All Comments on 'The OF Girl Ch. 011-020'

Hey folks!

First off, YES, I know, 2nd person narrative isn't some people's jam. I get it. But this is a Commissioned work with 70 current chapters originally posted on another site where 2nd person is normal, and that was started in 2nd person, and it will remain so.

Second, I hope y'all enjoy OFG! My Erotica is powered by Patreon, so please take a shot to check it out for new and pre-release chapters of all my series. www.patreon.com/breakthebar

Cheers!

I love this story. I’m glad you’re back.

Love the story, will wait for the upcoming chapters

I’m definitely on board for the rest of the story. Very fun!

Fun story, easy reading, hot women and sexy situations.

What's not to like?

Can't wait for the next story!

Top shelf story telling. Cleverly crafted erotica so looking forward to next instalments.

This is a hot story that I’m enjoying. I can get past the second person, but I was really disappointed that you stuck in a gratuitous and explicitly antisemitic stereotype. Why go on about how Mosche is a “typical New York Jew” whose negative traits remind the main character of “kids who went to Hebrew school”? It’s just disgusting antisemitism, not even dressed up as anything else.

@Bocj - Fair criticism, but he's based on a real person. There might have been better ways to say it, but it's a very specific 'typecast' that the person I based the character on lives out in their day-to-day.

Cheers!

Yeah, but if there are better ways to say it, why not say it that way? The antisemitism doesn't bother me as much as that it's terrible writing (the quotation marks somehow make it even worse) in an otherwise enjoyable story. Why explicitly use a stereotype instead of allowing the character's words and actions to define him? He's perfectly fine without that line. With it, he's pure caricature.

Hell, naming him Mosche is cringe-inducing enough. It's like naming a Black character Leroy Brown. (You could just google common Jewish first names and choose something that doesn't quite shove it in the reader's face.) Indeed, I deal with this stuff all the time when editing for (well-intentioned) clients in their 60s and 70s whose stories feature Black characters. They don't intend to be racist, they just don't have a great antenna for it.

Well, other than the typical NY Jew and Hebrew school nonsense—they're embarrassingly bad—I'm enjoying the story. But I wince every time Mosche is in a scene—enough that I had to come back here to make a comment. If you got rid of those lines and gave him a name like Adam/Daniel/David/Joseph or something the story would be stronger.

Another great story; I am a little surprised about the intimacy at work.

I was surprised. All of a sudden a mention of a New York guy who happenms to be Jewaih.

I am writing this comment on Passover, 5783 Easter weekend 2023. I am a Christian with a number of friends who happen to be Jewish. They are first my friends, then they have professions and then they have sports preferences and omn weekends like this one, I think about their religions

Yesterday, I sent my Jewish friends best wishes for Passover. I received back Easter wishes.

We have to look at the similarities, not the differences.

Please, tone it down.

With appreciaiton.

Imagine coming to a porn site to bitch about very gentle racism. Stay outta the interracial gang bang section, fellas.

Such a tease good story and great excitement being caught and find out but having to hide what you know. Good writing looking forward to the next chapter.

Well this part kept the standard going, here's hoping it continues..........!

Good premise.

Too many separate, not-really-connected scenes.

Needs longer scenes. More details. More teasing. Edging. Dialog about all of that.

Four stars.

The Palm Oil Express 😂😂😂 The point of view is this story is odd, but I'm enjoying it none the less