The Only Constant is Change Ch. 08

He grinned, slightly embarrassed. "I'm fine. Sorry, something you said made me think, and that's always a dangerous proposition," he joked. "Luckily, you pulled me out of it before the smoke started pouring out of my ears this time."

She laughed. Then she stood and held out her hand. "Let's go sit on the patio so we can talk. I'd love for you to tell me what you were thinking about."

On the patio was a standalone porch swing, shaded with an attached awning in wide stripes of green and white. To Jeremy, it seemed that the floral print seat cushion and throw pillows were a little girly; then he realized that he was at a house full of women and felt foolish. He was forced to admit, upon sitting, that the addition of the cushion and pillows certainly made you want to sit in the swing a little bit longer than did bare wooden slats. Probably wasn't worth the battle that would ensue if he tried to get them added to their swing at home though. Maybe if they were olive green his father would feel better about it?

He was a little surprised when Lanie sat down right next to him, pulling his arm around her shoulders and leaning her head against his chest. "Mmmmm. That's nice." A moment later she added, "You know, it may seem funny, but I've been wanting to sit with you just like this for a long time."

"Really?" he asked.

"I guess the sitting part is optional, so long as you have your arm around me," she said, sighing contentedly.

They sat like that for several minutes, enjoying the evening breeze and swinging gently. Breaking the silence, unexpectedly Lanie said, "You'd think every moment of that night would be etched in my mind, but it's not like that for me. I remember arguing with Ryan in the restaurant and going outside to avoid disturbing the other people. We were just walking and talking, when he pushed me into that alley and slammed me up against the wall. I think I was a little dazed from that, because I can sort of remember his hands in my pants and trying to fight him off, but the next thing that I remember clearly is you pulling me into your arms."

She sat up and took hold of his hand. "Do you remember what you said? You said, 'I've got you. He's not going to hurt you anymore.' I think I'll remember that for a long time. It's not the words so much as the way you said it. There was a fire there, an edge to your voice, that made me instantly feel safe.

After that, you were so sweet to me. I don't know how long you held me, stroking my hair and calming me down, waiting for me to stop crying. But for however long it was, I knew I was safe in your arms; I never wanted it to end. That's why I kept holding your hand when you brought me back home. That feeling, that's what I've been missing since that night."

Settling back against his chest, she said, "I've thought a lot about what I'd say to you if I had the chance. I plan out these big speeches in my mind; I even try to rehearse them, but they just seem to come out jumbled. So, I'm just going to ramble a little bit here, and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. You don't need to say anything at all, if you don't want to, but I may never have another chance to say what I need to say."

She took a deep breath and began. "That night you came to pick Jess up for your date, I was...intrigued...by you. I love my sister to death, but I thought from the moment you walked in that you were way out of her league. I couldn't figure out how she scored a date with you. All that stuff between her and Colby? I honestly wonder if she's brain-damaged, because there's no comparison. Then, I couldn't believe it when she told me what she did at the barn party; I was so mad I didn't speak to her for a couple of weeks. For her to do that, even after she talked you into giving her another chance when you tried to break up with her, that was gutsy, but idiotic.

Hannah told us about the flirting you guys were doing, that night at the restaurant, actually. Laura and I were jealous of her, you know. There's something sexy about that kind of confidence. I think it was even more so because you're younger than us. It's not a big gap, but it feels like a big deal for some reason.

So, before Ryan did...what he did...I thought you were this hot guy, smart, funny, and confident, but only to a point. I could see how you'd get flustered if a girl thought you did something wrong, like when you tried not to let me know you were checking out my boobs."

Jeremy had been content to let her ramble along, without saying anything. Something in her voice when she said that last part made him look at her, and he could see the same twinkle in her eye and smirk on her face from that first awkward meeting in their living room. Not long ago, he'd probably have stammered some apology and gotten embarrassed. Now, he settled on a different approach.

"Well," he said, "you can't blame me for looking. You'd be a beautiful girl even if you had a more modest bust, but you don't; from what I can tell, your breasts are pretty special. And I think you know it, since that t-shirt you were wearing when I came to pick up Jess probably hasn't really fit you since you were a high school freshman. I think you wanted to tease your sister's date, just to see what he'd do. And since I was brought up to respect women, I was embarrassed that I couldn't keep my eyes off you. Well, them mostly. Tell me I'm not right."

She had the grace to avert her eyes. "Guilty as charged. I don't really blame guys for looking, but it's tiring too; I'm not just a pair of boobs walking down the street. I could make a big deal about it and get angry or frustrated, or I can do what I usually do, which is to offer up a tease as a sort of test. You passed, by the way. If you hadn't at least felt guilty about looking, I wouldn't have thought any more about you. But, you were so cute with your ears turning red and your eyes searching for anything to look at that wasn't my chest."

Returning to her narrative, Lanie said, "So, I thought you were an amazing guy. But I was pretty jealous that night when you walked in with Ava on your arm. I had to admit, though, that you two looked better together than you and Jess ever would have. Then that thing with Ryan happened, and I heard you guys talking in the truck about you being able to date other girls. When you were in my room, you had every opportunity to take advantage of me. I mean, I kissed you while lying almost naked in my bed. Maybe it was just the tension of the evening, but you could have done a lot of things to me right then and I would have been happy about it. But that's just not you. You would never take a chance on hurting me like that. I determined right then that we were going to spend time together, no matter how long I had to wait."

Between the meal, the gentle sway of the swing, and the warmth of Lanie's body pressed against his, Jeremy had fallen into something just short of a hypnotic trance. He was still listening to her, but more passively than he probably should have been. He was jolted back to his senses when he felt her slide something onto the pinkie of his left hand. Looking down, he realized that she'd placed one of her own rings on his finger; it was too small and only made it to the second knuckle before stopping.

Suddenly, he felt really uncomfortable. The gesture was so unexpected that he didn't really know how to react or what to say. This was their first date, if you could call it that, but she was putting a ring on his finger?

Nervously, he sat there trying to figure out what to do. Should he say something? What exactly did this symbolize? Was she expecting him to give her something in return?

Before he could speak, Lanie sat up and said with a quiet intensity, "Jeremy, I don't really know how this is going to go, and I'm scared. So just let me say this, and don't interrupt. Okay?" He nodded, still off-balance from the incident with the ring.

"I want you, more than I've ever wanted anything or anyone before. It's sudden and scary and I can't understand it, but that's the truth. I think you're perfect for me, and I want to be your girlfriend. Maybe even more, a lot more. If you give me a chance, I will make you so happy. I know it. But I don't think I can share you with other girls. I am willing to give you all of me, but I need all of you in return. If you tell me to pack my bags and leave with you in August, I'll do it. I will cook for you, clean your house, do your laundry, and you can have me any way you want me. Just don't leave me here." Her delivery and body language were increasingly desperate throughout the speech.

Finally, she said, "I know this is a big thing to spring on you. Like I said, I may never have another chance to tell you how I feel. Please don't say anything now. Let's go have some dessert, and then you can leave if you want. Just know that I'm serious, and I'll wait for your answer as long as it takes for you to make up your mind."

They went inside and had tiramisu, homemade of course. They tried to converse, but Jeremy was distracted, and it was fairly stilted. Finally, he thanked her for the dinner and kissed her cheek. Before leaving, he promised he would think about all she'd said.

Once he got on the road, his nervous tension dissipated, and in its place a sinking, unsettled feeling came to his stomach. He had no idea what to do or who to talk to about what had just happened. He thought he'd talk with his parents, but he needed more time to process his thoughts before doing so.

That night, his sleep was restless, his body mirroring physically the tossing and turning of his thoughts. And in the morning, he felt no better than when he'd gone to bed.

There was something about the whole scenario that was still bothering him. He was in the middle of eating breakfast, turning things over in his mind when it hit him. Frozen, a fork full of waffle halfway to his mouth, his eyes widened, and he softly said, "Oh, shit!"

"Language!" his mother admonished.

"Sorry, Mom," he replied sheepishly.

"You're forgiven. Now what's got you so riled up?"

He relayed the events of the previous evening, especially how serious Lanie had seemed about becoming more than just a girlfriend. He skipped over the part about how she said he could have her any way he wanted; that would just have to remain fuel for his fantasies. But then he pulled out the small ring she'd placed on his finger.

"Mom, we were just sitting there having this conversation and I felt her put this ring on my finger. I didn't know what to do!" he blurted.

His mother looked serious. "I wouldn't expect you to know what to do. That's not what I would consider normal behavior. Especially not on a first date." She paused, considering the matter further.

Jeremy had sworn earlier when a thought about the possible reason came to mind. He decided to see what his mother thought about it. "Mom?" he said. "I have a theory about what's going on, but it's not anything I would know about. Can I ask your opinion?"

"Of course, honey. What is it?"

"I've had a nagging suspicion about Lanie for a while. She's absolutely gorgeous, beautiful eyes, great body, enormous...well, I guess you saw her at my birthday party." His mother nodded and smiled knowingly. "I don't have a lot of experience with girls, but most girls that I've known who look like her seem to expect guys to bow down to them, or they're conceited and stuck-up. But Lanie is almost timid, and she's a little self-conscious. It's always struck me odd.

I was thinking that there's a possible reason for her to be like that, and I think it fits with what happened last night. Lanie was maybe 14 or 15, I think, when her father left the family. Since then, it's just been the three women. I'm wondering if maybe she blames herself for her parents' marriage falling apart, or if her father's leaving has led to her trying too hard in her relationships, like she's scared of losing a guy or something. She put up with a lot of crap from that Ryan guy; I don't think many girls would have. And then, she almost threw herself at me last night. We've only spoken a few times and she's talking about moving with me when I leave for the navy. Do you think maybe she has some psychological issues that she needs to work out?"

At that moment, his mother was about as proud of her son as she ever had been. "Jeremy, I think you've definitely gotten onto the right track. And I'm proud that you aren't freaking out about the ring so much that you lose sight of the girl behind it." She paused, considering her words. "You need to talk to her, but I recommend that you talk to her mother first. After that, you have to give her the ring back in person. It won't be easy, but it will help her in the long run."

"Okay, Mom. If you say so, I'll do it."

He texted Jess to get her mother's number.

She replied, "Don't tell me Lanie's got her hooks in you already and you're ready to propose." She added a smiley face emoji.

Jeremy wondered if she knew how near the truth she was. "No, I need to talk to her about something else."

She replied with the number, and with a deep breath, Jeremy dialed.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Harper? It's Jeremy Halperin."

"Jeremy! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He hesitated a moment, and then said, "I was wondering if you might be willing to come by for coffee. There's something that I need to talk to you about."

She sounded serious in her reply. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, but...I have some concerns about your daughter."

"Well, Jess is a handful, but I thought you two were getting along better?"

"Actually, I'm talking about Lanie."

"Oh? What's going on?"

He sighed. "I think it might be easier to talk about in person. It might be nothing, but something happened when she made me dinner last night that...I don't know how else to say it. It kind of freaked me out."

"Well, that sounds pretty serious. I'm not busy now. I can be there in about 10 minutes. Is that okay?"

"That's fine, ma'am. I'll see you soon."

"Jeremy, how many times do I need to tell you? You can call me Tracy. I think we know each other well enough for that."

"I'll try to remember that m...Tracy."

The conversation they had that day was a real eye-opener. It turned out that Lanie had been the one who found out her father was cheating on her mother first. The subsequent divorce had taken a toll on her; she'd blamed herself for not keeping her mouth shut. Still, her mother had thought the situation resolved. The longer they discussed Jeremy's theory about her abandonment issues, the more it seemed to fit a pattern that he hadn't been privy to. In light of the bizarre act of putting a ring on his finger, Tracy thought maybe it was time to get her daughter some counselling.

Before leaving, she thanked him once again for being the young man that he was. She kissed his cheek and said a little sadly, "I wish things had worked out better between you and one of my girls. As a mother, I can only hope that someday they'll find guys just like you and really appreciate how special you are." She winked at him and said, "If I were only 20 years younger..." Then she turned and walked away.

It was more than a month later when he finally got together with Lanie to return her ring. By then, she'd been seeing a therapist for a few weeks. More than anything, she seemed embarrassed about the whole situation. He tried to reassure her that he was simply glad that she was getting some help, and he hoped she would one day realize how special she was. He gave her back her ring, kissed her cheek, hugged her tight, and then walked away.

*****

The second domino was a little more difficult for Jeremy to handle. With Lanie, he really didn't have a relationship. That wasn't the case with Serena.

The week following her return from her European adventure was a bit of a whirlwind. True to her word, Serena came back refreshed and ready, horny for another dose of the treatment she'd received the night before she left. They got together at her house a few days after she returned, once her father and stepmother went back to work, leaving her alone in the house during the day. He'd been more than happy to oblige when she called him up, requesting that "Sir" make her his again. And they'd spent an entire afternoon exploring her boundaries, and his.

Of course, that wasn't the difficult part. Less than a week later, she informed Jeremy that she'd decided to move to Europe for school. Apparently, her latent interest in Europe had been inflamed by their trip, and she was anxious to spend more time there.

After discussing the sudden change of heart with her a little more, though, Jeremy was left to wonder how much impact the lure of Europe had, and how much was due to "Phillippe." A 22-year old history student studying at Sorbonne University in Paris, he'd been one of the tour guides arranged by their travel agent. He spent most of the daylight hours of their time in Paris with the Chase family, and even managed to lure Serena out for a night at some local dance clubs. Apparently, he'd made quite an impression on not only Serena, but also her stepmother, Regina. After finding out that Phillippe came from a wealthy, aristocratic family from the area around Paris, she'd dropped more than a few hints that suggested Serena should maintain contact with the handsome young Frenchman.

Serena assured Jeremy that nothing more than a few kisses had taken place between them, but he could see in her eyes that Serena was infatuated with him. She tried to downplay it, saying "Oh, the city was so romantic, and I was missing you, and I just got caught up in the ambience."

Rationally, he shouldn't have been all that upset. After all, they weren't exclusive. But that look...in Jeremy's mind, it was confirmation that Serena was looking for something different than what she had with him, and it didn't take much to draw her away. Thus, he didn't take the news of a rival, even one thousands of miles away, very well.

He spent a week after learning about Phillippe avoiding her phone calls and refusing to respond to her messages. It was a childish and petty reaction, given the state of their relationship, but he was hurt by what he'd seen and heard nonetheless. He didn't blame her for wanting to see another guy, necessarily; when the guy was thousands of miles away and probably posed no threat at all, it was even less of a concern. It was the look in her eyes. He couldn't help but think of it whenever he thought of picking up the phone when she called or texted.

Ultimately, the choice was taken out of his hands. Late one morning, several days after the dinner at her house, she showed up on his front porch demanding to speak with him. Reluctantly, Jeremy obliged. He suggested they adjourn to the gazebo for some privacy. He poured a couple of glasses of water and joined her.

Serena was sitting on one end of the couch. Jeremy set a glass of water in front of her, and then went to sit on the swing. He saw the hurt in her eyes, but he wasn't really looking forward to this discussion and had no interest in making it easier on her. So, he sat, and he waited.

She looked at him and saw the look in his eyes. She sighed, and asked, "Why are you being like this? I don't understand what I did to make you this mad at me."

Jeremy said, flatly, "Maybe that's what the problem is."

"That doesn't help me at all," she said. "Will you just tell me what's bothering you?"

He took a deep breath and rubbed his cheeks, before letting his breath out in a sigh. "Honestly, I don't know," he said quietly. "I know I shouldn't be upset, but seeing the look in your eyes when you talked about Phillippe..." He stopped, looking into the distance, searching for the right words. "It may be hypocritical or selfish, probably completely unfair, but I feel like all my fears about you and me have been borne out."