi in the staff room where I used to work.

"Same old, same old. Organising his diary, taking calls—"

"Picking up his dry cleaning, grabbing him coffee?"

"Actually, no. I've got no idea who does any of that, but he never asks, and I've never offered. He has got me trialling one of his new apps though, a new dating thing."

Charlotte's ears pricked up at the thought of me trying dating again, but she was too busy biting into some fried chicken to question me further.

"It's sort of different in that it's got this techie angle to it with no names and no photos." I was pretending to pick up stray grains of rice that remained in the plastic container holding our dinner using wooden chopsticks.

"It sounds interesting. Met anyone yet?"

"Sort of. So, how's work been?" I was desperate to change the subject.

"Nope. Not telling. Tell me more about this guy."

"We've only exchanged a few messages, but I get a nice vibe about him. He seems genuine, or as genuine as someone can be without a name or face."

"Remember, it's the internet and you can be anyone you want."

I knew Charlotte had a point, but I did get a good vibe about M264. Perhaps I should ask for his name? I recognised I was totally inexperienced at the whole dating scene and wondered if the online thing really was the way to go. Why couldn't I simply meet someone in my day-to-day activities?

Brad called Charlotte back to work before her dinner break was over, promising her he'd let her leave early, but they were inundated with customers. He even offered to pay me to stay and help so I cleaned away our rubbish and quickly left, shuddering at the thought of returning to retail chaos.

Walking through the mall, I pulled up the app and sent my match a new message asking him why he was single. I arrived home to a reply.

"Good question, F. I could say it's because I've not found the right woman yet, but it's more than that. I'm quite shy really, actually I'm more of an ambivert—I can be outgoing and pleasant, but I need some quiet time to recharge my batteries. Women seem to find me attractive enough, and none of them have ever complained in the bedroom, but they all seem to have preconceived ideas about me and don't want to get to know the real me if that makes sense. What about you? Have you left a trail of broken hearts?"

"I've never really had a relationship. I've always been too busy studying and wanting to do well academically that I never found time I suppose. Plus, I was so dorky as a teenager and thought no guy would ever desire me the way men desire women in the romance books I read."

"You like reading?"

"I like getting lost in books, trying to work out secret messages the author is trying to convey."

"Favourite book?"

"I used to always say Jane Eyre, but I pulled it apart for my honours thesis this year and it's lost a lot of the gloss. I still like Mansfield Park by Austen though."

"Cool. I'll admit I'm a Terry Pratchett fan, but I still like to think I'm a bit of a Mr Darcy in that I have trouble explaining things at times."

"So, you have ten thousand a year?"

"I do alright!"

"Well, my sister is already married so you won't need to fend off any of your friends and convince them not to marry her!"

"Thanks. I like gardening too. I mean, I live in an apartment, but I have quite a few indoor plants and they all seem to be doing ok."

"My mum's partner is a green thumb and grows the most amazing veggies. I can't wait for his tomatoes to ripen this year."

"I grow herbs on my balcony but haven't tried tomatoes. Hey, is this like our fifth conversation? I'm enjoying talking with you and I'd love to meet up for a drink or something."

"I thought it was five days of conversation, but I might have misunderstood—I didn't take a lot of notice when it was being explained to me."

"Five days sounds right. I better get to sleep then so I can wake up and be a day closer to getting to meet you. Night."

"Sleep well, M."

I wanted to call Charlotte and tell her that things were going so well with this mystery man. He and I could hold a conversation, albeit online, and we had things in common, even if I doubted he'd read Pride and Prejudice and had simply seen the movie or something. Whatever it was, I had a nice feel about getting to know this clandestine guy more.

~*~*~*~*~

"I'm so sorry, Mrs Fitzgibbon. I honestly haven't seen an invitation, but I've only been handling Mr Mortimer's diary for a few weeks. No, no, I'll check with him. Sure. No, email me directly, yes, MortimerPA at, yes, that's it. And once again, I do apologise."

Toby had appeared in front of me and was waving his hand in front of his throat as if I should kill the conversation I was having on the phone.

"Please tell me that was not Margaret Fitzgibbon."

"Yes, it was her indeed and you haven't replied to her invitation to the gala performance of The Nutcracker this Saturday. It's for the children's hospital."

"I don't do ballet and Margaret knows that. I'm going to kill Jamie."

"You know Jamie Fitzgibbon from Online Daily? Isn't he the one who, for his office Secret Santa, no, never mind..."

"Yes, Jamie and I move in similar circles, and I was at his wedding to the beautiful Caz a few months back, but I don't do ballet. I'll make another donation to the kids' hospital instead."

"You really are a grumpypants."

"Yes, I am. Anyway, Marcus Chang in programming, his girlfriend's in the ballet so he usually goes to represent us. But I'll do you a deal—I'll go if you'll accompany me."

"Yeah, no effing way."

"I'll buy you a dress and shoes and a handbag and pay to have your hair and whatnot done."

"Whatnot? I am capable of doing my own hair and whatnot thank you very much, and I have a wardrobe full of clothes other than jean shorts and t-shirts."

"Excellent. So, you can tell Margaret Fitzgibbon that I'll be there with you as my plus one."

Toby was insufferable. I knew he was doing this to wind me up and he had succeeded. I will admit I'm not really into ballet myself and I've never seen The Nutcracker but it was raising money for the children's hospital and that was a good cause.

Margaret Fitzgibbon was not someone you could say no to anyway, and her email to my account simply asked me for the name of Toby's guest for the evening. I messaged Sophie as she had studied ballet as a child and told her Toby needed a partner for it and I'd babysit Alice as I knew Lydia would be working.

Sophie rang me and managed to block caller identification meaning I answered the call when I would have otherwise ignored it. Somehow, she thought it was a great idea and even suggested it might help me get to know Toby better away from the office.

"If you're suggesting, no, don't even go there. Besides, I've met someone online and he seems almost normal and able to have a conversation and we're going to meet up next week."

I could not believe that even my sister might have thought that Toby and I could ever be some sort of couple. I mean, sure, he was good looking, but we riled each other up all the time and could not talk to each other without getting angry. Besides, nothing in common, remember. I was not sure if I was convincing myself or not, but I was angry that Soph had even hinted at the possibility.

Glancing at my phone I saw a message from my online match asking me if I had weekend plans.

"I've been roped into going to the ballet with my arsehole boss."

"I'll be there too! It will be fun. I'll look at all the women there and wonder which one you are. What are you going to wear?"

"Black dress. Might as well match the colour of my soul when I'm around him."

"Ouch. He sounds like a grump. I'll be looking at all the women in black dresses wondering which one is you. I'll be in a tux, but then again so will most of the men. I'll be the one smiling at you."

"Gee thanks!"

It was oddly comforting knowing he would be there. I had no idea who he was because I did not move in techy circles. I also had no idea who Toby had convinced to help with the software trials.

My wardrobe did consist of items other than casual clothes, but despite what I had told Toby, I did not have a suitable evening dress. Although Sophie and I did not have similar facial features, and my hair was auburn to her blonde, our figures are fairly similar, even though hers has filled out since Alice's arrival.

When Soph suggested she had the perfect black dress for me to wear and that I should get ready at her place, I readily accepted knowing I would not need to give Toby my home address. Sure, he could ask Caitlyn for it or even get into the HR servers to track it down, but I was more comfortable for him to collect me from my sister's home.

I did have a pair of strappy black shoes I could wear with a dress and, although I would never admit it to Charlotte, I also liked the idea of spending some time with baby Alice.

"I thought I'd just braid it a little and tuck it up so it's off your neck because we all know you got the gorgeous slender neck to my chunky one." Sophie said as I sat in front of the mirror in her bedroom bouncing Alice on my knee.

Sophie had always loved playing with my hair. As children, she would plait and pin it in all sorts of directions. She also loved playing with her wife's hair now and joked it was much easier to do something creative to someone else's hair and to simply rub some product through her own to make it stand up the way she liked.

"You know you could do worse than Toby Mortimer, don't you Stell?" Sophie asked as she added more and more pins to her creation on my head.

"We are like chalk and cheese. We have nothing in common and, besides, I've met this other guy through the Mortimer Tech app."

"We're like chalk and cheese and we get on just fine."

Perhaps my sister did have a point. Anyway, I knew tonight would give me a chance to hobnob with society and that my secret correspondent was going to be there. I was not sure if I was more nervous about spending time with Toby or knowing I might cross paths unknowingly with this mystery man.

The dress Sophie had was beautiful. I had never seen her wear it and I wondered if it was Lydia's. Regardless, it fitted me like a glove giving me the right amount of cleavage and had a split up the side that even gave a hint of leg. My hair looked amazing, and I surprised myself with my makeup application. Alice had fallen asleep so Soph did not have to worry that she would vomit down me. Now that would have been amusing, having Toby sit next to me as I smelt of baby sick.

"You look beautiful, Estelle." Toby looked almost shocked when I answered the doorbell.

"Eh! You brush up ok yourself." I replied with a smile.

"Now you two behave yourselves, ok?" Sophie kissed me on the cheek as I walked outside and climbed into the town car Toby had arranged.

"How's the app going?" Toby asked as we were driven along.

"Good actually. I've been having several lovely conversations with someone. He's going to be there tonight. Does the phone pinging thing work automatically? Will the app pick up if he's near?"

"You sound excited." Toby smiled.

"He seems nice. I'm looking forward to meeting him. He makes me smile and I've been known to giggle at some of his messages."

"Ms Wittington giggling? It must be a good app then!"

"Will there be lots of famous people there tonight?" I asked as we neared the destination.

"A mix really. Margaret Fitzgibbon likes to give tickets to parents of some of the children who've been in hospital for a long time and things like that. I'm sure you'll recognise some people."

As we exited the car and walked along the red carpet, I linked my arm in Toby's. So far, he had been on his best behaviour. Cameras were clicking away at us, and it almost felt surreal. I wished I could be there with M264 and wondered if he might even have held my hand or placed an arm around my shoulder like the couple in front of us.

"Hi, Toby Mortimer, Mortimer Tech and this is my—"

"Stella Wittington and I'm not his date. I'm his PA. Well acting PA, but he's paying me, no, he's not paying me, he's paying the Children's Hospital and that's a good cause. Sorry. I'll shut up now."

Toby was holding his hand to his mouth, but his shoulders were shaking, and I knew he was laughing.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't have opened my mouth."

"You make me laugh, Stella. I was going to say you were my guest. I hate these things, I really do, but you are making it bearable."

"Glad to be of assistance. Oh my gosh. Is that the cricket player dude?"

Toby ushered me inside, this time not trying to hide his laughter. I recognised a few actors and television personalities. I kept looking around wondering if M268 was nearby. I saw several men glance at me and smile, but no one seemed to give away that they were looking out for me. I mean, not that they would know they were looking out for me, but I could still dream.

"Toby Mortimer! How in the heck did mother convince you to come?"

"Stella, this is Jamie Fitzgibbon and his lovely wife, Caz. Caz and Jamie, this is Estelle Wittington, my acting PA who did not get the memo not to talk to your mother."

"Oh, no! You're the one who... Secret Santa... last year... No, I'll shut up." I wished I could stop embarrassing myself.

"You are so funny, and I can see why Toby would want to be around you." Caz had taken me aside as the men talked.

"I didn't mean to bring up the Secret Santa. I'm so sorry. I talk too much when I'm nervous"

"No, honey, jokes on me this year. I haven't eaten too much Christmas cake, it's a bun in the oven. I am glad to see Toby smiling. He's had a rough few years and needs someone with a bit of spunk in his life."

"No, no, no! I'm his PA's sister and she's off on maternity leave and I'm just filling in. There is absolutely nothing going on between the two of us. I mean, he's the original grumpy stuck-up you-know-what after all."

Caz smiled at me as if she knew something I didn't, and the bells sounded to call us inside.

"Thank you for accompanying me tonight, Stella. I do mean it, you look incredible. I mean, not like you don't look incredible every day, but I do like that dress."

"It's Sophie's. Or Lydia's. I'm not sure which. And if I always look good then I'll start wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt to work."

"I was too hard on you. Sorry. Look. It's the conductor."

I had never been to a ballet, or classical music anything. I remember seeing The Phantom of the Opera when I was young, but this cultural thing was new to me. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't what I was used to.

"It's not Powderfinger." I whispered to Toby midway through the first act. He simply started giggling and made people stare which made me start to giggle.

"Powderfinger?" Toby asked as we made our way out at the intermission.

"Yeah. They're awesome. I'm glad they've reformed."

"Don't tell me, 'My Happiness' is your favourite?"

"Nah, 'Lost and Running'—"

"Boss, Stella, hey." Marcus had found us as we made our way to the bar.

"Hey, Marcus. Which one's your girlfriend?"

"She's the sugarplum fairy second from the left. Don't you just love it?"

"Stella was comparing it to Aussie rock bands."

"Sorry Marcus. It's my first time at anything like this, but Toby's loving it, even if dancing is beneath him usually."

"Hey boss, I don't mean to talk shop, but we need to get that beta test happening for Blind Date if we want to launch it for Valentine's."

"All good, Marcus. I have it in hand."

"It's still glitching at start-up with more than two people on the server, but Nat thinks she has a workaround."

"It's working fine." I offered, pulling my phone out of my bag, "See, I've been having a conversation with—"

"No, Stella, that's the early prototype." Marcus was missing Toby's glares his way, but I wasn't.

Anger would be one word to describe my reaction, however I was so much more than that. I felt I had been taken advantage of. I had been exposed as the sheltered naïve girl who couldn't even tell it was her boss talking to her. I had trusted that I might be meeting someone I could consider having some form of a relationship with, even if it was only a sexual one, because, hello, that's really what I was after. But no, I had been played by someone who had once told me he'd be too embarrassed to dance with me.