All Comments on 'The OF Girl Ch. 001-010'

Well I have very much enjoyed your stories in the past, perspective of this story just hurts my brain. I just can't read stories with this perspective.

Hey folks!

This story has been running for almost 70 chapters over on another site, and I'm super excited to be bringing it over here to Lit and more followers here. If you would like to read the entire story, plus reading ahead (chapters 71-75 are going live tonight), head over to my Patreon to help support my writing. I'm releasing 30,000 words/month for OFG, plus a TON more on other stories, and this amount of effort takes a lot of time that is only sustainable with the help of the community. (www.patreon.com/breakthebar)

In agreeance with Hiding_in_Portland, 2nd person really sucks. It's still a good story line and I gave you you 5* in spite of the PoV because it is otherwise well written.

This doesn't look like 10 chapters. Did something break?

WOW, great!

Really enjoyed this. Hope you continue posting it here.

@Hiding_in_Portland: Totally fair! 2nd person PoV isn't for everyone. The story is written like this to fall in line with the other Variations from Aurelian14's original prompt.

Excellent series. There are still so many ways this can go besides just them having sex.

I am looking forward to the next installment.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Now I will have to read some of your other works.

It took a little time to get used to the 2nd person style, but I think it worked pretty well overall! Definitely looking forward to seeing where this goes.

@GaryBlue: Again, not liking 2nd PoV is very fair, and thanks for the vote despite it! The chapters for OFG are short - only 1000 words(ish) each, as they are originally being posted on CHYOA and are being sponsored at that amount on a daily release schedule.

Great story, very well written. Agree the 2nd person perspective is a bit jarring, but still gave 5* and looking forward to the next instalments

Super hot story, five stars despite the annoying/pointless 2nd person gimmick. *please* seriously consider if it's adding anything at all. If you really must commit to it, fyi the first paragraph of Chapter 5 fell back to a much more natural first person.

One of my favorites. As others have said, the 2nd person perspective takes a little getting used to, but once into the story and knowing the characters I completely fell into the fantasy. Keep up the great work!

Love the story and characters.

Hate, hate, HATE the awkward and pointless narrative POV.

Not sure I can continue reading this. It’s like listening to a symphony where the orchestra is playing in random keys.

OUCH!!!

It’s a shame, too. A wonderful creative tale severely handicapped by a weak narrative choice.

Interesting premise.

Well written. Well paced.

Only, basically, backstory. But hot.

Five stars for potential.

Masterful story telling. Enjoyed the perspective you have taken & how the protagonists have developed. Keen to read more.

Second person narration driving me nuts - otherwise interesting. 4*

No need to be a bastard to Andy

That is as fabulous. Loved it. Wish they’d make movies with stories this compelling.

Great story.

I liked Sabrina's outgoing personality - winning friemds and influencing people.

It is also nice how your protagonist quickly starts changing his style and picking up points from Sabrina.

The flirting and flashing at lunch were cute. Our guy quickly went from subscriber to rewarded videographer.

I became comfortable quite quickly with the second person format.

Now I go to chapter 2.

The only reason I'm dropping a star is for the second person format. Almost didn't read it but I know it's you so 4 *

Quite an imaginative story! The action has become hot in the last several paragraphs-I can’t wait to continue to the next installment!

I just can't get past the 2nd person POV...this would have been much more palatable if you had converted it to 1st person like you did with your AMA series continuation. It sucks because there is so much content there I'm going to miss out on but the narration is just too distracting.

You're a gifted writer so I assume you had your reasons, but I'm going to have to skip this series.

Lots of fun and play he doesn't know what he is in for good story and the telling is great Keep in going.

Great writing.

I'm trying to find where the Benthouse Building on 5th is so I could place the story in a specific city, but so far no joy, Google is not being helpful with that little bit of information.

Fantastic start, looking forward to more !

Just finished the first part. Loved it!

Yes, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE ditch the 2nd person POV. It's killing your story and your character.

Putting the protagonist in the second person is off-Putting. -1*

Really hot story

I haven't read the story yet but I sure hope that, when I do, there's a real good reason for using second person.

Clever premise.

Nice, slow setup.

Nicely paced.

All buildup for what's likely to follow, but certainly interesting.

Despit the absence of actual sex, five stars.

I like the story so far, and it's well-written. But I join those who object to the second person. I know what I've done in my life and what I've seen, and I'm pretty sure I haven't done or seen any of this. You're gaslighting your readers!

You've put a lot more into the story than the sex, and I like that. At this time in my life (I'm 70), I prefer sexy to explicit sex scenes.

On the other hand, you've got, what, a third of a million words so far? As I say, I've just begun reading it, but I can't help wondering if you have the superhuman strength to keep up the quality over that length.

Love the story - hate the 2nd person narrative. Normally I flick 2nd person stories without reading them bit at least I got to chapter 38 before having to give it up.

Rewrite it in 1st or 3rd person and your readers will quadruple

After areread, I upped this to 5 🌟s and a 👍....

I am a fan of your AMA series and that kept me in this despite the perspective issue. Good subject matter and transitions to incorporate adult content yet flow it with the story.

>"hourglass figure"

>"tight little body," "petite body," "small frame"

So which is it?

>"breasts easily large enough to satisfy any man"

>"small set of cleavage," "little tit"

Is this is oversight?

I don't know - you seem to have sort of an identity crisis in this series, sometimes switching from the MC narrated to to the MC narrating himself…